“Uh-huh,” she said. “And how is that not falling for him?”
“Because it isn’t,” Danny said in that flat tone that said this conversation is over. “So you and Richie never did it?”
“Back to me, huh? Okay. No, we didn’t. And I’ll regret that for the rest of my life.”
“Which is one reason I came back to the living room tonight. I didn’t want that regret.” Carmina completely understood that motivation. It was what had made her willing to go along with Tom tonight when he started his seduction. “Have you ever thought,” Danny asked with a little hesitation, “that maybe your history with Richie is why you couldn’t come, not your injury?”
“What?” Carmina asked, surprised.
“The fact that you never made love with Richie obviously weighs on you. Maybe, psychologically, it’s held you back from enjoying sex. Look, I’m no doctor or therapist, but I do know all about how, mentally, shit can weigh you down and manifest itself in unexpected ways. Right? I lash out in anger. Maybe you locked down your sex drive or something.”
“I thought about that,” she said. “It makes sense. Doctors have told me there’s nothing wrong with me, that I should be able to climax. And they were right. I can. So why did you and Tom unlock it?”
“Now, that I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess because we’re just so awesomely sexy?” She choked back a laugh, trying not to wake Tom.
“See? You are funny,” she teased. “That’s charm.”
“Ha ha,” he said, nuzzling the top of her head. She snuggled in closer to him, wrapping her arm around his chest as best as she could. He was so damn big. Sometimes she forgot, because the defensive guys were even bigger. But she’d seen Danny take down huge guys with his speed and that anger that seemed to hang over him like a dark cloud.
“Can we talk about you, now?” she asked quietly, rubbing the palm of her hand in circles over his nipple. He growled.
“Not if you keep doing that,” he told her, dragging her up a bit so he could kiss her neck. She slowly eased her hand away from his now hard nipple.
“Okay,” she said. He stopped kissing her neck with a sigh.
“What do you want to know?” he asked.
“You mentioned your mom, but not your dad. Why? Where are they? How come you’re not with them for Christmas?”
“Man, you cut right to the heavy shit,” Danny muttered. “My mom is easy. She’s in Atlanta. I grew up there, lots of family still around.”
“Okay. Why aren’t you in Atlanta with her?”
“Ever since my dad passed—that was five years ago—I haven’t been back. He and I were always closer than I was to my mom. He was really involved with my football, since I was a kid. He and my mom were never married. She married someone else and had a couple of kids after me. So I was with my dad most of the time.” She could feel him shrug under her cheek. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, and I get along with her and my half sisters. We’re just not close. Not all families are close.” He didn’t sound defensive. Just matter-of-fact, which was a different kind of sad, but she didn’t say that.
“I’m sorry about your dad,” she said, hugging him. “It must have been hard when he died.”
“It was, but not for the reason you think.” Danny was still whispering, and she loved the feeling of sharing secrets in the dark.
“Then tell me the reason.” She slid her leg over, nestling it between his legs.
“I hadn’t talked to my dad in almost three years when he died,” Danny said, and this time she could hear the sadness in his voice. “He and I disagreed on something pretty important, and I knew he was wrong. In my head that made him one of the bad guys. But I realize now that he thought he was looking out for me, protecting me. He was just doing what he thought was best. At the time, I couldn’t see that. I just thought he didn’t care.” He choked up as he explained. Wordlessly, she offered him the same corner of the sheet he’d given her, and he gave a reluctant chuckle. “We’re a pair, aren’t we?”
“We are,” she told him. “Maybe that’s what drew us to each other.” She rolled on top of him, as if covering him with her body could protect him from the hurt. She put her head back on his shoulder as his hands came to rest on her bottom. “What did you fight with him about?”
“The same damn thing that’s been eating at me for years,” he said bitterly. “You might as well know. When I was a sophomore in college, I played for Marian’s dad. He’s a pretty legendary coach, although she doesn’t like anyone to know he’s her dad. Anyway, one night I rescued her from a gang rape in the locker room. Her boyfriend at that time decided that her desire for a threesome meant she wanted to be gang-raped. Nice, huh? They were all players on her dad’s team. And her dad chose them. The players, not Marian. He threatened to ruin my football career if Marian or I went to the cops. He was worried about ruining his winning season. Can you believe that shit? And I agreed. So did Marian. And that decision has been eating away at me ever since.” He tried to push her off, but she refused to budge. Somehow she knew that the way she reacted to this revelation was very important.
“Who was he? Her boyfriend?” Carmina asked. “Is he still playing?”
“None other than future Hall of Famer Darren Peltz of the Las Vegas Rough Riders,” Danny spit out. “The team we have to face next week.” Something about the way he said it put her on alert.
“You’ve played him before, right? Since then?”
“Yeah. Not often, though. We’ve always managed to be in different divisions, and the schedules have been in my favor. But this year we play. And being here, seeing Marian again, knowing what she’s gone through over the years trying to get past that assault, not being able to tell anyone—I want Peltz. I want him to pay for what he did.”
“Danny, what are you planning to do?” Tom’s harsh voice startled them both. “What?” he asked. “I’ve been awake for the last ten minutes. You guys didn’t notice when I stopped snoring?”
“I’m not planning anything you need to worry about,” Danny told him arrogantly. Tom slid closer and she felt his leg tangle with hers and Danny’s.
“You can’t do anything, Danny,” Tom said quietly. “You promised Marian. I want to kill him, too. But we can’t.”
“What happened between you and Marian?” Carmina asked Tom. He looked surprised for a minute, then avoided her gaze, looking guilty. “Look,” she said, “I know something happened. You haven’t known her very long, and yet you’re exceptionally close. I know it’s not just because of your friendship with Danny. Did you sleep with her? Do Cass and Beau know?”
“We all slept with her,” Danny said, bitterness in his voice still. “Including me. She needed to get past what happened if she was going to make it work here in Birmingham, and with Cass and Beau. She needed to learn to trust football—and football players—again. And she needed to know that what she wanted was okay, that it didn’t make her a bad person, and it wasn’t going to end with her getting hurt, like it did before. I didn’t want to see that she needed it, but they made me see it. And they were right. And it helped me, too.”
“Are you in love with her?” Carmina asked, her heart sinking.
“No, not like that,” Danny said. He’d been holding her hips as if he wanted to push her off, but his hold changed and he caressed her, his hand sliding from her hip to her back. “As a friend.”
Carmina looked at Tom. “That was the threesome you were asked to join,” she said in realization.
“More like a sixsome,” Tom admitted. “It was a one-time-only deal, just to help Marian, like Danny said. But I think we all had some fallout from it. Danny admitted he likes to be held down, and we both had our first guy-on-guy action that night. I ran with it. Danny continued to deny everything.”
“Shut up,” Danny said without anger. “I had my reasons. I’m not running now, am I?”
“Like you said, it’s okay to want what you desire,” Tom said. “It doesn’t make you like the guy
s who attacked Marian.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Carmina said in agreement. “You’d never do something like that to someone.” She kissed his neck. “Are you still really angry about it?”
“Yeah,” Danny admitted reluctantly. “I still lose sleep over it.”
“You can’t move forward if you’re anchored by the hate,” Carmina whispered. “How can you make room for love when bitterness fills your heart? I should know, right? You need to let the anger go.”
“I don’t think I can,” Danny said sadly. “I’ve lived with it so long it’s a part of me. My life was irreparably changed by what happened. I had a falling out with my father and never got to reconcile with him before he died. I lost the trust and camaraderie that come with being part of a team. I lost the desire to explore sexually, to enjoy that part of myself. He stole all that from me. I can’t forget all that. I can’t forgive it.”
“Then more advice,” Carmina said, kissing his shoulder. “You have to live your own life. Do what you need to do. Because the only person you have to live with is yourself.”
“That’s not helping,” Tom told her. “Promise you won’t do anything stupid next week,” he said to Danny as he raised himself up on his elbow to stare down at him.
“I won’t do anything stupid,” Danny said. Carmina could tell he was lying, but there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
Chapter 31
“All of you,” Marian said briskly, pointing her finger at Cass, Beau, Ty, Tom, and Danny. “With me. Now.” She marched into the conference room that adjoined the locker room and stood by the door waiting for them. Tom looked at Danny and saw his own panic reflected back. Cass looked like he could chew glass, and Beau was as grim as Tom had ever seen him. Ty, of course, looked like a choirboy who hadn’t a care in the world. His arm was in a sling and he wasn’t in uniform, since he wouldn’t be playing. He jogged over to Marian like a puppy expecting a treat. Tom knew what was coming wasn’t going to be anything like a treat.
He and Danny brought up the rear as they entered the conference room. The door closed behind them like the door of a jail cell. “Sit,” Marian ordered. They all sat. Marian had really mastered that drill-sergeant tone in the last few months.
“Do not start,” Cass jumped in before she could say anything. His voice was sharp. “I’ve heard enough.”
“I don’t think so,” Marian snapped back. “I don’t know what is up with all of you, but there better not be any shenanigans today.”
“Shenanigans?” Cass barked. “I want to rip his head off and shove it so far up his ass the coroner can’t find it. That is beyond shenanigans.”
“Amen,” Beau said, sitting back in his chair, legs spread, looking like some gangbanger, with his neck tatts and dangerous attitude. Marian didn’t look impressed.
“You two are this close”—she held her fingers a millimeter apart—“to getting benched.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Cass said, challenge in his tone.
“Oh, wouldn’t I?” she said. “I already talked to Shannon. He’s up to speed on the situation.”
“You told him?” Danny asked in shock. “Everything?”
“Everything,” Marian said. “He’s the head coach. He needed to know what was going on if this game goes south.”
“Nothing is going to happen,” Tom told her. “Right?” He looked around the table and no one but Ty would meet his eyes. “Guys?” he tried again. “Right?”
“What is wrong with you people?” Marian yelled, losing her cool. “He’s just a stupid jerk. Are you really going to ruin the season because of him? Hasn’t he ruined enough?”
“He deserves whatever he gets,” Danny said belligerently. “I can’t believe you told coach without telling me.”
“Get over it, Danny,” Marian said unsympathetically. “You and I both came to Birmingham to move on and leave the past behind. I have. You need to.”
“Oh, it’s that simple?” Danny said, standing up. “You’re just full of advice now, aren’t you? Got it all together, have you? Well I remember all the years you didn’t have it all together. I remember the late-night phone calls, the failed relationships, the panic attacks. And I remember what he took from me, too, with his lies and his arrogance, constantly throwing it in my face. Maybe you’ve moved on, but I haven’t. Maybe this isn’t about you. Maybe I want to get some of my own back.” Tom was sitting next to him and could see him shaking, he was so angry.
“It is totally about her,” Cass declared, standing up and pounding his fist on the table, confronting Danny. “That fucking asshole deserves my foot up his ass and my fist in his face, and he’s going to get it. He tried to fucking rape her. He belongs to us.” He gestured to Beau, sitting next to him.
“Yes, thanks for the recap,” Marian said drily. “Settle down.” She turned to Danny. “I’m sorry. I had no business diminishing how you were affected by what happened. And thank you again for answering when I made those late-night phone calls, and for letting me cry on your shoulder. And for never blaming me. Because of me your career was at risk. You had to sacrifice your principles and you’ve lived with that hanging over your head. But going after Darren isn’t going to make that go away, and it will only cause more problems. Are you going to let him shape the rest of your career the way he did the beginning of it?”
“Damn, good speech, coach,” Ty told Marian appreciatively. He turned to Danny. “Look, she’s right. I worked hard this season to get us here. Don’t blow it now. Sure, Peltz is a fucking menace to society and should be euthanized like a rabid dog. But we don’t get to make that decision. And, yeah, this is about Marian. At least, for the rest of us.”
Tom raised his hand. “Sorta kinda about Danny for me,” he admitted. That earned him a strange look from Marian, but the others blew it off.
“Fine,” Ty said. “Look, Darren Peltz may have been the villain, but the real bad guy—no offense, Marian—is her dad, and you know it. And beating on Peltz today isn’t going to affect Rufus Sedgeway one way or another. Except to make him happy, I suppose, as he watches you throw away your career. It’s a dick move, Danny. Don’t do it. Because if you do, then everything that happened was for nothing.” He turned to Cass and Beau. “And you know Peltz is going to be in your faces all day trying to get you to start something. You want to get to him? Ignore him. Have your best game of the season. Hell, of your careers. At his expense.” Finally he turned to Tom. “I don’t need to give you this speech, do I?”
Tom shook his head. “No, sir. As much as I’d like to knock Peltz into next week for what he did to Marian and Danny, this isn’t the time or place.” Not a lie, and he hadn’t made any promises. He was getting pretty good at the noncommittal answer. Must be Danny’s influence.
“Meaning what?” Marian said, pouncing on his word choice. She’d learned from Danny, too. “There will be a time and place? When? Have you planned something?”
“Jeez, Marian, lighten up,” Tom said. “No, I haven’t. But Peltz doesn’t like to be ignored. He’ll come looking for trouble. I’m just saying we need to wait him out, is all.”
Beau had a scary smile on his face as he nodded. “I like how you think, kid. Wait him out. Make him play stupid. Capitalize on his mistakes.”
“Outplaying them will be the best revenge,” Tom argued. That and ripping Peltz’s head off his neck. But Tom didn’t add that last part.
“No,” Danny said, sounding tired. “But it will be sweet just the same.” He walked over to Marian and she hugged him tightly. “It is about you. You know that, right?” he said. He spoke softly, but the whole room heard him.
“I know,” Marian said, her voice tight. “Thanks.”
—
They were right. Darren Peltz didn’t like to be ignored. During the first half, Tom and Ty had run themselves ragged keeping Danny, Cass, and Beau from showing any emotion when Peltz sauntered by the sideline. Marian was an ice queen. She completely ignored him, except to call the plays a
nd note his position and moves on the field. If you didn’t know what had happened between them, you’d never guess. And the more Peltz was ignored, the more he walked by the sidelines talking shit. He didn’t say anything specifically about Marian, but there were some references to players being pussy-whipped by the coaching staff, which pissed everybody off, not just Marian’s inner circle. Shannon got into it with the ref for not calling Peltz for unsportsmanlike conduct, but they’d drawn the short straw on the officiating team that day and got a bunch of assholes who didn’t think women belonged in the NFL. Just perfect. Today of all days.
While the entire offensive line tried to ignore Peltz, the Rebels defensive linemen had drawn a great big target on his back. He was getting hit more than the Vegas quarterback, Shaun Penney, who’d been sacked more than any other quarterback in the NFL this season. Even King Ulupoka, who was the nose tackle, had taken Peltz down. The Rebels had drawn three penalties so far—two for holding and one for pass interference. Vegas hadn’t been able to capitalize on any of them. By halftime, the score was seven to three in the Rebels favor.
When they walked into the locker room, Shannon was already pacing in front of the whiteboard. “Everybody get in here and sit down,” he said. He didn’t yell or anything, but when Shannon spoke, people listened. He had the sort of voice that carried, even in a crowded room. He was pretty young for a head coach, just forty-two, but he’d earned the respect of every player on the team with his evenhandedness and easygoing attitude. He was always positive, always upbeat, something a lot of the screwups on the Rebels roster hadn’t experienced from their coaches in the past. Tom liked him a lot. Shannon had shown a lot of faith in Tom this season, and Tom felt his game had risen to another level under Shannon and Marian’s coaching. He was definitely more focused, and the plays they called were intuitive and player driven, a winning combination for the Rebels so far this season. Tom shoved Kitt Doyle off the bench and sat next to Danny. Everyone knew that was his spot. His lucky spot. Doyle was going to throw his game off if he came between Tom and Danny.
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