Grant said nothing, watching the blood pressure monitor, keeping his eye on Leo’s pulse.
Dennis kept talking, “This is a very common procedure. So get a grip.”
At that moment the attendants from Jennifer’s OR came into the room with a cooler, and frantic activity began. The faster they got the kidney into Leo, the better the chances of it functioning properly, and the better the chance for a good outcome.
Grant pressed himself against the glass, trying to see if the kidney pinked up, if it started to produce urine immediately, but then there was a change in the room.
Something surprising, something unexpected.
Grant’s heart stopped, he felt it go still and silent in his chest, and then thump with a mighty heave of adrenaline and fear. He didn’t know how or when he broke down, or when he started pounding on the glass, but it was sometime after the numbers on the blood pressure monitor took a dive.
Grant watched them drop and drop as he yelled, and Dennis held him back, stronger than Grant had thought possible.
Chapter Twelve
Six Months Ago
“I want you to fuck me,” Leo said, conversationally, while he poured boiling water over the teabag resting with the tag hanging outside of the mug. He passed it to Grant over the massive, wooden kitchen table. The house was quiet—just Grant and Leo. Lucky had already gone to bed before Grant had even made it over after his day at the hospital.
Grant choked on his cookie. “Who, what, now?”
“I said that I want you to fuck me. I think maybe Curtis and I were doing it wrong. Maybe I just didn’t want to open up to him, I don’t know.” Leo looked thoughtful. “Or maybe I wanted it too much, because I thought I’d never really have what I really wanted with him, you know—acceptance, devotion, that sort of thing. But, yeah, I’m done with being that person. I want to try it. With you. I think I’ll like it. I love when you do it with your fingers, and I’m ready.”
Leo seemed to belatedly realize that he wasn’t the only one who needed to agree to this for it to work out, and he said, “And, I really hope you are, too.”
“I was more ready before you mentioned your ex,” Grant said.
Leo rolled his eyes, amusement crinkling the corners. “Oh, come on, Grant, you have to know that if you trump him anywhere it’s the bedroom, and, well, honestly, it’s everywhere, so I don’t know what you’re even worried about.”
“Who said I was worried? My superiority is indisputable in every way. It’s just the idea of superstar Curtis Banks’s fingers anywhere near your ass makes my cock shrivel. I know you relate all too well.”
Leo again rolled his eyes, and started sipping at his small glass of water. “Whatever, Grant. I just want to try it with you, and if you don’t like it, then we’ll never have to—”
“Oh, please,” Grant said. “I’m gonna like it, and if I have anything to do with it, so will you.”
Leo smiled, his eyes liquid warmth. “I’m counting on it.”
Grant said, “So, when are you thinking we should proceed with the initiation of your ass? Tonight? Tomorrow? This kitchen table seems plenty sturdy—”
“I need to talk to you first.” Leo’s voice had changed from the confident, eager tenor of before, and suddenly sounded shy, and maybe a little ashamed. Grant had a feeling he knew what was coming. And whose name would play a liberal role in whatever Leo was feeling tormented about.
“Okay,” Grant said. “I’m listening.”
Leo sighed. “There are things I haven’t told you. About me. About my life. And I think you have a right to know. And they’re important, too, if we’re going to…you know.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.” Leo fiddled with his water glass, and then wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’m nervous. Some of this stuff I haven’t told anyone. Curtis knew, but then he was there. So he knew. And now I have to tell you and I don’t want you to think less of me, or to want to leave, but I guess that’s the risk I have to take. So I’m telling you, Grant.”
Grant said nothing. He couldn’t imagine that there was anything that Leo could tell him that would make him leave, but he wasn’t one for false promises and if anyone could surprise Grant, it would be Leo, so he kept his mouth shut and just nodded.
“Okay, so…I might have some hang ups,” Leo began. “Or, I do have some hang ups. Kind of big ones. But, God, it sounds so insane that I’m not even sure that you’d believe me. I mean, it’s—”
“I’ll believe you,” Grant said.
Leo avoided looking at him, staring over Grant’s shoulder, or looking down at his mug of tea. “So, I don’t know if I should start at the beginning or in the middle.”
“Start where you need me to understand,” Grant said.
Leo nodded, sucked his lips into his mouth like he was gearing up, and said, “Curtis and I…to say sex was difficult is kind of an understatement. He never seemed into it. We waited three years to have sex. We were in high school, so other kids were waiting too, so I believed him when he said it wasn’t me.”
“It wasn’t you,” Grant growled.
“Right. I know. But he said he wanted it to be right, you know? In the end he just wasn’t into it much, you know?”
“You don’t have to—”
“I need you to understand,” Leo said. “It was painful and embarrassing, and Curtis was perfunctory and sometimes strange. He’d put me off for so long, and then when we did do something, it was just such an effort, so much work, like it wasn’t even fun.”
Grant’s stomach twisted up.
Leo met Grant’s eyes, his lips trembling. “Until you, I didn’t realize it could be fun.”
“Leo…”
Leo held up a hand to stop Grant from going on. “He’d hold me after, but, I could tell, he wanted to get away as soon as possible. He’d get up and go shower, and we’d go back to the sexless life he seemed to prefer. Kissing? Sure. Holding hands? Sure. Cuddling? He liked a lot when he was around anyway. But getting down and dirty with me, being sweaty or adventurous? He just wasn’t up for that.”
Grant couldn’t imagine what the hell was wrong with Curtis Banks. Not wanting Leo in a primal, deep way was something Grant couldn’t begin to fathom.
Leo said, “I probably shouldn’t blame him for that entirely. I mean, part of why sex might not have been that good to begin with was that neither of us knew what they hell we were doing. High school sweethearts and all that. Virgins in every way.” He blushed. “But after our first break-up, when he first went to L.A. to start his career? I suspected that we weren’t really compatible. I started dating you and we had chemistry.”
“To put it lightly.”
“And it was scary to me.”
“It was?” Grant frowned in concern. “I thought you—”
“I wanted you so much. I’d never felt anyone want me back before. It was a lot.”
“I…all right.”
“So when Curtis showed up saying all the things I wanted to hear, I ran.”
“I was there.”
“I know. I have to tell you everything so that you’re sure you want to be with me.”
“Baby, I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure.”
Leo blinked at him gently, but then he insisted on continuing. “I need to tell you everything.”
“All right. I’m listening.”
“Once we got back together—me and Curtis, I mean—it wasn’t long after that when I knew I’d made a mistake. And yet I stayed, because he was breaking out in Hollywood, suddenly getting famous and rich, and I liked that. And I was humiliated by the idea that it might not work out between us after all I’d walked away from, and all I’d let myself believe, all the fairytales that might be waiting for us if I was wrong. And so, in that way, what happened with Curtis is all my fault.”
Grant understood that Leo had a driving need to take responsibility for things, and while he wished that he could tell Leo that, in this case, he was wrong, that it wasn’t his
fault at all, he couldn’t say that. Leo had made a valid point, and so Grant held his peace.
“And, it’s all left its mark, Grant. I’m afraid of disappointing you. I’m afraid of the day when you turn me down because you’re too disgusted by my sickness to want to touch me. It’s ridiculous, but I’m afraid of myself, afraid of what I might agree to, just to make sure you get what you want in bed, so that you’ll want me again later. And I have to be careful of that. Draw lines sometimes. Because I never want sex between us to be bad. I never want to feel like it’s work or a grudging gift to get me off your back. I want it to be good with us. The way it is now. The way it has been the last two months together.”
“Leo—”
“No, I have to tell you this. It’s important.” Leo’s face and neck were flushed and his hands trembled as he held them out to stop Grant from talking. “I like when you bite me, or spank me, and I think it’s really hot. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about being afraid that I’ll give up a lot more than that.”
“I know, Leo.”
“And, wait, one last thing. I think I’m…well, just thinking about you makes me feel like I’m flying. I want so badly to believe in this, to believe in you and me, and I want you. I want you. And I am scared to death that I’m not going to get a new kidney. That I’m going to die. Or that I’ll be so sick that you stop—”
“Shh, Leo. Stop.”
“Wanting me,” Leo finished, his chin trembling and tears in his eyes.
“I’ll always want you,” Grant said. No matter what. He would make it his mission in life if he had to, but never in his presence would Leo feel unwanted.
“You can’t know that.”
“I know,” Grant said.
“I could get really sick.”
“You might. Or we might find a kidney for you. And a lot of people live for a very long time on dialysis.”
“I don’t want to live like that forever. I will if I have to—for Lucky, but—”
“For Lucky and for me,” Grant said. “Because if I’m going to fall in love with you, I’m not going to lose you. You have to fight and stay as healthy as you possibly can. For me.”
Leo’s face dissolved into a soft, warm joy and he wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. “Do you plan to fall in love with me?”
“I don’t think I have a choice,” Grant said. “Planned or not, it’s happened.”
“Happened? Past tense? You already….”
“Yes.”
Leo’s head tilted to the side, his mouth open and surprised, and his eyes deeply touched, so warm and sweet. “I—”
“Don’t say it,” Grant said.
“But I want to,” Leo said.
“Leo, there’s no guilt here. You can feel it or not feel it, and it won’t change a damn thing about what I feel for you. That’s what’s important right now.”
Leo kissed him then, twining his fingers in Grant’s hair, his tension draining away into heat and lust. Grant pushed aside the mugs of cold tea, the plate of cookies, and pressed Leo against the table, the wood digging into Grant’s elbows and knees as they scooted back onto it. Their mouths never came apart, as their hands gripped and pulled at each other’s clothes until smooth skin ran under fingertips.
Grant tugged at the button and zipper of Leo’s jeans, getting his hand around Leo’s fat cock. He pumped it hard as they kissed, going immediately to the rhythm that he now knew Leo liked best. He murmured against Leo’s mouth, “That’s good, Leo, come on, I’ve got you, come on now.”
Just as Leo tensed, and Grant knew he was about to come, Grant ducked down and covered Leo’s cockhead with his mouth, sucking and swallowing as Leo pumped out thick spurts. Leo’s fingers curled and pulled at Grant’s hair, and his stomach clenched under Grant’s hand.
“Oh, God,” Leo panted, flopping back against the table.
Grant crawled up, kissed his mouth, sharing his taste, and then straddled Leo’s chest.
“Suck me,” he murmured, unzipping his pants, and shoving them down on his hips. His cock bounced against his stomach, but Grant gripped it in his right hand, twined his left in Leo’s hair, and lifted Leo’s head up from the table a little.
“Open,” he said, and Leo’s wide eyes went hot again. He opened his lips and let Grant nudge his cock inside his hot, wet mouth.
Leo sucked cock so well that Grant wasn’t sure he’d ever had it as good. And Grant had plenty of men’s mouths to compare Leo’s to, but no one had ever looked so hot, or been so into it. Leo always looked like he was on the verge of coming himself, just from Grant’s dick on his tongue.
As Grant leaned up and forward, pushing back and down. Leo’s throat opened around him and squeezed against the head of his cock as Leo swallowed. Leo’s hard-won breath sucked past the tip of his cock, and Leo’s eyes rolled up as he held Grant so deep.
“Yes, baby. That’s it.”
Leo pressed his tongue out until the tip of it brushed Grant’s balls, tantalizing and slow. Grant bit down on his lip, trying to rein in the need to slam into Leo’s mouth hard and fast. He held Leo’s hair as he fucked his throat, backing off when Leo gagged, and then slowly easing in again, dragging it out, making it last because it was so fucking good when Leo took him this way, when Leo opened up and let him in.
The table beneath them creaked with their movements. Leo’s hands grabbed Grant’s ass, pulling him in deeper. His fingers dipped into Grant’s crack to run over his hole in tantalizing brushes that only made it better.
Grant pulled back, let Leo suck on the head of his cock, and then slid all the way in, throwing his head back, and giving himself up to the feeling.
“I’m gonna come,” Grant said, grabbing a napkin from where it was about to fall off the edge of the table. He thrust into Leo’s mouth hard and then pulled back to fuck the tip of his cock through Leo’s tightened lips quickly. The suction was amazing and Leo’s tongue flicked over the head at each thrust in.
Grant panted and fought hard to last just a little longer, but Leo’s eager groans were just too fucking hot.
“I love you,” Grant said, surprised that he wanted to say it with Leo’s mouth working him over.
Leo’s eyes were so hot, dark, and wide that Grant felt like he was falling into them. He pumped again and again, the head of his cock slamming through Leo’s lips. He pulled Leo’s hair as the orgasm built, using his grip to jerk Leo’s face away off his cock. Grant covered himself with the rough napkin as he came and came, shaking and grunting, his eyes rolled back and his hand still buried in Leo’s hair.
“Holy hell,” Grant muttered, rocking down from the high to collapse against Leo’s chest, rubbing his cheek against Leo’s soft t-shirt. “That was so good.”
Leo kissed the top of Grant’s head softly.
Grant sighed, pulled away, got his pants back up and Leo’s, too, before collapsing back down on the table, rattling the mugs and plate that were barely hanging on to the edge. It was a good thing the table was so big and strong, or they might have broken it in their enthusiasm.
“I wanted to swallow it.” Leo pouted, his lips red and bruised looking. “You never let me swallow it.”
“You already know why. It’s high in phosphorus,” Grant said, slipping a hand under Leo’s t-shirt to finger his chest hair and draw rings around his nipples. “And thus not on your special diet.”
Leo groaned and closed his eyes, muttering, “Some day.”
Grant kissed Leo’s eyelids. “Yeah, some day.”
“When are we going to get up?” Leo asked.
“When I can breathe again?” Grant said. “Why? Are you uncomfortable?”
“My doctor’s going to wonder where I got all these bruises,” Leo said, holding Grant as they panted together. “My spine must be covered with them.”
“Just tell him that you like it rough.”
Leo chuckled. “Yeah, I can just imagine that conversation now.”
Leo’s cell phon
e rang, a ring tone that Grant recognized as Meryl calling. “Don’t get it,” Grant said. “Let it go to voicemail.”
“It’s my mother. It might be important. I have to take it.”
“Oh, hell,” Grant muttered, moving out of Leo’s way so that he could get up. His hips and elbows ached from the quickie on the table, and he stood up creakily.
Leo got his pants zipped up and got to his cell phone just in time. He grabbed Grant’s hand, though, and kissed Grant’s fingers, before turning his attention away. “Mom? Hey, what’s up?”
During the long pause, Leo’s expression lifted from blissed-out mellow to something like shining joy. “Really? Where was she? I can’t believe it. When was this?”
Leo turned to Grant and said, “This is important. I’m going to take this out on the porch, okay?”
Grant nodded, cracking his back, and waving him off with his hand. He’d just had a mind-blowing orgasm, plus he had cookies and cold tea that he could heat up. He knew where Leo kept the milk and the pie if he wanted some. He was good to go.
Grant wiped down the table with a antibacterial wipe as he warmed up his mug. He got five more cookies from the jar, leaving three for Lucky. She was small. She didn’t need as many cookies as he did.
He bit into one and moaned softly. They were so soft and delicious. He wished he knew how Leo had the power to make them taste this way. These were Leo’s Memaw’s recipe, as was the pie. It was something that Grant admired, how the Garners seemed to really value food and family.
“Hey,” Lucky’s voice came from the stairway separating the kitchen from the living room.
Grant turned toward her. “Shouldn’t you be in bed, carrot?” He hoped she hadn’t been there long, because if she had, then Leo was going to be facing some awkward questions. Assuming she saved them for Leo.
Grant cleared his throat, feeling a little anxious and sweaty at the thought of having to explain why he’d been shoving his penis into her daddy’s mouth. Now that he thought about it, that had been pretty reckless. They should have kept it behind closed doors—with a lock.
Lucky asked, “Dr. Grant, will I ever see my Papa again?”
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