by Dyble, S R
"This isn't about the baby’s gender," he lied.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
"I will love them no matter what…" he started.
"Having a boy would mean I could eventually train him. Train him to look after himself when I can't be there. Having a girl, it's just another person I'm gonna have to protect. Loving them so much and being terrified of not being able to protect them. Not only from dickheads like me but from the world. I can't expect you to understand, you've never had that responsibility, that fear that you can't protect the people you should be protecting. It's my job to protect you both. Now, on top of everything I have to lay new plans to protect your grandparents because you broke the rules and told them everything."
I thought about just walking away, instead I stood firm.
"You wanna know what I dreamt about last night?" I asked and when he didn't answer my heart chipped away.
"All of my nightmares are of people I love, being hurt or like last night, tortured. People that I should be able to protect. You're right though, Kit. I don't understand…" I took a deep breath.
"I couldn't possibly know what you're going through but I had to tell them. I just had to. It was destroying me, keeping it from them. And I'm sorry. I truly am."
I wasn't expecting him to get up.
Once he did, he eyed me from head to toe and I pulled my dressing-gown further around myself when we both heard the doorbell.
He passed me, not looking at me as he did.
It only hurt more and I decided to take my leave once I'd gotten a drink of orange juice, but as I did I heard Kit's phone buzzing on the counter beside the glass. For whatever reason, I swiped his screen up to see a preview of the message when I saw a set of tits, along with, "do you like that?"
I was absolutely gobsmacked, my legs felt weak and I had to hold down the sick rising in my throat.
Not long after, Kit returned with a parcel that had just been delivered and I stared at him.
There was always something. Always another heartbreak around the corner.
"You left your phone," I said, still in shock.
"Okay?" he asked whilst tending to his parcel.
Once it was open, he eyed me before lifting something out and handing it to me.
It was the full box set of The Lord of the Rings books and in my hand I stared at it, feeling its weight.
"Why would you buy me this?" I asked.
"Because you said you wanted to read the originals."
I didn't understand. Was this some sort of sick, twisted game?
"So what did you buy the other woman? A sexy lingerie set? Although, judging by the photos she won't be needing any!"
I was crying and I moved around the kitchen counter to walk away but he took hold of my hand.
"What?!" He stared at me. "What the fuck are you talking about, Eves? What other woman and lingerie? I don't have a clue—"
"The girl sending you fucking pictures, you moron! Although, she is obviously not a girl…"
She was full fucking woman.
"What?" He rushed around the counter to pick up his phone.
"It's a little late now, Kit, I've already seen her. Why do you keep putting me through this? If you don't want me just—"
"Shut up, Eves," he said racing around the counter.
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" I said after him as he passed.
He turned around, glaring at me.
"It's fucking Maddie! She's been at it for days, everytime I block the number she finds another way. I told you, she's a networker."
I stared at him, hearing his words, but most of all I saw his body language towards me.
He was harsh and so defensive towards me. Like he hated me.
"What happened to you?" I asked, this new stance had only come since finding out the baby's gender.
"What happened to me?" he questioned.
"This isn't you, you're acting like you hate me."
"I'm pissed off, Eve. You've caused a ton of problems."
"I told my grandparents the truth, Kit. Just like I told Lilly the truth—"
"Yeah, and now she needs protecting too!"
"This has nothing to do with it, and you know it. You're terrified of being a dad, just admit it. It's just hit you and the realisation that you're having an actual little girl that will need taking care of has knocked you for shit!"
"Knocked me for shit?" He stared at me.
"Don't go pulling me up on my sayings, you fucking twat."
"I get that you're scared. I'm terrified too. I know the pressure you're under is unbelievable, but you won't let me help!"
"It's my job!" he said and I glared at him.
"Fine, you do your job. Come back to me when you're completely spent, Kit. When you've worn yourself down to nothing. What happened to opening up to each other? Perhaps you should pay Jerry a visit, or does his advice not mean jack-shit to you anymore either?"
I didn't allow him to answer and right on cue the security beeper sounded and Nick walked in through the front door with Eric and Jax.
"Is everything—"
"Ask him," I said before running up the stairs.
"Eves?" Jax said after me but instead of answering them I tried to conceal my tears until I was alone upstairs.
That's where I crawled into bed and sobbed.
About an hour later, I heard the door opening and like a sick sense, I knew it was Kit.
"We're going to Delta," he said from the doorway but I didn't move from where I laid in bed. I didn't want him to see me in such a state. I cried for the full hour and I felt so guilty for allowing myself to stress my body out so much, that I continued to cry until Kit came to talk to me. When he didn't bother to say or do anything more, I cried some more once he'd left until I heard the security on the door activate which told me he'd left.
"Eves, what the hell happened?"
I said thanks to Bob who had walked me up to Lilly's front door. She stood aside so I could come inside.
"We had a row," I said, sitting on the couch.
"Where are your parents?" I asked.
"Where do you think?" She sat down and crossed her legs. "They’ve been sent on another report."
I nodded, sitting in a bubble of my own thoughts.
"What happened, Eves? You both seemed so happy at the hospital."
"Everything has kinda spiralled downhill since then. I can tell it's getting on top of him. Me being pregnant, the pressure to protect us, the fact that I'm having a girl, Maddie keeps sending him naked photos and oh, I told my grandparents about Delta."
"What?"
"Yep," I answered as she stared at me.
"First, he was pissed at me for telling them, then this morning I saw a text message with a pair of tits. Then I outed him, told him everything is too much for him and that he won't let me in."
"What did he say?"
"He hasn't really said anything." I tried to control my emotions.
"It's like he hates me, Lil'."
"Come on, Eves, he doesn't hate you. He's just under a lot of pressure."
I nodded, trying to believe it.
"Maybe you should stay here tonight, give you both some space apart."
Again, I nodded and thanked her.
"How was work?" I asked trying to change the subject, and she got up.
"Fine. You hungry?"
I smiled. Lilly was what I liked to call a feeder. There wasn't a problem she wouldn't try to fix with food.
Once Lilly had placed the kettle on, she placed two cups on the side and eventually made us two cups of tea.
"I'm gonna go get a quick shower, okay? I haven't had the chance yet."
I nodded and left her in the hallway. She went up the stairs and I went into the main living room to watch tele.
Once there, I gasped, because someone was on the couch, and I thought about legging it. Instead, I stood astounded and searched the room for anyone else.
"Hi, Eve."
"Maddie?" I stared at the back of her head and I had to move around the couch to see her properly.
I thought about just running, and I wished I had because in that split second I'd forgotten I was alone. Once I saw her fully sitting comfortably on the couch I saw the gun resting against her boot as if it were her pet. Her legs were crossed and she sat looking awfully cool for a crazy chick stroking a gun.
"Jesus, Maddie, what are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd pop in, drive Kit a little mad. Oh, you wanna take a selfie?"
I eyed the gun in her hand, as she held it there so peacefully.
"We'd better be quick though, whilst your bezzie is in the shower."
"Why are you really here?" I asked, staring back at the gun.
"Oh this? Don't worry about this," she said, waving it about.
"This is just a piece of insurance I like to carry around. Now, come sit with me."
I shook my head and stared at her as her face changed.
"Sit, Eves," she said more irritated and the gun shifted in her hand.
I gulped and did as she said.
I gasped as soon as I did because she scooted over to me, and lifted her phone to take a selfie with me.
"Oh, he'll love that one. Wait, though, which one do you think I should send him next?" She asked, lifting her phone so that I could see her scrolling through dozens of naked pictures she'd taken.
"You do know my fight isn't with you, don't you?"
I did whatever I had to in that situation and I nodded.
"I just think he should pay for leading me on. He'll only do the same to you. He'll get bored and move on."
Although I knew Maddie was mental, I couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to what she was saying.
"I've been trying to figure out what I can use to really get back at him. Always, my mind lands on the same thing. You. Let's not forget you're his golden girl, Eves. You won him," she said bitterly whilst moving back to her original spot by the door.
"What if he doesn't want me? What if he's got bored of me like you said?"
"Then, in that case," she smiled, "despite how he uses women, I know the guilt he feels every time he fails a mission and someone gets hurt due to him."
"What does that mean?"
"It means, that in order to hurt him I have to hurt you."
"Maddie, no, you can't—"
"I'm not going to hurt you whilst you're pregnant, Eve…" She said and the panic I'd felt lowered ever so slightly. Until Maddie lifted her gun and started waving it around again as she spoke.
"But one day, I'll conclude my plan and Kit Carson will regret the day he ever—"
I gasped.
All went silent for what felt like forever until blood came gushing down the front of Maddie's t-shirt and she flopped forward—all life within her leaving through her eyes as she stared at me.
Then I stared behind her to where Lilly stood.
In her hand the kitchen knife still stood to attention covered in blood.
With the shock, she dropped the knife as Maddie's body fell further forward. Now, her full chest was soaked in blood and sickness filled my body, knowing she was dead.
"Holy fuck, I've just killed someone," Lilly said and I stared at her. I breathed heavily then, as the adrenaline caught up with me all I could do was get up and run to Lilly. She stood in the same exact position that she had stood after dropping the knife. Only now, she was crying and I wrapped my arms around her.
"I had to, Eves," she sobbed. "I didn't know if she was going to kill you with the gun. I could see her through the gap in the door, she was—"
"It's okay," I shushed her and held her head against my chest. I tried to calm her as she stood trembling. I led her out of the living room and away from Maddie's body that sat limp on the couch.
"I'm gonna be sick," Lilly said then and ran to the toilet to the side of the hallway.
Then I screamed when the front door slammed open and two masked men marched in. They weren't armed, but they were masked and I backed myself against the wall as they marched into the hallway. I recognised their bodies and before I could make up my mind, Kit pulled his mask off and stared at me.
"Eves," he breathed and I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He scooped me up and brought his arms around my back.
Nick pulled his mask off too and Kit directed him to move ahead.
"The rest of Delta will be here soon. We have reason to believe Maddie is here," Kit said and he reached his hands forward to take mine.
I hadn't realised until then, but I was trembling and Kit stared at me.
Before I could say something, we each heard Nick calling from within the living room.
"Kit?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Where are Bob and Phil?"
Why hadn't they known about Maddie being here? Why hadn't they stopped her?
"They're in a pretty bad way," he answered.
"What does that mean? Wait, are they dead?" My eyes widened.
"No," he shook his head. "Maddie tricked them, she led Phil away from the house, shot him in the legs and left a trap for Bob knowing he'd be running back to get to you."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How had we not heard gunshots?
"They're both fine, they'll both be fine. It's gonna be okay," he said and then Lilly came out of the toilet, looking like a white sheet.
"I killed her," she said, still babbling on in shock.
Nick took his opportunity to come to her and he placed his hands on her to steady her body.
"Have you seen?" she asked him and he nodded.
"You did what you had to do, Lilly," he said.
"I murdered her," she answered and he shook his head.
"You protected Eves and you, Lil', do you hear me?"
I wasn't sure if she could hear him because she wasn't answering him. She was barely acknowledging us at all.
Kit left me with Nick, knowing I'd be safe and Nick extended his hand for me to take.
He held both me and Lilly there as Kit went to see what Nick already had. Once he returned, he looked as white as Lilly.
"We need to get them out of here," he said.
"We have to wait for the rest of them to get here," Nick answered.
Kit nodded. "Take them upstairs? I'll deal with this."
Kit gave me a look and I could see everything he was feeling, just from the one look.
Despite what Maddie had done, they'd had a friendship once upon a time.
I moved to his side and kissed his cheek before telling him that I was sorry.
I knew it wouldn't make him feel any better, and as I turned to leave with Nick, I wasn't expecting him to hold my hand so I couldn't move away.
"Why are you sorry?" he asked, searching my eyes.
"She was your friend," I answered as if it were obvious.
"She could have killed you and the baby, and you're sorry?"
I nodded, realising how crazy I probably sounded.
He brought his lips to my temple then and kissed me there.
"Everything is gonna be okay, alright? I'll be right down here."
Nodding, I followed Lilly and Nick upstairs and we settled in her bedroom.
"What is gonna happen?" I asked and Nick's attention shifted from Lilly. Up until then he'd had his eyes glued only on her.
"They'll assess the scene and gather evidence."
"Will I be arrested?" Lilly asked and he shook his head.
"Normally, yes. If the police were dealing with the case, you'd be arrested. Thankfully we'll be able to keep this under the radar which means we won't have to involve the police at all. We have evidence. She attacked both Bob and Phil outside and she's been hassling Kit for days with texts. She sent him the picture of her and Eve. You acted in self defence to protect Eve. We don't know what could have happened. You did the right thing, Lil', you have to know that."
I knew Nick treaded on eggshells around the thing that really need
ed to be said, but he didn't say it. Probably because he didn't wanna upset me.
"She could have killed me, Lil'. She could have killed me and the baby. You're a hero. You hear me?"
Nick looked at me and nodded and then smiled at her.
She looked at me then and reached for my hand, and I saw the tears in her eyes.
I wasn't sure Lilly was ever going to recover from this. I wasn't expecting her to. I wanted her to truly know that she was a hero for what she'd done, despite the fact that she had killed someone. Once Delta filed the case and took an interview from myself and Lilly, they conducted a huge clean up job, removed the blood stained couch from her parents living room, and replaced it with an identical copy. Although, we hadn't seen it. A week later, and we still couldn't bring ourselves to go into that room. Whilst Lilly's parents were still away for the remainder of the week, Lilly stayed with us. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and I babied her probably too much.
I spent every waking second that I could with her and although Kit and I had made up, we still hadn't really had the time to sit down alone together and discuss everything that had caused our argument in the first place. It felt weird once Lilly had gone home. At the first possible opportunity my grandparents had demanded a full report from Kit and I over what had happened and he was happy to explain everything to them. We sat with them for over two hours answering any of their questions.
I wasn't sure if it was ever going to sink in for them. How could it? With something happening every five seconds, I feared for their mental health. I felt horrible for telling them because they had this new burden on their shoulders that shouldn't have been there.
"We're glad that you've told us, you know that don't you?" my grandad had said to me.
"I'm serious, Eves, don't you ever feel like you can't talk to us. We're a family."
Hearing him say that had lowered my guilt level ever so slightly, but everything was still getting me down.
That night I laid in bed after my bath and with my stomach bare, I traced my stomach with my finger where stretch marks had started to form.
I ignored them and focused on my miracle moving inside.
"Hey, baby," I said and closed my eyes so I could imagine them.
"I bet everything looks pretty great from in there," I said quietly.