by Diana Fraser
“Gemma! Wait!” He caught up with her and grabbed her hand, holding it tight, so she couldn’t run from him. “What do you mean, ‘what I say matters to you’? Does it?”
“Of course it does. I thought we’d become friends. Starting with that day in the shepherd’s hut. No, we’d become more than friends. I could feel it and so could you. But you backed away again, didn’t you? You’re the one with the problems that need sorting out. And don’t you dare come close to me again until they are, because I’ve been humiliated enough these past weeks. And today was a crowning achievement. Congratulations Callum, you’ve confirmed everyone’s fears, that the scheming bitch with the shady past has cornered their precious Callum Mackenzie and won’t let him go. Poor Callum, landed with a strange woman and a baby that probably isn’t even his.”
He gripped her hand more tightly then, his nails digging into her skin. “What do you mean?”
“Well, that’s what they’re all thinking isn’t it? That’s what you wonder too, isn’t it? If you ever do think of me.”
“Stop it.”
“How would you feel if the baby doesn’t look like either of us? A beautiful brown-skinned baby. How would that make you feel?”
“Gemma. Stop. I know what you’re doing.”
“You know nothing about me.” Her voice rang around the Orangerie. “Or my baby. And you know what? You never will. You’ll always have doubts won’t you?”
“If I have doubts it’ll be harder for me to keep my end of the bargain and to love the child.”
“Callum, I just don’t care any longer. All I’m hoping from you now is that you’ll be able to pretend to care enough to make the child feel secure. Because I don’t think you ever have, or ever will love anything in your life. You’re a cold, calculating man with no heart.”
She winced at her own words, wanted to take them back, but it was too late. Carried away by the pain and anger, the words reflected what, at this moment, she felt, but not what deep down she believed. As she stood hesitating, seeing the shock in his eyes, his fingers released her hand and dropped down to his side. She turned away, hesitated, but he didn’t reach out for her. Then she took a step away from him and then another.
“Where are you going?”
She paused but didn’t turn to answer because she didn’t think she could bear to see the look in his eyes. “Back to our guests. I’m not running away, I’m going to face up to my future, even if you won’t.”
She walked away, accompanied only by the savage click of her heels on the clay bricks and an icy determination in her heart. Yes, she hurt deep down and yes, she was trapped in this marriage. But she couldn’t run this time. This time she’d come out fighting for what she wanted. She stopped by a mirror in the hall and checked her make-up, her gaze shifting to her mouth—set and determined and her eyes, fierce. She was done with trying to please Callum, trying to fit in with his life. She’d build her own world within this one. They’d all have to fit in around her because she wasn’t going anywhere.
Cassandra, Gemma decided, was one wonderful woman. Being married to Callum would be a challenge, but getting on with his brother and sister-in-law would be a total joy.
“Lily! Leave the little boy alone!” Cassandra shook her head despairingly as Lily clasped a friend’s child around the waist and refused to let him go, despite a desperate wail from the little boy. “She’s just like Dallas,” Cassandra explained to Gemma as she prized Lily’s fingers off the boy. “Single-minded in her pursuit of whatever she wants.” Cassandra shot a pleading look at Dallas who grinned, walked over and scooped the little girl up in his arms.
“Must be a family trait,” Gemma murmured.
“Oh, yes… Good luck with that.” Cassandra glanced over Gemma’s shoulder and smiled. “Talk of the devil…”
Gemma followed her gaze. Callum was walking directly towards them, his eyes fixed on hers. Gemma turned back to Cassandra and Dallas who exchanged looks.
“Come on, Cassie,” Dallas said, “let’s introduce James to the joys of children.”
“See you later, then, Gemma.” Cassandra flashed a radiant smile, winked at Gemma and was soon hidden by Dallas’s warm embrace.
Callum didn’t speak but Gemma noticed the jerky swig of beer from the bottle that had replaced the glass of champagne. Callum was nervous. So there was hope. She glanced back at Cassandra and Dallas disappearing across the lawn in search of James and nodded in their direction. “Now, there’s a couple in love.”
“Really? And you’re an expert are you?”
“You don’t have to be an expert in something to appreciate it and recognize it in others.”
“Interesting. So what are the signs?”
“Of love? Firstly, rather than insulting and ignoring Cassandra, Dallas welcomed her with a kiss and hug and then introduced her to the others in the group.”
Callum moved in closer to her, so close she felt the full impact of his animal magnetism stir her body and threaten her mind. But she was too revved up, too angry, to let him take over her senses.
“From your description love sounds a polite, mannered thing. Like there’s some kind of set of rules to the whole thing.”
She sighed. “It’s not a bad idea. Perhaps I should write a book for you, educate you.”
“You know all about love, then, do you? Had much experience? You’ve told me so little about your past, I wouldn’t know.”
“And when exactly do you think we should have these conversations? While you’re inside me?”
He closed his eyes at the barb. “Of course not.”
She shook her head. “There’s no other time we’re together. You make sure of that.”
“I do what I have to do.”
“Then I suggest you do something different because what you’re doing isn’t working. I won’t put up with it any longer.”
His gaze narrowed. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m telling you not to underestimate me, Callum. I’ve had years of living with a domineering man who could show you a trick or two. And I coped. I learned.”
He reacted instantly—his stance more aggressive than seductive now—and fear gripped Gemma’s gut. She hadn’t meant to say that; she’d meant to keep her past firmly in her past so it didn’t threaten her present.
“I thought you said you hardly knew your father?”
She hesitated. But it was too late to backtrack now, too late for lies. Besides, she wanted to force Callum out of his comfort zone. If jealousy, curiosity or whatever would accomplish that, then so be it. She sucked in a deep breath. “Who said I’m talking about my father?”
Her question was met with a stunned silence. “What is it that you’re not telling me, Gemma?”
She shook her head. “What I’m telling you is to make changes, Callum, because I can’t go on as we have been.”
Her determination to stand her ground quavered under his hard stare. “Did you live with someone before you came here? Tell me.”
She had to be firm. “My past has nothing to do with you.”
“Sounds like you’ve been holding back on me. What made you come out here in the first place? All that talk of finding yourself, finding your freedom. You were running from someone, weren’t you?”
“Sometimes running from someone is the only thing you can do.”
“And is that what you propose to do now? Run away?”
“You know I don’t. Things are different now.”
“So what is it exactly you want?”
“I want you to accept me into your life, not just at night. Admit your feelings for me.” She tiptoed up to him, until her lips nearly touched his ear, until she could feel his breath on her face. “Because I know they’re there.”
“Do you now?” He looked into her eyes but she couldn’t read his thoughts. “And just supposing you’re right. Why would I want to admit I had feelings for a woman who keeps her past a mystery and who made it clear from the start that she was
only marrying me for the sake of our child?”
She rocked back onto her heels once more as she realized what was really stopping him from opening up to her. “So that’s it, you’re afraid.”
His mouth quirked into a brief smile. “You’re quite the psychoanalyst aren’t you, Mrs. Mackenzie?”
“Your fear isn’t exactly subtle, Mr. Mackenzie.”
“Fear has a purpose.”
“To stop oneself from hurt. But, Callum… you won’t be.”
“It’s hard.”
“Why? Callum, tell me, what happened to freeze your emotions? It was more than Claire’s death, wasn’t it?” She hated to see the hurt enter his eyes but she had to know.
“She wanted more than I could give.”
“What exactly?”
“She was the needy one, not you. And I couldn’t give her what she needed. She looked to other people for it and I let her go, believing she’d return. I thought…” He shrugged. “If she needed space I should give it to her and she’d return to me happy.”
“Did she?”
“No.”
“You can’t help everyone. Sometimes it’s simply down to them.”
“Don’t presume to know the situation Gemma, because you haven’t any idea what it was like.”
She shook her head. “Of course I don’t know. But you’re going to have to work that through, Callum. Just don’t expect to take out your frustrations and anger on me in the meantime.” She paused. “Remember,” she said softly, “I’m not Claire. Trust me.” She brushed her hand lightly down his chest, as she tried to find the strength to tell him what she needed to. She forced herself to meet his direct gaze. “I care for you, Callum. I do. I’m here with you now, I’ve married you, we’re having a baby and I care. What more can I do to make you believe you can trust me?”
Was it the glint of sunlight on his face or did his eyes darken and almost melt as he looked down at her lips? “Give me time,” he whispered. He stepped away, his eyes still on hers, as the steeliness crept back into them. He nodded abruptly and awkwardly, thrust his hands in his pockets and walked away.
Gemma’s hands crept around her stomach, as the pain of his withdrawal crept through her limbs. For the sake of her baby she had no choice but to give him what he asked.
“Where’s Gemma gone?” Cassandra called out. Callum turned round to find Cassandra carrying a wriggling, over-tired Lily in her arms. It was late. The sun had dipped below the line of hills and the slow, warm twilight of summer was gradually deepening.
“I saw her take the path to the look-out a few moments ago.” He’d seen her and was trying to stop himself from following her.
“There’s only family left here now, why don’t you go after her?” Lily squealed and held out her hands to Callum. “Dallas will keep your mother at bay,” Cassandra added.
“Maybe.” Instinctively he opened his arms for Lily. His impulse surprised him but, before he could have second thoughts and withdraw his arms, Lily had leaped into them and snuggled against his chest. She immediately stilled, rested her cheek against his chest and began sucking her thumb contentedly.
“You’ve a knack with kids.”
Callum snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“No, you have. You over-think things, you doubt yourself too much. Follow your instincts and you won’t go wrong—particularly with Gemma, she’s lovely.”
“I can’t. Not yet. I need some time before…”
“Before what? Don’t waste time, Callum You’ve a wonderful future ahead of you. Go grab it.”
It was Callum’s turn to still. It was as if someone had lifted a blindfold from him, making him see things as they were. Free of his poisonous past, free of the images and words that tainted everything. Perhaps things could be simpler than he’d made them.
“Is that how you see things? So straightforward”
She nodded, amused. “It’s how they are.” Lily’s eyelids began to droop, despite her best efforts to keep awake. Callum stroked his finger down her soft cheek and swallowed hard. “Come here,” Cassandra smiled. “Let me take Lily. It’s time she was in bed.”
Callum gently handed Lily to Cassandra. Lily didn’t awake, simply nestled into her mother’s arms with a contented wriggle.
Cassandra placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Go see Gemma. Make it right. There’s nothing that time will do for you, that you can’t do for yourself. Now.”
He nodded. “How did Dallas deserve such a wise woman as yourself?”
She grinned. “He didn’t. He just got lucky.”
Callum watched Cassandra walk back to the house before turning his gaze up to the look-out, above the house. He could just make out Gemma’s white dress, glowing like a beacon in the dusk.
Gemma looked out across the lights that dotted the plains to the faint red glow that still lit the western horizon.
It was utterly beautiful and she felt totally exhausted. The future was all before her but she had no idea what it would bring. She pushed her hands through her hair, twisting it off her neck to allow the soft night breeze to cool her. Then she heard a twig snap. She didn’t turn around. She knew who it would be. “Callum… is it over yet?”
He didn’t reply immediately, as if trying to figure out what she meant. “The reception? Yes, most people have gone. Cassandra’s putting the kids to bed and Dallas is trying to distract mother from locating James.
She turned to him. He stood on the fringe of the native bush, several feet away from her, only his dark silhouette and the light of his eyes and shirt visible in the dusk. “That will take some doing.”
“Yep.” Callum moved beside her. “But if anyone can do it, Dallas can.”
“You think a lot of Dallas, don’t you?”
“He’s a tough man but he’s always been there for me.” He shrugged. “Always been there for everyone. But now he’s got Cassandra, we’re seeing a different side to him. One we didn’t even know existed.”
“A softer side?”
Callum snorted. “That’ll be the day. But, yeah, I guess you’re right. He’s happy. That much is obvious.”
“And are you happy, Callum?”
He didn’t meet her gaze, but continued to look out into the dark night. “Happier than I’ve a right to be.”
“You are?”
“Gemma,” he reached for her hand but didn’t look at her. “I was wrong.”
A cold chill ran through her body. Was he going to reject her here and now, on their wedding day? She swallowed drily. “About?”
He must have sensed her fear because he turned to her, a soft smile playing on his lips. “About needing time.” He pulled her closer to him, slipped his hand under her chin and lifted her face until her lips touched his. His body and mouth were hot against hers, filling her with hope. Slowly he withdrew, slipped his arm around her and pulled her to his side until she was nestled into his body. They looked out across the wide valley to the violet-grey haze of the hills beyond and listened to the soft calls of nocturnal birds that mingled with the ebb and flow of classical music and the distant murmur and laughter of the few remaining guests. “I’m beginning to believe I won’t need as much time as I thought.”
She closed her eyes with happiness at his words and at the strength of his body holding hers. “Good.” It was too plain a word to convey her feelings, but she was scared she’d break down if she said any more. She cleared her throat.
“All I’ve ever wanted is here.” Callum paused for a long time but Gemma didn’t speak. “For a long time all I wanted was this land.” Gemma followed his gaze out across Glencoe and beyond to where Blackrock land lay. “And now, between us, we have it all.”
Gemma frowned, as a creeping chill began a slow, inexorable climb up her body. She tried to form the right words but they dried on her lips. “Callum, I…”
“Let me finish. I need to say this. It used to be all about the land but, since I met you, I realized the land wasn’t enough—”
Gemma
held up her hand and pressed her fingers to his lips. “Callum, I need to tell you something.” She licked her lips nervously. “Blackrock, it isn’t exactly mine. I don’t own it.”
“What do you mean? Of course you do.”
“No. I don’t own it. It belongs to a friend of mine.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” His words were ejected in distinct syllables like bullets.
His anger sparked a dull thudding in her temples. “I had to get out of London. It’s complicated to explain.”
“I’m sure it is. Seems everything’s too complicated to explain, so you lie. Have you told me anything that’s true? All that sob story about your past, is any of that true?”
“Of course it is.” She paused. “Everything’s true, except for the fact I inherited Blackrock. I didn’t. It’s my friend’s place and she still owns it. Just has no interest in it. She said I can stay as long as I like. She can’t sell it, there’s some kind of legal caveat thingy on it. So she reckoned I may as well make use of it.”
“So convenient.”
“It was.”
“For you. But not for me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand. What difference does it make?”
“All the difference in the world. I’ve been working through the courts for years, trying to get hold of Blackrock. My grandfather gambled it away. I want it back. Glencoe isn’t complete without it.”
The pain of having to tell him her secret, admit that she’d lied to him, suddenly gave way to the pain of understanding why he’d really married her. “I know you never wanted me but I thought, truly thought, you wanted our child. But you didn’t, did you? It was the land you wanted. God,” she closed her eyes, trying to keep in the hurt, “I’ve been so stupid.”
“The truth? I wanted both. I didn’t have to make a choice.”
She shook her head, half smiling at the hard, unadorned truth that was so like Callum.
“And now?” He didn’t speak. She pulled off the wedding ring and tossed it to him. He caught it and folded his fingers around it. “Keep it. I don’t want it. I guess you can say the deal’s off. I haven’t kept my end of the bargain, so I’ll leave.”