by S. Swan
I left my apartment at six that night. The message was read, and possibly deleted, after I left my house. The message had to be connected to Mary’s murder. Mary wanted to tell me something confidential and too important to give over the phone. Mary was a leftover hippy. She ranted about “the man” and government conspiracy theories. She knew something and it got her killed.
Jimmy’s vision made sense. He thought I’d be at Mary House when Mary died. Jimmy, unknowingly, may have saved my life. If he hadn’t gone to Chicago, I wouldn’t have been too depressed to check my e-mails. I would have been with Mary when the killer struck.
I needed to tell someone about the discovery. I debated whether to tell Cho and Jimmy or Ben. I mistrusted Ben and the police. Someone leaked information about Jimmy and if it not Ben or his partner Skinner, someone else. I decided to tell Jimmy and Cho first.
I racked my brain trying to figure out what Mary knew, when I heard Cho return. “I’ve got food,” he called. I met him in the living room. “Where’s Jimmy?”
“Still in his office,” I said.
“Go get him. I have his favorite, Thai.” Cho said, holding up the food. My favorite too!
I knocked softly on the office door. Jimmy didn’t answer. He’s still brooding. I barged in without invitation. He sat at the computer typing. I came up behind and wrapped my arms around his neck. I planted a kiss on his head. I buried my face in his hair and inhaled. Jimmy smelled like Irish Spring. I couldn’t stay angry. “Are you still mad at me?” I asked
“I was never mad at you,” he said, focusing on the screen.
“You could have fooled me.”
“I’m not mad at you, really.”
I pulled at him coaxing. “Cho brought Thai home.”
He held up a hand. “Give me a minute.”
“What are you doing?”
“Damage control,” he said. “I’m trying to smooth things over with my clients. I had a ton of e-mails.”
“Are they upset?”
“Some are, but most don’t believe the accusations.” Jimmy said, typing.
“That’s good right?”
“I hope so.”
“Let’s eat,” I said.
Jimmy finished his e-mail and hit “send”. He swiveled in the chair to face me. He pulled me close to him. “I’m sorry, I yelled at you,” he said.
“You needed to vent.” I said. “I shouldn’t have forced it.”
“I feel better,” Jimmy said.
“A good girl cry always helps,” I said.
Jimmy made a face. “I’m not a girl.”
“Even guys need a girl cry once in a while.”
“I didn’t mean to dump it on you like that.”
“That’s what happens when you hold it all in.”
“I want to be strong for you,” Jimmy said.
“You don’t have to,” I said. “We’re a team. I need to know how you feel. I can’t support you, if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“I love you,” Jimmy said. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
“Let’s eat and then I need to talk to you and Cho about something,” I said.
“I’m not hungry,” Jimmy said.
“You need to eat.” I insisted. “You need to keep up your strength.”
“I’m strong,” he said. He demonstrated his strength by picking me up and carrying me too the living room.
Cho returned the coffee table to its right side. He sat on the couch dishing food from various containers. I laughed as Jimmy dropped me beside Cho. “Hey!” Cho cried, trying hold on to his plate. “I see you’ve kissed and made up.” He flipped on the TV.
“Really, Cho, do you sit and eat in front of the TV at your house?” Jimmy asked.
“Yeah, so.” Cho mumbled through a mouthful.
“It’s a bad habit. No wonder you have an ulcer.” Jimmy lectured.
“What else am I supposed to do?” Cho asked. “You have a table with only two seats.”
“I guess you could go home.” Jimmy teased.
“Lay off! I had to drive to the Kims to the airport. My nerves are shot,” Cho said. “I didn’t know what a terrible driver I was, until Mom pointed it out… a hundred times.”
“What does she expect? She taught you how to drive,” Jimmy said.
“Some of us didn’t get drivers ed classes, like little Gangaji.” Cho teased. Jimmy picked a noodle from Cho’s plate and flicked it at him.
“Boys!” I scolded. “Not in the living room.” They began throwing noodles at me.
CHAPTER 11
“You’re not leaving,” Jimmy said. He blocked the hallway with his arms and legs pressed against each wall. Clad only in boxer shorts and his ankle strap, he reminded me of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.
“Don’t make me crawl through your legs in a dress,” I said.
“I can’t let you go alone,” Jimmy said.
“Nothing’s going to happen.”
“What if he’s there?” he asked. “I should be with you.”
“You can’t keep me here and you can’t go with me.”
“Damn it!” He pounded the wall in frustration. “I hate this monitor.”
“I’ll be alright.” I placed my hand on his chest to calm him. After the blow up on Tuesday, I didn’t want to fight anymore. “I’ll go to the funeral, then the board meeting, and come right back.” I shrugged. “Four hours max.”
“Let her go,” Cho said over Jimmy’s shoulder. “She promised to check in.”
“Why can’t you escort her?” Jimmy asked.
“We discussed this last night,” Cho said. He forced Jimmy’s arms down to his sides. “Cassie is our only hope of getting information. The cop won’t talk with me around.”
After I showed them the e-mail, Cho and I came up with a plan. I was on a reconnaissance mission for as much information from Ben as possible, without showing our hand. Ben may attend the funeral, but he wouldn’t talk if Cho accompanied me. Our best bet was for me to go alone.
“Too dangerous.” Jimmy balked. He opposed the entire plan. “I won’t let her go alone.”
Cho and I gave up convincing Jimmy. Jimmy turned moody and reserved for the remainder of the evening. He spent several hours on his computer, before going to bed without telling us. I ended up sleeping in the guest room angry and alone.
I got up before Jimmy. I hoped to be gone before he knew, but he caught me leaving. The service started at one o’clock, but I planned to go by my apartment and pick up my mail and check in with my Mom. Jimmy foresaw danger, but I couldn’t ignore my life.
I grew tired of Jimmy’s self-absorbed whining. I was in the same boat as him. I had bills too. My rent was due. I could survive about two weeks on my meager savings, not two months. He worried about his business and reputation being hurt by this debacle, but I poured my heart and soul into Mary House. The board intended to cut me loose merely on my associations. I didn’t know how quickly I would bounce back from unemployment. I didn’t make six figures and run in circles with Indy’s elite. My losses didn’t seem to matter to Jimmy.
I squared off to him. “Let me pass,” I snarled. “I’m in no mood to argue with you.” We faced each other in a silent stand off for several minutes. Cho watched as an amused spectator. Jimmy gave in. He lowered his gaze, and stepped aside. I brushed past.
I collected my purse, keys and cell phone. I heard Cho and Jimmy arguing in the hallway. I didn’t care.
Cho grabbed my arm. “Don’t forget to call and check in.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Do it for me,” Cho said. “I’ll be just as worried.” Now, Cho thinks he’s my parent. Jimmy’s brother irritated me.
Jimmy interrupted. “Here.” He tossed a set of keys at me. “At least take my car.”
“Is there any way you could get out of going to Mary House today?” Cho asked.
“I can’t blow off the board.” I said, putting my hand on Cho’s shoulder. Cho wasn’t as tall at Jimmy.
We stood almost eye to eye. “I’m pretty sure, I’ll be terminated, but if I don’t even show up…”
“I know…you can’t burn bridges,” Cho said, patting my hand. “I tried to explain that to Jimmy.”
“I understand,” Jimmy said with resolve. He pulled me into an embrace. He held me so tight I couldn’t breathe. Jimmy lingered for a moment gazing at me. “Just be careful.”
“…and check in.” Cho added. I felt like a teenager taking the car out for the first time, with Cho and Jimmy acting like the worried parents.
I completed all of my errands two hours before the funeral service. The sun shined without a cloud in the sky. Not ready to go back, I decided to drive around the city. Jimmy’s car drove a great deal nicer than my old Camry. I opened the sun roof, turned the stereo up, and drove. “Season of the Witch” played on the radio. What an appropriate song. I loved to drive and sing in my car.
Jimmy meditated to center himself. I couldn’t meditate. I couldn’t clear my mind long enough. I preferred an open road and a great rock album. Jimmy considered my love of driving when he allowed me to take his precious BMW. He never offered his car, even when he had too much to drink. He would pay for a cab over allowing me drive the car. My anger at Jimmy dissipated to annoyance. I regarded it as Jimmy’s half-baked attempt to apologize. It worked.
I checked the dashboard clock. I decided to check in. I pressed Jimmy’s number.
“Hello,” Cho answered.
“Checking in.”
“What are you doing?” Cho asked.
“Right now, I’m on the interstate going about seventy in Jimmy’s car.” I laughed. It felt good to be a little rebellious.
“Why?”
“No reason,” I said “…just blowing off steam.”
“Have you been to your apartment?”
“Yes, it’s fine.”
“No bloody love notes on the door?”
“None.” I heard a disturbance in the back ground. “What’s going on?” I asked.
“Nothing,” Cho said, exasperated. “Jimmy wants to talk to you. He’s trying to take the phone from me. Your boyfriend is one annoying bastard.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. “Put him on.”
The phone was dead air for a long time. “Hey,” Jimmy finally said.
“Hey.”
“Are we good?” Jimmy asked.
I rolled my eyes at the phone. “I guess,” I said. “…but Jimmy, you…”
“I’m an ass and I’ll work on it,” he said.
“I want my best friend back. We used to be able to talk and debate with each other, without blow ups and animosity. What happened?”
“We used to talk about hypothetical stuff, this is real. It’s different now. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m suddenly walking on egg shells around you. I’ve always been able to speak my mind with you, and now I feel like I can’t.”
“I have so much shit on my mind right now.”
“And I don’t?” I asked.
“You do too, and that’s why I don’t know what to say to you. I’m afraid I’m going to screw up and say the wrong thing.”
“I’m a big girl, Jimmy,” I said. “I’m not going to end it because I don’t like what you say. I thought you knew me better than that.”
“I promise to work on it,” Jimmy said. “Just get home as soon as you can,”
“I will.”
“Do you like driving my car?”
“Love it.”
“Don’t wreck it,” Jimmy said. “I love you and I’m sorry I’m a dick.”
“You are, but I love you too,” I said and hung up.
CHAPTER 12
I arrived at Lincoln and Brother’s Mortuary at one o’clock. Janice Henley, a member of the board, already arrived. She stood by the casket examining the flowers. She dressed impeccably in a tailored grey wool dress suit. Janice had money and let everyone know by her appearance.
“Cassandra, I’m glad you came,” she said. I hated Janice. She always spoke condescending. Her words had double meanings. She said she was glad I came, but her tone said, “I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face.”
“Mary was a dear friend,” I said.
“You must be crushed, with your boyfriend being involved and all.”
I wouldn’t to split hairs with Janice Henley at the funeral. It wasn’t the place to defend Jimmy. I would have my say at the board meeting later. “I’d like to say my good byes in private.” I lowered my head. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not,” Janice said. “Take your time.”
I approached the casket. Mary’s appearance startled me. Her face looked drawn and had a gray tint. I’d been to several funerals in my life and never saw a dead person look so unnatural. My mother looked serene in her casket, Mary didn’t. An awful blue shaded her eye lids and scarlet red lipstick stained her mouth. They teased her hair in a 1950’s type hair do. A bright blue dress covered in lace and frills draped her body.
Mary preferred jeans and flannel shirts. Even at fundraisers and lectures, Mary wore simple black suits. She had curly hair that she wore short and never wore makeup or lipstick.
“She looks just like she’s sleeping,” Janice said from behind.
“Not really,” I said. She looks like a cartoon character. “Her hair and makeup isn’t right, it doesn’t look like Mary.”
“They did the best they could,” Janice whispered. “You know, for the shape she was in.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What shape?”
“Cassandra, her head was completely bashed in.” Janice said in a shaky voice. She’s so freaking dramatic. “I had to identify the body. It was awful. I hope they make that man pay for what he did.” She sniffed and blew her nose in a dramatic way. In “he” she meant Jimmy. I glared at her. “I’m sorry, I know you probably cared for that Asian, and had no idea what he did behind your back. You must be devastated.” I considered punching Janice Henley. One quick jab to her newly re-sculpted nose would make me feel better.
Janice sat on the board for no other reason than to claim she did volunteer work. Almost all the board members were wealthy house wives looking for something to make them feel superior. It disgusted Mary, but she needed the financial support. It meant food, lodging, and programs for the women we helped. We accepted their financial backing. I understood Cho’s remark catching flies. I kissed my fair share of asses to get what we needed for Mary House. It was the same. It was about how to play the game. I realized I needed to keep playing the game even if the venue changed. “I’m truly devastated,” I said. “I can hardly live with myself right now.” I feigned a confounded expression.
Mary’s death did devastate me, but Jimmy had nothing to do with it. Jimmy probably scared the killer off, thus saving Nessie’s life, and possibly all of the women at Mary House. Jimmy was a hero in my eyes, but I wouldn’t tell Janice, or the board.
I found my way to a seat in the back as people arrived. Many of them stared and whispered in my direction. I didn’t care. I came for Mary and no one else. Jimmy didn’t kill to her. I wondered if Mom could find Mary in the green room. When I went to my apartment earlier, I didn’t see Mom. I’d stop by again on the way back to the condo. I couldn’t summon Mom at will. She came and went as she wanted. I stayed at the condo. Mom had no need to visit, but she promised to keep an eye on things while I stayed away. If I saw her, I’d ask if she could find Mary in the green room. Mom could relay a message to her.
Ben and Skinner arrived. I wanted to speak to Ben, but not Skinner. Skinner stepped away from Ben to talk to the Minister who oversaw Mary’s service. Ben slid in the chair next to me. “Cassandra,” he said, curtly. “Where’s your attorney?”
“He’s not here.”
“I assume you’re staying with Jimmy Kim,” Ben said. “I hoped you’d attend the service.”
“Yes, I’m staying with Jimmy.”
“We got the DNA back on the bl
ood,” Ben said. “I’d like to talk to you about it.”
“Now?” I asked.
“After the service.” Ben remained cold towards me. I hurt his feelings. I wouldn’t lie about my feelings. I didn’t trust Ben.
“I can’t. I have to meet with the board after this.”
“After your meeting?” he asked. I didn’t want to stay out longer, but if I got more information it was worth it.
“Will I be meeting with you and your partner?” I asked.
“Do you want to meet with both of us?”
I shifted in my seat. “No,” I said. “Skinner makes me uncomfortable.”
“Do you want to have Cho Kim present?’ Ben asked.
“No,” I said. “Do I need an attorney present?”
“No,” Ben said. “We’re on the same side. You know that right?” Ben’s face softened.
“I didn’t know there were sides.”
“You want justice, you want to feel safe, and you want your boyfriend cleared.”
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s what I want too.”
“If you don’t think Jimmy did this, then why is he on house arrest?” I asked.
“That has nothing to do with me, and until I can provide another suspect, Jimmy Kim will continue to be on house arrest.”
“Do you have any other suspects? Are you even looking for anyone else?”
“Cassandra, help me to help you.”
“What can I do to help?” I asked.
Music began to play. Ben remained beside me, but Skinner took a seat off to the side of the parlor. The minister walked to the podium. He was a long lanky man with thinning hair that looked a little greasy.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here to remember Mary Jane Lazarus, a woman devoted to helping her community,” the minister said. “I didn’t have the grace to meet Mary, but one of my parishioners, Janice Henley, was a very close friend…” I almost scoffed out loud. “Janice asked me to give a eulogy on the behalf of Mary.” The minister stopped to breathe. “Before we talk about what a pillar of the community Mary was, I’d like to say a few words about Jesus. John 3:16 says ‘for he loved the world so much that he gave his beloved son. He who believeth in him shall not parish, but has ever lasting life.’ Doesn’t everlasting life sound promising?” He glanced around the crowd. “Unfortunately, our friend Mary didn’t believe, and won’t be in a place of great beauty. Mary was hardened by the community she tried to save. She was lost….” What the hell? The minister words were harsh.