by C. C. Brown
"So you fucked her. Who cares how I found out? You did it."
"I didn't fucking sleep with her." My voice was growing low and harsh, not what I wanted when speaking to her. I quickly caught myself. "I did not sleep with her. I made a huge mistake, but I didn't fuck her. I'm being completely honest with you."
"Okay. So since we’re on honesty, and you say you didn't fuck her, what happened?"
I looked into her cold, lifeless eyes. I owed her everything she wanted and more. Taking a long hard swallow, I finally blurted out, "She sucked my dick. But I stopped her after a couple of minutes. I couldn't go through with it."
A hammer went straight to my stomach with the admission of what I had stupidly allowed to happen outside of The Tavern. Her eyes closed tightly, and she exhaled. I wanted her to say something, anything. Even if she was going to tell me how fucking filthy and disgusting I was, I needed to hear it come from her.
But she didn't say anything.
"I never meant for it to happen. I was stupid. I was told by Major Kinsley that I was getting NCO of the Quarter and everything I had done with you came flooding back in, contradicting everything that I had stood for. I handled it in the worst way possible, and I'm so fucking sorry."
She sat staring at me for a minute longer before responding.
"Anything or anyone else? You've already dug the knife in, go ahead and twist it."
Her words were punishment enough, and if I wanted any shot at getting her back to my side, I had to be completely honest.
"There was some random at the bar that night that kissed me. But that was it."
She nodded her head.
"I'm laying everything out, Cassie. I fucked up royally, and I'm trying to fix it. Please let me fix it."
She stared at me with what looked like disgust on her face.
"This weekend is a long weekend, it's Labor Day. Come with me and let me make all of this bullshit up to you."
"I’m not going anywhere with you."
That wasn't what I wanted to hear, so I stood and briskly walked around the desk and took her hand, pulling her up to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her face in my free hand. The feel of her body in my arms once again sent pleasurable jolts through my body, even if she wasn't feeling the same way.
"You're. Coming. With. Me,” I muttered, using slow, deliberate words.
The look in her eyes finally shifted to what I needed to see—intense arousal.
“I fucked up—badly, but I'm owning it. You’re mad, and you have every right to be. I can accept that, but I can't accept that you’re shutting me out. I won’t accept that. And yes, it's hypocritical, but I'm selfish. I need to be with you, Cassie Bennett. I need you to let me back in."
Her eyes were lightly shut, her body loosening in my arms. I let out a deep breath and pulled her closer, placing my lips on her soft and delicate earlobe, before whispering, "I don't deserve you, Blondie. I already know that. But just because I don’t deserve something doesn’t mean I don’t want it. And when I want something, I don’t stop until I get it.”
She pulled away from me, stepping back and gently narrowing her eyes.
“You don’t get to do that, Alex. What happens if I had been the one to suck someone else’s dick? How would you react to that?”
The question stung and sent my thoughts into a rage.
“You don’t even want to know my answer to that,” I answered, my voice frosty with a touch of bitterness.
“See? So how can you expect me to just forget that you put yours in her mouth? It just doesn’t work like that.”
She had me stumped, and I could give that to her. But while she was absolutely right, I couldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t accept it.
“We need to get away. We’re both too wound up and need to release our frustrations while you let me fix my mistake.”
"I don't know, Alex. We're so far up shit creek right now--"
"Exactly! So what else do we have to lose?" I watched as she went into deep thought, contemplating what I knew she already wanted, but was too stubborn to relent on. "You don't have to answer me right now. But think about it. I want you with me. I've pretty much signed my brig time with people finding out about us, and I'm willing to serve it. But I'm not willing to let you walk. If I have to be punished for being with you, then I at least want to have you… every last sweet tasting inch of you."
She still didn't say anything, but her expression softened, making me suck in my bottom lip. That look, the innocence shown with it, always weakened me.
"Just think about it."
She nodded her head and then turned for the door, twisting the knob then walking out of the room. I wasn't sure what was running through her mind, but I knew what was running through mine. I was ready to throw away six years of strict, dedicated service, and the thought of it didn't even scare me. It actually made me smile.
Chapter 18
Cassie
As infuriating as Alex could be, I had to admit his words pulled me.
Did I have a right to be angry with him?
Absolutely.
Did he deserve to have me fall into his arms and forget about his selfish, erratic behavior?
Absolutely not.
Did I want to?
I was conflicted.
On one hand, I knew just how much his rejection hurt. It was a flash to my past and how I’d failed at protecting myself where my feelings were concerned. After Colton, I promised that I would never again place myself in a position to be walked over like a dirty doormat again. My fragile nerves couldn’t handle it, and it was time to put me first. Sadly, I’d allowed myself to get right back to that place.
How I’d fallen for Alex so quickly was a mystery even to me. Maybe it was his brash nature, the pit bull exterior with the teddy bear inside? Even as I sat there, completely agitated with him, his presence, the touch of his warm, smoldering body, his decadent smell and those strong, adept hands, I couldn’t help but break down a little on the inside. The man did things to me that I should have lambasted myself for. How I was hurt, angry, annoyed, and aroused was truly beyond me.
Now he wanted me to go away with him for the long weekend? The words pouring out of his mouth, rolling off of his dexterous tongue, sent shivers over my body. Running off with him for the weekend seemed like the perfect way to finally get some alone time together without the constant threat of someone finding us.
But his confessions...
Castillo, of all people, was like a knife in my back. Finding out that she touched him, in his most sacred spot, twisted the blade as it plunged even deeper. She had gotten a piece of him, and it made my heart lurch, causing a thrash of pain to spill over my chest. I didn’t want to believe that Angelica was right, and even though she was only partially correct, Castillo formulating into the equation in any way possible was enough to make my insides turn on me. The random kiss from the stranger could be overlooked, but Castillo was like a hard slap to the face, a hit on my pride, and a tear in my ego.
How could I look past it? I knew I wanted to. I just didn’t know how. Seeing her in the schoolhouse walkway this morning sent prickles down my arms. I saw red with her smirk, but oddly, she didn’t say anything to me. My cold good morning greeting and her grin and nod was all of the interaction shared between us, and even though no further drama ensued, I was a bit taken aback by it.
Angelica had grown even more reclusive. Tearing herself away whenever she got the chance, never saying much to me. I’d asked her what Sgt. Cruz had wanted, but the panic in her eyes, the heaviness of her breathing with my words, told me that whatever it was, it was in her best interest to keep her mouth shut.
It was times like those that I wanted to look past Alex’s stupidity and love all over him. Because when he wanted to be, he could be very protective and endearing—two things I didn’t have much of in my life.
It was late afternoon when our tests from Friday were passed back. A ninety-seven percent was placed on my desk,
along with a sweet, yet seductive grin from Alex. I smiled back, feeling the joy of finally performing the way that I knew I was capable of. Angelica received her test, a ninety percent, but she refused to look at Alex. I could see the restraint, and my interest was piqued. I needed to know what had happened between those two, and why the sight of him all of a sudden struck deep fear in her.
Alex had a small shiner on his face. I wondered if something had happened at the bar, or if that was a mark from Castillo because her anger at being turned away had spurred her to violence. The thought alone made my blood boil. My inner bitch was ready to pounce on her if she had dared to put her hands on him, and with that thought, came more confusion.
Why did I care?
“This week’s test is covering signal jamming as well as information from the two previous tests. This one will be much more in depth, so you’ll want to make sure that you study everything you have received thus far. Work in groups if you have to. A seventy-two depends on it.”
Jensen’s voice came blaring into my ears like a megaphone. And as I sat focusing on him, I noticed that he, too, had a shiner on his face. I was beginning to put two and two together. This was not Castillo’s doing. Jensen had found out about us, and it appeared to have not gone over too well. Their house was divided. Riley on Alex’s side, Jensen against.
My stomach knotted. The guys all seemed so close. And for me to come in and destroy that dynamic, made me feel like the Yoko Ono to their brotherhood. I had no desire to rip friendships apart. But for some reason, the idea that Alex had gone to bat for me was exciting. My mind was grappling with his stupidity at that bat and his defense of me. I wanted to let go of my hurt, but then I didn’t.
“See you all in the morning. Class dismissed.”
I stood, my eyes lingering on Alex just a tad bit too long. Newsome walked over and caught me staring, his eyebrows scrunching as he followed my line of sight. I quickly gathered my things and walked out of the room, still feeling the heat of Alex’s eyes boring into me.
“So how did you do?” Dalton asked just as I stepped out of the building. He caught me off guard, making me jump and hold my hand to my chest.
“Give me a little space next time, will ya?”
“I’m sorry. Just anxious to see how you did.” He smiled that charismatic smile, a sparkle going off in his eyes.
“Ninety-seven percent. I guess my break from Alex really did the trick.”
We both laughed, but I felt the truth in those words. Since I had turned my focus away from him, I was doing better, yet I found myself slowly being lured back in. The magnetism he possessed washed away the hurt, even if it was being done with slow, deliberate measure.
“So hey, I have to run something by you because I need your advice.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Not here. It’s Alex related,” I whispered, not wanting to bring any undue attention to us.
The doors shot open and out walked the three instructors, looking like a well put together and very cohesive unit. If there was friction between the crew, no traces of it could be found by the naked eye.
Alex shifted his eyes to me as they walked by and lowered them while slightly sucking on his bottom lip. A slight throb could be felt between my legs. The looks he gave me only made me want him even more. My immunity to him was being weakened, and he knew it.
“Let’s find somewhere to talk because if you two continue to eye fuck one another, I’m going to need to get off.”
My eyes swerved to Dalton who had lust written all over his face. I laughed at him as I hit his shoulder. We walked through the students and made our way to the path that led back to our barracks rooms. We chatted and made small talk until we reached the barracks building.
“Want to come to my room? Angelica might be in yours, and she’s an angry one right now.”
I laughed. “Yeah, that works. What about Pete?”
“He’s at the gym. He says he needs some muscle.”
We both erupted with laughter. Pete was small and nerdy looking. Poor guy.
“I’ll see you in a few.”
I jogged up the stairs and quickly made my way to my room, unlocking the door and falling down on my bed. As I sat up and unlaced my boots, my phone buzzed. I looked down to find a message from Alex.
Alex: 97%. Not bad. I think this weekend should be your reward for performing so well. And you always PERFORM well.
He was back to his old tricks. Using innuendo to get me to pay attention to him. It wasn’t fair. I was so powerless to it, and he knew it.
Me: Thank you! *rolls eyes*
I had to try and remain composed. He didn’t need to know that his charm, his sex appeal, and his words has such salacious effects on me and my body. As far as he knew, I was still pissed and wanted to avoid him. That was half true, but he didn’t need to know it.
Angelica walked through the door, threw her things down on her bed and briskly walked past me to the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror, her face mired with emptiness, and undid her bun, brushing away at her ultra-long locks. I walked over to the area and stood in the frame, looking at her and wondering what to say.
“What the fuck do you want, Cassie?”
Her aggressiveness put me on defense.
“I’m just coming to see what’s got you so down. Don’t jump down my fucking throat.”
She turned and glared at me. Her mouth shrinking with the tight scowl she rigidly held.
“I wouldn’t go anywhere near your Cruz-cum filled throat,” she hissed.
I was taken aback. I knew she could get down and dirty, but this was shocking, even for her.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Really? You want to know what my problem is? My problem is you… and your fucking NCO of the Quarter boyfriend. Because he can’t keep his dick out of you, my life is being turned upside down.”
“First of all, you don’t know shit—“
She cut me off.
“Oh cut that bullshit. He pulled me in this morning and all but admitted to you two having something, so the charade is over.”
She sat her brush back down on the counter and turned around to face me, her arms folded over her chest and a sinister grin spreading across her lips. If her words hadn’t already backed me into a corner, it would have put me on high alert.
“You two are so dumb. You’re fucking… for what? These few weeks. Then what? You get orders somewhere, and he finds the next student to prey on? Damn, Cassie, wake up. You’re falling for his game, and yes, he is a fucking player.”
“You don’t know half of what you think you know, so I suggest you do what you were told and shut your fucking trap before I let him know that you’ve had more to say. Somehow, I think your career is important to you.”
“Whatever. The sooner I’m away from you the better. I thought for sure after you found out who he was, you’d use some common sense and stay away from him. But I see common sense isn’t so common, and desperate bitches will do whatever they can to get ahead.”
“Fuck you!” I growled, my heart thumping like it was about to break free from my chest. She had struck a chord, and there was no way I was about to let her get away with it.
“No, fuck you, Cassie. Now get the hell out of my way.”
She pushed me as she walked by, and on instinct I lunged for her, grabbed her hair in my hand and yanked her back to me. She turned around and punched me in the chin, a swift upper cut that knocked my teeth together. I let loose, my hands balled up into tightly wad fists, and started punching her anywhere I could. She countered, punching me until we both fell to the floor, rolling over one another while screaming obscenities.
My rage escalated, not only because she had said some awful things to me but because she had been nothing but bitchy to me since our very first night out and everything that had built up was now ready to explode. In my wild arm swings, while she sat on top of me, I swiped at her face, connecting and leaving three long lines on
the side of her cheek. She stopped and held her face, her eyes bulging as she took heavy, anger filled breaths. The pause was just enough for me to buck her off of me, knocking her to the floor and going after her again.
“You’re a fucking bitch!” I yelled, my fists landing on her breasts… her arms… her face.
She held her arms up, trying desperately to shield herself from my blows. She brought her knee up, sending her bone into my ass and knocking me over.
“I can’t stand bitches like you!” she yelled out.
Her hand grabbed onto my hair, tugging fiercely as she pulled hair from my still well put together bun. It hurt like hell coming from the tight confines of my ponytail holder, and as she was yanking my head down, I grabbed her hair once again, jerking and tugging just as hard as she had done to mine, if not harder.