by S. Swan
I swallowed. “That’s incredible.”
“That’s how you drink wine,” he said.
“I’ve never appreciated wine like that,” I said.
The waiter came back and took our order. Cho ordered for both of us. I made an angry face. I hated someone ordering for me; it made me feel like a child. “I’m controlling remember.” Cho shrugged. “Humor me.” He ordered two fillets cooked rare and a tossed salad.
“I don’t like bloody meat.”
“Like the wine, I’m going to teach you how to eat too.” Cho said, taking another sip of wine.
“I’m going to get food poisoning. Explain that to your brother.”
“You can’t truly enjoy a steak if it’s burned beyond recognition,” he said.
I limited my conversation until the steaks arrived. Cho cut off a piece and fed it to me. “Am I supposed to tell you where the cow came from?” I asked.
“Close your eyes and don’t look at it.” I tasted the meat. “What do you taste?”
“Salt, pepper, wood…and blood.” The steak was barely cooked. I didn’t like the taste of raw beef and blood.
“What kind of wood?”
“Burnt wood.” I was being a pain, but I had to keep it light. If this was Jimmy feeding me, I’d strip off my clothes and beg for sex. The way Cho took control aroused me.
“It’s mesquite.” Cho corrected. “It gives it that sweet and smoky taste.”
I opened my eyes. “Are you going to feed me the whole dinner?” I asked.
“No, but I want you to truly appreciate your food.”
“I would have done that without being fed like a child.”
“You are a child,” Cho said. “Jimmy can cook, but I can eat. It’s an experience to me.”
I patted Cho’s slight tummy. “I can tell.”
“Really, you have to enjoy each good meal. You never know when it may be your last.”
“I’ll probably never eat like this again,” I said.
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Cho said. “You have to savor it, like sex, draw it out and enjoy it.” Cho’s locked eyes with me. I looked away quickly. This was a game. I began to understand why Jimmy worried about me around his brother.
“You can also explain to your brother, why I gain a hundred pounds. If I eat like this all the time, I’ll be as big as a house.” I said, ignoring Cho’s gaze. He made me nervous. “I can see it now. Jimmy will ask me how the evening went. I’ll tell him how I watched you have an orgasm on food.”
“I like to enjoy things,” Cho said, chewing.
“You act like you starved as a child.”
“I did,” Cho said. “When I was really small my parents were poor, and trying to make their way in America. I remember going without. Jimmy was born when my parents were doing well. That’s why I tend to appreciate things more than Jimmy.”
I thought about what Mom said earlier. “Jimmy has his own burdens,” I said.
“He does, I wouldn’t trade lives with him, by no means, but my parents spoiled him and didn’t help his situation.”
“I don’t think Jimmy’s spoiled,” I said.
“…says the only child,” Cho said, sardonically. “My parent jumped at Jimmy’s every whim. They used his problems as an excuse to give him everything. I paid for my own schooling. I’ve earned everything in life. They sent Jimmy to private school and paid for a good college. They hoped he’d ignore his gifts if he had an education.”
“You resent him,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
“I do, but I also love him,” Cho said. “It’s not his fault that my sister and I got screwed. My parents forgot about us when he came along. Life revolved around Jimmy from the second he was born. I think our sister resents him too. I understand his problems more than anyone.” Jimmy was Park Min’s pride and joy. She fussed over him constantly. I assume she acted like that with all her children. “I shared a room with Jimmy as a kid. Jimmy deals with some pretty bad shit. I feel sorry for him. My sister doesn’t understand our little brother.” Jimmy didn’t speak a lot about his family. Now, I understood why. His siblings resented him.
My heart ached for Jimmy. What a life. “I don’t know all that he deals with, but I know it’s a lot,” I said, defensively. I picked at my salad not looking up. It upset me that Cho and Jin resented Jimmy. He couldn’t help being born with his abilities.
“He controls it better, but even now, I hear him at night roaming the condo. He gets no peace. I couldn’t live like that. I’d be crazy. Jimmy does well to have some semblance of a normal life. You’ve caused most of that.”
“We haven’t been together long,” I said.
“Your friendship saved him four years ago,” Cho said. “Having someone special to confide in.”
“He has you too.”
“It’s different with me. I understand him and believe him, but I’m not always there for him. You’re always there. You have been so damn patient with him. Most women wouldn’t wait four years for a man. I’m not patient with my brother. I love Jimmy, but he infuriates me too.”
“I love Jimmy; I would have waited forever for him,” I said
“You love him unconditionally that’s why you saved him,” Cho said. “I wonder how long that will work for you.”
“I’ll always love him unconditionally.”
“The closer you get to him the more questions you have, am I right?”
“That’s true,” I said. “There are days when I don’t know Jimmy at all. What I do know, I love.”
“How long can you love a person that you don’t know? Jimmy can’t tell you everything about himself.”
“What’s he not telling me?” I asked.
Cho shrugged. “He doesn’t tell me anything, but sometimes I see despair in his eyes. There are times I think he’s done with life and wants to end it. It worries me.”
“I’ve never seen that.” I’ve seen Jimmy go through some bad times, but he never seemed suicidal. His melt down the other day was the worst I’ve ever seen him.
“He’s not that way around you, but I’m afraid the closer you get to him, the more he’ll let his guard down.” Cho pointed his fork at me with a hunk of steak on it. “You saw how he acted when he came home from jail.” He popped the meat in his mouth and chewed. “That was only two days in jail. He shouldn’t have been that fucked up. He wasn’t even in general population. What did he see while he was there?”
“I don’t know.”
“Nor do I, but I can imagine it was more than the average prisoner. Think about that jail, the souls at unrest, and the chaos of the inmates. Jimmy is a beacon for shit like that. Then add the stress of him being accused of murder on top of the shit haunting him, it would drive a normal person mad. He was on the edge of insanity when I picked him up. I could see it in his eyes.”
“I saw it in his eyes too at first.”
“Yeah, and then he gets with you, and acts like nothing ever happened. At least while he’s awake. You’re a sound sleeper because I hear him up all night long. I haven’t had a decent night sleep since I came to Indy.”
The stress drained me. I didn’t notice Jimmy up at night. “I don’t hear him. I sleep deep when I’m stressed,” I said. “I slept so deep these last few weeks.”
“When we were kids, he never slept through the night. He always had bad dreams or seen something in our room. Talk about fucked up. Have your baby brother screaming about something in your room you can’t see,” Cho said. “He plays it off like this is a gift, but it’s a curse. He’d trade anything, including you, to get rid of it.” The statement hurt. Jimmy wouldn’t sacrifice our relationship to get rid of his abilities. I wasn’t sure. “Enough about that. Jimmy would be pissed if he knew I told you this. I don’t want to scare you.”
“I need to know this stuff,” I said.
“You need to know if from Jimmy, not me,” Cho said. “Eat and enjoy your food. I have a feeling this is going to be the last nice evening you ha
ve for a while.”
“Why?” Cho’s negativity brought me down. I wished I knew Jimmy as well as his brother.
Cho’s expression turned dark. “Call it a hunch, but I think more shit is coming, and it isn’t going to be fun.”
“My mom said that all of the Kim’s are special.”
“I’m not, but I can’t see a good ending to with these murders, or this church.”
“She warned me to listen to both of you. If you have a hunch then it’s probably right.”
“I don’t want to darken our evening,” Cho said. Too late!
Cho’s predictions made me lose my appetite. Cho finished his plate, and ate the rest of my food. Cho grew miserable in his jeans that were a size too small. “I’m so stuffed, and these pants are killing me.” He paid the check.
Once in the car, Cho began to untuck his shirt and unfasten his pants. “I’m not getting fresh with you,” he said. “I’m going to explode if I don’t loosen these pants.”
“You ate two meals.” I giggled. “Moderation.”
Cho teetered a little tipsy from the wine. “Fuck moderation. It’s worth being uncomfortable to eat like that.”
“If you say so,” I said. Cho cracked me up with his excesses, women, food, smoking and booze. He was one of a kind. It was why Jimmy loved him. Jimmy equally resented of his brother. Cho lived life to the extreme, and didn’t care what anyone thought. Jimmy lived passively, not making drastic moves. Jimmy worried about what everyone thought.
“If Jimmy didn’t stuff me in these pants, I’d be fine.” Cho insisted. “I don’t know why he had to dress me up in the first place. I don’t need to impress you.”
“My mom said to be careful around you.”
“Ha!” Cho chuckled. “Not that you aren’t nice looking, but no thank you. Jimmy would kill me if I tried anything.” Cho tested the waters several times at dinner. I’d hate to see what he’s like when trying to get a woman’s attention.
“I told her she was crazy,” I said.
“You’re too young for my taste. No offense,” Cho said. “I like women who are more mature…open minded too.”
“None taken. You’re way too old for me.” I insisted. “…but I’m open minded.” I couldn’t get more open minded than being with Jimmy.
Cho let out a gut busting laugh. I realized he meant sex. I flushed. “You’re a cute kid.” Cho laughed. “You’re perfect for my little brother. I’ll be pissed if you dump him for someone else.”
“I’ll make a note of that. You don’t seem like the kind of person I want pissed at me.”
Cho drove us to the cinema. He made an effort not to treat me like a date. When we got to the entrance of the theater, Cho didn’t open the door for me; instead he let it shut in my face. He smiled as I huffed through the door. “Keep up,” he said as I stomped in. I shot him an annoyed look that made Cho’s smile broaden. He enjoyed treating me like a kid sister.
“I don’t want to see anything scary,” I said. I picked a sappy chick flick for the movie. Cho went along, but he wanted to watch an action movie. It reminded me too much of Jimmy’s video game. I enjoyed the movie. It was a romantic comedy where the girl and boy are in love with each other, but can’t seem to get it together. It reminded me of Jimmy.
Halfway through the movie I started to shiver. The theater vents blew cold air on me. Cho put his big arm around me. He radiated heat. “Don’t get the wrong idea,” he whispered. “I’m sick of hearing your teeth chatter. It’s distracting.” I smelled Jimmy’s cologne on him. I forgot I sat with Cho. In the dark, I pretended I snuggled with Jimmy. I put my head on Cho’s shoulder, which he quickly nudged off and huffed at me. “Don’t fall asleep on me. You picked this shitty movie. You’re watching it!” Such a big brother. If I ever had a brother, I’d want him to be like Cho. He was tough and gritty on the outside, but sweet on the inside. I understood why Jimmy loved his brother so much.
“I’m not ready to go home yet.” Cho said as we left the theater. The crisp air made me colder. Cho had me tucked under his arm and squished between his arm and his body. “Do you want to get a night cap?” he asked.
“Yes, but we can’t stay long. I don’t want Jimmy to worry.”
“I called him in the bathroom. Jimmy’s fine,” he said. I didn’t believe him.
Cho guided me down the side walk to quite little pub. We sidled up to the bar and ordered. Cho ordered a Guinness. I got a bourbon and Coke. The place appeared nearly empty. We didn’t have to yell at each other to have a conversation. Cho kept his arm around me at the bar and rested his hand on my hip. I felt warm and safe with him. “Did you like the movie?” I asked.
“Hell no!” Cho guzzled his beer. “It was too predictable.”
“You don’t seem like the romance kind of guy.”
“I like romantic movies. I loved 9 ½ weeks,” Cho said. I rolled my eyes. That would be his pick for a romantic movie.
“That was more like porn than a romance,” I said.
“No it’s more like life. I like movies that are realistic. The happily ever after shit doesn’t happen.”
“It does.” I argued.
“That’s what’s wrong with girls your age. You’ve been raised to believe in the shit Disney puts out. You all search for Prince Charming.” Cho leaned into my ear and whispered. “Guess what, Kiddo, he doesn’t exist.” I put my hand on my heart and feigned disbelief. “Even if you find your Prince he’s going to have warts…and issues. All people are dysfunctional.” He slammed his mug on the bar.
“Speak for yourself,” I said. “I’m not dysfunctional.”
Cho laughed. “…says the girl who talks to dead relatives.”
“Speaking of dead relatives…” I said. “I guess my mom and your Uncle Yung are friends.”
Cho’s smile grew wide at the thought of his uncle. “Uncle Yung. What a character. Tell your mom to watch out for him.”
“If he’s anything like you, I can understand.”
“No, Yung is…was…worse than me,” Cho said. “Does your mom have a nice rack? Yung was a sucker for big boobs. The first thing he did when he got to America was get a big busted blonde wife. My mother was so pissed.” Cho checked out my “rack” as he spoke.
I laughed. “I bet she disowned him too.”
“Naturally, but my dad liked Uncle Yung and always invited him over.”
“Were they brothers?” I asked, trying to figure out the Kim family tree.
“No, he was Park Min’s brother,” Cho said. “He died when Jimmy was ten. I was closer to Uncle Yung than Jimmy. He used to take me everywhere.” Cho laughed. “Yung always got me into trouble.”
Cho regaled stories about his Uncle Yung. The man was a character. I could see he had a lot of influence on Cho. It seemed that Yung was a womanizer too. I considered whether or not I should warn Mom about Uncle Yung, but decided against it. Mom was a grown ghost and could handle herself.
While Cho continued telling me stories, the over head television caught my eye. The eleven o’clock news was on. I saw Jimmy’s mug shot appear. “Cho!” I said and pointed to the TV set. “Can you turn it up?” I asked the bar tender.
The man pressed the volume button. We began to hear the news story. “Again, a raid on the Holy Covenant of the Apostle Church this afternoon revealed an arsenal of assault weapons and bombs. Officer William Skinner, a twenty year veteran of the force, and church member confessed to murdering several women. Skinner claimed it was an attempt, by the church, to clean up the streets vigilante style.” They flashed Jimmy’s photo again. “Jimmy Kim is accused of the crime and has been detained under house arrest since his apprehension. With this new evidence it appears that Mr. Kim was falsely accused in a cover up orchestrated by Officer Skinner.” I knew it!
The program flashed to a press conference where the Chief of Police spoke at a podium. “It truly saddens me that a decorated officer could be led astray like this.”
“What about Jimmy Kim?” A reporter o
ff camera called.
“I’m truly sorry to Mr. Kim and his family. It’s a situation the Indianapolis Police Force attempts to avoid, but when all of the facts point to a suspect, we do what we need to do. In this case the facts were manipulated by the real perpetrator. The prosecutor is working as we speak to exonerate Mr. Kim.”
“Do you think Mr. Kim will pursue legal action for his false imprisonment?” The same reporter asked.
“We hope the City can work out a peaceful agreement with Mr. Kim, but I don’t know. Again we truly apologize to Mr. Kim.”
“Damn right he’ll seek legal action.” Cho said to the TV. “Sorry my ass!”
“Cho, do you know what this means?” My heart did flip flops. I jumped off the bar stool. “Do you think Jimmy knows yet?”
“I doubt it,” Cho said. He threw a twenty on the bar and grabbed my hand. “Come on, let’s go.”
Cho forgot he held my hand. He practically drug me a block to the car. We were so eager to tell Jimmy the news. When we got in the car, Cho squealed tires pulling away. “Slow down,” I said, but Cho ignored me.
We pulled into the parking garage and I was about to jump out. Cho grabbed my arm. “Cassie wait,” Cho said. I turned to him. “I know you’re thrilled,” Cho said. He appeared upset.
“Of course aren’t you?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m, but we need to be cautious too.” I tilted my head in confusion. “There are a lot of unanswered questions.” Who cares Jimmy is free!
“I know that.” I whined. I wanted to see Jimmy. It was almost over. He was a free man. I wanted to be with him, but Cho held me back. Let me go!
“Listen to me.” Cho insisted. “I know you and Jimmy will be elated over this, but I want you to be cautious.”
“I will,” I said. I didn’t get why Cho made a big deal. I pulled against Cho’s grip.
“Cassandra, stop! Listen to me.” I couldn’t get free of him. Cho let go of me. I hopped out of the car. Cho followed right on my heels. “I’m going to come right out and say this.” He paused. “This isn’t over. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Cho handed me something. It was a small box.