by Parker, Ali
“Sure are.” I nodded. “I made Chinese food.”
“From scratch?” She raised her eyebrows. I nodded.
“Okay, when are you going to stop being the perfect man?” she asked playfully, tapping me on the arm. The way she was touching me, it was like she couldn’t get enough of me, and I knew exactly how she felt.
She headed through to the living room, and she turned to me and grinned when she saw all I’d laid out for her.
“Trying to seduce me, are you?” she asked, moving against my body, wrapping her arms around my neck. The feel of her next to me like that was almost a relief, a release of tension I’d no idea I’d been holding until that moment.
“Is it working?” I asked, and I moved in to kiss her, brushing my lips lightly against hers, promising her there was far more to come that night if she was open to it.
“Might be,” she murmured as I pulled back, and I noticed a flush to her cheeks that hadn’t been there before. I stepped away from her, heading through to the kitchen to serve up, that heat between us growing so much, we wouldn’t even make it to dinner if I didn’t cut it off.
I brought the selection of plates through, and she raised her eyebrows as I laid them down in front of her.
“You’re going to need to show me how to make all this stuff,” she remarked, grabbing a spring roll and dunking it in the peanut-chili sauce I had made to go with them. She took a bite, closed her eyes, and groaned.
“Oh my God, that’s so good,” she sighed, leaning back in the seat as I poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her. Our fingers touched for the briefest moment, and I found myself looking forward to what was to come the rest of this evening.
We ate and drank our wine and talked for a while about nothing in particular, catching up on what we’d been doing, sharing funny little anecdotes and stories from our week thus far. I enjoyed her company so much, we could have been talking stock projections, and I still would have been having a good time. She was so expressive, waving her arms around as she spoke, her face lighting up when she got onto something she was excited to talk about. She was reading a new book, a piece of journalism she enjoyed, and the way she was speaking about it, she could have earned a pull quote on the back cover.
“Man, this wine is good.” She took another sip and finished off her first glass, and I leaned over to top her up.
“Trying to get me tipsy?” she teased.
“And why would I need to do that?” I replied. She cocked her head to the side and watched me for a moment. I could tell there was something running through her mind, something she wanted to come out and ask me.
“What is it?” I pressed her gently, shifting on the couch so I was fully facing her.
“I just…” She shook her head. “I don’t know if this is too personal. I don’t want to pry.”
“Pry away.” I waved my hand. I was feeling loose myself after the first glass, and besides, I wanted her to know me. That was what dating was for, right?
“Okay.” She furrowed her brow and hesitated a moment before she spoke again.
“I was wondering,” she began slowly, “what happened with Hunter’s mother. Why isn’t she part of your lives? Or is she, and I just don’t know about it?”
“She’s got nothing to do with either of us.” I shook my head. This was a sore spot, but I knew the question was going to come up at one point or another. It was the same question everyone had for me when they first met me, the wondering why I was a single dad, what had happened to Hunter’s mother. Most people assumed I’d been widowed, and sometimes I would let them believe that because delving into the truth was too complicated and too rage-inducing for me to bother with.
“Why did you guys split up?” she asked, and I looked at her—really looked at her, this woman who only wanted the truth from me. She had never asked for anything more than that. She wanted to get to know me better, to understand those things that had driven my life the last few years, and I figured I would have to tell her at some point. A couple of glasses of wine in, hanging out together at home with no one else around, this was as good a time as any.
“She left me not long after Hunter was born.” I sighed deeply. I usually kept these memories locked away, buttoned up so I didn’t have to think about them, and delving into that part of my brain wasn’t the best feeling in the world.
“She told me I would never amount to anything,” I continued, “that I was a loser. Which I was, at the time, but I was also this fucked-up kid who was trying to deal with the fact that I was about to have a damn baby. I was a mess, but she acted like that’s all I was and all I would ever be. Said she didn’t want to stick around after he was born. I think she would have taken him in if I hadn’t been able to cope, but as it was, I wanted to step up and look after him.”
I finished up the second glass of wine, grateful for it taking the edge off the difficulty of this conversation.
“I thought, well, she’s flaky enough to walk out on me, so what would she do if she decided Hunter wasn’t worthy of her either?” I explained. “So I took him. I insisted on it. I think she was relieved, more than anything, because she didn’t have to worry about being a mother. She was young—we both were—and I don’t think she was ready to raise a kid. I mean, I wasn’t either, but I don’t think she was capable of it, so it fell to me instead.”
“Oh my God.” Autumn shook her head. “I had no idea it went down like that. I’m so sorry.”
“No, it was for the best in the long run.” I shrugged. “I don’t think the two of us would have stuck it out for any length of time anyway. She could be a massive bitch, and I didn’t like the way she was with my friends, so I really believe we would have moved on from each other. I think whenever that happened, she would have used it as an excuse to get out of Hunter’s life.”
“Jesus, she sounds like a nightmare,” Autumn muttered, and I could see the anger in her eyes. “Just leaving you and Hunter like that…”
“That wasn’t the bit that really got me,” I confessed. “I mean, yeah, it was fucking hard raising that boy all by myself, but I loved him the moment I set eyes on him. I was all the way in from the second he was born. It was… it was that she told me I was a loser and that I’d never amount to anything. That was the part that fucking stung.”
I trailed my finger around the top of my glass and sighed, shaking my head.
“I started the business not long after she left,” I continued. “I was so determined to prove to her I wasn’t what she thought I was. I guess it worked out for me in the long run because it took off, and Hunter’s turned out pretty all right, and she’s still far away somewhere at the other end of the country.”
“I think you won that breakup.” Autumn smiled at me, leaning over to touch my knee. “I’m still sorry, though. That’s an awful way to be treated by someone you’re having a baby with.”
“Hey, it’s not the worst breakup I’ve ever heard of.” I shrugged. “And I wouldn’t be where I was today if I hadn’t tried to prove a point to that woman, so I guess I’ve got something to thank her for, at least.”
“Guess so,” Autumn echoed, and she eyed me from her end of the couch.
“What is it?” I asked again. Whatever it was, I knew it would be easier to talk about than what I had shared with her.
“I can’t believe she would look at you and see a loser,” she replied. “I know… hell, I know you were probably different then, but I can’t think of any word less suited to you.”
“Oh, no?” I cocked my head at her. Sure, I was looking for an ego boost, but that was all right, all things considered, given that I’d shared the most painful part of my life with her.
“Oh, no.” She put her glass of wine down and moved toward me. She ran her hand over my chest, letting her fingers slip under my shirt and against my bare skin. “Anything but.”
Our faces were so close, I could almost taste her and suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed toward her, grabbing her an
d lifting her onto my lap, and pressed my mouth to hers.
The connection was a release of tension. I’d never felt this kind of need for someone, not just desire but a stone-cold need for them. The way her body rocked against mine, the way her hands seemed hungry for me as they ran through my hair and over my neck and down my arms, I had been starving for it all this time. I pushed my tongue deep into her mouth, and she moaned softly, stroking my hair gently, twirling strands around her fingers and tugging lightly. The sensations charged out over my entire body, waking up every inch of me again.
“Mmm,” she moaned softly, smiling as she pulled away. Her hands moved down and between my legs, finding my swiftly growing erection. A smile curled on her face as she found me, and she kissed me on the corner of my mouth as she had done when she’d first arrived.
“Now, what do we have here?” she breathed in my ear, and I closed my eyes and let her take control. It was what I needed and, most of all, what she wanted.
37
Autumn
I kissed my way down his neck, unbuttoning his shirt so I could move my hands and my mouth down his chest. He was so strong, and it made me feel so safe, as though he could have fought off any threat that might have come near us, drawn himself up and taken care of me no matter what. But tonight, I wanted to take care of him and wanted to show him I saw the pain from his past and rejected it completely.
I slid down his body until I was between his legs, my fingers shaking a little as I went to undo the zipper of his jeans. He had put so much effort into this night, and the least I could do was return that favor. His eyes were burning as he watched me, reaching out to brush a strand of hair back from my face. His fingertips against my skin left trails of electricity behind, tingling my nerve endings wherever they touched.
Finally, I managed to pull his jeans off, followed by his underwear. He looked so hot like that, naked but for that shirt pulled open over his torso, and I leaned back to take him in.
“Like what you see?” he teased, and I raised my eyebrows.
“Let me show you how much I do,” I assured him, and I leaned forward, wrapped my hand around his cock, and took him into my mouth.
I sealed my lips around the head of his cock and swirled my tongue around him for a moment, lapping at him hungrily, tasting the hint of precum already oozing from his erection. He groaned and let his head sink back into the couch while I focused my attention on lavishing him with pleasure, showing him I appreciated all he’d done for me tonight and wanted to return the favor. I closed my eyes and began to take more of him, inching down slowly until I’d taken nearly his full length into my mouth. So many of the guys I had been with before, they would push back, thrust up into me before I was ready to get me to gag on their dick, but he was different. He let me set the pace, take control, and even though I was the one between his legs servicing him, I felt utterly at ease.
I worked my tongue up the underside of his cock as I slid my mouth languidly up and down his full length, wrapping my fingers around the base to hold him steady as I did so. His body tensed, his breath coming a little faster than it had before, and I knew I was doing a good job. It wasn’t exactly something I could stick on my resumé, but I had always known I was good at giving head—and Holden didn’t seem in any rush to dissuade me of that notion.
“Look at me,” he breathed, and I lifted my eyes to meet his. Something about that connection, the acknowledgment of what we were doing and that it was seriously getting him off, sent a shiver of desire through my body. I slipped my hand down between my legs, popping open my jeans awkwardly and pushing my fingers into my panties to play with my clit. I was grinding against my hand as I went down on him, my own pleasure as important as his, and I began to suck softly on his dick, applying that gentle pressure I knew would push him closer to the edge.
“Fuck,” he groaned, and I looked up at him once more, meeting his gaze, staring into his eyes and watching every single reaction he had to me, every single twitch, every single rush of tension, every single time his lips parted as though he was trying to express a pleasure he couldn’t put a name to yet. I worked him with my mouth, going fast and then slow, hard and then soft, switching it up so neither of us got bored. I loved this. I could have done this all day. The mixture of the power of having him in my mouth and the pleasure of my fingers against my clit was an intoxicating mix that I could never imagine getting enough of.
Suddenly, he leaned down and lifted me up to face him, so I was on his lap once more. He kissed me hard, his teeth catching on my lip, his tongue meeting mine in a moment. I groaned and started to kick off my jeans and my underwear, letting him help me.
“I need to be inside you right now,” he panted into my ear, and I squirmed against me.
“Anything you want,” I replied sweetly, acting as though I was doing this for him and not because I was getting off on this just as much.
He grabbed a condom and returned, sheathing himself swiftly and tossing his shirt aside. Sliding down on top of me in one swift movement, he pushed my legs apart. The couch was soft and comfortable, his body hard and needy, and the combination of the two sent desperate shivers all through my system. I spread my legs and lifted my hips to him, my mouth parting into a gasp as I watched him move into me for the first time.
“Oh, God,” I moaned, tipping my head back and closing my eyes, my body taking every inch of him in one smooth motion as he thrust up and into me. He worked in long, slow strokes at first, burying himself all the way inside of me, his mouth on my neck, his breath hot on my skin, his hands quick as they moved over every inch of my body like he was charting me, making a map of me, learning my contours and curves.
And then he began to move faster, pushing harder as our hips came together with more purpose. I lifted myself off the couch and started to push back against him, drawing him deeper into me so hard and so fast, my entire body began to tremble. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this, but I was close to coming already, my body teetering on the edge of this delicious precipice that I was perfectly happy hanging out on for a while.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Autumn,” he murmured into my ear, and his voice was as layered with lust as it had been the first time we’d done this. I had wondered, somewhere in the back of my mind, if he wouldn’t be as interested in me once we had consummated the relationship, but he was proving to me every way he could that he wanted me as much as he did then. I wrapped my arms around him, sinking my fingers into his back, tracing lines with my nails, unable to vocalize what I needed to say but telling it to him anyway.
He moved relentlessly inside of me, and I shifted so I could play with my clit once more. I needed both of us to come, and I had to come soon or else I’d explode. I closed my eyes, letting the sounds and the sensations take me over, listening to his breath as it tore from his lungs, listening to the slight creak of the couch below us as he moved hard into me, taking in the long washes of pleasure that seemed to consume me as he fucked me roughly, his body owning mine, my entire being wrapped up in this moment.
“Ah!” I cried out as the orgasm hit me, tossing me over the edge of that cliff once and for all where there would be no going back, the pleasure exploding through me, running from between my legs and out, fire tearing through my very being. I pressed against him, needing to feel his body on mine, his skin next to my own. He thrust twice more, the last time holding himself still as my clenching pussy massaged his cock, and then he came.
“Fuck,” he growled against me, right in my ear, the sound of the word as it came out of his mouth instantly burning itself into my memory. There was nothing better in the world than knowing that the person you were with had been so helpless to you that they’d come. I let my eyes stay shut as I ran my hands gently over his body, reminding him I was here, that I wasn’t going anywhere. He kissed my collarbone and my neck, telling me the same thing.
After a moment, he pulled out of me and went to dispose of the condom. My eyes eventually fluttered ope
n to find him offering me a fresh glass of wine.
“Why, thank you.” I laughed. “But you don’t have to get me tipsy now, right?”
“Trust me, if you think I’m done with you, you’re totally wrong.” His eyes flashed playfully at me, and I shifted in my seat. I grabbed my panties and slipped them back on, tucking my legs up and underneath me. He grabbed his boxers and flopped down on the couch, nearly naked, his chest still rising and falling sharply as he caught his breath.
I reached out to run my fingers over his chest. I could feel his heart beating fast. He closed his eyes and shifted his head so he could lay it against the couch like he had done before, and the two of us sat like that in that moment of silence.
It all began to click into place for me, the reason he had worked so hard, had thrown himself into his job to the detriment of practically everything but his son. He had been trying to prove himself to a woman who had never wanted him, who hadn’t even stuck around long enough to help him raise their son. And my heart ached for him. Nobody deserved to be treated that way, and maybe I was biased, but Holden was certainly at the bottom of the list of people who had earned the title of “loser.” It made sense why he’d been so keen to show off his lifestyle to me, to prove he was a wealthy, successful man. He wanted to show me what he was capable of, to escape that name once more.
When he opened his eyes, he smiled gently at me and then reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
“You all right?” he asked, and I cleared those thoughts from my head, not wanting them to get in the way of the rest of the night we had ahead of us. I knew the truth about Hunter’s mother, and that was all I could ask for.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied.
“Just fine?” He cocked an eyebrow playfully. “Let’s see what we can do to make that better, huh?”
38