by Sierra Rose
“I’m truly sorry for lying to you, Sharon—and my grandmother and Max. If I could go back and do that part over again, I would.” He straightened up ever so slightly. “But I can’t regret these last few months. I never will. They’re what brought Rebecca and me together.”
You could have heard a pin drop. My mother’s eyes swam with momentary tears, but unlike me, she had long ago mastered the art of controlling them.
“And so now everything’s different?” she asked skeptically. But I’d been hearing her read Marcus’s side of this discussion for the last two days. She wasn’t fooling anyone. Anyone except Marcus who was still staring at her like at any moment she might bite off his neck. “Now you’ve just magically happened to fall in love the second you find out she’s having your baby?”
“It was convoluted, drawn out, and at times literally painful. But she captured my heart in a way no woman ever has.”
My mind flashed back to our initial encounter—the fight outside the coffee shop. He’d almost been crucified by a plumber as a public example of the Icarus Effect. Later, he’d willingly sacrificed himself on stage in front of a bunch of rowdy college kids just to make me smile. Of course, in the time between those encounters, I’d kicked and Maced him as well. Plus, Max punched him.
Painful was understating it. But it had its good moments too. I looked up from the pictures on the floor and saw a soft, nostalgic smile lighting the edges of his paled face.
“But yes, to answer your question.” He lifted his head and looked my mother straight in the eyes. “I fell in love with her.” He looked at me. “And I did that before she got pregnant.”
“Is that true?” my mom asked quietly.
“Yes.”
He took a step forward, glancing warily in Sharon’s direction. But much to his extreme astonishment, she had somehow vanished from the room.
Finally free of parental supervision, Marcus knelt down beside me. He gazed tenderly into my eyes and stroked back my hair. “I know you don’t feel the same about me, and you don’t want a baby, but I had to let you know that I love you, Rebecca.”
“Is that what you think?” I cut him off. “You think that’s why I left?”
He paused uncertainly and a sick feeling of guilt crept up in my stomach. My face tightened, and I wound one hand gently through his before pulling us to our feet.
“Come on,” I said quietly, “let’s take a walk.”
Chapter 7
I had been coming to the beach since I was two years old. There were pictures of me bobbing up and down and freezing in the tiny waves on the floor at my mom’s. It was a different beach than the ones Marcus and I had been to so far. No tropical sand and bright sunlight here. Algae-covered boulders and tiny stones comprised the shoreline, and it was actually raining when we arrived.
“Should you be out here in the rain?” Marcus asked hesitantly when we stepped out of the car and headed down to the water. There was no one around as far as the eye could see, and he stared up ominously at the darkened sky.
I couldn’t help but smile as I skipped lightly from rock to rock. “I’m not going to cryogenically freeze our unborn child. But having lived in LA so long, I can understand your confusion.” I pointed up at the sky like I was making introductions. “Marcus, this is weather. Weather, meet Marcus.”
“That’s funny,” he said flatly, following me down to the water. It lapped up against his custom boots and he shivered. “Seriously, you’re not cold?”
“I grew up here, remember?” I took off my shoes and rolled up my pants before walking in up to my ankles. “You get used to it.”
He looked at me like I was crazy but followed my example—trying to hide his shivering all the while. We walked side by side, close but not touching, for a couple of minutes. The rain lightened somewhat, but a fine cloud of mist hung low in the air, giving the entire beach a somewhat magical feel—like the road to Camelot.
“You know I love you,” I said. “This whole time, I’d been wondering just how to phrase it, how to say something so complicated and make it make sense. In the end, I’d realized it was simple. And when I told you those three life-changing words, I meant them.”
He stopped in his tracks and turned to me. “And I meant them too.”
“I know,” I said, “that’s what’s so crazy. Marcus,” I took both his freezing hands in mine, “I wouldn’t pretend to love you just because I got pregnant. It’s exactly the opposite. If I wasn’t sure about you, if I wasn’t sure about us…I’d get as far away from you as possible. I was raised in a broken home—that’s not something I would ever do to a child.”
He watched me without blinking, hanging onto every word.
“That’s why I left,” I admitted softly. “Marcus, I…I think I’ve loved you for a while. I blurted it out to Amanda the second before the test turned positive. I’ve been trying to get myself to say it out loud since…well, since that night on the roof.”
His face softened despite the chilly breeze. “So why did you leave?”
My eyes fixed on the ocean, same color as his beautiful eyes, as I tried to think of how to say it. “I needed to think. I was overwhelmed. Sinking. Drowning.”
He nodded automatically, but after a second, began shaking his head instead. “So you were drowning. You didn’t even give me a chance to throw you a lifejacket.”
I flashed him a grin and tucked my damp hair behind my ears. “I never wanted to have a kid, first of all. I’ve always taken serious precautions to make sure that never happened. When I got pregnant anyway, I felt like it was a failure on my part. And then there was you.”
His eyes searched my face, trying to understand.
“I had only just figured out how I felt about you—and I think we both know it wasn’t the most organic of relationship beginnings…but I had no idea how you really felt about me. We’d only been together three months, and already you were talking about keeping our wedding date open—the rest of the world thought we were already planning this lavish ceremony, and…and then I found out I was pregnant. After only three months,” I stressed again. “I just…I had to get away from you, and Los Angeles, and the paparazzi, and everything else down there and just figure out how I felt.”
He’d listened to the whole explanation patiently, nodding occasionally to show that he understood. It was only when he knew for sure that I’d finished that he dared to tug me a little closer. “And…you decided that you love me?”
I bit my lip, but a smile still broke through. “Yes. Marcus, I love you. I love you so damn much.”
“I love you too.”
He swept me up in a kiss so passionate and so romantic, just like out of a romance novel. His fingers knotted in my hair as he lifted me off the ground and spun me around.
“You have no idea what I’d been thinking, these last few days,” he whispered against my lips. I was back on the ground but his head was bent to meet mine. “The second you left, I panicked. I thought there was a chance you were never coming back, so the first thing I did was head to the airport to follow you. When I touched down in Washington—”
“Wait, you’ve been here this whole time?” I asked in surprise.
“I took the jet, so I actually got here before you did. Anyway, after I landed, I started pacing the exits of the terminal, waiting for whatever flight you were on to land and watching for you through the crowds. As I was waiting, I called Amanda. I figured if anyone knew where your head was at, it would be her.”
He’d talked to Amanda? She’d never mentioned that in any of our Skypes!
“She was furious with me for coming after you. Said that I needed to, ‘Stop acting like an entitled little prick and back the fuck off when Rebecca asked me to.’”
Yeah…that sounded like Amanda.
I traced the toe of my boot nervously through the pebbles. “I’m sorry about that. She can be a little protective.”
“She was absolutely right. I can’t imagine how panicked you must have
felt, and sick and alone. Of course, you wanted to take a step back and re-evaluate. I shouldn’t have pushed.” He shook his head with a sigh. “I actually spotted you in the crowd—heading toward the rentals, wearing some Washington State sweatshirt I’d never seen you in before. I let you go. Asked Amanda for your mom’s address and booked a hotel nearby. I wasn’t even going to tell you I was here,” he chuckled to himself. “I just wanted to be…close, I guess. But this afternoon I was pacing in the hotel lobby and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see you. Fortunately, I got a text from Amanda around the same time.” He held out his phone with a smile.
‘All right, dumbass, it’s been a few days. You better be on your way to see her already…’
I shook my head with a little groan. “I didn’t even know emoticons could do that…”
“Neither did I,” he said seriously. “Anyway, here we are.”
I bit my lip and stared out at the crashing surf. “Here we are.”
We stood there for a long time in silence, thinking, occasionally hugging, and staring out toward the stormy horizon. After a while, he took off his jacket and placed it neatly on the pebbles, gesturing for me to sit.
“Come on,” I hesitated, “now you have to be freezing.”
“I’m not.” He scoffed, taking a seat beside me.
I leaned into him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. But reconciled as we may have been with each other, I had no idea what came next. The fact remained, no matter what we were to each other, no matter what we decided to do, we were going to have a baby. And while I couldn’t speak for Marcus, that was something I was absolutely not ready for.
“I have no idea if I’ll make a good dad,” he said suddenly, staring out toward the sea.
I turned to him in surprise. Self-doubt didn’t come naturally to him, and especially with something as big as this, I would have thought he’d have it in the bag.
“Why do you say that?” I asked curiously.
“I just…I don’t know, I never pictured myself with kids.” He glanced at me quickly. “I’m not saying I’m not happy and excited and everything. I totally am, I just hope I can be a good father.”
“We’ll figure this out together, just like you said.”
He looked beyond relieved. “I’m completely out of my element here. I didn’t really have a father growing up; neither did any of my friends. We were raised by nannies, then sent to boarding school. I don’t have the faintest idea where to begin.”
I considered it thoughtfully. “How about not beginning there? You know exactly the kind of parent you don’t want to be. Everything else…you’ll figure out as you go.”
He flashed a genuine smile but flushed a little self-consciously. “Yeah, or I’ll fuck it up.”
“I’m not going to let you fuck it up,” I assured him seriously.
He threw back his head and laughed, that sparkling laugh I loved so much, drawing me up tighter against him. “So we’re going to be shit parents, then? That’s all we know for sure?”
I stretched up and kissed him softly on the cheek. “I know we’re going to love it. And we won’t be shit parents because we’re going to give it our all.”
He stared down at me for a long moment, then smiled. “Yes, we are.”
“Nobody is going to love this child like us.”
“Come back with me to Los Angeles.”
“And stay where?”
“With me. Marry me, for real, Rebecca. I’m going to try hard to be the best father and husband that I can be.”
“Okay then.”
He smiled as hit whole face lit up.
“I love you, Rebecca. Since the day I first laid eyes on your radiant face.”
I touched his face. “I love you too.”
“Then come home.”
He pulled me close as he softly kissed me.
Chapter 8
We got back to the house late that night. Despite the cold, we’d lingered another two hours on the beach—cuddling, making plans, making out. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. Reconciling my old world with my new. Finding equal happiness in both.
The curtain fluttered guiltily as we pulled into the drive, and I knew my mom had been watching for us. It was an unspoken game we’d played since I was a teenager. She could pretend to be as laid-back and unconcerned as possible, but when we walked inside, I knew exactly where she’d be.
Sure enough, she was flitting innocently around in the kitchen. A little stir here, a dash of salt there. When Marcus cleared his throat, she looked up in mock surprise.
“Oh, darlings—there you are!” She smoothed back her flyaway hair. “Perfect timing. I just took out the casserole.”
“Imagine that.” I grinned, taking a seat at the counter.
“You put all the pictures away,” Marcus remarked, staring at the now-empty floor.
She nodded proudly. “Got them all filed. But I got your text, Marcus, I saved you a few.”
To my extreme dismay, she slipped a small stack of photographs into his hand. He started flipping through with a little smile as I turned to her in horror.
“You two are texting now?” I exclaimed. Then I turned to Marcus. “Give me that—don’t look at those!”
“I love the pic with the spaghetti on your head.”
“Hey!” I giggled, grabbing for them but missing spectacularly. “I was adorable!”
“Oh, this one right here is priceless.”
“That’s quite enough, children, sit down,” my mother commanded with a smile. “And Marcus, those are not to be weaponized. I just thought…well, I thought you should know what you’re getting into.”
“Thanks for that,” I seethed, taking my place at the table.
“So what did you kids do today? Beautiful weather to be outside.”
Marcus glanced out the window like she was crazy, but I smiled. “We went down to the beach—the one by Miller’s Fish House. Took him around to all my old haunts.”
“That’s wonderful!” She brightened as she heaped us both a steaming plate. “Maybe tomorrow you can head down to Seattle, catch the ferry and do some hiking.”
Marcus flashed me a quick look, and I cleared my throat. “Actually, we won’t be able to do anything tomorrow. We’re heading back to Los Angeles.”
She sat back casually in her chair, but her eyes were sparkling. “Is that right?”
“Afraid so.”
Marcus leaned forward. “A bit more than that, Sharon. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cancel your engagement party.”
Her fork clattered to her plate, and she stared between us with tears in her eyes. “Oh, I see,” she murmured softly. “Uh…yes, of course, I can do that. I didn’t realize.”
“The thing is,” he continued, “we’re getting married next month, so you’re going to have to move up the shower much sooner.”
There was not a single sound.
Then there was an explosion.
Chapter 9
The next day, the three of us got on a plane. Yes, you heard me right. The three of us.
“You’re going to have your entire lives to be together!” my mother had explained, frantically throwing a month’s worth of clothes into a bag. “I’m only going to get this little sliver of time to help plan your wedding.” When I hesitated, she continued with a more direct, “And I’ll be dead soon, so we should enjoy the time that we have.”
I knew the two of us needed time together to adjust to the newfound weight of our life choices. But we were ready and willing to give it everything we had. We headed back to the mansion and let my mom settle in. I would’ve helped her unpack, but as it turned out, I had some settling in to do myself.
I was moving in with Marcus.
“You’re sure you want to do this?” he asked as we headed through the massive double doors and up the ornate staircase. The staff shot us curious, sideways glances as they bustled around, but were far too professional to break character and ask what was
going on.
“Yeah, I am,” I replied confidently. And I found, with a bit of relief, that there actually wasn’t a hesitant bone in my body. Now that I’d made the choice, now that I’d decided to commit, I was suddenly sure I’d made the right decision. “I already think of this as home.”
His eyes glowed, and he flashed me a warm smile. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” I grinned and headed down the hall to my room, when to my surprise, he caught me by the elbow. “I’m glad to hear it, but if you’re going to be staying here…maybe it’s time we talked about you moving into the master suite.” Those gray eyes sparkled. “With me.”
I froze in place and stared ominously down the hall. Despite my string of relationships over the years, I’d never actually advanced to the point of living with someone. Ironic as it seemed, Marcus’s place was about as non-threatening as could be simply because it could fit fifty other people into the house, and it was unlikely that anyone would really run into each other.
But staying in the same room? I guessed that’s what people did…right?
“Think of the bed,” he coaxed with a grin, “it’s far better than the one in your room.”
“I suppose so…” But I hesitated.
What if I needed time alone? Time to be with my thoughts? My genius thoughts? What if I decided to completely warp my personality and start exercising? Take up yoga? Of course, Marcus had a gym for that sort of thing…but what if I wanted to do it my room? I couldn’t do it in front of him. And singing in the shower! Where did that fit in?
“Will you promise to go somewhere else if I take up kickboxing?” I asked intently.
He blinked but recovered himself quickly. “Of course. You’ll never know I’m there.”
“What about shower singing?”
“Oh, you’re going to have to learn to live with my shower singing,” he said sanctimoniously. “There are some things on which I cannot compromise.”
A small grin crept up my face.
“Like Michael Bublé,” he said.