by S. Swan
I went home to pack a couple of bags and my lap top. “Where are you going?” Mom asked, appearing in a sunshine yellow polyester dress, knee boots, and a white huntsman type hat. I remembered this uniform. It was the summer uniform of Delta flight attendants from 1970. Mom wore it before she had me. I used to play dress-up in Mom’s closet, and loved that outfit.
“I’m staying at Jimmy’s for a while,” I said. “He’s out on bail.”
“I’m glad you won’t be alone, here or with Cho,” Mom said. “I’m happy to hear Jimmy’s going home too.”
“Are you?” I asked.
“Of course I am. I care about Jimmy like he’s my son.” Mom frowned, “I’m still mad at him though.”
“I’ve forgiven him, you should too.”
“He could have told us,” Mom said, referring to Jimmy’s disappearance. “I’ve been concerned.”
“I understand. He needed his brother’s advice.”
“I don’t like that, Cho.” Mom made a face.
Cho was abrasive, but I started to understand him. “I think Cho’s bark is worse than his bite,” I said. “He really loves Jimmy.”
“He seems boorish,” Mom said.
“Oh, I think that’s part of the Kim family charm.” I laughed. After getting to know Park Min, I understood. Cho got more of Park Min’s personality than Jimmy. Jimmy seemed more passive and gentle, like his father Shin. I rarely saw Jimmy get upset or aggressive like his brother and mother.
I got my stuff together, and said my goodbyes to Mom. I wanted to be at Jimmy’s place when he came home. I let myself in the condo, and entered my birthday as the access code. After I typed in ten, twenty-two, eighty-five, the light flashed from red to green. I half expected it to be wrong and trip a silent alarm.
I put my bags in the guest room and plopped down on the bed. I didn’t assume Jimmy wanted to share a bed with me. The last time I spoke to Jimmy, we left things unsaid. The night before Jimmy left, we made, but our situation had changed. I didn’t know what to expect. No matter what, I wanted Jimmy’s friendship, with or without the romantic involvement.
I stretched on the guest bed thinking. My cell phone rang. “Hello.”
“Hey, Kid,” Cho said. “Jimmy’s been released.”
“Good.”
“Listen, we’re stopping to get something to eat.”
“Do you want me to join you?”
“No,” Cho said. “My parents have Jimmy and I’m following them.”
“Is everything alright?”
“Yes, but Mom’s not happy. We’re trying to placate her. She wanted to stay the night at Jimmy’s condo.”
“They can’t stay here.” I bolted up. It would be miserable for all of us. Jimmy didn’t need that pressure right now.
“Don’t freak out,” He said. “I’ve convinced them that Jimmy needs rest and solitude. They don’t know you’re there.”
I sighed in relief. “Thank goodness.”
“We’ll eat and then I’ll bring him home,” Cho said. “I wanted to let you know it’s going to be a while. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Thanks Cho.”
“I got your back Kiddo,” he said. His attitude had drastically changed. “Do you need anything? I can get something to go.”
My stomach churned. I was hungry, but I wouldn’t be as soon as I saw Jimmy. “I’ll munch on something around here,” I said.
“Good thing. You may starve waiting for us. Mom’s in a venomous mood, and she won’t be appeased until she’s got her pound of flesh…from both of us. It will take a while.”
“I hope she’s not too hard on Jimmy,” I said.
“I hope he’s not too hard on me. He’s ready to kill me for involving our parents.”
“He’ll understand in time,” I said. “He’s free.”
“Well, he’s not exactly free. He’s on home detention. They’ll be there tomorrow to hook up the ankle monitor.”
“He can’t leave the condo?” I asked.
“He can leave for certain reasons, but we haven’t worked out the details yet. He’s free tonight.”
Resolved to be alone longer, I flipped through TV channels to find something to watch. I found nothing of interest. I left the television on for noise. Jimmy had a big high definition TV. Everything Jimmy owned was top of the line. He didn’t seem like a materialistic guy, but the first time I saw his condo my jaw dropped. Each room resembled an Ikea catalog page. Jimmy kept his condo immaculate. He later admitted that he hired a decorator to do his condo, and pays a cleaning lady to keep it nice.
Although beautifully decorated, the condo felt impersonal. There was something sterile about Jimmy’s place, not warm and cozy like my little place. Jimmy lived alone, but the condo was huge with three bedrooms. I didn’t understand needing a place big enough for a family. There was a lot more to Jimmy Kim than I knew. I needed to pay attention and learn about the man I loved. I visited the condo often, but now I found myself examining it for deeper insight.
A mental wall blocked Jimmy from others. He didn’t let people in. Jimmy’s abilities caused his reserved nature. I hoped I had been granted access into Jimmy’s life, but I wasn’t sure. It would take time and patience. I couldn’t try to get through with a sledge hammer or he would push me away again.
My stomach let out a long growl. I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I opened the refrigerator. It contained several bottles of mineral water and a questionable box of take out. I questioned the age of the take out. Gelatinous goo seeped from the bottom of the container. I deduced it was too old to open. I went to the pantry and found a box of mac and cheese, a box of microwave popcorn, and some kind of bran cereal. I wanted the cereal, but Jimmy had no milk. I settled on a bag of popcorn.
Starved, I wolfed down the popcorn. I went to throw the bag away when I heard the lock turn. Jimmy’s home! A wave of relief washed over me. I ran to the living room. I stopped in my tracks at the sight of Jimmy. He is here, really here! We stared at each other for a long time without saying anything. I couldn’t speak, although I wanted to.
Finally, he scooped me up into his arms and held me. He crushed me, but I didn’t care. Tears flowed down my face. Jimmy had been in jail less than seventy-two hours, and looked like hell. It really took a toll on him. I noticed that he looked worn. His eye less swollen, but still bruised. Jimmy broke our embrace, and held my face. He stared at me like he hadn’t seen me in years. I noticed a tear on his cheek. The tear made me cry even harder.
“Shhhhh!” He breathed, patting my hair. “I’m here.”
“I’m glad,” I said. I started to kiss him, but he stopped me.
“Not yet,” he said. “I want to shower and brush my teeth. I feel gross all over.” I understood.
“Certainly,” I said, a bit hurt. I didn’t care if he hadn’t bathed in weeks. I wanted Jimmy and I wanted him now. The heat of passion flushed my cheeks.
“Later,” Jimmy said, with a knowing smile. “We have plenty of time.”
I waited patiently for Jimmy to shower. Cho busied himself by reading the newspaper. “Maybe I should check on him,” he said.
“Let me,” I said. I knocked on the bathroom door. No answer. “Jimmy,” I called. Still no answer. I heard the shower running, but didn’t hear Jimmy. I checked the door knob. It was unlocked. I peeked in the bathroom. I saw Jimmy through the glass doors. He held himself up on the wall as streams of water ran down his back. His hair hung around his face and head bent downward like in prayer. Jimmy’s posture slumped like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Jimmy…you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, softly.
“You’re going to run out of hot water,” I said.
“Come here,” he said, barely audible. I padded to the shower door, cautious. I slid the door open a crack, so not to invade his privacy.
Jimmy grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the shower. “Jimmy!” I yelped as the water soaked my clothes.
�
�Quiet,” he said.
“…but my clothes.” I argued.
“Sh!” He pinned me against the shower wall with his body. Slowly, he began kissing my neck and then down to my collar bone. He kissed soft at first, but grew urgent. He fumbled at my blouse. Finally, he gave in and ripped it open. I heard buttons ping on the shower floor. I worried about them washing down the drain. The thought quickly forgotten as Jimmy unhooked my bra. Heat and passion rose through me. I felt his smooth body against my naked chest as he kissed my mouth. Our tongues tangoed around each other.
Jimmy pushed up my skirt and literally ripped off my panties. I flinched at the sound of tearing fabric. Those were my favorite panties. He grabbed my rear and lifted me. My legs wrapped around his waist. He plunged his erection into me. I gasped. Jimmy’s hips moved fast in a lusty rhythm. My back smacked the wall each time he drove into me.
“Jimmy, wait.” I gasped. “We don’t have protection.”
“I don’t care. I can’t wait any longer.” He said in cadence with the pumping. I didn’t care either. The sheer pleasure of Jimmy inside me clouded any concerns. I floated in wonderland. Oh God!
I screamed out as I climaxed. I didn’t care if Cho heard. Jimmy shuddered as he erupted inside me. After, he buried his face in the hollow of my neck and continued to hold me, pinned against the shower. “I love you.” He murmured into my neck. “Don’t ever leave me.”
“I’ll never leave,” I breathed. “I love you too.”
The water turned cold. I began to shiver. “Come on Babe,” Jimmy said as he exited. My clothes were soaked. I hunkered in the bathroom corner shivering as Jimmy dried himself. “Take off your clothes,” he said.
“It’s a little late for that.”
“Just do it.” I obliged. Jimmy opened a small compartment under the counter. He pulled out a towel and wrapped me in it. The towel warmed my body. “Is that better?”
“It’s warm,” I said, amazed.
“It’s a towel warmer.” I never heard of having your own personal towel warmer. I liked staying with Jimmy. He pulled my wrapped body to him. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
“I didn’t mean to attack you like that, but…”
“Mmm, I liked it.”
“I wasn’t too rough?”
“No.” It was great! I didn’t have much experience, but I liked it rough.
“Sorry about your clothes,” he said, holding up the remnants of my blouse.
“You should make sure none of the buttons went down the drain,” I said.
“I’m not worried about it.” Jimmy pecked my lips. “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you.”
“I’m sure. I thoroughly enjoyed my conjugal visit.” I mused at the joke.
“Not funny,” Jimmy said.
“Don’t be so serious,” I rolled my eyes.
“I want to forget about jail, if only for tonight, okay.”
“Sure.” I said, guilty. “I didn’t mean to remind you.”
“I’m sensitive about it,” Jimmy said. “We better get dressed.”
I went to the guest room. I put on a pair of sweats and a big t-shirt. “Sexy,” Jimmy said as I passed. I stopped in the doorway. “Why is your stuff in the guest room?” he asked.
“That’s where I usually stay,” I said.
“You don’t want to stay in my room?” he asked, pulling on a pair of sweats. The sweats hung just below his pubic line. I licked my lips looking at the low part of his torso. I eyed the line of dark hair that ran up to his naval and the angle of his hip bones.
“I thought you might want to sleep alone tonight,” I said.
“Why?”
I shrugged. “I dunno.”
“I want you in bed with me,” he said. “That’s all I’ve been thinking about for days. I thought I screwed up with you.”
“You almost did,” I said. “I was hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You know why I had to go right?”
“I understand now, but I didn’t,” I said.
Jimmy pulled me close. “I do love you.”
“What about Cho?” I said, remembering Jimmy’s brother in the living room.
“I don’t love Cho like that,” Jimmy laughed.
“No, I left him in the other room.”
“Come on,” Jimmy said. “He’s probably smoking and getting ashes on my couch.”
We found the condo empty. “Where’s Cho?” I asked.
Jimmy held up a piece of paper. “He went to buy beer and cigarettes.” Jimmy pulled me to the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”
“I had some popcorn earlier.”
“That’s not enough.” Jimmy held his stomach. “I’m famished. I didn’t eat with my parents.”
“Why?”
“I lost my appetite in the car.”
“That bad?” I asked.
“It was like having needles put in my eyes.”
“Are you angry with Cho?” I asked.
“I understand. I appreciate my parent’s help, really I do.” Jimmy sighed. “It’s just my mom doesn’t let up.”
“What terrible things did she say about me?”
“I’m not talking about it,” Jimmy said, changing the subject. “Let’s make something to eat.”
“Unless you want mac and cheese, there’s nothing else.”
“Plan B,” Jimmy said. “Let’s order pizza.”
“Yum,” I said. I loved pizza and could have it every meal. “Does Gino’s deliver here?” Gino’s pizza was a staple for our movie nights.
“Yes,” Jimmy answered. He dialed the pizza parlor. Jimmy slipped his arm around me and pulled me close as he ordered. He held me for the duration of the phone call. He seemed afraid to let go. Jimmy ended the call and began kissing me.
He picked me up and sat me up on the kitchen island. Jimmy positioned his hips between my thighs. He groped and kissed me all over. He slid his hands up my shirt, exploring my breasts. “Oh,” I sighed and pulled him closer.
A voice barked, “Break it up.” I jumped and turned to see Cho in the doorway with a brown paper sack in his hand and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I straightened at the sight of Cho, but Jimmy kept kissing. I pushed him back.
“Ignore him,” Jimmy said.
“God, I thought I was gone long enough,” Cho said.
Jimmy held up two fingers. “This is round two Bro,” he said.
“Isn’t it bad enough that I had to endure the orgasmic screaming from round one?” Cho asked.
I flushed. “You heard us?”
“Kiddo, our uncle in Korea heard you,” Cho said then made mocking moans at me.
Jimmy’s hands continued roaming under my shirt. I pushed at his upper arms. He refused to let go. “Enough. Let me down now,” I said.
“Mmm, no,” Jimmy murmured.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
“Why?” Jimmy said. “He doesn’t care.”
Cho made a face and pointed to the living room. “I’ll be in there.”
“Later,” Jimmy said, not taking his eyes off of me.
“Keep it down,” Cho said. “Oh and wash off the counter. People eat there.”
“Jimmy. Stop!” I whined. I wasn’t going to do it on the kitchen island with Cho in the next room. It was bad enough that he heard me in the shower. I didn’t want Cho to get the wrong impression. Jimmy finally let go.
“I can’t keep my hands off you,” Jimmy said, giving me puppy dog eyes. He’s so damn cute! Desire surged up my body. I kissed him and hopped off the counter before I changed my mind.
“Come on,” I said, pulling him by the arm.
Cho slumped on the couch, a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. He watched the Monday night football game that just began.
“Who’s playing?” Jimmy asked.
“Colts and Bears,” Cho answered.
“No smoking in my place,” Jimmy said. He snatched the cigarette from Cho. Jimmy took it to the bathroom, and
flushed it down the toilet.
“Aw man,” Cho griped. “I have to smoke when I drink.”
“Give me one of those,” Jimmy said. Cho tossed him a can of Miller Lite.
“Are you allowed to drink?” I asked Jimmy. I knew he wasn’t. If tested for alcohol, Jimmy would go back to jail.
“No, but I don’t care,” Jimmy said.
“I do,”
“One beer will be fine, Cassie.” I glared at Cho. “I’m saying it as attorney, not his brother. It’s fine.” He looked at Jimmy. “Only one.”
Jimmy dropped down on the couch beside his brother. He pulled me in his lap. Jimmy protectively wrapped his arms around my waist. Jimmy’s arms felt cozy.
The brothers seemed to enjoy themselves. They amiably ribbed each other. They yelled at the game as if the players could hear them. Jimmy kissed me after each touchdown. By half time, I grew uncomfortable sitting on Jimmy. I moved between them. “Here put your head on my lap,” Jimmy suggested. I did.
“You can stretch out across me too,” Cho offered, putting my feet across his lap. Jimmy stiffened. “If you don’t care.” He glanced at his Jimmy.
“Whatever makes Cassie comfortable.” I was comfortable stretched out between them. I felt content. They were my protectors. Actually, Cho protected both of us. I considered the burden we put on Cho, and felt guilty for being difficult. He took vacation time to be there for us. Cho seemed like a workaholic. I wondered what his life in Chicago was like. He was divorced with no children. He said he worked a lot. I thought about the last few days with him. He acted more like a father to Jimmy than a brother. I imagined him as my brother-in-law and an uncle to our children. I could see him being the fun uncle who spoiled our children. I couldn’t believe I actually thought about a future with Jimmy. I knew it was fantasy, but the idea comforted me.
“Are you alright?” Jimmy asked.
“Yes.”
“I thought you might be asleep.”
“No, just thinking.”
“Thinking about what?” Jimmy asked.