by Parker, Ali
“Speaking of,” I changed the subject so as not to sound like I was heaping her with praise, “I’ve been working on that program to figure out the grade curves for you.”
“Oh, really?” She perked up. “How’s it going?”
“It’s coming along well.” I nodded. “I had to drag myself away from it to come down here. I’ll probably be in touch for a little advice in the next few days. Maybe you could test run it for me sometime?”
“Well, I’m pretty crappy with technology, but I’ll give it a go,” she agreed. “Maybe we could make a night of it?”
“A night?” I cocked an eyebrow at her playfully. “My, my, a little forward, aren’t we?”
“You’re the one who came to my house that night,” she reminded me, raising her eyebrows in my direction.
“And I didn’t hear you complaining so much,” I shot back. I glanced over my shoulder, where I could see Hunter chatting to one of the other kids back in the computer room, and I swiftly moved toward Autumn, took her hand, and pulled her into the classroom behind us.
“What are you doing?” She giggled, but she didn’t protest as I pushed the door shut behind us and then pressed her up against it.
I kissed her swiftly, knowing this was likely all I would be able to steal for the foreseeable future. I wasn’t sure when the two of us would find the time to hang out again, and I wanted her, wanted every little piece of her I could get my hands on. Her fingers traced a formless shape over my neck, and she let out a little moan that sounded like relief as much as anything else, as though she had been craving this as deeply and as keenly as I had. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, pulling her body against mine, feeling her begin to soften, to fit against my form…
And then I heard a door outside click open, and I swiftly pulled back from her. She was panting, catching her breath, and she raised her eyebrows at me.
“I don’t think that’s appropriate school behavior,” she remarked playfully, and I brushed my mouth over her neck, greedily inhaling her familiar scent.
“Well, you’ll have to find a way to punish me.” I cocked an eyebrow at her, and she giggled and touched my cheek.
“When do I get to see you again?” she asked.
“Anytime you want,” I replied at once. “Seriously, text me and let me know when you’re free. I want to see you again.”
“Me too,” she agreed, and she glanced around. “Hey, I should probably get back out there, make sure the rest of the kids get home all right.”
“Of course.” I pulled away from her reluctantly, and she shot me one last smile before she headed out the door. I lingered for a moment, gathering myself, making sure it wouldn’t be too obvious what I had been up to when I went to pick up Hunter. After a second, I stepped out through the door and went to grab my son.
“Dad!” Hunter called to me. “Where were you? I was looking for you.”
“Oh, I had something to talk about with Aut—with Ms. Becks,” I replied. “Come on, let’s get home, shall we? I’m starving. You can tell me all about your campaign on the way there.”
“Sure!” Hunter sounded excited as he followed me back out to the car, and I glanced back into the building one last time to steal a look at Autumn. And, of course, I found her looking in my direction, staring at me like she was trying to drink me in before I got out of there for good. I smiled at her and then turned my attention back to Hunter.
“What are you smiling about?” He furrowed his brow at me suspiciously.
“Oh, nothing.” I waved my hand. “Come on, tell me about your campaign with Amelie. I can’t wait to hear about it.”
33
Autumn
I watched as Hunter and Holden left the school, and I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled. That kiss was still lingering on my mouth, and I was so glad he’d come in to pick his son up today. I couldn’t get enough of him. I felt like I was drunk on Holden, constantly needing more to keep up the feeling. The tips of my fingers tingled as I remembered the way his stubble had felt beneath them. Man, if I could have gone home with him tonight…
“Hey there.” Zoe appeared in the door of the computer room, which I realized was empty except for me as all the kids had been picked up and taken home.
“Oh, hey.” I glanced around at her. “Didn’t realize you were still here.”
“I had to work on those fucking grading curves.” She shook her head. It still felt dissonant to me to hear her swear on school property, even though there was no one under the age of eighteen to keep it PG-13 for. I grinned.
“Yeah, I feel you,” I sighed. “Why do you think I started these after-school things? I want to avoid having to do my actual work.”
“Did it go well today?” she asked. “The computer club?”
“Yeah, I think it did, actually.” I nodded, remembering Hunter and Amelie chatting to each other as they ran some campaign together. It was good to see the two of them interacting, and they seemed to get along well. Maybe they could cultivate that outside of the club tomorrow at school.
“Well, you’re a braver woman than me, taking on more work on top of everything else we have to do,” she said. “I can barely keep up with everything as it is.”
“It’s no trouble.” I waved my hand, and she cocked an eyebrow at me.
“And that wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you get to see your beau every time you do it?” she asked. I grinned at her, holding up my hands in concession.
“All right, maybe you’ve got a point,” I agreed, glancing out the window again to see if they were still there—they were long gone, but my head was still full of Holden.
“Hey, you want to go grab dinner?” she suggested. “I’m starving, and I don’t feel like cooking.”
“The Indian place off Languin Street?” I replied at once. My stomach was growling, and I didn’t have the energy to come up with anything myself when I got home. Besides, I was in the mood to be with people tonight. I would have spent the entire evening lying in bed and thinking about Holden if I didn’t, and no matter how much fun I was having with him, I didn’t want to sour it by letting my brain wander.
“I’m in.” Zoe nodded. “I’ll drive. Come on, let’s get out of here. I’m starved.”
We headed down to the restaurant and got the last table, squeezing into what was meant to be a romantic two-seater at the dim end of the dining area. They lit a candle between us as they delivered our menus, and Zoe laughed.
“Hey, just because I asked you on this date doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay, all right?” She pointed at me seriously.
“Where’s your sense of chivalry?” I teased, and I turned my attention to the menu, my mouth already watering. This was our usual place to come after a long day, and it had never let me down. The food was always excellent.
We ordered a selection to share, as well as a bottle of wine to split between us, and we enjoyed the food for a while, chatting about our days thus far. Then Zoe cocked her head at me, and I knew at once what question was coming next.
“So,” she began, rubbing her hands together. “What’s going on with you and Hunter’s dad?”
“Well,” I smiled, glad to have someone to talk about it with. I didn’t want to gush straight off the bat when nobody had asked about it, but it felt like the only thing I’d been able to wrap my head around in the last couple of days.
“We went out on a date over the weekend—a real one,” I told her. “It was really nice. When he took me out on the yacht a few weeks ago, he asked me what my idea of the perfect date would be, and he pretty much made that happen.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s so romantic.” She clasped her hand to her chest. “What did you do?”
“He took me out for a picnic at this gorgeous park in the center of the city,” I continued. “And then he took me to this old ice cream place on the pier, and we took a walk.”
“Okay, now that’s super cute.” She nodded approvingly. “Since then?”
&nbs
p; “Not much.” I shook my head. “We’ve both been busy. But he told me today that whenever I want to see him, he’s free, so I’m going to take him up on that soon enough.”
“Ooh, that sounds so cool.” She clapped her hands together and grabbed a bite of her vegan samosa.
“And we’ve been in touch about what he’s working on at the moment,” I continued with a shake of my head.
“Oh, what’s he putting together?” She furrowed her brow. “He’s a website designer, right?”
“Yeah, but I mentioned to him how much I hate putting together all the grade curve stuff, and he basically suggested that he come up with a program to do it for me,” I explained. “I thought he was kidding around at first, but he told me today that it’s coming along pretty well. He asked me to take a look at it and try it out for him soon.”
“Okay, as soon as he gets that thing up and running, I’m first in line to try it out,” Zoe stabbed her finger in the air decisively. “I can’t believe nobody thought to do that before now. He could make a lot of money off that if he marketed it right.”
“Yeah, he could, but I think he’s only doing it to help me out.”
“Which is pretty damn sweet all by itself,” Zoe finished up for me. “Things sound like they’re going well then.”
“Really well,” I agreed, taking a sip of my wine. I couldn’t tell whether it was the alcohol or talking about Holden that was spreading warmth through my chest, but either way, I would happily take it.
“Can I ask you something?” She cocked her head at me.
“Sure thing.”
“What’s the deal with Hunter’s mom?” she asked, and I wrinkled my nose up.
“You know, I asked him about it on the date, and he seemed pretty… I don’t know, like he didn’t want to talk about it,” I replied. “I know she’s been out of their lives for a while and that he doesn’t consider her involved with them at all.”
“Hmm.” Zoe tapped her fingers on the table.
“What?” I prompted her.
“I mean, she is the boy’s mother,” she pointed out. “I wouldn’t trust in her ever being out of the picture for good, would you?”
“I don’t know about that.” I shrugged. “I don’t think she’s been in the picture for much of Hunter’s life, if at all. And I don’t think Holden would lie to me about that.”
“Oh, I don’t think he’s lying or anything.” She waved her hand, dismissing the notion at once. “But Hunter’s still got a lot of childhood left, and the mother could roll in whenever to try and get custody. Or Hunter could go looking for her himself. He’s a curious kid, and he’ll start wondering at some point.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I leaned back from the table, my appetite suddenly vanishing.
“Hey, I don’t want to put a downer on anything,” Zoe swiftly jumped in to assure me. “I was just wondering, that’s all.”
“Yeah, well, as far as I know, she’s out of the picture for now,” I replied with a hopeful smile. “I have to keep my fingers crossed that it stays that way.”
“I’m sure it will,” Zoe replied, but the seeds of doubt were already sewn in my head. I would have to hope they didn’t have any reason to start sprouting anytime soon.
We finished our dinner together, shifting the conversation to some of the gossip around the teachers at our school, and said our goodbyes outside the restaurant. Zoe dropped me back at the school, and the whole time, everything she had said to me was running around and around in my head.
What if she was right about Hunter’s mother? What if she suddenly decided she wanted to be part of her son’s life again? Or, as Zoe had pointed out, what if Hunter went looking for her? It would complicate what was happening between Holden and me so much, and that wasn’t what I wanted. If she came back into the picture, I would have to take a step back from the two of them and give them some space to figure out what they wanted to be, how they wanted to operate as a family. That conversation had come as a stinging reminder that, no matter how well things were going, there were a whole lot of variables at play with dating a single dad like Holden, variables I didn’t have any control over.
I arrived back at the house still mulling over the conversation and went straight for a shower and climbed into bed. I needed to get some sleep to push those thoughts out of my mind for a while. I didn’t want to get overstressed about something that wasn’t even happening, not when things between Holden and me were going so well.
My phone buzzed on my bedside table where I’d dumped it when I came in, and I reached over to check who was messaging me. Despite everything that had stuck itself in my mind that evening, I smiled when I saw it was Holden.
“Hey. Just wanted to say I’m thinking about you and that kiss, and I can’t wait to see you again—X.”
It was enough to temporarily banish the doubts that had been running through my brain to somewhere I couldn’t get to them, and I bit my lip as I quickly responded.
“Me too. Miss you—X.”
I placed the phone down next to my bed and snuggled down, letting my head sink gratefully into the pillow. It had been a hell of a long day, and I had an early start tomorrow. The most important thing for me was to get some rest and not spend the rest of the evening mulling over things I couldn’t control.
34
Holden
“Uh, I’ll have a coffee, please.” Raymond glanced up at the waitress as she approached. “Black. And strong.”
She smiled and nodded, jotting down his order on her pad, and wandered off again. Raymond bounced his daughter in his arms, and she let out a little snuffle and a squeak.
“Tired?” I asked, and Raymond nodded and yawned.
“I didn’t even realize it was possible to be this damn tired,” he replied. “I feel like I’ve been up for three months straight.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t go away for a while,” I told him, and he shook his head and glanced down at his daughter.
“You couldn’t lie to me and tell me it’s going to get better tomorrow?” He jibed.
“Okay. Yeah, I promise.” I nodded to him seriously. “It all gets easier in precisely an hour’s time, and then it’s a cakewalk from there until college.”
“Oh, don’t make me think about sending her off to college,” He made an anxious face. “I can barely handle being out of the room without her these days.”
“Trust me, it does get easier as they get older,” I promised him, hand on heart. “I know it seems impossible, but when they start striking out on their own, you’ll want them to. You’ll encourage it.”
“Okay, I’ll believe it when I feel it.” Raymond grinned as the waitress returned with his coffee and placed it down in front of him. His daughter had dozed off in his arms, and Raymond lowered his voice so as not to wake her.
“What about you? How are you doing?” He gestured to me as he carefully replaced his coffee cup in the china saucer so it wouldn’t make a clink and wake up the baby. I nodded.
“Yeah, I think I’m doing really well at the moment,” I replied.
“Think?”
“I know,” I corrected myself. “Sorry, I’m not used to feeling this good about things. I’m still getting used to it.”
“I feel you on that,” he agreed. “What are you up to these days? Made any decisions about hiring someone to come work for you?”
“Well, I’ve been giving that a lot of thought,” I replied. “Lots. But for the time being, I’ve decided to shift away from all my client projects and work on this idea Autumn had for a program. Well, an idea she gave me, at least.”
“All of your clients?” He raised his eyebrows. “Is that a good idea?”
“It’s not as scary as it sounds.” I waved my hand. “I’m up-to-date with all my projects for the time being, and I let them know I’m not taking on new work in the next couple of weeks. I don’t think any of them are going to jump ship when there’s nothing they need to be done in the first place.”
; “I guess you’re right,” he conceded. “What’s this thing you’re working on with Autumn?”
“Well, she was talking about what it’s like teaching, right?” I leaned forward, pleased to have someone to talk to about it. “And she mentioned to me that one of the things they all hate the most is putting together those grade curves. As in, they have to input all the data by hand and come up with grade curves to mark all the students based on the results from the years before.”
“All right, so that’s just begging to be updated,” Raymond conceded. “How long have you been putting that together?”
“A week or so,” I replied. “I think it’s going pretty well, though. I’ve been talking to Autumn a lot to get an idea of the kind of programs they already use down there, so I’m not putting together something that’s too out there for most of the staff.”
“And she knows about this?”
“She’s excited about it.” I grinned. “And so am I. I think it’s a big gap in the market, and the worst they can say is they don’t want it, right?”
“Bit of a change from website designing,” Raymond pointed out. “You sure that’s what you want to be doing?”
“I know it’s unorthodox, but the program—”
“No, I meant, are you sure website designing is still what you want to be doing?” he corrected himself. I fell silent and leaned back in my seat. If I was being honest, I hadn’t considered anything else in my adult life. Sure, occasionally I got frustrated with a project or a client and thought about what it would be like to work a different job, but this was what I was good at. This was how I could build a life for my son, and I was hardly going to double back on that just because I was working on something different.
“I…” I wasn’t sure how to answer him. Raymond had this habit of seeing right through me, an annoying little trick he’d picked up since we worked together. If I lied to him and told him I was still dead set on the web designing business, he would see it for the lie it was.