“She’ll understand,” Connor said as he tried to reach for Zane’s dick. Zane grabbed his hands and stretched them above his hand as he used his body to pin Connor against the doorframe. Lips coasted down Connor’s neck as Zane transferred his grip on Connor’s wrists to one hand and then skimmed the other hand down Connor’s T-shirt. Fingers traced the jagged scar on his abdomen. It was something Zane had done often since the injury had healed.
Zane released Connor’s hands and dropped to his knees. Connor didn’t have to be told to brace his hands on Zane’s shoulders because they’d done this before too. He looked down his body to watch Zane’s tongue skim over the scar and then petal soft kisses were placed all around the raised flesh. The sensation was intense enough but it was the emotion behind the act that had Connor’s heart seizing in his chest. It was moments like these that made it bearable to have not heard Zane tell him he loved him back since the night Connor had confessed his feelings. He’d hoped Zane would tell him at some point but the fact that he hadn’t didn’t change how Connor felt. The small voice of self-doubt had raised its ugly head a few times in the subsequent days to remind Connor he’d been a fool for not only falling in love with someone who didn’t want a relationship beyond sex but for actually voicing that love. But then Zane would touch him in a way that seemed less about sex and more about reverence and Connor’s heart would explode because it knew that Zane was loving him in the only way he knew how.
“Tonight,” Zane said with promise as he rose to his feet and kissed Connor hard and fast. The crutches were handed back to him. He hadn’t worn his prosthesis in the weeks following the attack because he’d been too numb to care enough to try and have Zane put it on him. Once he’d gotten to a point where he could use his hands more freely, Connor had found himself reluctant to wear it. Not only did his leg no longer hurt for the first time in a long while, he actually felt comfortable enough around Zane to not feel the need to hide behind it.
“I saw you on the news today,” Connor said and he saw Zane stiffen.
“Oh yeah?” was all Zane said as he tugged a shirt on.
“It doesn’t bother me, you know,” Conner offered. He knew now wasn’t the best time to be having this conversation but Zane’s work seemed to be one of the few remaining obstacles between them. “Everybody deserves a fair trial.”
Zane let out a harsh laugh as he took his watch off and placed it on his dresser. “I don’t get paid to make sure my client is getting a fair trial. They pay me to make sure they walk out of courthouse through the front door instead of the back one in orange jumpsuits and handcuffs.”
“So it’s only about the money? I don’t believe that.”
“Believe it,” Zane said coldly.
“If that were true you wouldn’t have been so upset about that kid whose dad killed his mom.”
Zane didn’t answer him as he disappeared into the bathroom. Water ran for a few seconds and then Zane was moving towards him. “We should get going. I told Mrs. Finney we’d be there by six.”
Connor managed to snag Zane’s waist before he could pass by him. “It doesn’t change anything,” he said softly, firmly. Zane’s eyes didn’t meet his but he felt Zane’s gut clench beneath his touch. Zane hesitated for a moment and then pushed past him without another word.
***
Zane had known there was a slim possibility that Connor would see him on the news. There’d been little chance that the press wouldn’t get word of Roland Deming’s arrest and they’d been waiting on the courthouse stairs to ask Deming how he felt about being arrested for his missing wife’s apparent murder. The smug piece of shit had declared his innocence and started telling some sob story about how concerned he was for his wife when Zane had told him to shut up and shoved him towards the waiting car. The arraignment had gone off without a hitch and Deming had gotten a reasonable bail despite the prosecutor’s attempt to keep him behind bars until the trial.
As they’d driven away from the courthouse and back to the firm, Jim Dupree, the second chair on the case, began talking strategy with Deming. Zane had tuned them both out and had started checking his emails but had found himself scrolling through the text messages he’d received from Connor throughout the day. It had been one of Zane’s conditions for going back to work that Connor text him throughout the day to let him know how he was doing. He’d ended up with a running commentary of everything Connor had done, who had visited and even a few raunchy messages telling Zane what he was planning to do to him when he got home. At one point, he’d gotten so turned on that he had to put his bag over his lap to keep Deming and Dupree from noticing his predicament.
The past couple of weeks with Connor were a complete opposite to what the first two weeks had been. Connor became an active participant in his recovery and never complained about being cooped up in the apartment because of Lionel Sutter’s threats. And more importantly, Connor hadn’t asked Zane even once to take him home – at least not for anything beyond visiting Mrs. Finney or picking up some clothes.
Making love to Connor had become a daily need like breathing and eating but Connor never protested anything Zane did to him. In fact, Connor’s mind had turned out to be a lot dirtier than he ever would have thought, as evidenced by the blow job he’d received in the parking lot of his apartment building the night he’d installed Mrs. Finney’s garbage disposal. The parking attendant had been less than a hundred feet away when Zane had backed his Audi into his spot and as Connor had pulled him free of his pants, several of Zane’s neighbors had walked past his car to get to theirs.
By some miracle, none had seemed to notice the dark brown head of hair bobbing up and down over his lap. Not that he would have cared either way because once Connor had put his mouth on him, the only thing that would have made him pull Connor off was an impending natural disaster. He’d shot long and hard into Connor’s mouth and then snarled at the sight of his come dripping down Connor’s chin and coating his plump lips. He’d ended up nearly fucking Connor in the elevator ride up to his apartment and once they did manage to get inside, he’d shoved Connor to the floor and slammed into him as Connor moaned his name. He’d never even once considered the bodyguard who’d been trailing them but when he’d left the apartment the next morning, he’d gotten a knowing smirk from the hulk of a man standing just outside the door. He hadn’t mentioned that to Connor since he didn’t want to do anything to deter Connor from any future acts of wantonness because they were just too fucking hot to go without.
One of the biggest sticking points that remained between him and Connor besides his work was the fact that Zane had yet to tell Connor he loved him. It was something he struggled with every time Connor said the words to him or even just looked at him in that way where the words weren’t necessary. Zane had never been in love before but he had no doubt that that was exactly what he felt for Connor. He’d known it the night he’d almost lost Connor to Jason Sutter’s homicidal rage. But the words still got stuck in his throat. Three words. So simple and yet not. Because as soon as he said them it would change everything…he’d be back where he’d been when his mother had walked out on him. When his father had been ripped from his life. When his foster father had stolen the remaining innocence of his childhood. He’d need again.
How many times had he promised himself he’d never be in that kind of position again? He’d never rely on someone else to determine the course of his life or impact the decisions he made. He’d never be judged or questioned or found wanting. He’d never have to figure out whatever secret formula it was that would make someone want to be with him…stay with him. And he wouldn’t ever have to give that back to someone else. That was probably the biggest reason he hadn’t told Connor how he felt. Because what if he couldn’t be the man Connor needed? Deserved? What if he ended up destroying Connor the way he’d destroyed Blake?
“Zane, you missed the turn.”
“What?” Zane asked as he snapped out of auto-pilot.
“The turn was b
ack there,” Connor said softly.
“Sorry,” Zane muttered as he took the next turn and worked his way back to the street where Connor and Mrs. Finney lived.
“You okay?” Connor asked.
“Yeah,” Zane said, trying to inject some lightness into his voice. “I was just rethinking the showerhead I picked up for Mrs. Finney. She may not like the rain shower kind.”
“She’ll love it,” Connor said, though Zane knew from his tone that he wasn’t buying Zane’s excuse for his wandering thoughts.
When they reached Mrs. Finney’s apartment, Zane kept his greetings quick and buried himself in the process of replacing the leaking showerhead with the shiny new one. He felt Connor’s eyes on him more than once but was glad when Connor didn’t confront him. Mrs. Finney had thanked him profusely when he showed her the new showerhead and he’d managed to make polite conversation throughout the meal. Once they were done with what turned out to be a phenomenal pot roast, he stayed behind to help Mrs. Finney clear the dishes while Connor went to gather some more clothes from his apartment. By the time they were ready to go, he’d received his third hug of the night from Mrs. Finney. The whole thing left him feeling raw and edgy and he found himself only capable of quick, one word answers to the few questions Connor threw his way. By the time they reached his apartment, Connor had seemingly given up on trying to pull anything else out of him and that had him more nervous. But it wasn’t until they reached the darkness of his bedroom that Zane finally broke and reached for Connor as he went past him towards the bathroom.
He dragged Connor up against his chest and managed to whisper, “Please don’t give up on me,” just before he sealed his mouth over Connor’s.
***
Connor tried to put his answer into his kiss as Zane crushed their bodies together. He had no idea what was bothering Zane but his desperate plea just before he’d kissed Connor had nearly destroyed him. Connor suspected that no promise he offered would make Zane believe he wasn’t going anywhere so he tried to reassure him in other ways. How many people had made such promises to Zane in his life?
Zane’s lovemaking was as intense as it always was as he brought Connor’s body to life over and over again with his scorching touch and skilled mouth. But it wasn’t until Zane slipped inside him and linked their hands together that Connor felt the tension drain out of him. Like he was finally where he’d needed to be all night.
“Say it. Please,” Zane demanded as he pushed in as far as he could go.
“I love you, Zane. So much,” Connor whispered as he wrapped his hand around Zane’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss.
“Again,” Zane begged as he slid almost all the way out before pressing in deep once more.
“Love you,” Connor said as his body started to come apart at the seams. Over and over he repeated the words as Zane drove into him. Zane’s lips hovered just above his, close enough that every time Connor spoke, Zane seemed to drink his words down. And when Connor was incapable of speech, Zane slipped his tongue into Connor’s mouth and made love to it the same way he was doing with his body. They came at nearly the same exact time and the rush of heat that flooded Connor’s insides had him gasping for air and his legs wrapping around Zane to hold him inside of him. His come was stuck between their sweaty bodies but he couldn’t find the strength to move. And luckily he didn’t have to because Zane carefully withdrew from him and the proceeded to lick up every drop of his release. He managed to tell Zane he loved him one more time before Zane’s lips closed over his and as the bitter flavor of his own come hit his tongue, Connor sighed and let the darkness of sleep claim him.
***
“Relax, it’s a wedding, not a funeral.”
Declan’s words did nothing to calm Zane as he took the glass of champagne Declan offered him.
“Never been to one,” Zane murmured as he took a sip of the bubbly liquid. Definitely the good stuff. Which shouldn’t surprise him considering how wealthy Dom Barretti was. And if the house they were standing in was anything to go by, Dom Barretti was in an elite league that few would ever reach. But one look at the grooms as they danced in each other’s arms on the dance floor had Zane guessing Dom would give it all up in a heartbeat for his new husband.
“What do you suppose they’re talking about over there?” Zane asked as he looked past the striking couple on the dance floor to where Connor stood in deep conversation with Ren and Jagger and a pregnant woman who’d been introduced as Vin Barretti’s wife, Mia.
“Mia made the mistake of letting us choose the middle names for the babies since we’re the godfathers. Jagger wants something cool and tough while Ren thinks we should go with Italian names to keep up the family tradition.”
Zane chuckled because he could see from the exasperation on Mia’s face as Jagger and Ren went at it that the mother to be was already rethinking her decision.
“I’m glad you came, Zane,” Declan said.
He almost hadn’t. He’d been caught off guard by the invitation which had come from Dom himself when Zane had called to get a status update on Lionel who’d remained secluded in his downtown apartment. It would have made sense if the invitation had been extended only to Connor since he was friends with Ren but Dom had made a point of inviting them both individually. Even Mrs. Finney had been invited and she’d made herself at home in a plump arm chair the second the ceremony ended and had been babysitting the infant daughter of one of the young couples in attendance.
It wasn’t until he had mentioned the invite to Declan after running into him at the courthouse that Zane had remembered all the people that had shown up at the hospital the night Connor had been attacked. He’d only recognized Dom among the sea of faces but Declan had filled him in on all the others who’d been there. A few of them had come into Connor’s room to check in on him but Zane had been so beside himself with fear and shock that he hadn’t paid much attention to who was who.
“Connor was really looking forward to it,” Zane murmured.
“He looks really good,” Declan observed. “How is his hand?”
“Almost a hundred percent. He’s glad to have the splint off and he’s only got a few more physical therapy sessions to go.”
“And the rest?” Declan asked.
Connor had been up front with Jagger about his struggles to put the events of that night behind him so it wasn’t a surprise that Declan knew about them. “A few nightmares here and there. He’s still seeing Dr. Barnes so that seems to help.”
“Has he gone back to the bar?”
Zane shook his head. It was the hardest part of Connor’s recovery. But not only because it meant he had no income but because he felt like he was letting Mags down. Mags had reassured him over and over that the job would be there if and when he was ready to come back but the few attempts Connor had made to even enter the bar in the last few weeks had failed.
“I could ask Dom if they’re looking for any help at the office,” Declan offered.
“He’s too afraid he’ll have one of his episodes while he’s working. It’s the reason he’s stayed at Mags’ for so long.”
The admission that Connor had always wanted to be a teacher hadn’t surprised Zane since Connor was so amazing with people, but to learn that his injury had kept him from pursuing his dream had bothered Zane greatly. Connor had told him about the event with the kids at his first job and he could tell by the way Connor spoke of the whole ordeal that it had been a crushing realization for him.
“People would understand…” Declan said.
“He’s afraid he’ll hurt someone.”
“Damn,” Declan muttered.
“He’s looking into something where he can work from home. Administrative work.”
Declan shook his head in silent disagreement – it was the same reaction Zane had had. Connor needed to be around people – he was too vibrant not to be. As if Connor could sense him thinking about him, he glanced up from the debate that continued to rage between Jagger and Ren. Even f
rom across the room, Zane could feel Connor’s smile.
“You were right, Declan.”
“About what?”
“About needing him instead of just wanting him,” Zane said as he held Connor’s gaze.
“You tell him that?” Declan asked.
Zane fell silent for a moment as he watched Connor extricate himself from the group and head his way. “Still trying to figure that part out,” he finally said before he handed Declan his champagne and strode across the dance floor to meet his man in the middle.
Chapter 11
“Night, Ray,” Zane said as he gave the bodyguard a quick nod and closed the door. As he locked it, he reached up and began stripping off his tie. A quick glance at the living room showed it was empty.
“Connor?”
“In here.”
Zane dumped his bag on a side table and headed towards the kitchen. He’d had a shitty day at work trying to sort through all the evidence against Roland Deming and though he hadn’t found any loopholes yet, the prosecutor’s case was weak. Which meant certain success for him but disappointment for Missy Deming’s family and a bleak future for whatever mistress Deming promoted to status of wife.
“I was thinking we could order in for dinner-”
Zane came to a stop when he saw Connor sitting at the kitchen table. But it wasn’t the sight of Connor that had him unable to move. It was the two dozen white roses in a dark green vase in the middle of the table with the white greeting card with his name scrawled in clear, neat letters that had him taking a step back.
“The Concierge brought them up a little while ago,” Connor said softly. “He said you get them every month.”
Bile rose in his throat as an unwelcome rush of heat invaded his body. He’d been a fool to think he’d never have to expose Connor to this part of his past.
Freeing Zane (Barretti Security Series, Book 4) Page 16