It was all fucking amazing.
No way I’d deny that.
But there was always something missing.
I watched Julia as she moved from the counter and came toward me.
I wasn’t sure if this was the conversation where she would attack me, make fun of me, or just flat out ask me to leave and stay away.
Whatever it was, I was ready for it.
She stopped at the table and stood there.
“Well?” she asked a few seconds later.
“Well, what?” I asked.
She pointed to the chair. “Did you lose your effort and your game?”
“You can pull a chair out yourself if you want to sit down, sweetheart.”
“You sure about that?” Julia asked.
I kicked my foot and kicked the chair.
It slid out and Julia sat down.
She reached across the table and grabbed the oatmeal cookie.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Eating.”
“That’s not for you.”
“What?” Julia asked.
“I got that for someone else.”
Her nostrils flared. “Yeah? I don’t care.”
Julia chomped on the oatmeal cookie and sat back.
It was the first time she sat with me and ate one of the gross oatmeal cookies.
She didn’t move her eyes from me either.
A few crumbs collected near the corner of her mouth.
I stood up and reached across the table.
My thumb swiped the crumbs away.
Julia pulled back and quickly licked the corner of her mouth. “Oh. Thanks.”
I grinned at her. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ve always got your back.”
* * *
“I must say, this is pretty damn good,” Julia said as she wiped her fingertips together.
“I’ve been saying that for a long time,” I said. “The person running this place really knows her way around a kitchen.”
Julia put up a finger. “Not true. She knows her way around a bakery. Not a kitchen.”
“That’s right,” I said. “I heard a rumor that she could burn anything. That she once burned spaghetti.”
Julia folded her hands and put them on the table. “Excuse me… if she recalls correctly, there was good reason for it.”
“Which was?” I asked.
“She turned on the wrong burner,” Julia said. “Well, she boiled the spaghetti and then turned off the wrong burner. That’s what happened. So the sauce was off but the pasta kept boiling. And it didn’t burn. It turned into globs of mush.”
“That burned when the water evaporated,” I said.
“Once again, if she’s remembering correctly, the only reason that happened was because she was in the bedroom.”
“Yes, she was,” I said.
I winked.
Julia’s cheeks turned red.
“So… yeah,” she said.
“But,” I said, “that was one time of many. I think I remember a time when she burned carrots.”
“Remember the time she stood up and walked away from you?” Julia asked.
She stood up and backed away.
“Leaving so soon, sweetheart?”
“Jett…”
I stood up and moved toward her.
My fingertips grazed her hand and wrist. “Sweetheart, I know what you’re trying to do here. You’re trying to erase the past. And I get why.”
“Erase?”
“Maybe that’s a bad way to say it. But I know what you’re doing. I love you for it, sweetheart. We can’t escape it. But I know we can’t use it to make the present seem easy. What happened that night at your place… I’ll never regret it. I’ll never apologize for it. You were there too, Julia. I hadn’t felt like that in a long time.”
“Julia, sorry to bother you, but Angie is on the phone?” Whitney called out.
“Be right there,” Julia said. She looked at me. “That’s the lady who handles my account for food ordering. I have to go deal with this. Don’t think I’m running away from you.”
Julia hurried away into the back of the bakery.
I snuck to the counter and stole a pen and a napkin.
I scribbled a note on it and flipped it over.
Then I left.
All I had to do then was wait until dark to see if Julia read my note or if Whitney threw it out.
* * *
I sat on the top of the railing and looked at the ocean.
My mind felt split into plenty of directions.
My heart only had one direction.
One way or another there was a decision to be made. And that decision wasn’t going to come without an honest conversation. If there was a world that existed where Julia wasn’t going to end up in my arms, then at the very least I needed to clear the air to see what was waiting beyond her love.
Sometimes I played it out in my mind.
Wes was nineteen. He was going to inherit the shop and the land and everything Pop owned. That in itself caused a lot of family issues and would get nasty when the time came after Pop said goodbye to this world.
But I had done what I promised Carolyn I would do.
The night she sat outside her house, drunk, crying, no idea how to live life, I put my arm around her and told her I would always be there for her and Wes.
He was an adult now. Still a teenager but an adult.
I could easily sell my house, take the cash, and set up somewhere new.
Stay in state, find a new beach, and keep it so I was only a short flight away from Hidden.
Or I could just go.
Across the country.
Across the world.
That made me laugh.
Traveling wasn’t my gig.
But if Julia and I stood no chance… what the fuck was I doing hanging around this town?
“You know, you really suck at this, Jett.”
A smile was instantly on my face.
I turned my head and Julia stood a couple feet away, arms crossed.
“What did I do now?”
“The past… again?”
I swung my feet and turned, jumping off the railing. “You’re wrong, sweetheart.”
“No I’m not. This railing…”
I inched closer to her. “It was that railing over there.” I grinned. “I remember it so clear in my mind. Me sitting there, smoking. Jumping down. You touching my face, worried and pissed that I had gone to another fight. Then we made up. Your back against the railing. Me against you. My hand sliding between us…”
Julia inched away. “Whatever. Fine. You’re right.”
“So you got my note.”
“You really think I’m going to buy into this?” she asked.
“Look. We can’t have a first date. Because we already did that a long time ago. But what we can do is say what we have to say and I might sneak in a kiss goodnight. And then I’ll probably call you tomorrow. I’ll want to take you out. Dinner. Drinks. The beach. I don’t know yet.”
“You’re really full of yourself, Jett.”
“No I’m not, Julia. I’m putting things to rest for good here.”
“Okay then,” she said.
I offered my hand and she took it.
We walked down the steps to the beach and the second our feet hit the sand, she stopped. She took her shoes and socks off and hid them under the steps.
I did the same.
We walked side by side without holding hands this time.
“I don’t care about then and now,” I said. “I really don’t. Everything we never said back then won’t matter right now. Other than just getting it off our chests. Just saying all those words that we’ve been carrying for years.”
“I saw Cherry,” Julia said.
“Where?”
“I went to her house.”
“You went to Cherry’s?” I asked, smiling.
“Yeah,” Julia said. “I… I just needed to see her. He
ar her voice. I always knew she and Aunt Bea didn’t get along. I sort of understand that more. When Aunt Bea died… I mean, it was just so sudden. But I saw it. I saw the way she looked. She was so sad. And so tired. And she never opened herself to anyone. I think about it sometimes. If I stood up to her more. Forced her to talk to me. Maybe I could have done something for her.”
“I’m not going to tell you what’s right and wrong there, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I know. I shouldn’t think that way. I can’t change it. She was who she was. She was brokenhearted. You know, all that really messed with me too, Jett.”
That’s when I went for the elephant standing with us.
“Is that why you married Kinney?” I asked.
Saying his name made me want to punch a wall.
Julia looked up at me. “I don’t know. That’s the truth. I really don’t know. And if we’re supposed to be trying this whole dating thing, don’t talk about my ex on the first date. Or the first walk on the beach. Or whatever we’re pretending to do right now.”
“Hey,” I said, stopping the walk. “I lost it all too, Julia. It was one thing after another. It was like life was fucking perfect, you know? You were running the bakery. I was running the shop for Pop. I had some other things going on. And then…”
“You know, you never really talked about it,” Julia said in a soft voice. “You never talk about him either. If you’re going to stand there with those eyes and make me confess to you there’s nothing I could have done for Aunt Bea, you should do the same for yourself. Scotty would be-”
“I’m going to keep it simple right now for us, sweetheart. I want everything. All or nothing with you. There’s no way I can exist in this town as a casual person to bump into with you. Forget the past. Forget this pretending we just met thing. Forget showing up to your place and drinking coffee and eating a cookie like some douchebag. You want the real thing? It’s standing in front of you. You want forever? It’s standing in front of you. All I ever wanted to do was spoil the hell out of you.”
“And that’s where this town has its grip on you too tight, Jett,” Julia said. She put a hand to my chest. “Spoiling me isn’t that hard. But it’s really not that easy either. Not in this town. Not with mansions. And cars and trucks and whatever else.”
“That’s why you never let Aira’s parents help you.”
“I had enough of them in my life. The only good that came of any of it was Aira. But watching her and Wes… they were young. And they were heartbroken when she left. And she always came to me, Jett. There was always this hidden sadness to her. And I knew what it was. You want to know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I felt it too. I knew that hidden sadness.”
“Well, now look at things. There’s no more hiding. And no more sadness.”
Julia grinned. “I think with us there will always be sadness.”
“That just means we need extra happiness.”
“You and happiness don’t mix together,” Julia said with a laugh.
“But you and me do,” I said.
Julia bit her lip. Then she said, “Let’s keep walking, Jett. I kind of like this.”
We started to walk again.
Her fingertips brushed against the side of my hand.
So I grabbed her hand tight.
And dammit, I never wanted to let her go.
Chapter 22
NOW
Julia
Jett walked me to my car and hugged me before opening the door.
That was it.
I took my time getting into the car in case he decided to change his mind, but that was that. I drove away, leaving him behind to be swallowed up by the night.
When I got home, I wandered through the quiet house.
I went out to the deck and smoked a cigarette.
I listened to the waves and caught sight of the white caps, feeling a little soothed.
I held my cigarette out in front of my face and knew I probably should quit.
Time had really moved forward.
No longer was I the sixteen year old rebel wanting to prove a point to… anyone.
And no longer was I the nineteen year old, ready to take on the world, as long as I had a cigarette in one hand and Jett’s hand in my other hand.
I only started smoking again because of what happened with Aira.
But that was the easy excuse.
It had always been a struggle to quit and stay that way.
And when Aira came to live with me, I knew it was only a matter of time before Wes showed up again. Seeing the way they clung together, no matter the distance and time, it made me think of Jett.
It also didn’t help that with Aira came Wes and with Wes came Jett.
I shut my eyes for a breath.
‘You really want to go back there again?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. I think. Yes. Why?’
‘I thought you said the fighting thing was stupid.’
‘You liked it, right?’
Kinney shrugs his shoulders. ‘It’s time with the guys.’
‘I like watching people.’
No, you don’t, Julia. You want to see Jett again. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since that first night.
I told the voice in my head that while it was right, there was reason.
I needed to see Jett again.
Because I needed to show myself that it was a one night, one feeling kind of thing.
I had been caught up in the moment.
The tension and emotion of the fights.
It had been an overwhelming thing.
That was it.
‘The guys want me to go again,’ Kinney says.
‘Boom,’ I say. ‘Let’s go right now.’
‘What’s up with you?’
‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘It’s been… I don’t know, Kinney. Things have been crazy around here. I have a lot going on in my head.’
I feel bad.
Oh, shit, I feel so bad.
Kinney walks away and comes back a minute later.
‘Bomby is coming to get me,’ he says, referring to the first baseman for the baseball team. ‘Can you drive there alone?’
‘You want me to go to the fights alone?’ I ask.
‘We can meet there. I’ll look for you. Cool?’
‘Cool,’ I say.
The guilt washes away.
How could it not?
Kinney would rather be with his new friends.
And I’d rather be with some stranger.
I drive alone.
This is not the kind of place where I should be alone at.
Ever.
But there I am.
Walking toward the same spot for the fights.
And I have no idea if Jett is going to be here.
This is fucking crazy, I whisper in my head.
Someone bumps into my shoulder and I sidestep.
I put my hands out and touch some guy’s arm.
‘Sorry,’ I whisper.
‘Don’t be,’ he says.
He puts his arm around my shoulder and I feel his right hand touch my chest.
I wiggle away but he pulls me in again.
‘Are you here alone?’ he asks.
His eyes suggest everything I should be afraid of.
And I am.
‘She’s with me,’ a voice says.
I turn my head and Jett is standing there.
And a fist is flying through the air.
I’m inches away from the sight of Jett’s knuckles smashing against the guy’s cheek. It’s like a slow motion thing to see.
I’m free of the guy’s grasp and I cover my mouth and the guy steps back.
Jett swings again and again, taking the guy to the ground.
He grabs the guy’s right hand and puts it flat on the ground.
‘You ever touch her again and I’ll cut them off,’ he says. ‘But for now…’
Jett stomps on the guy’s fingers
.
I hear cracking, crackling, and popping.
The guy screams.
Jett grabs my hand and pulls me so I have to run after him to keep up.
We go into the woods and he finally faces me.
I’m not sure if he’s mad at me. Or happy to see me. Or just filled with rage.
But the second my eyes meet his, I know it’s not a fluke.
It wasn’t a one-time thing.
My heart is dancing so hard and wild in my chest I can’t breathe.
This is real.
I’m in love with him.
I know nothing about him but I’m in love with him.
I jump to my toes and reach for his face.
His hands touch my sides and I melt into him.
And we share yet another forbidden kiss.
* * *
Jett was at the front door waiting for me.
Two drinks in his hand.
One for me.
One for him.
Maybe it was the biggest mistake of my life showing up to his house, but at least I knew it was my mistake to make. Everything in the present had happened, which I guess made it the past. Just a recent version of the past. Meaning we had dug at each other. Me at him for walking away. Him at me for marrying Kinney. And of course we ended up in bed. That was a given when we were together.
So this was the starting line now.
“Forgot something, huh?” I asked.
I looked around at the massive house and shook my head.
As much as I hated the whole rich guy, big house thing, it was him.
It was all him.
Not some obnoxious looking house but a house that was big and stuck out. I had no idea what it meant but the house had attitude.
Just like Jett.
I walked up the big steps with attitude right to the front door.
Like I owned the house.
Jett put his hand out to give me the bottle of beer.
I pushed his hand away and moved to my toes.
I grabbed his face and pulled him toward me.
We kissed.
A soft kiss, but those three seconds like that meant more than the three years elsewhere.
HIDDEN CREEK THEN: a hidden creek high novel Page 19