by Tracy Ellen
The doorbell started ringing nonstop and I waved Reggie back to his seat. As I crossed the apartment to the intercom, I was positively ecstatic how great it felt to not worry that a killer was out hunting my butt.
While I waited at the top of the stairs, Reggie came up beside me. “I’m still not cool sitting back without keeping an eye on things, you know?’
I slung my arm over his shoulder. “I do know. All of a sudden I’ll tense up, and then relax when I remember I have nothing to be a scaredy-cat about anymore.”
In her stocking feet, Jazy came sliding across the hardwood floor of the foyer like when we were kids. She joined us near the stairs. “I’m feeling left out, you two. Who’s here now?”
Grinning, I put my other arm around Jaz and gave her a squeeze. “Miss Anna Lynn.”
Reggie tensed up at her name. He walked casually over to the master station of the intercom and started being busy.
Jazy shrugged after my brother with a questioning look, but then she and I were diverted when we heard loud clomping coming up the stairs. We also heard heavy, labored breathing.
“Is Anna sick?”
“Not that I know.” I saw Anna turn onto the landing. My mouth dropped when I caught sight of Aunt Lily behind her, breath heaving in and out like the bellows for a fireplace in hell.
Jazy’s whisper was appalled. “What the frick?”
My sister slid quietly away from me and disappeared.
Reggie took a step and peered over the ledge. He then shot me an accusing look as if I was to blame for this anomaly.
Anna saw me and gave a shrug of helpless apology; a smile flitting on and off across her face. It wasn’t that Aunt Lily had never before come to dinners at the apartment; it had just been a long, long time. Long enough that I had complacently thought my apartment was a Behemoth-free zone.
Anna reached me and gave me a hug, saying into my ear. ‘I know what you’re thinking, but she insisted. You could have picked me up off the floor. My god, I have so much to tell you!” She pulled back, checking me over hurriedly. “You doing alright? You look great, but I know you’ve got to be hurting after getting tackled. You did the right thing to shoot him, Junior, don’t ever doubt that.”
I brushed off her sympathies; we had too much ground to cover to worry about my sore butt, or the state of my immortal soul for having committed a co-murder today.
I squeezed her back while whispering, “I have so much to tell you that I have forgotten some of it all ready—THAT”S how much has been going on since you went home last night.”
She grinned. “Well, okay then. Now that we have that established; me first!” She kept her back to my brother still standing over by the intercom. “Ask me where Jim is...hurry.”
After her urgent order to me, Anna trilled with laughter, not a care in the world. She angled herself so she had a clear line of sight over to Reg out of her peripheral vision. She was dressed in tight jeans and a shirt showing off plenty of cleavage. My brother didn’t stand a chance.
Hearing Aunt Lily clomping closer as she sucked the oxygen out of the stairwell, I hurriedly played along with Anna and asked brightly, “So Anna, where’s Jim tonight?”
In a suggestive move I could only admire, Anna threw back her head and shook her brown hair out. All while wiggling her shoulders and posing with a hand perched on her hip. She opened her mouth to answer, but Aunt Lily beat her to it. The Behemoth had reached the top stair and leaned her bulk against the half wall.
She shook her cane towards my head. “That pawing beast was sent on his way with his tail between his legs when I caught him forcing himself on Anna in our front room.” She paused to catch her breath. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly under her shapeless winter coat. She roared, “I will NOT tolerate that kind of lewd behavior under my roof!”
I don’t know if seeing Reggie doubled over with laughter was the reaction Anna was hoping for, but I could only stare back at Aunt Lily in disbelief. Lately, she’d been treating Anna more and more like a young virgin needing a chastity belt instead of a grown woman pushing thirty. In my current mood at being thwarted from ripping off a piece of Candy’s beef jerky hide, I was not feeling tolerant.
I stated coolly, “Kindly remove that cane out of my face.”
Anna reached in front of me, pushing Aunt Lily’s walking stick down while saying, “Oh, Aunt Lily, lighten up. It wasn’t like Jim was attacking me. We had just broke-up. He was simply giving me a final hug good-bye.”
Anna was looking towards Reggie, but I didn’t take my eyes off Aunt Lily. When Anna said the word ‘hug’ the woman was distracted from glaring at me. Her sour lemon mouth puckered into such a parody of extreme disgust, I realized she really was off her rocker when it came to men/women relations.
Crookie came into the foyer calling out Anna’s name. He opened his arms. Smiling, she ran over to him and was enveloped in a huge, swaying hug. Anna patted him and said consoling phrases while at the same time shaking his arms and telling him how much she had missed seeing him.
The doorbell buzzed, and I darted a quick glance at my brother. He had been watching Crookie and Anna with no hint of his previous laughter. Reg hit the button, shot me a thumbs-up, and then stalked by the laughing couple to go back to the kitchen.
My attention was pulled away when Aunt Lily hissed in a venomous undertone, “His murdered whore of a wife recently found dead, and this is how he acts?”
I rounded on her. I looked into her hard eyes and threatened in a low voice, “Let me be perfectly clear. Anna’s my friend, while you--not so much. You will keep a civil tongue, and you will be polite, and you will not talk bad about any of my guests, I don’t care if it kills you. If you can’t do this for one evening—GO HOME.”
I held her murderous glare. Aunt Lily heaved off the wall. She didn’t say a word, but her scowling face was a caricature of twisted fury. She thumped off, and started muttering once she was past me. She approached the oblivious, chattering Anna and Crookie. Without a pause or apology, she jarred Crookie with a heavy shoulder in passing.
Rubbing his arm in surprise, Crookie looked after her retreating bulk in bewilderment. Resuming their conversation, he and Anna followed her into the living room.
I shook my head. ‘There went someone else that didn’t have a problem hating.’
A throat cleared. Luke was standing on the landing. He had a shit-eating grin on his face.
I folded my arms and frowned down at him. “And that goes for you, too.”
Luke laughed and bounded up the last few steps. I met him at the top and threw my arms around his neck. I was happy to see him, and it didn’t escape my notice he had a gift bag in his hand.
After giving him the really big kiss I promised earlier today, Luke demanded, “Who in the hell was that woman?”
I didn’t lift my head from the crook of his neck. It was quiet in the foyer. I was enjoying my one minute respite before rejoining the fray. “Evil Aunt Lily.”
Luke whistled above me, “THAT was Anna’s Aunt Lily?”
“The one and only.”
“Christ!”
“Pity him. I know I do.” At Luke’s shout of laughter, I grinned, too. “Come on, let’s go get you introduced around and then I have last minute dinner stuff to do.”
I started to walk away. Luke pulled me back.
His eyes scanned my face. “Hey, everything okay?”’
I snorted, laughing a little. “Honestly, some things are okay, and some things are not okay. None of which we need to discuss right now.”
Luke’s hands ran up my arms and cupped my face. He leaned down and kissed me again, very slowly and very thoroughly. He pulled away.
Smiling a little at my dazed expression, he asked, “What do you want to discuss right now?”
I sniffed. “Certainly not that large gift bag with the pretty silver bow.” I laughed shortly. “I remember the gift bag you brought me on our first date. Do you really think those tactics would work tw
ice, Counselor?” I practiced Anna’s move with the hair and threw my braid behind my shoulder and wiggled. “I’m not that easy.”
His eyes were glinting. “I like your top.”
I reluctantly pushed at his roving hands. “That’s because, Mr. Attorney, your hands can travel unimpeded underneath. Now quit; I have serious hostess duties that need tending.”
“I like your braid, too.” He ran his hand down its length, until his fist was resting over my right breast.
“Thank you.” I tossed the braid behind my shoulder again, dislodging his hand. “I have plans to whip you with it later on.”
His smile was growing as he put his hands on my hips and pulled me closer. “I like that you’re a planner.”
I felt the shiny, black gift bag with the glittery, silver bow and the hanging gray, gift tag nudging my thigh.
I brushed off his hands and stepped back while laughing in amusement. “Oh, I’ll be holding you to those words for a long time, Luke Drake, Esquire.”
“You can hold anything of mine you want, Anabel.”
Rolling my eyes as he laughed, I put my palm up towards him. “Oh, okay. I’ll open my present, if it will make you happy.”
He ignored my hand and walked around me. He set the gift bag on the church pew in the foyer, and slipped off his black jacket. He carefully draped the jacket over the gift bag, covering its beckoning, siren light from my view.
He then gave me a teasing, sideways look from under his brows. “I never said it was for you.”
Walking back towards me in dark jeans and a white shirt, Luke crackled with vitality and energy. Since I saw him last, he’d shaved off his beard and his coal black hair had been cut short. No more Dirtbag.
“But if it was for you, it would be a present to open sometime when we’re alone.”
Spell broken now that the gift bag was safely out of sight, I ignored his taunting and complimented him. “I like your shirt.”
“Do I have to be scared you are going to whip me with it later on, too?”
“It’s always safe to be scared of what I may do.” I replied with a giggle.
I took his hand, swinging it between us. I don’t know why the man has such a problem sharing things like his past, his present, surveillance plans, advanced degrees, and condoms, but I liked him more often than not.
How could you not highly respect a man astute enough to bring gifts when it wasn’t for the typical, boring occasions of my birthday, or quelle horreur, Valentine’s Day? I despise that awful holiday designating when we should express love and affection. A man smart enough to figure that out on his own without a peep from me deserved to be cut some slack with a very long rope. Before I used that long rope to tie him up or whip him, of course.
“Jack asked me to tell you that he’s unable to come tonight.”
“I see. Thanks for the message.”
‘Dammit, tonight was going to be fun. The possibility Jack was a Cheryl-screwing killer, or Luke’s best buddy, could wait. We deserved a fun night together.’’
Still holding his hand, I started walking with Luke through the foyer. “Hmm, that’s too bad. Guess that means you’ll have to sit in Jack’s big boy chair at the head of the table.”
“You refer to the big boy chair of the highest respect and consequence at the table, correct?”
“Uh...sure.” I agreed, dubiously. I brightened. “More importantly, it’s the chair next to Aunt Lily and nobody else will want to sit there.”
I squealed when Luke sat down on the church pew and swung me onto his lap. I squirmed when he tickled my sides and kissed loudly down my neck.
“Admit it’s the big boy chair of respect.”
Laughing, I grabbed his shoulders to hold him off. “Not even if you kiss me for hours, strip off my clothes, tie me up, tickle me with a feather, insert foreign objects into my orifices, and then use your tongue to lick every square inch of my body will I ever admit such a thing.”
Luke paused and stared at me.
“Well, Anabel, the mystery is finally solved why an ugly, little thing such as you gets so many dates.” Mac’s dry comment came from a couple feet away.
Luke’s crack of laughter echoed sharply in the foyer as he stood up, depositing me on my feet.
He stuck out a hand to Mac. “You could only be Stella’s mom.”
“Luke, meet my number one sister, Mac.”
Mac smiled and shook Luke’s hand briefly. “I think she introduces me that way so she can say Kenna is her number two sister and get away with it.” He laughed again and Mac looked back at me. Her blue eyes were twinkling mischievously under the light from the chandelier. “I was wondering where you were. Do you want some help with dinner?”
“You know it’s not Mexican food, right?” I teased, slipping my arm through hers. As she laughed and shook her fist, I motioned to Luke. “Come on, let’s go eat. I need me some vittles!”
Within fifteen minutes, everyone was around the table and serving themselves family-style. Some people consider thirteen an unlucky number and I did consider asking Aunt Lily to leave for this reason. I settled for sitting her far away on the opposite end of the table. Luke stayed glued to my side until we were all safely seated. Poor James and Diego got the honors of being Aunt Lily’s chair partners tonight. If those two perfect examples of male magnificence couldn’t keep her speechless with wonder, nothing could.
We’d barely dipped into the soup when Jazy leaned forward to address Crooks on her right. “Okay Crookie, if you don’t want to talk about it--I get it. We all get it. Otherwise, I’m shamelessly asking, do you know anything more about Cheryl you can tell us?”
Mac exclaimed, “Jazy, quit being so shy and sensitive!”
Crookie was on my left, with Anna between us. He replied seriously, “No, Jazy is perfectly fine, Mac. A guy never has to worry about what she is thinking.” He smiled at her. “I like Jazy’s plain way of speaking.”
Everyone laughed at this understatement, even Jazy. She shrugged, comfortable in her own skin. James smiled slightly from his chair next to her, and I realized I’d never seen him touch my sister, or even flirt with her. I guess being super good-looking and inscrutable was all the effort he needed to put forth with the women. Too bad he hadn’t had reasons to develop some interesting qualities in his personality to make him more genuinely appealing for the long term. I’ve concluded extreme physical beauty was more often a curse than a blessing.
When Crookie cleared his throat and started talking, everyone stopped and listened attentively. Even Aunt Lily sat forward in morbid anticipation.
“So there are no misunderstandings, I am not a suspect in Cheryl’s murder,” Crookie’s voice cracked a little on her name. “The police routinely operate on keeping information out of the public domain for their own reasons. Please do not name me as the source where you’ve heard these details I’m about to talk about. I trust all of you.” Crookie paused, and looked at James. “Well, I do not trust you since I do not know you, but it appears you are a reserved man and not a chatty type. You are not from Northfield?”
Smiling, I met Jazy and Tre’s eyes. They both loved Crookie and were openly grinning. Reggie snorted into his beer bottle.
James nodded and answered calmly, “Correct on all accounts.”
Crooks nodded back. “Good.” He spoke to Aunt Lily down at the foot of the table. “Ma’am, I do not know you well, either, but as Anna’s aunt it stands to reason you must be a good person.”
Reggie laughed softly this time. Anna shot him an emphatic bird with her left hand while she forked up salad with her right. I giggled, and Luke squeezed my thigh under the table in shared amusement.
Aunt Lily slapped the table loudly with an open hand. The unsuspecting Diego startled. His breadstick dropped to land in his soup with a small splash. His spoon went clattering to the floor.
Diego’s eyes widened comically in dismay when Aunt Lily turned the force of her dark glare on him and shouted, “Pick it up,
pretty boy! Don’t they teach you table manners where you come from?” Without taking a breath, she looked over at Crookie and sneered with a mocking gesture of disdain. “Good person, good schmerson. I’m a Christian woman and gossip is a sin.”
In the vacuum following this outburst, Crookie cleared his throat. Appearing doubtful, he nevertheless answered amicably, “Very well. Eric George?”
I felt Luke squeeze my thigh again, but when I peeked at him next to me, he was sitting back and listening with fascinated amusement.
Stella’s friend leaned forward and smiled shyly across the table at Crookie. “No problems, man. I’m not Christian, but say what you want. I can keep my mouth shut.”
Stella squeezed his hand at his answer, and Eric George smiled down at the Junior Jezzie with worship in his eyes. Mac was soothing an angry Diego, but she and I exchanged rolling eyes and grins at Eric George’s expressive face. Luckily, Eric George missed the sight of a scandalized, angry Aunt Lily staring his way. Good thing he wasn’t sitting closer to her, or she’d snap his blasphemous spine in half as easily as one of my breadsticks.
Crookie turned to Luke last. He grinned shyly. “Anyone here knows if Anabel asked you to dinner, you must be…” Crookie paused, at a loss for words.
Mac supplied straight-faced. “Superman?”
Stella dimpled at Luke. “Steve Jobs.”
Anna laughter was deep. “A secret agent!”
Tre J winked. “Strong.”
Reggie, his mouth full of salad, pointed a fork at Luke and stated decisively, “Nuts. You’re brave, man, but certifiably nuts.”
We all laughed at that, but I think Luke’s cheeks were actually a little pink.
I leaned over and spoke low in his ear. “How strange, but it’s really true. Men are always right.”
Aunt Lily couldn’t contain herself and erupted in a screech. “You innocent fools, look at him! He’s Satan incarnate!”
Eleven heads at the table swiveled in Luke’s direction to see what they’d missed. Make that twelve. I had to look, too.