We waited, and waited, and waited a little longer, “This is the longest two minutes of my life.” But as soon as I said that, the result window began to fill in with color. First was a small window and then it started moving over toward the larger window and I closed my eyes. I heard Johanna let out a slight gasp and I knew immediately what it said. My heart fluttered and for a second I thought I might get sick again. I’d been in Ireland with Jameson for four months and I was pregnant.
I felt the tears running from my eyes as I opened them back up and looked over at Johanna who was beaming at me. Her black curly hair was sticking out in every direction as she wrapped her arms around me. “You’re gonna be a mum!” I could hear the excitement in her voice as she whispered to me.
I was pregnant.
I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready for that, but that didn’t matter anymore because like it or not, it was happening. I felt the room spin and I grabbed ahold of the counter when the handle to the bathroom jiggled. I looked up at Johanna in panic, quickly she wrapped the test up and threw it under the counter and made her way over to the door and unlocked it. As she opened it I could feel a whole new flood of emotions coming over me and I couldn’t control the tears that were now flowing down my face. I tried to hold it together as Jameson came into view, but it was no use.
“Christ, Johanna, what did you do to her?” He made his way to me quickly, checking over me to make sure I wasn’t hurt and my stomach turned once more. “You ok, love?”
“Yes,” I lied, looking up at his beautiful eyes before they blurred behind more tears. He wrapped me in his arms and panic sank in further. What was Jameson going to say about all of this? I tried to take a deep breath to calm my nerves, but found myself rushing back to the toilet to keep from getting sick on the floor.
“I’m gonna go get, Doc,” Jameson said, and I could hear Johanna trying to deter him in the doorway. “What is going on? Something is wrong with her and I don’t like it,” his voice was stern as he tried to keep from getting loud with Johanna.
“She’s ok. Just trust me. Can you do that?” Johanna asked, her voice was soothing and the sudden silence made my stomach turn once more.
“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here,” Jameson was at my side, kneeling on the floor as I cried into the toilet. I can’t say it was my best moment, but it was then that I knew truly how much Jameson loved me. He knew without me having to say it, and he could reassure me of my worries without me having to tell him what they were.
After I got cleaned up, again, Jameson carried me into the bedroom; the rays of the morning sun were just starting to peek through the curtains. He laid me on the bed and covered me with the blanket and gently slid in next to, trying his hardest not to shake the bed. He brushed the hair from my face and looked into my eyes, a faint smile on his face as his hand skimmed down to my stomach and rested there for a moment. I could feel the tears that were burning at the corner of my eyes and I tried to blink them away. “Are you…” his voice trailed off as he tried to find the right words to say. “Did we?”
“I’m pregnant,” I choked out as my body shook from the sobs.
“What kind of tears are these?” I felt his hand gently wiping across my cheek.
“The scared kind.” I looked up at him and saw a wave of relief wash over his face and that faint smile was back once more. It was then that I realized that he hadn’t been questioning it because it was something he didn’t want, but that he was worried it was something I hadn’t wanted.
“What do you want to do, love?” I could hear the hint of worry in his voice.
I took a deep breath and sat up on the bed, looking down at him as he propped himself up onto his elbow and stared over at my stomach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just thought I had gotten the flu or something. But then Johanna gave me the test and it was positive. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I apologized again, “I know this probably isn’t what you want…” I sucked in a ragged breath as his hand came up and gently covered my mouth and he sat up in front of me.
“Baby, how could I be upset about getting to have one more of you?” his voice was low and comforting as he spoke, “Wasn’t ever gonna be another woman after you, I was just waiting for the right time to put a ring on your finger.” His hand took mine and gently traced over my ring finger and my tears were no longer falling from fear, but because of the love I felt for this man. “Love you, baby, and I’m gonna love this one too.” He cupped my hand and brought them both up to my stomach.
“Jameson, I love you too.” That was all I could get out as I jumped over onto him and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.
“Then stop crying, aye?” I could feel his body shaking as he laughed. “We will figure this out. I promise. Don’t you ever worry ok?”
“Ok,” I answered, smiling as the tears continued to fall. I didn’t know what I could have ever done in my life to deserve such an amazing man, but I knew with every fiber of my being that Jameson was the man that had been created just for me.
Three weeks later Jameson took me for a ride, ending at the cliffs overlooking the ocean. We walked hand in hand, finding a spot in the grass and laying down in the blanket of warmth from the sun above. We talked about baby names, where we would live, and then he turned to me and slipped a beautiful ring onto my finger and asked me to take his last name. I screamed, scared away a flock of birds, and said yes. When we returned to the clubhouse that evening the celebration had already started before we could announce our news. The shouts and whistles rang out as we pulled in through the gate. I got off the back of his motorcycle, smiling from ear to ear as Johanna came up and engulfed me in a hug along with Knox, Charon, and Doc.
“You’re officially gonna be part of the family now, love,” Charon said, patting Jameson hard on the back.
“She was already part of the family,” Johanna said, winking as Doc wrapped his arm around her.
We made our way over toward the rest of the group when Odessa jumped up onto the top of one of the table, stumbling drunk, and shouted out. “You shouldn’t have given her a taste of yer lucky charms!” I let out a loud laugh as he began dancing on the table top, “No one messes with me lucky charms!”
“No one wants any of your lucky charms, you dirty feckin’ leprechaun!” Jameson laughed out.
After everything the club had been through over the last few months, we all finally had something to celebrate. And life as we knew it finally seemed good. It stayed that way for a few months. We all fell back into our roles, Johanna and I cooking and cleaning, fussing at the guys when they were being slobs. The club going on their runs, new prospects coming into the club, and old prospects getting patched. Jameson and I would play catch up as soon as he’d get back from a run, and we’d lock ourselves away in our room for hours at a time.
That was until my stomach got so big that nothing was comfortable anymore. My feet hurt, my back hurt, and the heartburn was keeping me from wanting to eat anything. My blood pressure had been up and down with every doctor visit and that left Doc always lurking close behind me to make sure I was ok. But through thick and thin, Jameson stood by me and did everything he could to try and make me feel better. We bought a small flat a few blocks from the club house, something about not wanting to raise a baby around a bunch of gobshites. But those gobshites were there whenever Jameson couldn’t be and they always made sure that I wanted for nothing. William spent the afternoons with me and he became as close to me as a father. I could tell that he was excited about the baby, one of the first to be born in years for a club member.
William had dropped Johanna and me off at the clubhouse, since I could no longer ride on the motorcycle with Jameson, so that we could get the last couple of boxes of baby clothes that the members and their old ladies had bought for our new arrival. William had wandered off to the garage to see the guys as we made our way up the stairs. I made my way to the fridge to grab a drink and Johanna took off toward her ro
om to gather a few things, when I heard a knock on the door. I didn’t think to look, only opened it to see a large dark man on the other side with a black duffle bag.
“Can I help you?” I asked, looking down at the yard below to see no one in sight. I didn’t have a clue who this man was.
“Give this to William.” He shoved the bag at me and I grabbed it, dropping it to the floor from its weight.
“Who are you?” I called out to him as he quickly made his way back down the stairs and disappeared. “Johanna!” I yelled toward the back, looking one more time for the man, but he was gone.
“Aye? What you need, love?” Johanna appeared with a box in her hand full of baby clothes. “What’s that?” She eyed down at the duffle bag that was resting on the floor at my feet.
“I don’t know. Some guy just showed up and said to give it to William. It’s too heavy. Help me get it up on the table.” She set down the box and made her way to me, eyeing the bag suspiciously as we lifted it onto the table.
“Do you think it’s some tools or something he’s been waiting for…” I unzipped one end of the bag and then let out a blood curdling scream. From the hole in the bag I could see Mulligan’s eyes staring up at me from his disembodied head. I grabbed for the counter and missed, collapsing onto the floor as Johanna rushed over to me. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath as I gagged and wretched onto the floor.
“What the fuck?” Johanna looked around, “Are you ok?” She stared at me waiting for an answer, but I couldn’t speak. Slowly she made her way to the duffle bag and opened the hole that I had unzipped. She jumped back away from the bag as if something had bit her and then ran to the door and screamed for William.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I gasped for breath, but with each breath I took in I could smell the sweet putrid smell of Mulligan’s decaying flesh. I felt like I was being smothered and then suddenly something felt wrong. I could feel my back and stomach tightening and the pain that was now washing over me was worse than anything I had ever felt before. I was a little over two months away from my due date, but I had the strange sense to start pushing. I tried to stand from the floor, to get out, away from the body parts in the bag on the table in front of my, but I collapsed back down in pain.
I could feel something wet under my dress and started screaming. The pain shot up my back and down into my legs. I looked down and below me was now a puddle of blood. “Johanna! Come help me! Johanna!” I screamed into the now vacant doorway. Something was wrong and I didn’t know what was happening to me or to our baby.
I heard the familiar rumble of the pack of motorcycles pulling into the yard and then heavy boots running up the wooden stairs outside. William came into the door, his face covered in panic as he ran to me. Johanna came in the door behind him and then Charon, Knox, and Jameson was last. “Johanna, call Doc in here!” William shouted up to her as she stood frozen, staring down at the blood that was pooling around me. “Now, Johanna!” And she disappeared out the door once more.
Jameson made his way to my other side, “Baby, its ok. Just breathe. Just breathe, baby.”
I choked on a breath as the pain shot back through me and I let out another scream. “Something’s wrong,” I cried out, grasping Jameson’s hand as the tears started rolling down his face.
“Doc’s on his way, emergency is coming. Just try and take a deep breath. It’s gonna be ok,” he said, trying his best to keep his composure.
“It hurts so bad!” I screamed out, trying my hardest not to move.
“I know, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured me as Doc came running through the door, his medical bag in hand.
He made his way over to me and knelt between my legs. “Everyone out,” he said, looking up at Knox, Rage, and Johanna. “And get that fucking bag out of this fucking room!” I could hear the scrambling of feet as the room began to spin. “She’s lost a lot of blood,” he said to William and Jameson “Starla, you gotta stay awake, love. I know it hurts. But you gotta stay awake.” I could feel Doc’s hands at my knees. “Jameson, she’s going to have to deliver today. She’s in labor.”
“But it’s too early,” I said, trying to find my voice as my body rang out in pain.
“I know, love. But we will get you fixed up.” I could feel hands and then pain, “She’s dilating already,” Doc said to Jameson and William. “Starla, I know you feel like you want to push, but you can’t do that right now. We have to get you to the hospital.”
I let out another scream as another contraction ripped through my body. “You remember the first night we met?” I could hear Jameson’s voice now and I tried to focus on it as hard as I could. “I pulled up in front of Ana’s and you came walking out, almost couldn’t breathe you were so beautiful.” I tried to take breaths as he spoke, doing my best to stay in a rhythm that would hold off the contractions. “That whole night I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you.” His voice was shaking now and I could hear the sadness in his voice as he looked down at me, scared of what was going to happen next. “Love you, baby. No matter what happens, I want you to know how much I love you.”
“I love you too, Jameson.” I tried looking up at him, searching desperately for the eyes that I loved so much, but the room went dark around me and I could no longer hold on.
Chapter Eight
The ambulance arrived shortly after and I was rushed to the hospital. I came too with a doctor and nurse scrambling around me to get my IV’s and monitors hooked up. William was on one side and Jameson on the other, both of their faces scared and over their leather pants were make shift scrubs. Every time I think back to that day, I can’t help but smile at the two bad ass bikers dawning seafoam green scrubs. Shortly after they got me stabilized I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named James Allen MacDowell Jr., after his father.
He was tiny when we held him for the first time, and was quickly whisked away to have tests done to make sure he was going to be ok. They kept me in the hospital for a few days and then released me to go back home. I was pretty sure they were tired of all the bikers coming in and out to make sure that I was ok. Jameson stayed by my side the entire time, yelling at my nurses if I needed more pain medicine or if I needed something to eat. I cried when we had to leave James at the hospital, but after another month and a half he was finally released to come home.
“Ok, son. You have to be good for your mum. Daddy has to go on a run this weekend, but I promise I’ll be back soon.” I could hear Jameson from inside of James’ room as I stood on the other side of the door smiling.
“What are you up to in here?” I pushed the door open as I brought the basket of laundry in to fold.
“Just asking him what kind of motorcycle he is wanting when he grows up,” Jameson said, smiling up at me as he held James in his arms, James sound asleep.
“I think he might need to get a little bigger first. He’s only seven weeks old, he can’t even hold up his own head,” I teased.
“I could get a side car for him, he could ride with me everywhere,” Jameson joked as he stood from the rocker and placed James down in the crib that William had made us. “William will be by this evening to check on you.”
“He doesn’t have to do that. We will be fine,” I countered.
“Aye, but you know he likes coming to spend time with James. He doesn’t think Knox will ever have children.” Jameson wrapped his arms around my waist, I could feel his erection rubbing against my ass through his leather pants. “You wanna start on number two?”
“You’re insatiable,” I teased as I turned to him and he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and carrying me off toward our room.
Eight months later we got married, in a beautiful little ceremony at the cottage. My parents had been able to fly in, and so did Joni and her new boy toy. As I said I do, I was already pregnant with our second child, another boy, who made it much easier on me when it came time to go in labor. Over the years we had weddings, including Johanna and Doc, a
nd Ana and McGee, a lot of new faces, including a quiet girl named Quinn, but our James and William were the only babies. They were spoiled terribly by their aunts and uncles at the club. William took to Knox, following him around everywhere he went. If Knox wore a certain color shirt, William wanted one exactly the same.
William Sr. loved the boys as if they were his own grandchildren, and he was very adamant about paying for my parents to fly in to visit them often. Which was nice for the boys, but it made it hard to come up with what the club was actually up to. Business was good and the talk of expansion became more and more prevalent. After the birth of our third son Charles, Charlie for short after my dad, it became more than talk. Retaliation from the IRA was happening more often than we were buying milk. Aside from Mulligan, we also lost two of our prospects and three members from the Dublin chapter to retaliations.
So a vote was made and it was unanimous that we would be heading to the States as a club. We said our teary goodbyes and a few months later we were packed up and moving to Coker Creek, a sleepy little town in Tennessee. I was happy to be back home, but a part of me would always miss Ireland. My parents and sister were close to us now and they loved being able to spend time with the boys. The club got off to a rocky start, running into a local MC that had already been calling Tennessee home for quite a while. The guys tried their best to smooth things over with the local club, but there always seemed to be some kind of tension.
I watched as all the boys I once knew started growing into men. Men who were leading us into the right direction and making sound decisions and not just off the fly. Jameson and I had dropped the boys off with family and headed to Knox’s cabin when we ran into Butcher and one of the club lays Chloe. She wasn’t my favorite, but I was an adult now and after spending a day wrangling three rowdy boys and their father, I didn’t have the energy to care. But later that night Knox and Rage arrived, both with beautiful women on their arms. I couldn’t help but blush in excitement for Knox and the fact that maybe he’d actually found a girl that would be around for a while.
Starla (The Ladies of Karnage Novella Series) Page 6