by Ranae Rose
It was something. Hell, it was more than he’d had in months, and more than he’d want, from most women. It’d been a while since he’d truly wanted anything from anyone at all.
The medication he was on was supposed to stabilize him, and after a rocky adjustment period, it was finally doing just that. But stabilization was just another word for being boxed in. Having a safety net to keep from going too low meant having a ceiling to keep him from getting too high, too.
Before, his life had been ruled – torn apart – by alternating periods of darkness and blinding light.
Now, he lived in twilight that was rarely interrupted. He felt things with less intensity and was almost happy. But Hannah reminded him of the ache deep in his chest – one that had nothing to do with what was wrong with him, or what he was doing to suppress it. One that made him long to feel something more, to feel things with intensity, consequences be damned.
She made the possibility seem real – so real and so close, he could almost reach out and touch it.
CHAPTER 3
Hot Ink was closed on Sundays, which left Hannah with an entire day to herself. Alone in her new apartment, she felt like a broken compass needle, spinning and spinning, not knowing where to go. Setting her coffee cup down on the table, she sighed.
Even though it needed to be done, she didn’t want to spend the day unpacking the rest of her stuff. The idea of staying holed up alone and going through her belongings – minus the many shared ones she’d left behind with Zander – was depressing. She needed to get out and do something.
The possibilities were anything but endless. Playing the tourist on her own was daunting, and her last solo dining experience had ended in embarrassment.
Make that humiliation. She bit down on her lip as her face grew hot. Leaving a stranger to pick up her tab had been bad enough. Meeting him again and discovering that he was the brother of one of her new co-workers had been mortifying. Thursday night, she’d taken comfort in the fact that she’d never see Hot Guy again, and now they were on a first name basis.
She could only hope that he wouldn’t tell his brother what an ass she’d made of herself.
Her lips betrayed her, quirking into a smile. Hot Guy – Ben – had asked her on a date. There was no denying that it’d been flattering, even if the invitation had been sullied by her lingering embarrassment.
Flattering, but that was all. Humiliation had followed her from San Francisco – humiliation so absolute it’d left a stain on her very soul. After what had happened with Zander, she wasn’t about to start dating again anytime soon. Still, Ben had boosted her mood.
If she was the type to be baited into a fling based on mere physical attraction, she would’ve been all over him.
Her phone buzzed from the tabletop and she reached for it without thinking, glad to have someone break the silence.
She frowned when she read the text. It was just a courtesy message from her service provider letting her know that she’d used ninety percent of her data for the current cycle. Setting down her phone, she marched back to her room and started rifling through a box of clothing.
She found what she was looking for at the very bottom: a sports bra and a pair of black tights with neon stripes down the sides. It’d been a while since she’d worn either item, but there was a gym near Hot Ink and she’d entertained vague thoughts of joining it.
Today was the day. She wasn’t going to just sit around her apartment, and this was something she could do on her own without it being too awkward. Plus, it’d be nice to get in better shape. There’d been a time when she’d been more active, enjoying long walks and the occasional hike or swim, but her relationship with Zander had monopolized her free time for two long years.
Funny how she hadn’t even realized that, until now. God, she’d thrown away two years of her life on that asshat. What a waste.
Pushing away the familiar pangs of betrayal, she traded her jeans for the Lycra tights, pulling her t-shirt back on once she’d donned the sports bra.
Afterward, she went to the bathroom and cleaned her make-up off, wiping away her favorite shade of red lipstick. She’d been hiding behind it lately, painting it on as an instant confidence boost. She almost felt weird without it.
Weird in a good way. It was time to actually establish a life in her new hometown. Because she’d taken a huge step by starting over, and she wasn’t going back. No matter how hard or lonely things got.
* * * * *
After taking a rest day to protect his raw tattoo, it felt good to be back into his workout routine, even if his eyes burnt with sweat. Lowering two forty pound weights to the gym floor, Ben paused to blink it away.
“Nice,” Dylan said, standing with an uncapped water bottle in hand.
“I’m done,” Ben said, grabbing his own water bottle.
Dylan looked toward the clock that hung high on the nearest wall. “It’s about that time. I promised Crystal I’d be at her place by one.”
It was a quarter past noon. Ben and Dylan both had off work on Sundays and hit the gym together late each Sunday morning after sleeping in.
“We’re going out for coffee after this, but I’m bringing her over this evening,” Dylan said. “We’re gonna pick up groceries so she can make chicken parmesan. You gonna be around for dinner?”
Sunday was officially cheat day, which usually meant that Dylan either took Crystal out for dinner, or let her cook for him.
“Yeah. Sounds good,” Ben said. Crystal always made dinner for him too whenever she cooked at his and Dylan’s place. She was nice like that, and he wasn’t about to complain – Dylan’s cooking was crap.
So was his. They took turns cooking the awful, healthy meals Dylan came up with.
“All right. I’m gonna hit the showers then – no time to go home for one.”
Ben wasn’t in a hurry, especially since he and Dylan had driven separate cars. He took his time draining his water bottle, then went down to the first floor and turned toward the locker rooms.
He was halfway there when an unexpected sight stopped him in his tracks just outside a long row of elliptical machines, stationary bikes and treadmills.
She wore no braid, no red lipstick. But the woman on the third treadmill in a long row of machines was definitely Hannah.
Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, the long locks swinging as she jogged. Fresh-faced, she looked younger, her features softer. And her bra was doing a wonderfully bad job of preventing bounce.
He stared, mesmerized. Her t-shirt was stretched taut over her chest, and her tights were like a second skin. The sight of her jogging was practically erotic, from her bouncing breasts to the little beads of sweat shining at her temples.
He’d never thought of himself as one of those creepy guys who hung out at the gym looking for an excuse to perv on women, but he definitely felt like one now.
No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than she looked up, her gaze flickering briefly across the room, passing him over and then snapping back.
She looked him right in the eye, and he knew he’d been caught. Guilt tinged his arousal as she stared, her lips parting as her jog became halfhearted and she slowed to a walk.
Her face was pink when she stepped off the machine and strode toward him. By the time she made it to the end of the row, it was almost red.
He wasn’t sure whether the flush was from exertion or annoyance. He worried his lustful thoughts were written all over his face. And he had no doubt that if she knew he’d been fantasizing about peeling her out of those tights, she’d be pissed.
“This is getting weird,” she said, standing with one hand on a hip.
“Hey, I’ve been a member here for the past six months.” He grinned. “You’re not stalking me, are you?”
She shrugged and returned his smile. “What can I say? I’m new in town and needed a hobby.”
“Well, I’m flattered. I work at Steel City Engine and Body, in case you haven’t already sleuthed that o
ut. Maybe I’ll see you lurking around some time on my lunch break.”
“Good to know. I can only jog for so long. Lurking is more my speed.” She tipped her head toward the row of machines. “The treadmills here offer too good of a view of the gym to pass up, though.”
“What’s your plan now that you’re warmed up?” She’d worked up a good sweat, and the way her chest rose and fell – which he couldn’t help noticing – showed that she’d really exerted herself.
She shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ll probably wander around and try out some of the machines.”
“If you don’t mind me saying, you’ll get a lot more out of your workouts if you have a plan.”
“My plan is to get through the next hour without having a heart attack or embarrassing myself so badly that I can’t come back. I’m guessing that’s not what you meant, though.”
“It’s a start.”
She cast her gaze around the gym. “Does anyone else from Hot Ink come here?”
“Dylan. I think Tyler’s been known to stop in too.”
She frowned.
“Not what you were hoping for?”
“I was just thinking it’d be nice if one of the girls from the shop was a member here. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I have to fight the urge to run out the door and go get a cheesesteak.”
Her wry smile tied his tongue in knots. Part of him wanted to sweep her off her feet and into Primanti Bros. The rest of him wanted to offer to help her get familiar with the gym. He’d definitely be one of the creepy guys if he did that, but he was past caring.
“Maybe one of them would join if you invited them to work out with you.” So far as he could tell, women loved doing stuff like that together. The gym offered lots of classes, from spinning to yoga, and they were always packed with females.
Hannah looked thoughtful. “Maybe. They’re friendly, but they all seem so busy. Abby and Mina with their families, and Zoe with her second job. I get the feeling I’ve got a lot more spare time on my hands than any of them.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
She arched a brow. “You do?”
“Yeah. Dylan and I are roommates, and he’s so in love with his girlfriend it’s almost sickening.” He grinned. “She’s got a daughter, too. They’re always doing stuff together. Sometimes, I don’t know where he finds the time to sleep. As for me…
“Let’s just say that when I’m not here or at work, I’m Netflix binging.”
She laughed.
The sound made him feel like less of a creep.
“If you want, I could show you how to use free weights,” he said. “That way you wouldn’t have to stand in line for many machines.”
A dent appeared in her lower lip, and he could tell she was biting it.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind. I already finished my workout, and the only thing waiting for me at home is the aforementioned Netflix binge.”
She stopped biting her lip, and her smile returned. “Okay. If you’re sure it’s no big deal.”
Satisfaction hit him hard as he led the way toward the second floor, where the free weights were.
“What are your fitness goals?” he asked as they climbed the stairs together.
“To be more fit. Does that count?”
“Can you be a little more specific?”
“Well… I guess I’d like to be more toned in general. I know I’m not overweight, but I think I’m bordering on skinny-fat.”
“Skinny-fat?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the word for people who are thin-ish but not toned.”
“You’re not skinny-fat.” Her figure was mouthwatering, though he wasn’t about to say that out loud and scare her away.
“Okay, let’s just say that while I don’t necessarily want to get smaller or bigger, I’d like to gain some muscle tone. You know, firm up my figure.”
He showed her a variety of lifts that would do just that, taking his sweet time and resisting the urge to stare at her ass while she did squats. Actually demonstrating the exercises alongside her helped him keep his eyes where they belonged.
She performed the exercises like she was serious about learning them, taking time to make the little adjustments he suggested. Sweat shone on her skin and her ponytail swung like a silky pendulum. She looked irresistible, though she seemed focused and oblivious.
“My entire body feels like Jell-O,” she said after an hour passed. “That’s a good thing, right?”
“Just wait until tomorrow morning; that Jell-O feeling will turn into a burn.”
“Well, that’s something to look forward to.” She looked over her shoulder, at the nearest clock. “Wow, I’ve taken up an hour of your time. I didn’t realize—”
“It’s fine. I was just going to grab some lunch and head home anyway, see about that Netflix binge.”
“Same here, except I don’t have Netflix.”
“Seriously? Who doesn’t have something like that nowadays?”
“I had it back in San Francisco, but the subscription wasn’t under my name.” A funny looked passed over her face.
“Right. Well, you’ve gotta get an account of your own. That’s Social Recluse 101.”
“Hey, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m out here trying to be social.”
“Sharpening your skills on me before you move on to more difficult prey? Smart.” He grinned. Any man would’ve gladly helped her with her workout, and he knew it. But everything she’d said so far pointed toward her being more interested in making female friends.
“When you confessed to your Netflix binging, I knew I was in the company of a kindred spirit. Plus, I was desperate for someone to point me in the right direction with my workouts.”
“Desperate?” Ben arched a brow. “For the record, you might want to work on your flattering skills.”
Her cheeks turned a brighter shade of pink. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“Right. Well, I’m hitting the showers and heading out to grab something for lunch. You’re welcome to join me, if you’d like.”
For lunch, not the shower. He almost clarified, then bit his tongue. He wouldn’t make things awkward – not now, after they’d just spent an entire hour together. Whenever she’d stepped off the treadmill, he’d been expecting her to be reserved, even cold, toward him.
But she wasn’t. There was a certain warm vibe she gave off, one that had nothing to do with the physical heat radiating from her hot body. She didn’t seem open, exactly. But she seemed glad to have someone to spend time with.
That was why he’d invited her to lunch, risking being rejected again. He knew what it was like to be alone, to crave the presence of another person to take the edge off the burden of your own company. This time around, the fact that he was magnetically attracted to her had nothing to do with the invite.
Although getting to look at her beautiful face while he ate would be a definite plus.
“Where were you thinking of going – somewhere nearby?” Her tone was cautious.
“I’m not picky. Especially not on cheat day. And don’t worry; this doesn’t have to be a date. It can just be two human beings getting cheesesteaks together.”
A smile twisted her bare lips, though she looked like she was trying to fight it. “Cheesesteaks again, huh?”
“It doesn’t have to be, but if that sounds good to you…”
“It’s fine. I’m not picky either. And I’m starving.”
* * * * *
Hannah didn’t know what the hell she was doing, but she was enjoying it. Freshly showered, she walked out of the women’s locker room with a gym bag slung over her shoulder. Her feet felt light in her sneakers, and she felt more comfortable in her own skin than she had in a long time.
She told herself that was because of her workout and not the fact that she was about to go out with Ben. Not on a date, but still. He was so attractive that she’d gotten a fluttering sensation
in her belly when she’d agreed to grab lunch with him.
It was stupid, and she’d never admit it to anyone, but it was true. Seeing him at the gym in a tank top and shorts, his muscles glistening with sweat, had shown her what incredible shape he was in. He was even more fit than she’d realized until then, and that was saying something.
Next to him, with her ordinary physique and colorful tattoos, she’d felt like a blob of rainbow gelatin. A niggling thought crept up on her as she waited for him outside the locker rooms: of all the women in the gym, why had he chosen to spend an hour helping her? There were plenty of girls in much better shape zipping around in Spandex.
Maybe she was an easy target. She’d walked right up to him, after all, and had basically told him she was as lonely as a penguin in Texas. Had she seemed pathetic?
She pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter, because this wasn’t a date. It was just two people grabbing lunch together, like he’d said. No big deal.
“Hannah?”
She whirled to face Ben, who’d just emerged from the men’s locker room.
He stopped in his tracks. “Wow, you look different with your hair down.”
She’d brushed her hair straight after her shower, tired of the minor headache the ponytail had given her. “Do I?”
She’d been wearing her usual braid the last two times she’d met him. She preferred the style on workdays, since it kept her hair out of her face without giving her a headache.
“It looks nice.”
She tried to ignore the way her face got hot despite the cool shower she’d just taken.
“Sorry that took so long,” he said as they walked toward the door, “I had to wait for a shower to open up.”
His dark brown hair was damp and looked almost black. Walking beside him, she could smell the soap he’d used. The scent gave her another round of the unwanted fluttering sensation he brought out in her.
She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. At twenty-eight, she should be able to be in close proximity to an attractive man without getting butterflies. Maybe this was just her mind’s subconscious attempt at snagging a rebound relationship to mask the pain of what had happened with Zander.