by Emma Hart
“Sure.” Shelby turned her body toward me and touched her hand to my upper arm. “Thank you for putting up with my antics with your family.”
My lips pulled to one side. “Yeah, you’re making it hard for me to ever bring a girl home to them because I don’t think anyone will compare to you.”
She dipped her head, mouth curving slightly, and looked up at me through thick, dark eyelashes. “They have to get through me first anyway.”
“Now that’s the scary part.”
She laughed, lightly swatting at my arm and swaying. She gripped my arm to keep herself upright. “Wow. Okay, maybe there was more wine than I thought.”
It was my turn to chuckle. “You think, smartass? You sure you’re good in here?”
She nodded resolutely, her bun bouncing on top of her head. “I’m good. Wait.” She paused. “Yep, I’m good. Thank you.”
“All right.” I half-smiled. “See you in the morning.”
“Night, Jay.” She leaned over, and at that exact moment, I turned to go.
And her lips touched mine.
They were so soft, just like I’d imagined them to be. It was barely even a kiss, but my arm twitched because all I wanted to do was reach out, wrap my hand around the back of her neck, and pull her in close to me. I wanted to curve an arm around her waist and hold her body flush against mine so I could kiss her properly and thoroughly, make her feel the way I felt right now.
Like my veins were on fire.
Like nothing had ever felt this good.
But I couldn’t. She’d been drinking, and she’d gone for my cheek—at least, I assumed she had.
So I went against every single instinct in my body and stepped away from her, letting her hand fall from my arm.
She instantly covered her mouth with her hand and blinked at me. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
I swallowed, ignoring the harsh thumping of my heart. “It’s fine. You went for my cheek, I moved… It was an accident.” I checked my Fitbit on my wrist for the time. “I have to go to bed. Work.”
“Right, right.” She pressed her hands against her stomach and took a couple of steps back. “Night, Jay.”
“Night, Shelbs.” I turned and hightailed it out of her room, making the sharp turn to my door that was only feet away from hers. I shut it behind me a lot more calmly than I felt and leaned against it.
Fuck.
She’d kissed me. By accident, but she’d still fucking kissed me. No matter how short and sweet and mistaken it was, there was no way I’d forget how it felt.
It was the longest three seconds of my life.
I rubbed my hand down my face and pushed off the door, then tore my shirt off over my head, tossing it in the direction of the laundry basket. It landed on the edge, mostly in, and I sat on the edge of the bed.
Going on a date with Tess last night had been the first step in my plan of getting rid of how I felt about Shelby, yet it’d ended up making everything worse. If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have seen my parents, and I wouldn’t have ended up at dinner with Shelby tonight.
She wouldn’t have drunk wine with my mom and grandmother. She wouldn’t have gotten drunk, and she wouldn’t have accidentally kissed me.
Leaning forward, I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
This was a problem.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN – SHELBY
Everyone Needs Their Own Space
I was never drinking again.
I swear. That was a promise. It wasn’t going to happen. Never, ever again, not after what I’d done last night.
I’d kissed Jay.
Freakin’ kissed him.
Why had I gone in for the cheek? Why had I done something so silly? I never kissed his cheek. I’d only ever done it on birthdays and Christmas to say thank you for the presents. I’d never done it before bed.
What was wrong with me?
And I’d told him one of the voices wanted to have sex with him and that the voice was mine.
I was so glad he hadn’t made me breakfast like he’d originally said. I couldn’t begin to imagine the conversation.
Morning, Jay, I’m sorry for accidentally kissing you and telling you I wanted to have sex with you.
I rested my forehead against the fridge and groaned. My phone rang, and I reluctantly moved to get it. Brie’s name flashed on the screen.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Wow, what’s wrong with you?” she said instantly.
“Nothing. What’s up?”
“I just took lunch to Sean at the gym because I was out getting mine and Jay was miserable as hell. Sean said he’d been like it all morning. Do you know what’s up with him?”
I groaned, sliding onto one of the island stools. “Me. It’s me.”
“What’s you? What did you do? Did you finally have enough of him and tell him to move out?”
“No. I kissed him.”
The sound of choking came down the line, followed by a big wheeze.
“Brie? Are you okay?”
“You kissed him?” she rasped after a second. “Why did you do that?”
“It was an accident!” I snapped.
“Whoa, okay,” Brie said. “Calm down.”
I took a deep breath and let it back out again. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just super stressed over it.”
“Okay. What happened?”
“We went for dinner at his parents’ last night. I had wine with his mom and Grams, and I was a little tipsier than I thought. He helped me into my room, and when I went to kiss his cheek goodnight, he turned, and I caught his lips.”
“Oh, shit. That’s not awkward at all.”
“Yeah, well before that, I’d already told him that the voices inside my head wanted to have sex, but it wasn’t a fictional voice, it was my voice.”
“So you told your best friend you want to have sex and then kissed him. You’re a mess, Shelby.”
“I know.” I slumped forward on the island, raking my fingers through my hair. “What do I do, Brie?”
“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”
“No way. Last night can be written off because of the wine, but telling him I have feelings for him can’t be ignored.” I got back up and opened the fridge for the orange juice. “We have to live together. If I tell him I have feelings for him, it’s going to be awkward. I know he doesn’t feel that way about me.”
“Do you? He’s pretty damn moody. Just grunted at me when I said hi. Maybe he does have feelings for you.”
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see it. “He doesn’t. It was weird after. If he had feelings, he wouldn’t have pulled away, would he?”
“Maybe he pulled away because you were drinking and it was an accident.”
“I don’t know. I’m kinda hoping we can just forget it ever happened.”
Brie blew out a breath that crackled down the line. “I don’t know. You didn’t see him today. I don’t think forgetting is an option.”
“But I want to forget.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“I don’t care. I want to forget it happened, so we’re not going to talk about it.”
“What if Jay wants to talk about it?”
“Then he can talk about it. It doesn’t mean I’m going to reply.”
She was silent for a moment. “You’re hard work, do you know that?”
“I’m familiar with hard work. I washed my hair this morning. Drying it was a bitch.” I paused. “I know you’re right and that I have to talk to him about it, but I’m not going to admit that I have a crush on him.”
“Fine. It’s your funeral if he ever finds out you were lying, especially if he feels the same way.”
“He doesn’t feel the same.”
“You don’t know unless you ask.”
“Brie, I love you, but that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If I’m not going to tell him I have a crush on him, then I’m not going to ask him if he has one
on me.”
I practically heard her rolling her eyes.
“Okay, okay. I get it. It’s hard now that you’re living together, but maybe you can’t ignore this forever. And think about it—if he shares your feelings, you don’t have to deal with the hoopla of moving in together.”
“But if we ever broke up, we’d be living together.”
“A slight complication,” she admitted. “Just… Brush it off, then. Pretend it’s no big deal, and eventually one of you will move on—probably him, since you only venture outside for food—and then you’ll hate yourself for never telling him while he’s marrying some hot other woman and you’re cut out of his life, because a pretty, single female friend would be threatening to his new wife.”
And we were done with this conversation.
“Bye, Brie.” I hung up before she could say anything, and her text message that followed was very simple: LOL.
I knew I was being a little bit irrational over this. If Jay wasn’t my best friend, this wouldn’t be an issue, but I didn’t want to complicate things. I didn’t want to add another dimension to our friendship. Telling him I’d been crushing on him since he moved in wasn’t exactly a good idea.
Despite what Brie said, I did have to face him at least once or twice a day. I didn’t want him to be looking at me and wondering if I’d been fantasizing about him—or, hell, knowing Jay, he’d ask me outright just to get under my skin.
No. I’d made my choice. I’d talk to him about what happened last night, brushing it off as all mistakes. That was the easiest route to go down. Mostly because it wasn’t exactly all lies.
It was an accident that I’d kissed him.
Never mind that I’d wanted to step in closer and wind my fingers in his shirt, prolonging it. It was still a mistake.
Mostly because I hadn’t gotten the good ol’ drunken sleep that comes after one too many glasses of wine. Nope. My brain had me tossing and turning all night with the memory of that one kiss.
More than once I’d woken up all hot and tangled in my sheets with my heart pounding. I couldn’t remember the dreams, but I didn’t actually need to.
The gentle throbbing between my legs had told me everything I’d needed to know.
All that from one kiss. One poxy little kiss that barely even counted as one in the first place.
It was ridiculous, quite frankly.
I glanced at my phone for the time. I didn’t know what time Jay finished work, but if we were going to talk about what had happened, I was going to ply him with food. He could criticize my diet all he liked, but the way to that man’s heart—and brain—literally was through his stomach.
So through his stomach I would go.
• • •
The sound of the shower running filled the apartment as I juggled the grocery bags in my arms. I had to kick the door shut behind me before I dropped the heavier bag of the two, and I still only just made it to the island before it dropped.
Phew.
That one held wine.
All right, I’m a big fat liar. But something told me I’d be grateful for it tonight, if only so I had something to do with my hands.
I unpacked the bags, laying everything out on the countertop. I had everything I needed to butter Jay up before we tackled the hard stuff.
I put the wine in the fridge and started on the rest of it, leaving everything I needed out. By the time the shower stopped running, I’d sprayed and wiped down all the counters and swept the floor.
He’d either only just gotten in the shower when I got back, or he was taking a leaf out of my book and spending half an hour in there for no reason.
I hummed as I opened the kitchen closet and put the brush away. Then, on closing the door, I looked up.
Jay was standing in the bathroom door, eyes wide as he looked at me. He wore nothing but a black towel clutched around his waist, and much like the last time I’d seen him after a shower, water was dripping over every inch of his body.
I jerked my gaze away. I did not need to fantasize over him now.
“Shit, sorry, Shelbs. I didn’t know you were back.”
“It’s fine.” I swallowed and turned around. “I went to the store to get dinner.”
“Oh. I thought you were out with Brie.”
“Could you put some clothes on before we continue this conversation?”
“Fuck—yeah. Give me five minutes.”
He could have all the minutes he wanted. The longer he stayed away, the more likely it was that my heart would be beating normally again when he came out.
Instead of thinking about him, I shuffled into the kitchen and got started on preparing the meal. Starting with the thin steaks, I pulled them out of the packaging and cut them into thin strips.
“Sorry,” Jay said, drawing my attention over my shoulder.
He wore dark-gray sweat shorts and a white t-shirt.
“It’s fine. At least it wasn’t as bad as last time.”
“True story.”
“How was your day?” My voice went up an octave. Damn it, was I trying too hard to be normal? I was, wasn’t I?
Introverts weren’t designed for this kind of human interaction. We were more of a mumble and hide in a blanket-fort kind of people.
“It was all right. Yours?”
“Not bad.” I swallowed, tossing the last of the steak strips into the pan. “Got some work done and took on another client.”
“Awesome. What are you cooking?”
I felt the warmth of his body as he stepped up next to me and thank God I had to wipe off the board and knife in the sink several feet away from him.
“Is this Grams’ carbonara recipe?”
I nodded as I cleaned off my things, not daring to look at him. I feared that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to look away again. “I stopped by on the way to the store. She wrote it out for me.” I half-heartedly pointed at the piece of paper on top of the mushrooms.
“You went there especially to get this?”
“No. I tried to get her spaghetti one, but she was having none of it. Hit me with this one instead and told me she’d leave the spaghetti to me in her will. I figured that was the best I was going to get.”
Jay laughed, moving so that I could put the board back down again. “You’re lucky she promised that. She swore to Mom once that she’d be buried with it.”
“I’m sure it’ll only be handed over with the demand I sign a non-disclosure.”
“That sounds like Grams.” He leaned against the island, gripping the edge of the counter with his hands. “So. If you’re cooking my favorite, that means there’s something wrong.”
I filled another pan with water and set it to boil for the carbonara pasta. “Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“No.”
“I can do nice things for people.”
“Yes, but when you cook for them, it means you have bad news.”
Sighing, I turned around. “It’s not bad news, okay? I really did just want to do something nice for you. I wanted to… say sorry… for my behavior last night.”
Jay smirked. “For getting drunk, telling me about the voice in your head wanting sex, and accidentally kissing me?”
I opened my mouth before closing it again and nodding once. “Yes. All of that.”
He dipped his chin, laughing as he looked at the floor. “Shelby—”
“No, listen.” I wiped my hands on a towel and held them up. “It was a mistake, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and there was no need for me to go in and kiss your cheek anyway.”
He peered up at me through dark eyelashes, his eyes flashing a stunning green, but didn’t say anything.
“Now that’s said, we can move on and forget it ever happened, okay?”
Jay clenched his jaw, but when he still remained silent, I sighed and turned around. If he wasn’t going to talk to me, I couldn’t talk to him.
Besides, I’d said my piece now. I’d apologized, e
xplained, and moved on.
That was it. That was all that needed to happen.
I moved the recipe and tore into the mushrooms, grabbing a handful to put on the board. Jay still wasn’t speaking, but I could feel his eyes boring into my back. He’d burn a hole through my chest if he carried on like that.
I shivered, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. Still, neither of us talked. Not as I put the pasta into boiling water or as I created the sauce or as I cooked the beef, onion, and mushrooms.
Jay just stood there, against the island, watching me.
It was unnerving. I didn’t know what was going through his head, and I wanted to. Dear God, I wanted to know. I wanted to turn around and demand he say something, but every time I went to, the words got stuck in my throat.
I stirred the food until everything was done and I was able to drain the pasta and mix everything together. Serving it up, I glanced back at Jay. My eyes met his for the briefest second, and something about his intense gaze made my stomach flip.
Could Brie have been right? Was my crush mutual?
No—Jesus Christ, Shelby. That’s ridiculous.
Don’t even go there. That was a dangerous road to travel down.
I handed Jay his plate, and he uttered a quiet but tight “Thank you,” and took his plate to the small, round dining table. I joined him, sitting on the opposite side.
The silence stretched as we ate. It wasn’t the ‘moving on’ I’d hoped for, but hey, it was better than avoiding each other, right?
No.
It wasn’t.
Silence was the worst.
The literal worst. I couldn’t begin to guess what he was thinking. The tension in the air was crawling across my skin, making the hairs on my arms stand up, making me want to shiver until I shook it off.
This was horrible.
He was my best friend. There had never been anything we couldn’t talk to each other about, and my stupid, tipsy actions had created something.
Ugh.
I glanced up at him, catching his eye for a brief second. He dropped his gaze the second our eyes connected, so I just sighed and got up to put my plate in the sink. I needed to empty the dishwasher, but I just wasn’t in the mood right now.
I set to work clearing the dishes and wiping the sides down, trying to think of anything but what was happening.