by Violet Howe
I pressed my lips softly against his, and then his arms were around me, crushing me in an embrace as our passion built and our kiss conveyed the depth of emotions we felt.
Our lovemaking that night was frantic and frenzied, each of us aware of how close we’d come to losing it all. We whispered I love yous as we joined our bodies together, clinging to each other long after the desperate need inside us had been satiated, and holding tight to what was precious even in our sleep.
56 STAND UP
In the weeks that followed, Dax and I grew closer, and if anything, the things we’d revealed that night only made us appreciate each other more. We didn’t specifically address our looming differences or the decisions we’d need to one day make, but we committed to each other that we would work it out when the time came.
It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I relaxed into our relationship with a fresh perspective of enjoying it more and worrying about it less.
Although I still wasn’t comfortable with the fact that Gerry was attending the wedding, Sandy’s suggestion had lifted another weight from me. Galen was grateful to have Gerry walking her down the aisle, but she agreed it would be better for everyone if he would leave after the ceremony. Part of me had held out hope he might refuse to come, but I didn’t want her devastated, so I was relieved for her when she told me he said yes.
In what I am sure was a difficult conversation, Cabe and Galen somehow worked out their views on the subject without me getting in the middle of it, and though I knew it stung Cabe that he wouldn’t be walking her down the aisle, he agreed that his sister was entitled to have a different relationship with their father than the one Cabe wanted.
I probably should have told my parents right away about Gerry coming, but I’d avoided it, wanting to put off the inevitable as long as possible.
My father called as I was carrying groceries in from the car. It wasn’t unusual for Dad to call me a few times a week, so I didn’t think anything of answering.
“Hi, Dad. What’s up?” I asked as I set the produce in the sink to be washed.
“Is this true? Is Gerry Tucker coming to Galen’s wedding?”
No matter how old I get, the tone of my father’s voice can still make my palms damp and twist my stomach in a bundle of nerves. It’s like a time travel machine taking me back to being a teenager. A pregnant teenager who had disappointed him and ripped his heart out with her actions.
“I’m fine. Thanks for asking,” I said, ignoring his question for the moment as I adjusted the phone on my shoulder.
“Why aren’t you doing something about this? This is ridiculous. You can’t allow it.”
I had dreaded the conversation from the moment the decision was made, and I couldn’t help but wonder who had done me the unfortunate favor of telling him before I could.
“It’s her wedding, Dad. She’s an adult. She’s able to invite whomever she chooses.”
“No. Absolutely not. You have to put your foot down. He cannot be any part of this wedding.”
I stopped myself from sighing, knowing it would only infuriate him more. “Gerry is her father. He has every right to be there.”
“No, he doesn’t. Creating a child doesn’t make you a father.”
“Look, Galen wants him there. It’s important to her, and it’s her wedding. We’re going to honor her wishes.”
“Who’s paying for this shindig?”
The sigh escaped me despite my best efforts. “I am, with Galen and Tate’s help. Gerry has offered to pay a portion, and I’ve told him it’s not necessary.”
“So, you’ve been in communication with him? Why didn’t you tell him he’s not welcome?”
I walked to the window and pressed my forehead against it as I gazed out at the pool, drawing strength from the cool glass and the solid surface holding me up.
“Galen wants him there. I’m going to honor her wishes, and I’m going to ask you to put her needs first and do the same.”
“Put her needs first? I am putting her needs first. She needs to stay away from him. Evidently, she doesn’t understand what kind of monster that man is! What have you told her? Have you told her he ruined your career? That he ruined your life? Have you told her what a lying, no-good, cheating crook he is? Does she know?”
“Dad, c’mon. Let’s not do this again.”
“You need to remind her of who he is. Of where he was when she was born and why he wasn’t there. Have you told her? Does she know?”
I softly banged my forehead against the glass a couple of times and moved to sit in a dining chair.
“She knows plenty, Dad. This is not about me and Gerry. It’s about Gerry and Galen. She deserves—”
His voice cut me off in a rage. “She deserves to know what kind of lying scumbag Gerry Tucker is. If you won’t tell her, I will.”
“Dad, stop! Just stop. Whether you like it or not, that’s her father. She’s come to some sort of peace with him, and she needs that. This means a lot to her to have her father walk her down the aisle.”
“Walk her down the aisle? You’ve got to be kidding me. Have you lost your mind? I never thought I’d hear you defending Gerry Tucker. Have you forgotten who you’re dealing with?”
I closed my eyes and sat back against the chair. “No, Dad. I haven’t forgotten at all. And if I ever had forgotten, you would have been all too happy to remind me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I can’t ever move past this with you. I will never live down disappointing you. For the rest of your life or for the rest of mine, you’re going to keep reminding me how bad I screwed up with Gerry Tucker. No matter what I accomplish in my life, no matter how well those kids are doing as adults, you are still going to hold that against me and not let me forget it.”
“You shouldn’t forget it. You shouldn’t forget what he’s capable of. And if anything, you should be protecting her from him.”
I raised my hands and looked at the ceiling in exasperation. “I’ve spent her whole life protecting her! What did that get me? Part of her hates me for not allowing her to know her father. For not allowing him to be part of her life growing up. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have let them see on their own who he was and what injuries he could cause. But I tried to keep them from that because it was my job to protect them. That’s what you said, right? Do you remember what you said to me? What you told me when you found out I was pregnant with Galen? And what you said when you found out that Gerry had gone? Because I sure remember.”
He was uncharacteristically silent, and I paused, giving him time to answer and giving me time to calm my voice. When I spoke again, my voice was measured and under control.
“You told me you were ashamed of me. You told me it was an insult to who you were as a father that I would have chosen that man to father my children. You said that if I couldn’t pick them any better than that, then I should live my life alone because my kids would be better off with no dad at all than subjected to my poor choices.”
The weight of his words thrown back at him hung heavy in the air, and the silence from the other end of the phone was deafening.
“I did what you asked, Dad. I stayed alone. I shunned any attention from any suitor at all to ensure that I wouldn’t make the wrong choice again. I gave my life to those kids to make up for the dad I gave them, and I don’t regret that. But what did it get us? Galen spent half her life mad as hell at the world and latched onto every man who would pay her the least bit of attention. Cabe damned near destroyed his relationship with Tyler running from the pain of what he saw as his father’s rejection. And me? I hit the ripe old age of fifty having long ago closed off my heart to ever loving again. I almost lost the most wonderful, passionate man who somehow sees the moon and stars in me, because you told me I didn’t deserve to be loved again.”
“I never—”
“Oh, but you did. In so many ways. You might not have said it in words, but yo
ur actions and your attitude told me I wasn’t worthy of forgiveness. That I wasn’t worthy of second chances. That I wasn’t capable of picking someone to love. And I believed you.”
His voice was quiet, rough with emotion. “That’s not fair, Mags. I said those words in anger. In hurt. I was hurt for you. For those kids. I wanted to protect you—and them—and I couldn’t. I never meant to make you feel that way. I never wanted you to live your life alone.”
A huge lump constricted my throat, and I refused to cry on the phone with him. “Look, Dad, I’m sorry this got heated. The bottom line is this is Galen’s wedding. Her life.”
“But surely if she knew—”
“Dad, enough. She knows, and she still chooses to have her father in her life. I did as you asked all these years. Now I’m asking that you do as I ask. Honor my wishes, and hers, and stay out of this. I’ll talk to you later.”
I ended the call without waiting for his answer, and by the time I’d finished making dinner, I felt lighter and stronger. Like I’d faced a dragon and stood my ground.
57 CUSTOMIZED BUBBLES
Galen arrived late-July, and as happy as I was to have her home, I missed my privacy. It seemed every spare minute was spent shopping for the wedding, planning for the wedding, discussing the wedding, or crying over the wedding. After a couple of weeks of nonstop drama, I was more than ready for the wedding to be done.
I longed to get back to lazy evenings on the patio with my feet in Dax’s lap, or time spent watching movies in bed in the cozy comfort of the camper, and nights spent exploring passion to the point of exhaustion.
Our roles as mother and daughter had somehow reversed. I was the lovesick teenager pining for her beau and counting down the hours to see him again, and Galen was perfectly content to sit home with me while Tate spent the weeks leading up to the wedding with his parents and with friends.
“One more week,” I said to Dax as we shared a kiss by his truck after meeting for lunch.
“You sound more excited for this wedding than the bride.”
“I’m excited for it to be over and the bride to be out of my house. I love her, but Lord, that girl is high maintenance. I’d forgotten what it was like to live with her.”
Dax chuckled and pulled me closer to him. “When do I get to see you again? For an extended period of time longer than lunch?”
“I don’t know. What did you have in mind?”
He kissed me, parting my lips with his tongue and giving me a tantalizing reminder of how long it had been since we’d been intimate.
“That’s a hint of what I have in mind,” he whispered, pulling my hips against his so I could get a better idea of what he was thinking.
“Galen goes to bed pretty late,” I toyed with a button on his shirt, “but I could leave the back gate open. You could sneak into my room if you want.”
Dax looked up at the sky and grinned. “How old are we again?”
“C’mon. I don’t want to get grilled by my daughter for having a man sleep over. Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“You’re gonna get me shot.”
I tossed my head back and laughed. “I guess we can wait another week.”
“I didn’t say no,” he said, taking my chin in his hand and continuing his oral explorations.
We agreed that he’d be at my house at ten-thirty, and I spent the entire night in restless anticipation of his visit.
“Mom, do you think that we should get the place cards printed?” Galen asked as she walked into my room. “Sherry said she’d do them by hand, but I’m thinking they might look better printed. Or we could hire a calligrapher. What’s with the candles?”
“Oh, it was smelling stuffy in here, so I lit a couple of candles.”
“A couple? It looks like you’re getting ready to have a séance. And did you spray perfume?” She scrunched her nose and sniffed the air.
“Yeah. I spritzed on some perfume.”
Galen shrugged. “Okay, because that’s not weird at all. So, what do you think we should do about the place cards? I need to make a decision if we’re going to hire someone.”
“I think you already told Sherry she could do them. You don’t want to call her this close in and tell her you changed your mind. It will be fine.”
I glanced at the clock again. It was a few minutes after ten. I faked a huge yawn and stretched. “I’m gonna hit the hay. I’ve got a long day tomorrow. You sleep well, honey.”
Her expression was puzzled as I hugged her.
“Are you okay? You’re being really weird.”
“I’m fine. I’m ready to go to bed. That’s all.”
“All right. Well, I’m going to go online and see if it’s too late to order bubbles.”
“I thought you weren’t going to do bubbles.”
She frowned. “I wasn’t. I wanted to do birdseed, but I guess Bronwyn said they don’t do that for some reason. Then I wanted to do butterflies, but Tyler said that’s a disaster since some of the butterflies don’t wake up or thaw out in time and then you have some that arrive dead. I definitely don’t want dead butterflies. That’s not romantic. Tate wants to do sparklers, but I told him no way. I’m not risking my dress getting burned. So, I guess I’m going to order bubbles if I can get the customized ones shipped. If not, I’ll have to get some generic ones at the craft store.”
I couldn’t stop glancing at the clock as she talked, and I thought she was never going to finish.
“Bubbles are a great idea. Good night, honey.”
“Hey, did you ever hear back from Dax about the arbor? Is he definitely able to do that? Because if not, Tate’s dad said he might could build something. But to be honest, I think this Dax guy would probably be a bit more skilled with a hammer than Tate’s dad. Dax is more rugged, you know? Who would have ever thought you would date somebody rugged?”
I kept an eye on the French doors in case he arrived early. “Indeed. Who would have thought? Good night, sweetheart.”
“Okay. Good night. Boy, you really must be tired. I can’t even talk to you about the wedding,” she said as I put my hand on her lower back and gently nudged her toward the door.
“Honey, I love talking about your wedding. But we’ve talked about the wedding pretty much nonstop since you came home. And we’ll talk about the wedding again tomorrow. I’m sure of it. But right now, I’m ready to go to bed.”
“Well, good night,” she said as she stood in the hallway and stared at me.
“Good night. I love you.” I closed the bedroom door and ran to the French doors leading out to the patio, swinging them open so Dax could come right in when he arrived. I had already folded back the duvet and put the pillows away, and my entire body pulsated in anticipation of his touch.
I was listening hard for his arrival, and the gate creaked at exactly ten-thirty. I went to the open doors and looked across the patio to the rest of the house. The kitchen light was on, but I could hear the television in the living room, so I was relatively certain Galen wasn’t in the kitchen. If she was on the couch where I guessed she would be, there was no way she’d be able to see Dax enter.
I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress the laughter when I saw him tiptoe around the side of the house and scurry across my end of the patio to duck inside my room.
“Hello there, Maggie Mae,” he whispered, picking me up in a big bear hug and spinning me around as we kissed.
I slid down the front of his body and pushed away from him long enough to close the French doors.
“Did you have any problems getting in?” I said as I returned to his arms.
“No. I parked down the street, just in case, and I came in between your house and your neighbor’s, praying they didn’t have any motion lights or sensors on the side of their house.”
I chuckled at the mental image of Dax caught in floodlights, and then I took his hand and led him to the bed.
“God, I’ve missed you in my arms,” he said, kicking off his boots and climbing in
to bed to face me as we lay on our sides.
“It’s funny, because we don’t normally see each other more than two or three times a week, but feeling like I can’t see you is torture.”
“You’re telling me. Are you sure you don’t want to just explain to your daughter that you’re an adult?”
“Another time. She’s under so much stress right now with the wedding, and I didn’t even tell her we were dating until she got here. I don’t want to push her over the edge. No one wants to think of their mother having sex, you know?”
“I certainly don’t,” Dax scoffed with a bit of a shudder. “But don’t you think she may assume?”
“Maybe. But it’s different when it’s in your face, and you can’t deny it. She’s only met you the one time at lunch, so I don’t know how she’d feel about knowing you were spending the night. I just want to give her more time.”
“Speaking of time, when do I have to sneak back out and leave?”
“Oh, she’s never up early. You can leave when I do.”
“So, I get to sleep with you in my arms? How heavenly!”
He untied the sash on my robe and tucked his hands inside it, running his hands over my gown and caressing me through the layer of silk that separated us.
“Is this new?” he asked, burying his face in my neck. “I like it. It’s soft.”
I nodded as I lifted my hands to sink my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to me as his lips nibbled along my neck and the sensitive area behind my ear.
He shifted his weight to put me onto my back, his leg over mine as he pushed the robe out of his way and skimmed his hand over my body and down to the edge of the gown. He continued to explore my neck and shoulder with his tongue as he slid his hand underneath the bottom of the gown, slowly pushing the silk upward as his fingers spread across my inner thigh. A delightful, ticklish tremor ran over me, and I giggled as I shuddered.