Fraternizing

by C. C. Brown

  “No, you stay in your place, Alex. You went ahead and fucked a student. That’s abuse of power. You’ve sunk low, motherfucker. That NCO of the Quarter should be burned at your feet. You don’t represent shit that’s good for the Corps.”

  I charged him.

  He braced himself for the impact, and both of us went down, rolling over one another and swinging. Riley jumped in between us, taking a few punches to the face, before finally pulling me away.

  "I don’t give a shit what you think of me, Jensen.”

  He spit on my wood floor, disrespecting me and my place. If I wasn’t feeling the excess alcohol swirling around in my stomach while trying to catch my breath, I would have charged him again.

  "I can’t believe you’ve pursued this. You used to be someone to look up to. I don’t even know you anymore."

  I didn't care if I had just confirmed for him that I was or had been involved with her. Correcting the situation with Cassie was the only thing on my mind. Riley shook his head, realizing what I had just done. A piece of me wanted to take it back, but I was running on adrenaline, and whatever came out I'd just have to deal with.

  "You're still seeing her? Still fucking her?"

  I didn’t answer. I wiped at my lip, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.

  "Who the fuck have you become? NCO of the Quarter, Staff Sergeant select, brig time… none of that shit means anything to you, does it?"

  I didn’t answer him. The truth was, it all meant the world to me, but Cassie meant even more.

  "I'm not standing behind you with this shit, Alex. Fraternizing is a highly punishable offense. What's happened to you? Pussy is all the same, man. I lined one up for you last night. It's that easy, you know."

  "Fuck you, Jensen. If you can't see beyond the rules manual, get the fuck out of my room."

  "How did you flip over night? Is her pussy magical? Did she cast a spell on you with it?"

  "We're not fucking robots, that's how," I growled, my voice low and gruff.

  A hush fell over the room.

  Riley shut his eyes. Jensen deepened his frown.

  Freeing myself from the guilt of everything that had been going on with Cassie was surprisingly welcomed. As fearful as I had been about letting the cat out of the bag, especially to non-supportive fucks like Jensen, the release of it brought a sense of calm over me, washing me clean of my misdeed.

  "The Alex Cruz I knew loved the Corps. Put the Corps first and everything else second. This new you is sickening, man."

  "When you break out from behind the fucking mask, you'll finally see what I see, Jensen. Until then, you'll remain blind and continue to follow orders that look good on paper, but don't necessarily work out in real life."

  "The Corps is real life, Alex. When we don't follow orders, people die. Good leaders know that!” he yelled, veins bulging from his neck as his face flushed red.

  "And good leaders also know how to think for themselves. Now get the fuck out of my room,” I countered, equally passionate and angry.

  He stood glaring between Riley and me.

  "I can't believe I'm looking at both of you and don't even know who you are."

  Then he turned and stomped out of the house. I heard the roar of his Mustang and the tires peel out of the driveway. I needed to respond to Cassie and do some damage control before I lost everything. I was willing to lose out on Jensen because he couldn't see me for who I was. I wasn't willing to lose out on her, and my morning breakdown proved to me that I wasn't strong enough to hold the Corps before her, and even more so, I didn’t want to.

  Fighting against something that I deeply wanted, yet trying to make myself believe that I didn’t need it, had brought me to a level that made me hate myself. The only way to find me again was to find her, but I couldn't be sure that she would want anything to do with me. Not with me completely cutting her off and distancing myself from her, and now this newfound information concerning Castillo. I had to get back to her and straighten everything out-- if I hadn't lost her already.

  "Riley, I need some privacy."

  He handed me my phone, apparently having read my mind.

  I took it from him, thankful and apologetic, but not saying a word. When he was out of the room, and the door closed, I skipped the text message and called her. I needed to get everything out with her.

  Not surprisingly, she didn’t answer. I tried her number again and again, but it just rang and went to voicemail.

  As badly as I wanted to speak to her, I needed to get my side out, so I settled on a text.

  Me: I know you know all about Castillo. I can't apologize enough. It was a mistake, and I am feeling it. You were on my mind all night, so I tried to drown you out with alcohol and her. Fuck, Cassie. I'm fucking sorry. Call me.

  I sat on my bed, waiting for my phone to buzz with a response, but I didn't get one. Karma hit me as I sat, my heart racing, my hands sweating, hoping I would get a reply from her. In all of my anxiety, it humbled me a bit, having to feel what she was probably feeling when I acted fucking stupid and ignored every text from her. As right as she was to shut me out, I didn’t want her to. I wanted her to open her arms and take me back in, allow me to explain and fix everything that I had caused, and prove to her that my fuck up was not who I was. I needed her to let me make things right.

  Twenty minutes passed, and there was still no reply from her. Every muscle in my body grew tense, clenching and hardening, making me completely uncomfortable. I rushed off to the bathroom and started the shower, hoping the heat would help to sweat some more of the alcohol out of my system while also calming me down.

  I stepped in, standing directly under the raging water. I closed my eyes and replayed everything that had happened and how I'd mismanaged every piece of it. If I had just told her about the award, and talked everything out with her, none of the rest of this shit would have ever happened. I had allowed the old, mechanical Alex to ruin shit for the real, live, emotion having Alex. I had just completely and utterly fucked up.

  My dick grew hard and ached with the tension that had built up. I looked down, finding it standing erect and pulsing with pain. I took hold of it, gripping as tightly as I could and began to move my hand back and forth. The harder I stroked, the more intense the pain became. When I slowed, the pain turned into stabs, sending sharp aches all over my body. I couldn't stop. I had to stroke the frustration and anger out of me.

  I started up the hard strokes again, finally feeling like I was bringing some relief to the surface. The need to come came quickly, but with stronger and more intensified movements, the backlog hit. I could feel my release but couldn't quite get to it. I balled my free hand up into a tight fist and banged on the shower walls, yelling out my irritation. I began to picture Cassie in the shower with me, the way she allowed her body to helplessly fall into mine, her sweet and sensual neck, her perky tits and intoxicating smile. All of it wrapped into one was picture perfect perfection, and I finally came, long and hard. My groans filled the shower, and the beats on the wall gave way for the powerful release I let out.

  I leaned up against the wall, allowing the water to run over me while I caught my breath. Flashes of her smile continuously hit me, making me even more eager to finally fix everything I had done wrong where she was concerned. I jumped out of the shower, not even bothering to dry off, and grabbed my phone to find an awaiting text message.

  Cassie: Well, I can give you one thing. At least you're honest. I wish you could have been more forthcoming with me, though. I would have appreciated the heads up on getting pushed away and then hearing about you fucking your colleague. The one who just so happens to hate my fucking guts. If you were trying to humiliate me, congratulations, Alex, you've done that just well. Let's do what we promised to do in the very beginning and act like we don't have any history. A few more weeks and I'll be long gone anyway.

  A couple of things stood out in her message. The first thing that hit me was that she would be leaving in a few weeks. I hadn't
even thought about that and it sent panic flaring up inside of me. I didn't want her to leave, but the fact that she would be was very real, and it gave me even more of a push to try and make things right.

  The second thing was that she said I had fucked Castillo, which hadn't happened.

  Me: I did not fuck Castillo. I never meant to humiliate you, and I am terribly sorry. I don't want you to go.

  Cassie: It's all out, Alex. If you fucked her, you fucked her. Can't take it back now.

  Me: I'm telling you, I did not fuck her last night. Who the fuck told you this?

  My patience was growing paper thin. As badly as I had messed everything up, I didn’t need any extra help with further pissing off and keeping Cassie away from me.

  Cassie: Does it matter?

  Me: YES!

  Cassie: Ruiz.

  I could have broken everything around me at that moment. Instead, I pounded on my dresser, trying to figure out how I was going to destroy that bitch for sticking her nose where it didn't belong.

  Me: It's a goddamn lie. I never fucked her, Cassie. I promise you.

  Cassie: Even if you didn't, something happened and I don't really want to dig into it. I have tests to study for. Have a good day, Sgt. Cruz.

  Her cold and distant response was what finally sent me over the edge. I had already warned Ruiz, but she hadn't seemed to learn her lesson. Rage erupted from me, sending my drawers from my dresser flying across the room and hitting the wall with a loud thud. I could have swallowed nails in my bout of wrath, chewing them up before doing so. If there was anything more I hated than a rat, it was a person who couldn't mind their own fucking business. Ruiz had been given the warning to back the fuck off or face whatever I had on her, and thanks to Riley, I had plenty. If she was ready to play hardball with me, I was ready to smash her ass.

  Monday morning finally came. I'd spent all day Sunday gathering up everything Riley had found on Ruiz and double checking it all, making sure that everything was lined up perfectly for me to bust her ass and get rid of her once and for all.

  I'd tried calling Cassie, but as expected, she didn't take any of my calls. I felt like she was long gone, but I wouldn't allow myself to give up, so I kept trying. Jensen never came home after our fight, which was fine by me, but I couldn’t be sure he hadn't gone to the higher-ups and run his fucking mouth.

  I left before Riley, blazing the streets trying to get to base to take care of my growing list of problems. I parked my truck and ran to the barracks duty hut, speaking to the Pfc. on duty.

  "I need you to get Pfc. Angelica Ruiz for me."

  He sifted through the duty book and found her name, nodding as he stood and walked out of the building. The sergeant on duty with him looked at me questioningly, probably wondering why I was in such a hurry and why I had a bruise on my left cheek. Fucking Jensen.

  "I need the secondary room," I told him.

  He handed me the key to that room.

  "And you didn't see me here," I roughly told him, frowning my face and peering into his eyes.

  He looked like he understood, so I backed up, giving him space to get back to doing whatever it was that he was doing.

  I walked to the secondary room, taking a seat in the chair at the table that sat facing the door. So many scenarios ran through my mind on what I would say to her when I got her into the room. I wanted to rip her a new asshole. I wanted to break her down. I wanted to fucking destroy her.

  The Pfc. knocked on the door then opened it, standing there with Ruiz by his side.

  "Come on in, Ruiz."

  Her eyes shot open, and I could smell the fear radiating from her body. It was a welcomed sign to me. It gave me the green light to pounce.

  When the door closed and we were left alone, I stood and swiftly made my way over to her, standing directly in front of her, and laying into her.

  "I fucking warned you. I fucking did. You decided to interject yourself in matters that do not concern you."

  She swallowed fast and furiously.

  "Why the fuck did you think you could go around spreading lies, telling Pfc. Bennett shit that never happened? Did you think I would just let that shit slide?"

  "I… I'm sorry." Her feeble voice was uncharacteristic for what I had grown to know of her.

  "You're sorry?" Her apology further pissed me off. My knife hand came out—all fingers extended and joined with my thumb along the side—as I used my whole hand to point in her face.

  “You have the fucking audacity to spread a fucking rumor about a NCO and think there will be no consequences. Then you stand here and give me this bullshit apology. Who told you I slept with Castillo?"

  She stood stunned, not moving and not speaking. Her silence was grating my nerves. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the paper with the heading Humboldt County. I unfolded it and shoved it into her face, making her painfully aware that I knew all about her and the skeletons in her closet.

  "You want to fuck with me, I'll fuck with you. How the fuck did you get into the Marine Corps with this assault on a peace officer with a deadly weapons charge?”

  Her eyes bulged as she took in the evidence in my hand that could do her in.

  “It means you fucking lied about it, and you had a shitty recruiter who didn't check thoroughly. Or maybe he did, and you both lied about it. Either way, this constitutes a fraudulent enlistment and could land you in the fucking brig right alongside me."

  I pulled the paper from her face to see a tear falling from her eye.

  "You tell me who the fuck told you about Friday, right now. I'm so far gone that if you ran and ratted on me, I wouldn't even give a fuck, but I'm bringing all of you down with me. You understand that?”

  She swallowed hard again as another tear fell.

  "Castillo," she whispered.

  "What was that?"

  "Castillo. I overheard her talking to Cpl. Collins."

  "Castillo said I fucked her Friday night?"

  "Yes."

  I should have known. The way she tried to play things off on the phone Saturday morning was too easy going.

  "How did this come about?"

  "I was in the gym kickboxing. She was working out with Cpl. Collins and they were talking kind of loud. I heard everything she said.”

  "And you ran back and told Bennett?"

  She nodded her head.

  I couldn't have been more thrilled that Ruiz was singing like a canary. To know that Leti had probably orchestrated all of this was fucking infuriating, but didn't come as a shock. She was conniving when she wanted to be. I was only now realizing it.

  "Your assault charge stays between me and you as long as you keep your fucking mouth shut, you understand that?"

  She nodded her head furiously.

  I walked over to the door and pulled it open, motioning for her to step outside. When she did, I quickly shut the door and pulled out my phone.

  Me: I need to see you. This shit is getting cleared up today.

  To my surprise Cassie responding immediately.

  Cassie: There is nothing to clear up, Alex. You've made your bed, now sleep in it.

  Me: I'll make you see me if I have to. But I'd much rather you do it on your own accord.

  A few minutes passed before my phone buzzed again.

  Cassie: Where are you?

  Me: Secondary room. Go the back way.

  I took a long, soothing, sigh of relief that I was finally getting to see her again. I was fully prepared that she was probably going to come in hostile, but that didn't matter to me. I just wanted to see her, to smell her, to touch her.

  A couple of minutes later, she was pushing the door open and sneaking in. Her cammie pants and her green t-shirt clung tightly to her body, accentuating what I had fallen for and, unfortunately, had been missing.

  "Sit down," I softly ordered.

  She looked reluctant to do so, but finally moved over to the table and pulled out the other chair, taking a seat while glaring at me. The whiff of her v
anilla smell tickled my nose, causing me to inhale deeply. I had missed it, and I could have sat enthralled in the light, sweetness of it for hours.

  "I know what's going on. Castillo spilled everything to Collins, Ruiz heard it all and came to you, rubbing it in your face."