by Brenda Novak
She’d also been waiting for Mack. She’d fully believed they’d be together eventually. She couldn’t imagine her life any other way. But when the contact they had remained as circumspect as ever, she’d begun to wonder if she’d misunderstood. Maybe he didn’t feel anything. After all, he was the type who’d step up to take care of some poor girl who’d been overlooked and neglected just because it was the right thing to do—sort of like bringing home a stray puppy. He’d been good to her in so many ways. He didn’t owe her his heart, too.
Once she’d realized she was taking too much for granted, she’d decided not to put her life on hold for him. She’d started dating more often and had been with three or four men over the years. Her first experience was pretty unremarkable, but her sex life had improved since. She’d slept with Ace, the guy she was dating now, for the first time two weeks ago, and she’d enjoyed it. She’d even told herself it was amazing.
But nothing could compare to this. Now she knew what real fulfillment and satisfaction felt like. It was Mack who was kissing her. Mack whose muscular body was pressed firmly against her own. Mack whose erection she could feel as they strained to get even closer.
When he lifted his head, she was afraid he’d pull away and it would all be over. She was tempted to cling to him, to try to crack through that warrior-like mentality to expose his true emotions. She was certain he felt something.
But she refused to be the grasping, desperate child she’d once been—far too eager for any kind of love, especially his. That smacked too much of her mother.
She tried to catch her breath while waiting to see what he’d do next. She expected an avalanche of disappointment, was already preparing herself.
But then he raised his hand, and one finger gently outlined her cheek. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? It makes me weak just to look at you.”
“I don’t care about that,” she said, staring up into his dark eyes. “I don’t care about anything except whether or not you want me.”
His chest lifted with a deep breath, and he said, “Damn, Tash. You have no idea how much.”
Those words sounded torn from him, as though he’d been reluctant to make that admission. But they meant the world to her. “Then what are you waiting for? Make love to me—at last.”
“Do you really know what you’re asking for?” he asked. “I’m nine years older—”
“The age difference is meaningless to me,” she broke in. “It always has been.”
“It’s not that simple,” he argued.
“Maybe not to you.” Rising up on tiptoe, she caught his face in her hands and used her tongue to lightly outline his lips. “But it is to me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
With a groan, he held the back of her head in his palm as he met her tongue, immediately taking the kiss to the same desperate, hungry place of moments before, and when he lifted his head again, she could tell he’d come to a decision. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Four
They were so eager to come together they almost fell inside the motel room the moment Mack managed to unlock the door, and they started kissing again immediately, before they could even get the door closed. Natasha had never felt such a rush of pleasure or such an upwelling of desire. This night had ramped up like a roller coaster, climbing slowly to the first big drop—and now she was about to come screaming down the other side.
“You taste better than I even imagined,” she admitted, breathlessly.
“Let me see you,” he said. “Take off your clothes, just like you did for me before.”
She slanted him an injured glance. “You mean when you rejected me?”
“Believe me, that hurt me more than it did you. For weeks, even months afterward, I was tortured by the memory of what I’d missed. That night is still one of the things I think about all the time—and imagine handling differently.”
“So you did want me in that way.”
“How could you not know that?” he asked.
“You’ve done an admirable job of pretending otherwise.”
“Everything I’ve ever done has proven how much you mean to me. But we were living together under...odd circumstances. I couldn’t allow myself to... I didn’t want to feel as though I was taking advantage of you in some way.”
“Even though I asked you to make love to me?”
“You know how complicated this is.”
She did. But she was no longer too young, and she felt they could overcome anything, if they wanted to be together badly enough. “It doesn’t have to be that complicated,” she said, but she was scared to cross this line, too. Her love for Mack made her completely vulnerable, stripped away the defenses she’d spent most of her life building.
She almost told him she needed more reassurance. But she didn’t want to ruin this night by bringing her emotional baggage into it. She was going to do the opposite—let go completely and just...trust.
Drawing a deep, calming breath, she lifted her sweater over her head and unsnapped her bra.
She heard him suck his breath in between his teeth as soon as he saw what she’d revealed.
“This would go faster if you helped me,” she teased.
He grinned. “I like watching.” His eyes were hungrier than she’d ever seen them. She’d barely started to unzip her jeans when he stepped forward as though he couldn’t wait any longer. “They’re gone,” he said as his hands circled her bare waist. “I wondered.”
“What’re gone?”
“The piercings.”
“Oh. Yeah. And some of the tattoos, too. The ones I could afford to have removed.” He knew that, of course, because she’d focused on her arms first, but she was nervous and that made her talk just to talk. “I’ll do more over time. I don’t think the kind of tattoos I had would look very respectable on a doctor.”
His hand gently cupped her right breast. “You’re beautiful with or without them—the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
As he began to kiss her breasts, she dropped her head back and closed her eyes. “This is beyond anything I could’ve imagined,” she whispered. “Words can’t even explain it.”
“I agree.” His hands were trembling by the time they’d stripped off the rest of their clothes. She could feel it when he cupped her face and looked down into her eyes. “Whatever this is, it’s bigger than I am,” he said and carried her to the bed.
* * *
Natasha woke up alone. Although Mack had spent the night with her, he’d had to get up early for work. Amos Auto Body was always slammed. But she was happier than she’d ever been—and even more in love with Mack. He’d offered to take the morning off until she had to leave, but she knew how difficult that would be to explain to his brothers. He’d be leaving them high and dry with work that needed to get done, and she had to spend some time with her mother, anyway. Anya would be hurt if she didn’t.
She closed her eyes, allowing herself to remember what it’d been like to finally have Mack inside her. It certainly hadn’t been a disappointment. She smiled dreamily as she relived his kisses, the care he’d taken to make sure she was satisfied, his thoughtfulness in letting her know their time together meant something to him, too. Since she had to leave today, they hadn’t wanted to waste a second, so when they weren’t making love, they talked or simply dozed in each other’s arms. Natasha didn’t think they’d slept for more than two hours all told, although she’d fallen back asleep after he left.
Her phone signaled a text. With a yawn, she gathered the energy to roll over so she could reach it on the nightstand.
It was Mack. She pushed the pillows against the headboard and pulled the sheet higher while she read.
Last night was...wow. I wish you didn’t have to leave.
So do I. But I come back whenever I can. You know that.
This summer? That sounds like forever. Do you
really have to live in LA for another five or six years?
She frowned. It sounded too long to her, too. But she couldn’t give up on becoming a doctor. She was committed to it, knew that was what she wanted to be. And she’d put too much blood, sweat and tears into getting this far. The past six years didn’t change anything. The next five or six won’t, either.
He didn’t comment on that. A few minutes went by before he sent her another message. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to lunch before you go?
No. I need to see my mom. How are you able to work? Aren’t you exhausted?
Too pumped up to feel it yet. Every time I close my eyes, I see you, I feel you, I smell you. I could spend another week, at least, with you in that motel.
You’d have to buy a lot more condoms.
I’m willing to get as many as we need.
She laughed. He hadn’t mentioned whether he was going to tell his brothers that they were now seeing each other. And she hadn’t asked. She’d instinctively avoided topics that might pull them back to reality too soon or put a damper on their time together.
I’m glad I twisted your arm into sleeping with me.
Whatever happens, last night was worth it.
:)
Her mother called, interrupting their conversation. Mack seemed to be gone for the moment, anyway—probably had a new customer. “Hello?”
“Where are you?” Anya demanded.
Natasha hesitated. What’d happened with Mack was still so new. If they were getting together—as she hoped and believed they would—she wanted to be sure he had the chance to break it to his family first. She knew that wouldn’t be easy, or the way they’d met wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place. “I’m about to get some coffee at Black Gold. Would you like me to get you a cup?” she asked, dodging the question entirely.
“No, I’m fine. Why didn’t you come home last night?”
“It was late. I didn’t think you’d miss me.”
“Did you stay at Mack and Grady’s again?”
“There’s an empty bedroom there for me,” she said, still trying not to lie outright.
“Was it fun, being with Mack?”
“It was.” That had to be the biggest understatement of her life. She’d never had a night quite like last night. But she hoped her response came across as normal, even casual.
“What’d you do after I left?”
She pulled Mack’s pillow to her face and breathed deeply, trying to inhale the scent of him—to hold on to some aspect of what they’d enjoyed together now that it was over. “After we left the old-time photo booth, we just wandered around. What about you?”
“Went to the wine booth Presley wanted to show me.”
“How was it?”
“Great. Presley even paid for my ticket.”
Natasha couldn’t help being embarrassed about that. Anya had never been good about paying her own way. But she didn’t say anything.
“I tried calling you after Aaron, Presley and the kids went home,” her mother continued. “But I couldn’t reach you.”
Once she was with Mack, she hadn’t checked her phone. “It was so loud there, I probably didn’t hear it ring. Or maybe I was already in bed.” She winced, wishing she’d said “asleep” instead of “in bed.”
Fortunately, her mother didn’t pounce on that unintended but accurate double entendre. “What time do you have to leave?”
“About two.”
“You’re out of school for the holidays. Can’t you stay longer?”
“No. I told you I have to be to work at four in the morning.”
“Call in sick.”
“I can’t. There’d be no one to replace me. But if we hurry, we’ll be able to have lunch together before I leave. I’m on my way to your place right now.” She had to check out by eleven, and it was almost ten.
“Okay. See you here.”
Natasha was about to press the end button when her mother spoke again. “Tash?”
“What?”
“How will you get here? Your car’s at my place. I drove last night, remember?”
“Right. I guess you’ll have to pick me up.”
“At Black Gold Coffee?”
“Yes.”
“Now?”
She calculated the time it would take to walk there. Fortunately, it was only a couple of blocks. “In like...fifteen?”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have me come to wherever you and Mack spent the night?” her mother asked, her “level with me” tone indicating that she hadn’t been fooled at all.
Natasha gripped her phone tighter. “What’re you talking about?”
“I went by the house last night, Tash. Grady was there, but you two weren’t.”
“We must’ve gotten in after.”
“Except that Mack left his truck downtown all night. I saw it. After everyone was gone, it was the only one parked on the street, so it wasn’t hard to miss. Does that mean something’s finally happened between you two?”
Natasha hoped no one besides her mother had noticed Mack’s vehicle. Fortunately, his brothers didn’t keep track of him the way her mother kept track of her whenever she came home these days—something Natasha found ironic since Anya paid so little attention to her when she was a teenager. “Nothing happened, Mom.”
“You expect me to believe that?” she asked. “With the way he was looking at you last night?”
“I’m telling you nothing happened!” She didn’t care if that was a lie. No way did she want Anya to say anything to Mack or make a big deal about it to J.T.—or any of Mack’s brothers, for that matter. It was important that Mack not feel any pressure. She’d been completely open and honest with him about her feelings. If they got together, she wanted it to be because he loved her in return, not because he felt obligated.
“You two must’ve gone somewhere alone last night,” her mother insisted.
“So what if we did?” Natasha retorted.
This response was met with a long silence before her mother said, “I’m on your side, you know.”
Natasha wanted to say, “Since when?” But that was resentment from the past welling up again—something she wrestled with on an ongoing basis.
Taking a deep breath, she assumed a more measured tone. “I appreciate that. I really do. But nothing’s changed where Mack’s concerned.” Not yet, anyway. That would depend on the next few weeks. She understood that a sexual encounter was one thing and making a lifelong commitment was another. “So, can you pick me up at Black Gold Coffee?”
“Sure. Just let me get dressed.”
Apparently, her mother was barely out of bed, too. But that came as no surprise. Anya didn’t have a job; she lived on government assistance, stayed up late with her deadbeat friends and slept late, too.
After she disconnected, Natasha navigated to the pictures on her new phone. She didn’t have many, since she had yet to download most of the data from her old mobile. But she had a few from last night.
She was tempted to make the selfie she’d taken of her and Mack in front of the Christmas tree her screensaver but decided against it and got out of bed.
As she started to dress, she noticed her reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall and paused to take a closer look. Her hair was a tangled mess, her mascara was smeared and she had a red mark on her neck that she wouldn’t be able to hide without different clothes—or at least a little concealer. She knew Mack hadn’t purposely left that mark, but last night had gotten crazy.
She couldn’t show up at Black Gold Coffee, not like this. It was too busy there. Someone would see her who might mention it to one of Mack’s brothers.
She could have Mack come and get her. She knew he’d do it in a heartbeat. But making him leave work would be more obvious than any other option.
/>
With a sigh, she grabbed her phone again and called Anya back. “Okay. Pick me up at Hotel Whiskey Creek.”
Her mother didn’t even skip a beat. “That’s the old one above the Italian place?”
“Yes. Just down from the park. Call me when you get here, and I’ll run out.”
“I’ll be right over.”
Fortunately, when Natasha ducked into her mother’s car, Anya didn’t say anything about how bedraggled she looked or where she’d spent the night. Anya continued to let that stuff go while Natasha picked her way through those who were camped, once again, in her mother’s living room. It wasn’t until she’d showered and packed, and she and Anya were having lunch at Just Like Mom’s—a café that served comfort food—before heading home that she said, “If, for some reason, Mack doesn’t follow up on last night...”
Natasha looked up from her food.
“I hope... I hope you won’t let it hurt you too badly,” her mother finished.
Natasha set her fork down. “You’re the one who always insists he loves me.”
“I think he does love you. But like you said last night, people are complicated. The Amos brothers have been through a lot, so it’s natural that they’d guard their hearts. I could see his defenses going up again if you’re not around to keep breaking them down.”
Natasha wanted to tell her that Mack wouldn’t disappoint her. Everything he’d said and done last night—even the messages she’d received today—suggested he was finally getting serious about her. “We’ll figure it out,” she insisted.
“You will if you move home. He won’t be able to resist you then.”
Natasha gaped at her. Her mother didn’t like her living so far away. Although Natasha didn’t believe Anya’s motivations were purely mercenary, it was true that she needed things she thought Natasha could help provide. Was this a ploy to get her back? “I can’t move home. Not now.”