“You’re bringing a date to a lunch meeting?” Camille asked dryly.
“Jealous? There’s always room for one more,” Gabe said with a wink.
“With an ego that big, I doubt it,” Camille shot back, returning Gabe’s wink in an overly dramatic fashion.
“He’s not part of the meeting. He just likes to tag around wherever we go,” Ben added. He already disliked having to lie to Ryan, but adding to Gabe’s ridiculous story made him feel even worse.
“It’s true,” Gabe said as he nodded.
“Okay, well, have fun.” Ryan’s voice was full of forced lightness.
The guys said quick goodbyes and headed out the door. Once they were in the hallway, Jace spoke. “A date? Really, Gabe?”
Gabe shrugged. “I’m not at my best when I have to think quickly.”
Jace shook his head as Ben pushed the button for the elevator. They rode down to the underground garage in silence and piled into Ben’s truck.
The drive to the Players’ Club passed quickly. Ben pulled his truck into the enclosed lot at the back of the club that had two security guards watching over it. They nodded to Ben as he flashed his parking permit.
As soon as they were let into the club, Ben was assaulted by the raucous noise of men laughing and talking. The club wasn’t normally too busy during the day, but Mike Tarino never missed a chance to throw a party. Tonight kicked off the MLB’s All-Star Break, and since the summer had been fairly uneventful so far, Mike had gone all out. He’d had the entire day catered as well as set up various activities to keep a room full of current and former professional athletes occupied. There was a dart tournament, a poker game, craps, a roulette table, as well as a basketball shooting game. It was like a casino and Dave and Buster’s had a love child.
“It’s packed in here,” Jace remarked.
Ben nodded in agreement as his eyes traveled over the space. The Club, despite being in a rough section of town, was welcoming, with an expansive dark wood bar and lighting that was bright without being harsh. The green walls looked like freshly cut grass and had sports memorabilia adorning them. Ben loved being there if for no other reason than he could be himself and relax without having to worry about being asked for an autograph or bothered by a reporter. It was unfortunate that one of the rules of the Club was that he couldn’t tell anyone about it—necessitating the awkward lying to Ryan—because Ben was a frequent visitor and it meant that he’d always be telling some variation of a lie whenever he came. Not to Ryan specifically, since that relationship had an expiration date—a thought that did not make his chest clench—but to whomever he eventually settled down with.
The guys decided to make their way to the bar first. They’d all received their beers when Mike came up behind them and clapped a large hand on Jace and Ben’s backs. “Hey, fellas. Glad you could make it.”
They all shook hands with the Players’ Club owner before settling into easy conversation.
“How’s the rehab going?” Mike asked Gabe.
“Eh, it’s going,” Gabe replied before taking a sip of his beer.
“You still thinking of retiring after this year?” Mike asked again.
Gabe’s eyes widened as he did a deer caught in headlights impersonation.
“Wait . . . what?” Jace asked.
Mike’s eyes darted between all three of them before settling back on Gabe. “I’m guessing you hadn’t told them that yet. Sorry.”
“No worries,” Gabe replied as he looked at his friends, clearly awaiting their reactions.
Ben stared at his friend for a second. He looked unsure yet determined. Like he wasn’t certain how they were going to react, but he was preparing himself for a ration of shit just in case. Brow furrowing, Ben tried to make sense of what he was hearing and seeing. Gabe lived for baseball. Didn’t he? “How come you haven’t said anything to us?”
Shrugging, Gabe fiddled with his beer label. “I’ve been trying to get my priorities straight in my head before I spoke them out loud.”
“But we’re your friends,” Jace said. “If you need a sounding board, we’d always be here for you.”
“I know. That’s not why I didn’t say anything. It’s just . . . you guys are still so in love with what you do, but I’m not in that place anymore. I don’t think I have been for a while.” Gabe gestured toward Mike. “I wanted to hear the perspective of someone who’d retired. Try to figure out if I was really ready to leave the game behind me.”
“Come to any conclusions?” Jace asked.
“Yeah. I think so.” Gabe sighed heavily. “It’s like this. This is the second time I’ve hurt my knee bad enough to require surgery. Add that in with the other injuries like broken bones and strained ligaments that I’ve had over the years and, I dunno, I feel too old to keep putting my body through all this crap. I’ve worked hard for a long time, sacrificing my health for baseball because I loved it so much. But I think I could love other things too. And I don’t want to miss out on my chance to experience those things because I let myself be consumed with baseball for too long.”
Ben worked to process Gabe’s words. He understood what his friend was talking about. While they weren’t chronologically old by any means, the beating their bodies took made them feel much older than they actually were. And while Ben had always thought Gabe would need to be surgically removed from the field, that clearly wasn’t the case. It made Ben feel bad that Gabe had been struggling with this and Ben hadn’t even noticed. “That makes sense, man. You gotta do what makes you happy.”
Gabe visibly relaxed. “Really? You don’t think I’m lame for wanting to quit?”
“You’re not quitting in the giving up sense. You’re retiring. Moving on to find the next exciting thing that can keep Gabriel Torres’s ADD under control for more than five minutes,” Ben said with a smirk.
“Asshole,” Gabe said, though the smile he wore and the fondness in his voice took all the heat off the word.
Mike patted Gabe on the shoulder. “There are a lot of exciting opportunities in the world. I don’t think you’ll regret going in search of a few of them.”
The men’s conversation drifted into more neutral territory after that, but Ben’s brain was reeling. Ben admired how Gabe was reacting to his decision. Ben wasn’t sure that he’d be able to hang up his skates with as much acceptance and excitement as Gabe was radiating. Just the thought of retiring made his palms sweat.
But the idea of there being more to life, things they owed it to themselves to experience, that was what made Ben’s mind work overtime. Because even though he loved hockey, he also wanted something that could love him back.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben couldn’t hold back his groan when he looked down at his ringing phone and saw MOM flash on the screen. He took a deep breath that would have made a yoga instructor proud before accepting the call. “Hi, Mom.”
“Ben, I haven’t heard from you in a while so I thought I’d check in.”
More like check up. “Sorry. I’ve been busy.”
“Oh?”
Ben rolled his eyes, knowing she expected him to elaborate. “Not with anything incredibly interesting. Workouts and catching up on things I neglected during the season.”
Her answering “hmm” was a clear condemnation, but Ben wasn’t sure of what exactly she was disapproving of. He knew better than to ask. “While I have you on the line, I wanted to run something by you.”
Only his mother could call him and then act like it was a coincidence they were speaking. “What’s that?” he asked.
“I ran into Helen Prince at the grocery store and she said her daughter was still in town. Have you given any more thought to making her your plus-one?”
“I told you I have a date.”
There was an abnormally long pause on the other end before his mother finally responded. “I didn’t know you were serious, honey.”
“What do you mean? What made you think I would have made that up?”
&
nbsp; “You only mentioned it in passing when I suggested a date for you, and then you changed the subject quickly. I assumed you said that to get me to leave you alone. If you had a woman who you thought highly enough to bring to your only brother’s wedding, I figured you might share something about her.”
Ben inwardly cursed, though whether it was at the situation or himself he wasn’t quite sure. He had meant to tell his mom about Ryan—knew that just showing up with her was a very bad idea. But he hadn’t been able to psyche himself up to have the conversation with his mom either. Ben had never been an adept liar, and he was especially bad when it came to having to deceive his mother, who he wouldn’t have been surprised to find out had been used as a human lie detector by the CIA when she was younger. So there had never been a good time to tell her, nor would there ever be. But now that she’d brought the issue to him, he couldn’t run from it any longer. “I really do have a date.”
The pause on the other end of the line dragged on for so long Ben looked down at his phone to see if the call had disconnected. “Well, who is she? Do I know her?”
Not unless you’ve been trolling Philly for escorts lately. “Her name is Ryan. I met her a few months ago.” That lie was easy enough. He hoped the others followed suit.
“Are you two seeing each other? Or is she just someone you’re acquainted with?”
“Yes. We’re dating.” Better to keep it simple.
“How come you haven’t told me anything about her?”
“We were just getting to know one another. I didn’t want to complicate anything.” He knew his error as soon as the words left his mouth.
“How would telling me about her complicate things?” His mother sounded affronted.
Ben scratched his head as he tried to think of what to say. They’d only been talking a few minutes and things were already careening out of control. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant that I wanted to make sure it would go somewhere before I said much.”
“So it is . . . going somewhere?” She sounded so hopeful Ben’s heart cracked a little. His fake relationship and subsequent fake break-up was going to be tough on his mom.
“I think so. Hope so,” he amended. He didn’t let himself think too long about how the words didn’t feel like a lie.
“Well, then tell me all about her now.”
So Ben did. And apart from her being an escort and her background, Ben told the truth: She was funny, confident, and kind. She was fun to hang out with and they seemed to be compatible. His friends liked her, and she fit into his life well. When they were done talking, his mom said she couldn’t wait to meet her. He knew that the excitement his mom was feeling at the prospect of Ben having found a potential long-term girlfriend wouldn’t lessen her hypervigilance in making sure Ryan was suitable for Ben.
They said their goodbyes and Ben hung up the phone, relieved that he’d gotten that first conversation over with. But he wasn’t delusional by any means. He’d only cleared the first hurdle in what would be a long and grueling race.
* * *
Despite Ryan’s desire to live in the present, sometimes her brain became swamped in the past. Those times were few and far between, but that morning, Ryan had woken up in a dark mood. Not wanting Ben to see her like that—and not wanting to have to explain the reason for it—Ryan got up early, left Ben a note saying she had some errands to run, and escaped into the hustle and bustle of the city.
She wandered the morning away, letting herself get swept up in the crowds of people and hoping her mind would follow suit. But it didn’t. And as she slumped down on a bench behind the Philadelphia Art Museum and looked at the Schuylkill River, she finally gave herself over to it.
Ryan had been on her own for a long time. Years had come and gone like leaves in the wind. She had nothing to show for them other than her few meager belongings and her character. Typically that didn’t bother her because her integrity was important to her, and she was proud of herself. She hadn’t turned to drugs like her mother, she hadn’t gotten pregnant like a lot of girls she’d met along the way, and she hadn’t compromised who she was for anyone else.
Or had she? Because regardless of whether she’d been an escort when Ben had literally bumped into her, there was no denying that was exactly what she was now. It was a conundrum for her—wondering if this constituted her failing to be the person she’d always thought she was. The person she’d worked so hard to be.
But sitting alone staring at the sun reflecting off a gently rolling river wasn’t the time to lie to oneself, so Ryan needed to cut the shit. Because a job was simply something one did to survive. Ryan wasn’t hurting herself or anyone else, and this was the main criteria she’d always used when assessing her decisions. The job wasn’t the issue. Her feelings were.
Sometimes feelings got too loud, made her endure too much. And on days like today—days when she was already vulnerable—those types of feelings made her question everything.
Her truths were simple: People were good in the moment, but they were of little long-term value simply because they didn’t stay long-term. You had to enjoy your own company because it was often all you could count on. And it was okay to let people in as long as you were okay with them taking a piece of you when they left. Because nothing in life was free. To get, you had to give.
And this was where her quandary lay. Because the longer she stayed with Ben, knew him, spent time with him, the bigger piece of her he’d take with him when he left. And he would leave. This thing between them wasn’t set up to last. She hated how morose the thought made her. How gloomy the entire day had made her. She was normally better able to let go of this kind of shit. But then there were days—like today—when the pot bubbled over and emotions made a mess all over the place. Today was one of those days. It would pass. They always did.
With a heavy sigh, Ryan got up and turned away from the river, feeling as torn as the land the river divided. Because as much as she didn’t want to deal with her feelings concerning Ben, she wanted nothing more than to see him, be hugged by him, feel his weight on top of hers. She could ignore the fact that of all the questions he’d asked, he’d forgotten an important one, probably because it was the kind of question that only mattered when you really cared about someone. And what they had was chemistry and business. She’d best remember that.
No, it was time to slough off the thoughts and return to the present. Treat today like it was any other day. Because really, it was.
After all, what was a birthday when you had no one who knew about it?
Chapter Twenty-Four
As soon as Ben heard the door to his apartment unlock, he practically ran to it. “Where were you?” He was aware that he sounded more like Ryan’s father than . . . whatever he was to her, but he couldn’t help his tone. To say that he’d been concerned for the last few hours was an understatement. Panicked was more like it. When she hadn’t come home after four hours, he’d texted her. And when she hadn’t responded, he’d called to make sure she was all right. But when she hadn’t picked up—or replied to the voicemails he’d left—his slight worry had escalated.
She looked at him like she was surprised to get the question. “I left you a note that I had errands to run.”
“Yeah. I saw it.”
“Sooo . . . why are you asking me where I was, then?”
“Because errands don’t take more than a couple hours.”
“They do when you don’t have a car,” she said simply.
She had him there. “Well, still. I tried texting and calling, but I never heard from you.”
She pulled her phone from the small bag that was dangling around her wrist. “Oh. I haven’t checked it since this morning. It was on silent. Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Her voice sounded flat.
Ben ran his hands down his face and let out a sigh of relief. “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I have no right to ask you where you’ve been. Whatever you do when you’re not with me is your business. I didn’t me
an for it to come across like I was checking up on you. I just . . . I’m glad you’re okay.”
Ryan looked up at him, a tight smile on her lips. “It’s fine,” she said. But her body language didn’t match her words. Everything about her made him think it was anything but fine. Her eyelids hooded her usually bright eyes, and her arms looked heavy as they hung at her sides. “I’m fine.”
They were words he tried hard to believe, mainly because he wanted to believe them. The problem was he couldn’t. Ben waited for a moment before speaking. The slight quirk of her lips made him think she was going to speak again, but to his surprise she remained silent. “What? What is it?” He kept his voice low, calmer than it had been a few moments ago.
Bringing a hand up to rub her eyes, she shook her head but said nothing.
“Come here,” he said, moving toward her and pulling her against him. She felt so small, so delicate as he wrapped his arms around her. He began rubbing his hands up and down her back.
“It was a tough day,” she finally said, her face buried in his chest.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” Ben replied, though he wished she would. She’d been gone most the day and come back with no bags or anything from her “errands.” He was more than curious about what had happened while she was out, but clearly she didn’t want to share more than she had with him. And when it came down to it, that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that she was here with him now, safe in his arms where he could protect her from whatever had made her feel this way. He hoped anyway.
“Will you hold me?”
Her voice was so faint, Ben barely heard her. He brought his hand up to massage the back of her head lightly, and he planted a gentle kiss on the top of it. “Of course.” He would hold her until she was ready for him to let go.
And he hoped that wasn’t anytime soon.
Eventually, they moved to the couch and Ben allowed himself to calm down. He’d been so amped up, it took a while for the adrenaline to dissipate even once he’d discovered that Ryan was fine. He hadn’t even realized that he’d fallen asleep until he heard Ryan speak.
The Proposition Page 15