I shot her a look.
“Okay, okay! Just promise me we won’t have to stay late.”
“We’ll slip out as soon as possible.”
“It’ll be nice to see your dad,” she said, her elbow on the counter, her chin resting in her hand. “How’s Samantha doing?”
“She’s incredible—so reliable and always available when I need her. She’s been doing an amazing job on the window displays. She’s neat, organized, and fantastic with the customers.”
“I’m happy for you both. Sam loves the job and says working for you is a breeze. She mentioned the time you both were singing so loudly when the store was empty that you didn’t notice a customer coming until they walked up. She said you both nearly died laughing and that you managed to get it together to greet the customer but she had to run into the back.”
I wiped my mouth on a napkin. “She’s really easy to work with. Did she tell you she’s pushing for lingerie in the shop?”
“Nope, sounds like it’s time for me to drop by Bella.” Jacqs ate more of her bun. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“Stay’s coming over.” I filled my coffee cup and topped off Jacqs’s.
“Are you changing your mind?”
“I don’t know, Jacqs. I feel like I’m moving forward in a relationship I’m not ready for. I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. I mean I like him. I really like him. I enjoy his company, but where I’m using him to survive my breakup, I think he is falling more in love with me.”
“You’re using him? Fuck, Lainie,” she said, pointing right at me.
“Don’t get mad at me. He told me to use him. He said that it’s too early for us to be thinking about the future and if I could be involved with Mason knowing there was no future, I could certainly do so with him.”
“So you’re being honest.” Her shoulders relaxed.
“Completely.”
Her eyes went wide with genuine concern. “He’s being a complete moron.”
“I’ll tell him you think so. You’re forbidden to share any of this. I don’t want Bond getting involved.”
“Can I talk to Stay?” she asked.
“I’d really rather you not. I’ll tell him what we talked about and let him decide.” I stood and circled around the island to Jacqs.
“Okay. Let me help you straighten up and I’ll head out.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I walked her to the door and said, “Please send my love to Red and Bond.”
We hugged tightly and then she said, “Please tell Stay I’m here if he needs to talk.”
“I will. Love you, girl.”
“Love you too.”
I locked the door behind her and cleaned up the kitchen.
Out on the balcony, I had a smoke and journaled.
I’m so glad Jacqs is in my life. It’s nice to have a friend that gets my certain kind of insanity.
Should I or shouldn’t I? That’s the real question. I shouldn’t have said Stay could come over ahead of time. Ahhh! I feel like I need space, and yet I don’t really want any. I wish Monday was here already and I could be busy at work.
I need to stop making this complicated and just be honest.
In my bedroom, perched on the end of the bed, I called Stay.
“Hey, gorgeous. How was brunch?” he asked.
“Hi, Stay. It’s always great to catch up with Jacqs,” I said as I lay back onto the mattress.
“What is it?”
“Jacqs said, and I quote, ‘You are being a moron.’ She wants you to know she’s available to talk.” I twirled my hair around my finger and tapped my foot, still not comfortable with being that blatantly honest.
“It sounds like you two had a fairly intense conversation, care to fill me in?” he asked.
“Well I mentioned that you gave me permission to use you and—”
“Oh, I see. Yes, well, she doesn’t know what it’s like between us. Do you still want to see me today?”
I didn’t care for his tone of voice. “You’re angry.”
“No, Lane, I’m not. I just can feel a brush off when it’s coming. If you need space, I completely understand, but if this is you trying to decide for me—”
“No, I want you to come,” I said and I meant it.
“See you soon.”
I greeted Stay at the door in my robe. “I thought we could shower together.”
“Perfect, and then I have other plans for you.”
“Oh? Another surprise for me?” In his embrace, I couldn’t fathom that I might have chosen to spend the day alone without him.
“Yes, a good one. Let’s shower first.”
I had never showered with man before, and after basking under the flow of water I found out that Stay had very specific ideas about it.
“Turn around and angle your head back.” He washed my hair and massaged my scalp. Under the water, he rinsed my hair too.
The highly sensual experience had my nipples standing at attention. His cock was equally engaged. However, when I tried to kneel down in front of him, he said, “Later.” He washed my whole body, slowly and erotically, and then quickly washed himself.
“If your intention was to leave me hot and bothered, you did a great job,” I said as we dried off.
“And now I’m going to make you come like crazy,” he said. His devious expression and the twitch of his eyebrows caused me to laugh.
In the bedroom, he set up a pillow at the head of the bed, two stacked to the left, and one on the right. “Do you have lubricant?” he asked.
“No, I usually don’t—”
“Right. Olive oil?”
“Sure.” I ran out to the kitchen, found it, and returned. “Is this the tantric thingy?”
“A small taste.”
“Oh, yay.”
“Lay down at the head of the bed.”
Just the positioning had me turned on. I felt so exposed and instead of shying away from it, my arousal spiked. My left knee rested on the two pillows beside me and my right hung over Stay’s right leg. His left leg curved around my stomach. His right foot and my left lined up against each other, almost like creating a circuit connection of energy.
He massaged my body slowly and sensuously, teasing my nipples and working closer and closer to my epicenter. He kneaded my thighs and then flirted around the folds of my pussy.
“I don’t think you’re going to need the lube,” I moaned.
“I was thinking that myself. You’re already glistening.”
His fingers trailed around my inner and outer lips. Deep into my wetness, he used my essence to coat my clit. “All you need to do is relax and breathe steadily.”
“Okaaay,” I sighed out.
He gently rubbed the top of my clit in repetitive strokes. “Is this working for you?”
“Oh yes,” I groaned.
“You’re responding well. Your clit is already so hard.” He pressed down on either sides of my opening, shifting the hood back, exposing more of my arousal.”
“Oh ... ohhh.”
“Just breathe and relax.”
He gathered more wetness and continued the sashay of his fingers. “You’re almost there,” he said, his voice gravely with desire. With is free hand, he pressed down between my breasts.
A grounded energy coursed within me. Then starting at my feet a tingling sensation rose up my legs, and spread out to encompass my whole being. Just before my release took hold my body shook like a rag doll. The electric current weaved internally and then sparked out of my extremities sending me on a new voyage of emancipation.
“Holy hell,” I groaned once all the tension in my body left and I melted into the bed.
He lay down next to me and whispered, “That was phenomenal.”
“It was,” I said, my eyes still close. The aftershocks fired their pulsing tremors in my core and out my limbs. “Wow.”
We spent the rest of the day making love, cuddling, napping, noshing, and laughing
a lot. He made it easy for me to relax with him and not worry about the future. At night he spooned me and I sighed against him completely contented.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
A Sadness Runs Through Him
by The Hoosiers
At work on Monday, I helped Samantha move the wire mannequin over to the window. She used it in the center of a colorful beach display. Several wraps hung like fringe around the bottom half creating a skirt.
“I love it,” I said once she finished setting it all up. “Love the beach ball, buckets, and shovels too. Nice job.”
“Thanks, Lainie. I’m very happy you like it.”
The bell on the door jingled and a woman walked in who seemed out of place. She looked around and not just at the clothes, which was the first thing that struck me about her. She seemed to be checking out the ceiling, flooring, and walls as well. In addition, she wore expensive clothes, which were a very different style than I offered at the shop. Her turquoise, corded, shimmering, knit jacket and corset-seamed dress was tailored to perfection.
“What’s up with her?” Sam whispered in my ear.
“I’m about to find out.” I walked toward the customer and said, “Can I help you?”
Then her assessing gaze landed on me. Looking me up and down, she said, “You’re not at all what I’d expected.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s Lainie, right?”
“Yes, and you are?”
She held out her hand and said, “Victoria Mason.”
“Oh,” I said, clearing my throat and trying to catch the breath that fled out of me. On automatic pilot, I shook her hand.
With her hair down and little or no makeup on she looked nothing like the woman I saw at the fair. The woman before me had her dark hair pulled back in a drastic bun and her face was fully made up. “Relax,” she said. “I’m not here to yell or scream. I have a favor to ask.”
“How did you find me?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably.
“Let’s just say I keep track of things.” Her attention shifted to Sam who walked over to us; out of curiosity I’m sure.
“Can you give us a minute?” I asked her.
“Right, okay,” she said.
Once Sam walked away, Victoria said, “You’ve done a nice job with the place.”
“Thank you,” I said, swallowing with difficulty.
“I guess I should start. You can’t be married to Mason and not know what he gets up to. As much as he thinks otherwise, he has very little capacity for subterfuge. I won’t lie, the first affair nearly cost us our marriage until I realized he was a much better husband when he had a lover. He has extra pep in his step and is generally happier and calmer. I don’t normally get involved or interfere, but I felt like I had to do something in this case.
“Maybe I should have realized the extent of his feelings for you, because somehow we found a better place in our marriage than we ever have before.” She paused and made direct eye contact. “I’m sure you’re ready for me to get to the point—I want you to take him back. Since you ended the relationship, he hasn’t gotten out of bed. I have never known Mason to be depressed. I can’t get him engaged in anything, including the kids. I don’t know how much longer I can tell the children that he’s ill.
“He cancelled the job he was flying off to that Sunday and hasn’t worked since. I have to assume you loved him, and probably still do. Since you helped create this mess, I’m asking you to clean it up.”
“Wow. I’m sorry I don’t know what to say. I had assumed what he said he felt for me was a lie especially after ... anyway, I’m sort of seeing someone now and ... the others? Did he love them?”
“No, I don’t believe so. If he told you he loved you, I have to assume that he meant it.”
“You’re being very civil about all of this.”
“Lainie, I want my life back and I’m asking you to get it for me. I think we can agree you owe me that.” She opened her white clutch and then held out a card to me. “If you ever need to reach me.”
I took the card from her and stared at it. Once I looked up, she was on her way toward the front of the store. Holy fucking hell! He wasn’t lying to me. My heart felt like it was breaking all over again.
“Are you okay?” Sam asked, touching my elbow.
I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head and said, “Can you close up tonight? I need to take off.”
“Yes, of course. Are you going to be okay?”
“I need some time to think. Thanks, Sam,” I said and reached out to give her a hug.
She seemed incredibly grateful for my demonstration of affection. She hugged me back tight and said, “If you need an ear, I’m always here.”
“Thank you, Samantha.”
On my way home from the shop Stayman called me. I almost hit ignore but guilt made me answer it.
“Is everything okay?” he said.
I had no privacy with him. “I need some space right now.”
“Mason?”
“I just need some time.”
“You’re lying.”
“I haven’t see or talked to Mason and I don’t want to talk right now. I’m sorry I can’t get together tonight. I ... I ... please... I’ll call soon.”
“I think if you go back to him, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I love you, Lainie, don’t forget to factor that in,” he said and hung up.
I sat in my car, not being able to breathe. My eyes darted around while my mind tried to make sense of what I just heard. Stay finally confessed his love, and Mason really loved me all along. His wife actually wanted me to take him back. The thoughts in my head were swimming around too fast. Frozen, I couldn’t decide what to do. I felt paralyzed. I knew if I called Jacqs or my father they would both tell me that Stay was the only sensible choice.
It killed me to think I could hurt Stay. I should be overjoyed, right? Instead I bounced around in a rapid river of confusion. I gave in and texted:
Me: Can you talk?
Stay: Only if you intend on being honest.
Me: Okay. Maybe it would easier to text?
Stay: You heard from Mason. I felt it.
Me: Not exactly. His wife came by Bella.
I waited for his text back but my phone rang instead.
“His wife?” Stay asked.
“She wants me to take him back. She says I owe it to her to clean up the mess I made. According to her, Mason hasn’t gotten out of bed since last Sunday.”
“Jesus, Lainie. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, although I feel it twisting in my gut. You must be incredibly confused. I’m sorry I just blurted out that I love you that way. I’ve wanted to say it to you a hundred different times but I knew you weren’t ready to hear it. You probably still aren’t, but I can’t let you go back to Mason without knowing.”
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“It’s already hurting, Lainie. If you loved me back there would be no question. Do what you need to do. I release you.”
“Oh god, my heart feels like its breaking.”
“I have to go. Take care of yourself,” he said and hung up.
I banged my fist against the steering wheel and howled out my pain. With tears still running down my face, I started my car and drove out. I stayed off the highway and made it back to my apartment safely.
Out on my balcony, I paced back and forth with a cigarette in hand. The broken pieces of my heart no longer knew how to form back on their own and I couldn’t decipher the ache in my core. I wanted to go hide in the safety of Stay’s arms and wanted to see Mason at the same time. In my hysteria, laughter bubbled to the surface when I envisioned Stay going with me to see Mason.
My mind was close to shattering just like my heart. My insides where jumping for joy and hurling me over a cliff to my death. How the fuck do I reconcile that?
I imagined Stay feeling all my pain and it made me feel even worse. “Tell me what to do!” I yelled at no one.
I stared at the phone in my hand, not really seeing it. Setting my phone to the side, I pulled my journal onto my lap.
Breathe. Stop being hysterical. Let’s not make this more ridiculous than it needs to be. Do I want to see Mason? Yes, of course I do. Do I want Mason back? I don’t know. And Stay? It kills me that I’m hurting him. I don’t want to hurt him. He really is the last person I would want to cause pain. He has been my savior in so many ways. It’s just so fucking messy.
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.
Mason’s wife showed up at work! What the fuck? Can I assume she is telling me the truth? Why would she lie? I know what I need to do. Yes, but it’s like drawing this invisible line in the sand that separates me from Stay.
Stay knew this might happen, right? I don’t even know if Mason wants to hear from me. Maybe he doesn’t. UGH! Fuck me. Okay. I’m going to get this over with.
Me: Mason?
I lit another cigarette and paced back and forth. My phone rang and it startled the crap out of me.
“Lainie?” Jacqs said.
Oh god, I breathed out. “Hi, Jacqs.”
“Sam called me. She was worried about you. She said some woman came into the shop and you took off just after. She said you looked like you were in shock.”
“It was Victoria,” I said, blowing out smoke.
“Who?”
“Mason’s wife,” I said, sitting down in the chair and bouncing my knees.
“Holy hell. What did she want?”
My phone vibrated in my hand. “Listen, Jacqs, I need to go. She wanted me to get in touch with Mason. It’s a long story and I promise to fill you in soon. Please call Stay, or have Bond call and check in on him.”
“You told him?” she asked, her voice strident.
“I didn’t have to, but yes, I did.”
“I don’t understand.”
I closed my eyes and said, “Let him explain it. I have to deal with this. I’ll call you soon.”
“I love you, girl, and you can reach me anytime.”
“You too.”
I pulled up my texts and found:
MM: I thought I would never hear from you again. Please tell me you want to see me. Please, Lainie. I’m so sorry. Please give me the chance to explain.
Bittersweet Deceit Page 31