by Parker, Ali
“It’d be totally worth it,” he protested, but then he shrugged and held his hands away from me to show he wasn’t putting the moves on me. “But whatever you think is best.”
We turned back to watching Hunter, who was moving in small, careful strokes to make sure he’d covered every inch of the painted words he and Jason had left behind. I smiled as he turned to us expectantly, pointing to the bare wall.
“Is it done?” he asked, and I got to my feet to take a look. Inspecting the wall closely, I made sure every drop of the paint they’d put there was invisible, and only the new application was noticeable on top of it.
I nodded. “Looks good to me. We’ll let this dry and then see if it needs another coat of paint, all right?”
“All right.” Hunter nodded and just looked glad it was all over. I waved Holden across to us, disappointed by how quickly this had all been over and done with. We barely got to spend any time together, and no doubt Holden would want to take Hunter home so as not to prolong his punishment.
“Looks good, son.” He nodded to the wall proudly. I grinned. It was good to see a parent who cared about their kid learning the difference between right and wrong, but at the same time, I loved seeing one who supported and complimented everything their child worked on too. It was the perfect balance, the balance Holden seemed to have no trouble finding when it came to Hunter.
“What now?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at Holden, and he grinned at me.
“I was thinking,” he began, flicking his tongue over his lips as though he was about to make a huge announcement. “Ice cream?”
“Little cold for that, isn’t it?” I pointed out, and he shook his head.
“Not if we get it with hot fudge sauce, right, Hunter?” he asked, and Hunter’s face brightened.
“Yeah!” he agreed, and they both turned to me expectantly. I planted my hands on my hips and stared them down for a moment. If I kept going along with all these spontaneous trips, I was going to end up blowing my nonexistent diet and not being able to fit into that beautiful dress I’d bought for our first date all those weeks ago. But as I looked at their faces, I knew it was worth it. Totally worth it.
“Let’s get out of here.” I waved my hand toward the parking lot of the school, and within a few minutes, we’d dropped all the painting supplies off inside and were on our way down to the ice cream shop Holden had taken me to the first evening we’d spent together.
“Have you been here before?” Hunter asked, and I glanced at Holden. I had no idea whether he’d told the boy about our first date or the details of it or where he’d taken me. I shrugged.
“Once,” I replied vaguely. “But I don’t remember much about it.”
“No?” Holden remarked, stealing a pointed glance at me.
“No, I was pretty distracted,” I replied, flashing him the briefest smile to make sure Hunter wouldn’t catch on to what we were actually exchanging.
“Hmm, what’s distracting about an ice cream shop?” Holden shook his head. “Can’t imagine what you might have been focused on.”
Before he could tease me any further, we pulled to a halt outside the shop, and Hunter scrambled out to race inside. There was a cold breeze coming in from the water, and Holden wrapped an arm around me as we walked into the shop. I knew we should have played it a little more cool and casual than that, but Hunter wasn’t looking our way, and it had been a whole week since we’d seen one another. I think we were allowed to steal these little moments where we could.
We ordered our ice cream and all squeezed into a booth that looked over the sea beyond us. I snuggled close to Holden, pretending it was the cramped size of the booth but enjoying the feel of his body next to mine.
“Now that I’ve done the painting…” Hunter took a deep breath, suddenly glancing up between the two of us, as though we were the arbiters of whether or not he would ever have fun again.
“Yes?” Holden prompted him, and Hunter looked down at his ice cream, placed his spoon down next to it, and then spoke quickly like he was worried he might run out of nerve if he lingered on it too much.
“Jason invited me to his house tomorrow evening,” he blurted. “Can I go?”
Holden glanced over at me, clearly checking in as silently as he could as to whether this was a good idea. Jason’s parents were a little lax, but he was a good kid if a bit of a kooky one. Him inviting Hunter around to his place was a big deal, and I nodded briefly, letting Holden know it would be a good idea to let his son go out on this occasion.
“As long as his parents can pick you up and bring you back, that’s fine,” Holden replied. “Do you want to call him when you get back so the two of you can work out the details?”
“Sounds great.” Hunter nodded, beaming. “Thanks, Dad.”
“No problem.” Holden watched Hunter slip from his seat and dart off to find more sprinkles for his ice cream, and then he turned to me with a smile. “Gives us a chance to spend the evening in together, huh?”
“I guess it does,” I agreed, happy his mind had gone to the same place mine had. I was so looking forward to a whole evening, just the two of us, without having to worry about babysitters or what was to come the morning after. Before I could lose the nerve, I leaned over and planted a brief kiss on his mouth, stealing it fast enough that I was sure Hunter hadn’t caught me. Holden closed his eyes for a moment as if savoring the taste of me on his mouth.
“Can’t wait.” He grinned as Hunter turned to join us back at the table.
“What are you talking about?” Hunter asked curiously, and Holden shook his head.
“Boring adult stuff.” He waved his hand. “But we’ll try to keep it interesting now that you’re back.”
Under the table, his hand slid onto my leg, and I grinned knowing that tomorrow night was going to be a hell of a lot of fun.
42
Holden
As I stood outside the house, scanning the street and waiting for the car to arrive, I couldn’t help feeling a little jolt of sadness in my chest. I mean, I knew I shouldn’t have been sad. I should have been happy my son was finally growing up, spending his first night away from home out of choice to sleep over at his friend’s house, but still, it was going to be weird saying goodbye to him and knowing I wouldn’t see him until I picked him up the next morning.
I’d spent an hour on the phone with Jason’s parents the night before and texted Autumn to check in on what she thought of them. I was nearly satisfied at the thought of leaving my kid with them for a night. Just a single night, but still, it was more than I could have managed a few weeks before. But Hunter and I were both making progress. Besides, a whole night where someone else had offered to take care of him, no questions asked? That meant I got to spend an evening with Autumn on short notice, which felt like the kind of gorgeous luxury I had to indulge in while I could.
An expensive-looking car pulled up the driveway, and I smiled when I saw the kid, Jason, waiting in the front seat. He was a goofy-looking little thing with big glasses, slightly messy hair, and long, gangly arms on a short torso, as though bits of him were growing out of sorts with one another. He hopped out of the car and waited for his father to join him, and the two of them made their way to the house.
“You must be Jason.” I smiled at my son’s friend. “Hunter’s upstairs, I think, if you want to go find him.”
“Thanks!” Jason replied, and he darted inside the house, leaving me and his dad standing out there in the cool evening together.
“You must be Logan.” I extended my hand to the father, who shook it.
“Holden, right?” He nodded.
“That’s me,” I replied. “I’d hoped my first time meeting other parents from the school wasn’t going to be after our sons mutually defaced some property, but I guess I can’t win them all, right?”
Logan chuckled.
“You know, I have to admit, I don’t see it as that big of a deal,” he confessed. “I mean, I know they shouldn’t have done
it and all that—and we told Jason off for it—but it seems like boys being boys, you know?”
“I have to agree with you.” I nodded. “It’s hard to be mad when you can remember doing a bunch of stuff like that yourself when you were a kid, right?”
“Agreed.” He nodded, rubbing his hands together to ward off the cold. “Is this the first time you’ve let Hunter sleep away from home?”
“Yeah, at least it is with one of his friends,” I confessed. “Is it that obvious?”
“No, I just remember how I was when Jason first went somewhere else, and I recognized it when you were talking to us last night,” he replied with a kind smile. “I know how hard it can be, but we’ll take good care of him. And I know Jason will too.”
“Thanks.” I smiled back, glad to have someone around who seemed to get where my nerves arose from.
Hunter and Jason burst out the front door of the house, both of them laughing loudly. Hunter had a bag slung over his shoulder, one I’d helped him pack earlier in the day.
“I’ll see you later, buddy.” I ruffled his hair as he sprinted past to get into the car. As soon as he was situated in the back seat, he waved to me and rolled down the window.
“See you later, Dad!” he called back, and with a flurry of activity, all three of them were gone, leaving me alone at the house once more.
I turned back inside and wandered around for a while, not quite sure what I was supposed to do with myself. Autumn was going to be getting here soon, but until then, this place was just… empty. Sure, he had stayed over with Raymond and Olivia before this, but that was different. I knew them inside out, and they had known Hunter his entire life, pretty much acting like his extended family. I had never handed him off to someone I’d never met before and let them whisk him away for the evening. It felt weirdly wrong, but I had to let him go if I wanted him to grow into the kind of kid he needed to be.
I settled in on the couch and stared off into space, trying to enjoy the quiet and struggling to find a way to get my head around it. Parents were meant to crave this kind of peace and quiet, but there was almost nowhere I’d rather be in the world that sitting opposite Hunter, listening to him tell me all about some new obsession that had him lost down a rabbit hole.
I heard a car pulling up outside, and a tiny part of me hoped it would be Hunter coming back to spend the rest of the evening with me. I knew it was ridiculous, but I wanted nothing more than to kick back with him and remind myself exactly what a great kid he could be. But when I got to the window, I found Autumn climbing out of her car and heading toward the door, and I grinned. I supposed that was just as good.
I opened the door, and she pushed two bottles of wine into my chest, brushing past me and hanging her coat up.
“I wasn’t sure whether I wanted red or white, so I got both,” she explained, and I looked down at the bottles and grinned.
“Either works for me,” I told her, heading through to the kitchen to pour us each a glass. She followed me through and paused in the doorway, looking at me.
“Fuck, it’s good to see you,” she murmured. Then she wrapped her arms around me and pressed her head into my shoulder from behind. My heart swelled with the happiness of having her there. Maybe this night could be just as good without Hunter here.
“It’s good to see you too,” I agreed, and I turned to kiss her, to properly kiss her—not those stolen little pecks we got when people weren’t looking at us, but a real kiss, our tongues finding one another, my body against hers and hers leaning into mine. When I pulled back, her cheeks were flushed, and she brushed her nose against my jaw.
“Okay, I really missed you,” she murmured pointedly, and I knew exactly what was going through her mind. But I wanted to tease her a little, to watch her squirm for me, and besides, I was hungry and needed something to eat before she drained my energy for the rest of the night.
“You want some dinner?” I asked.
“What were you thinking?” she replied. “Because I’m pretty sure my fingers are way too clumsy for the stuff you made last time I was around.”
“Some pasta,” I replied. “Nothing too difficult, I promise.”
“Well, nothing that’s so difficult, I can’t take it on after a glass of wine, okay?” she warned me, and I pulled out the chopping board and handed her a pan.
“Can you put that on the heat?” I asked her, pointing to the stove, and she fiddled around with it for a minute before she found the right switch and turned it on.
“Perfect.” I grinned, and she snuggled up next to me as I began to chop vegetables for a simple Bolognese.
“Yeah, it is,” she told me, planting a kiss on my cheek. And at that moment, I felt such utter contentment that I could almost feel the words swelling up and out of me, the words I knew it was far too soon for, the words I’d been doing my best to hide from for a long time. The words I knew I couldn’t dump on her lap in front of her while the two of us were cooking dinner.
It was too soon for “I love you.” I knew that much. I might have been out of the dating scene for a long while, but throwing that at her when we had only been together a few weeks would have been way premature.
I hadn’t said those words to anyone but Hunter’s mother in the last ten years—well, said them in a romantic sense, of course. And they held so much power, even I could see that. They contained multitudes, not least the indication that this relationship was deadly serious. As I watched her put some olive oil into the pan and swish it around to coat the bottom, humming quietly as she worked, I knew it was true, but I didn’t want to come out and hit her with it yet. I wanted both of us to be totally sure so I could know she was going to say it back to me when the time came.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, and I shook my head and went to grab a few cloves from the head of garlic that was sitting out on the counter.
“Nothing much,” I lied, as I took a sip of my wine in the hopes I could distract myself from the thoughts running around my head. Though there was a chance the alcohol would make me more likely to blurt out what was in my brain.
“So what are we cooking tonight?” she asked, bumping her hip against mine and lifting her glass to her lips. I glanced over at her, at those big eyes shining at me over the top of her wine, and I couldn’t help smiling. I had never been so sure of anyone in my life before. For as long as I could remember, as an adult, I’d pushed away the people close to me, determined to keep safe from the same kind of heartbreak I’d been through with Hunter’s mother. But with Autumn, it was different—so different. She never looked at me and saw a man who would let her down, a man who would never live up to his potential. I knew she looked at me and saw hope, a future, a grounding that she had been craving for a long time. I would work my hardest to prove she was right to see all those things in me.
“Something awesome,” I promised her, and I reached over to kiss her wine-stained lips before I continued. I couldn’t get enough of her tonight, and I had a feeling it was going to be hard to get this meal on the table with all the trouble I was having keeping my hands to myself.
43
Autumn
As he poured the pile of onion and garlic into the pot and shifted me out of the way so he could stir, I leaned against the counter and watched him. He had a funny look on his face, as though he was doing his best to contain something he didn’t want to make a big deal out of.
“How are you doing with Hunter being out of the house?” I asked, and he shot a look at me and shrugged.
“Is it that obvious?” He made a face. “It’s weird, you know. I haven’t had him out of the house like this, not with people I don’t know, in the whole time he’s been alive.”
“Well, I know Jason’s parents pretty well,” I assured him. “And they’re good people. A little kooky but harmless, and they adore their son, and they’ll be working their asses off to make sure Hunter has a good time tonight.”
“I’m still going to pick him up first thing tomorrow
morning, though.”
“Yeah, you’ll be there at the break of dawn, leaning on the horn,” I teased, and he grinned and shook his head.
“Thanks for coming over tonight,” he told me. “I could use the company. To get me out of my head, you know.”
“And to spend the night with your beautiful, charming lady of choice?” I reminded him.
“But of course,” he agreed, and I shifted back along the floor so I could stand next to him again. I was feeling so fluttery in my chest like a thousand butterflies had sprung to life as soon as I’d walked in here.
“How long till dinner?” I asked him. My stomach was starting to grumble, and whatever he was cooking smelled so delicious.
“Not long,” he promised me. “Fifteen minutes at the most?”
“Perfect.” I loved watching him make dinner. There was something underrated and sexy about watching a man who could cook work his magic in the kitchen. He had to have such confidence, such sureness in what he was doing, and I found myself watching Holden’s hands intently as he went about his business.
He finished cooking and served up the meal, taking us to the small dining table in the living room. I grabbed our wine and followed him, and he laid out the food for us, taking his seat opposite me. I could still see the Hunter thing was weighing on him, the way his eyes darted around as though he was looking for someone he knew wasn’t going to be there, and I reached across the table and patted his hand.
“Hey,” I told him gently. “He’s going to be fine. Really. You can always give them a call if you want to check in.”
“Is it that obvious?” He grinned at me, a little ruefully, and I cocked my head at him.
“Hey, he’s your son,” I pointed out. “I think it would be a little weird if you were totally fine with him skipping off and spending the night with someone you don’t know.”