We made love for the first time that day and vowed to each other we would always be together and have each other’s backs. No matter what.
A soft moan left her, pulling my gaze to her face. Slowly, her lashes lifted, and she blinked a few times before focusing on me. “Mav?” she rasped out.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I murmured. “How are you feeling?”
As I spoke, I saw that reality was returning to her, and she was remembering the events of the morning. Tears filled her eyes, and she tried to tug her hand free from mine. “You…you let them…” Her voice broke off on a sob, and she turned her head away from me.
Lead filled my heart. “Baby, the doctor said there was no other choice.”
“I heard the heartbeat.”
“I know,” I whispered, blinking back my own tears. “I heard it too. It was a sweet sound that I’ll never forget.”
She turned angry eyes on me. “Then how could you let them take it away from us?”
“Because you were going to bleed to death if I didn’t!” River flinched at my raised voice. I cleared my throat and tried to rein in my emotions. “The baby was dying, and so were you. There can be other babies, but there’s only one you.” I cupped the side of her face with my free hand, wiping away one of her tears with the pad of my thumb. “There wasn’t a choice to make. You are my everything.”
Her choked sobs were slowly killing me, but there was nothing I could say to make any of this better for her. For either of us.
“Th-this is m-my punishment,” she said with a whimper, breaking my heart even more.
I frowned down at her in surprise. “For what, baby?”
“F-for almost…almost…”
I inhaled sharply. “No, River. Sweetheart, no. This isn’t your punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“B-but I almost did,” she choked out.
“Almost doesn’t count.” I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, turning so I could hold her. As she wrapped her arm around me, some of the tension left both of our bodies, and she pillowed her head on my chest. “You’re not being punished. I swear.”
“Then, why?”
Pushing her hair back from her face, I kissed her forehead. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was just one of those things. Didn’t you hear what the doctor said before they took up to surgery?”
She shook her head. “I was kind of out of it. Between the pain and the drugs they gave me, I didn’t really understand a lot of what was going on.”
“The baby was growing in your left fallopian tube. As it got bigger, the tube burst.”
“D-does that mean we can’t have more babies?” she cried.
I kissed her again, wanting to take away the pain I was afraid I was about to cause her. “The doctor said it cuts the chances in half.”
“O-oh,” she whispered, and I felt her shoulders begin to shake as she started to cry again.
“It doesn’t matter, though,” I murmured, stroking my fingers through her blond hair, aching to take away all her pain—both the physical and the emotional. “If we have another baby, fine. If we don’t, then that’s fine too. All that matters is that I have you.”
Eleven
River
I was released from the hospital early the next morning. Surprisingly, I had little pain since the surgery had been done laparoscopically. I had tiny incisions in my belly button and my bikini line, and that was the only proof that only twenty-four hours before I’d been pregnant.
My heart felt heavy as Lyric pulled up outside of Maverick’s apartment. Opening his door, Mav got out and then reached back in to assist me. Thankfully, I had fresh clothes Lyric had gotten for me at the mall the day before, and I’d showered earlier, so at least I didn’t feel grungy as I slowly walked up the steps to the second floor.
As I walked, my head was down, my arms wrapped around myself, trying to hold myself together.
“Why the fuck weren’t you at school yesterday or today?”
My head snapped up at the sound of my dad’s voice. Fuck, I hadn’t seen his motorcycle in the parking lot, so I hadn’t even considered he would be up there waiting. Instinctively, I took a step back, putting myself between him and Maverick as he and Lyric walked behind me.
“I-I was sick,” I told him. “I’ve had a stomach bug for the last few days. It’s been going around school pretty badly.”
“Oh,” he muttered. “Yeah, Raven and Nova both mentioned you weren’t feeling well Sunday.” He thrust his hands into the pockets of his jeans as his green eyes skimmed over my face. “You look like you’re still sick, River. Did you at least go to the doctor?”
Swallowing the lump of emotion in my throat, I glared at him. “Why are you here, Dad?”
His jaw clenched, and he shot a dark look at the two men behind me before switching his gaze back to me. “You weren’t answering your phone.”
“It’s been off because I didn’t feel up to talking to anyone.” Not a lie. I hadn’t felt like talking to anyone, not even Mila. She’d texted Maverick every hour the day before, but she knew I wasn’t up for chatting, so she hadn’t called.
“You could have at least texted me that you were alive,” he grumbled.
“Well, as you can see, I’m very much alive. You can go now.” I took a step back, knowing Maverick was there, and was rewarded with him putting one of his huge hands on my hip. His heat warmed me, something I desperately needed. “I’d like to go lie down.”
Blowing out a harsh sigh, Dad stepped aside. “Call me when you feel better. We need to talk, honey.”
“If you’re going to threaten Maverick and run your mouth, then I’ll pass,” I gritted out as I continued toward the apartment door.
“As stubborn as your mother,” he muttered as we passed each other.
“More like as stubborn as you,” I snipped back.
“True,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “I’ll drop your car off later.”
That surprised me. I’d thought because he’d paid for my car, he wouldn’t let me have it since I was moving in with Maverick against his wishes.
“But you have to pay the insurance on it now,” he countered.
“I pay the insurance on it anyway,” I informed him.
He blinked at me in surprise. “You do?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, Dad. I gave Mom the money every month. She said I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. Don’t worry, though. I’ll get my own tomorrow. I’ll also get my own phone plan, too.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “River…”
“Bye, Dad,” I told him as I turned my head away. Maverick unlocked the apartment door, and I nearly sagged in relief.
As soon as I was across the threshold, Maverick and Lyric followed me, and I slammed the door shut before flipping the lock.
“I’ll add you to my insurance and my phone plan,” Maverick informed me as he touched a hand to the small of my back and urged me toward the couch. “I just need to make a few phone calls, and it will be taken care of, baby.”
“No, I’ll just get my own,” I argued as I carefully sat down.
He crouched in front of me. “I know you’re not feeling well right now and your head is all over the place. But please don’t fight me on this. We don’t have to hide that we’re together now. That means we share everything. Including bills. Besides, you’ll be on everything of mine as soon as we get married anyway.”
My heart gave a little leap at the thought of marrying him. Biting the inside of my cheek, I gave a little nod. “Okay, then.”
He squeezed my knee before leaning forward to touch his lips to the center of my forehead. “Get comfortable. I’m going to make you something to eat. Then I’ll call Mom and tell her neither one of us will be at work later today.”
I sat back, pulling my legs up to stretch out on the couch. “D-does she know?”
His hand gently brushed my hair back from my face. “No, baby. You can tell her whenever you’re ready.�
�
Blinking back tears, I gave a little nod, and he and Lyric went into the kitchen. Lyric had stayed with us the night before, sleeping in the waiting room in case either of us needed him. I hoped he knew how much I appreciated everything he’d done for us in the past two days, because I didn’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t been there to help the day before.
No doubt, Maverick would have freaked out and insisted on taking me to the local hospital, and then all hell would have broken loose.
I heard them talking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Sighing, I picked up the remote Maverick had given me and channel-surfed while he fixed me something to eat. I’d barely picked at the hospital food I’d been given that morning, but I wasn’t hungry. It was hard to think about food when it felt like my heart was no longer part of my body.
Ten minutes passed before Maverick appeared with a tray that held a sandwich and some soup along with a glass of milk.
“I need to get home,” Lyric said as he dropped a kiss on top of my head. “But don’t hesitate to call me if you guys need anything.”
I gave him a tiny smile. “Thanks, Lyric.”
“Anything for you, sweetheart.” He gave me a wink, nodded to his brother-in-law, and then went out the door.
Mav placed the tray on my lap. “Eat what you can, baby,” he urged when he saw the face I made at the sight of the food. “I know you’re feeling bad right now, but you have to keep up your strength so you can heal.”
Knowing he was right, and not wanting to worry him, I picked up half of the sandwich and took a small bite. It was good, made exactly the way I liked it, but I couldn’t get more than a few bites down.
“Try the soup,” he told me as he finished off the sandwich for me. “Just a few spoonsful. For me.”
Because I knew it would make him stress if I didn’t, I picked up the spoon and ate half the bowl of soup then drank a little of the milk. By the time he was satisfied, I was pushing my limits. I wasn’t in a lot of pain, but I was feeling uncomfortable, and he encouraged me to take one of the pain pills the doctor had prescribed for me.
Once I’d swallowed it, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. After helping me change into one of his T-shirts and a pair of his boxers, he tucked the covers up around me and then dropped down beside me.
“I wish you wouldn’t go back to school tomorrow,” he muttered unhappily. “You should take the rest of the week to recover.”
“The doctor told me I could go back to a light routine starting tomorrow,” I reminded him. “And I don’t want to just lie around doing nothing. There are only a few weeks left of classes before I graduate. I don’t want to mess that up.”
“You’re so fucking smart. It’s not going to hurt anything if you miss a few more days,” he grumbled. “Just tomorrow. Please. For me.”
“Ugh,” I complained, snuggling against him. “You know I can’t say no when you say that.”
I felt him smile as he kissed my temple. “Why do you think I use it so often?”
That made me snort. “At least you admit it.”
“I’ll have Mila tell the school you’re taking one more day,” he promised.
“Fine.” My eyes were already feeling heavy. Being in a comfortable bed, with Mav’s warmth seeping into me while he stroked his fingers through my hair, was more drugging than any pain medication. “But I’m going back Thursday for sure.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His lips skimmed over my cheek, but I didn’t miss the way his lips felt as they lifted into a half smile. “I love you, River.”
“Love you,” I mumbled sleepily, before giving in and drifting off.
When I opened my eyes again, it was dark outside, and I was alone in bed. I still felt uncomfortable, but my stomach was now growling in hunger. Tossing back the blanket, I carefully climbed out of bed and padded into the living room.
The lights were off, but the television was on, and I saw Maverick sitting on the couch. The smell of pizza hit my nose, and my stomach snarled angrily. Coming up behind him, I wrapped my arms around Mav’s neck and bent to kiss his cheek. One of his hands covered mine, his thumb rubbing over my wrist lovingly.
“How are you feeling, baby?”
“Lonely and hungry,” I told him honestly, and he lifted his head to look at me.
“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t want to disturb you, but I should have come back after I made a few calls earlier.” His voice was full of regret, and I moved around the side of the couch to climb onto his lap.
“You don’t have to babysit me,” I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m just feeling a little…lost right now.”
His strong arms contracted around me. “The doctor said you might feel a little fragile for a while. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better?”
Tears stung my eyes, but I shook my head. “Just having you hold me helps,” I whispered.
His lips brushed over my temple. “You said you’re hungry?” I nodded. “I ordered your favorites. The pizza has pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, and green olives. There’s honey barbecue wings, breadsticks, and I got that brownie-cookie thing you like.”
Even though my stomach grumbled again, I only snuggled closer to him. “I’ll eat in a minute. For the moment, I just want to sit right here and be sad a little longer.”
He pressed his forehead to mine. “Take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
Twelve
River
By noon the next day, I was tired of lying around doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself and longing for what I’d lost.
I’d promised Maverick I wouldn’t go to school, but I hadn’t said anything about work. While he snored away in our bed, I showered and got ready for the day. But when I grabbed my things to head out the door, I realized I had no way of getting to work on my own.
Dad hadn’t dropped my car off yet like he’d said he would, and I wasn’t going to go ask him for it. I had some savings, and I could put a down payment on a vehicle if I needed to. I didn’t want anything from my father, especially if he was going to be an asshole about Maverick.
But he’d said he was going to let me have the car the day before. Muttering a curse under my breath, I grabbed my cell phone and realized I hadn’t turned it back on. As soon as it lit up, I saw a text from my mom telling me to call her because she needed to talk to me ASAP.
Frowning, I hit connect without hesitating.
“Where are you?” she demanded, sounding out of breath.
“At Maverick’s,” I told her. “Kind of hard for me to go anywhere right now without a car.”
“He still hasn’t dropped it off?” she growled. “I’m going to kill him when I get home.”
“It’s fine,” I tried to soothe. “I’ll just buy my own car. I have savings, and the money Grandpa Hank put in my trust fund will be mine soon.”
“You’re keeping the car we bought for you,” she argued. “Stop trying to be all adult and shut up for a second, little girl.”
Her tone was full of sass, and I found myself fighting a grin. “Okay. What’s up?”
“I think Delaney might have traveled up this way. I don’t know if she’s looking for me, or if she’s just running scared from that motherfucker—” She broke off abruptly and inhaled sharply. “I’ve never wanted to put a bullet in someone more than this guy, River.”
The quaver in her voice had me sitting up straighter. My mom wasn’t a crier. I could count the times I’d seen her shed a tear on one hand with fingers to spare. That she was fighting tears now told me just how frayed her emotions were over the need to find her niece.
“It’s going to be okay, Mom,” I promised. “We’ll find her.”
“I told you I don’t want you pulled into this. Tony is dangerous. He’s already got men out looking for Delaney.”
I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn’t see me. “Fine. You will find her. You and Aunt Raven,” I amended.
“I know I’ll find her. I just hope I can do so before Tony does.” She blew out a frustrated sigh. “All right, enough of my pity party. Colt said you weren’t feeling well. Is it that stomach bug going around?”
My hand automatically went to my belly. “Not really,” I whispered, fighting the quaver in my own voice now.
The silence that filled my ear was loud as she tried to decipher what that meant. “Okay, little girl. I’m going to need more information than that,” she muttered after a moment. “Did you have a bug or not?”
“Mom,” I whispered, blinking back tears. “I…”
“River, baby, what’s wrong?” she whispered back.
“I…” I clenched my eyes closed. “I had a miscarriage.”
“Ah, honey. I’m so sorry.” There was more than a quaver in her voice now. I heard her sniffling, and when she spoke again, her voice was just as choked as mine. “I…I had a miscarriage before we got pregnant with you, so I know you’re hurting right now, my baby.”
“I-I didn’t know that.”
“It’s not something we talk about.” I heard her blow her nose. “It took a lot out of me, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try for another baby because I was scared. But you surprised me. It was the best surprise of my life, but afterward… I don’t know, I guess I had a little PTSD, but I couldn’t chance feeling that way again. So, we decided one kid was enough.”
I’d never asked why I was an only child before, especially since my parents had always been all over each other. Now that I knew the reason, it made sense. Mom wasn’t the type of person to let emotions rule her, but if she’d felt even half of what I was feeling right then, I knew it must have scared the hell out of her.
Knowing she’d gone through something like me and understood what it felt like, I found myself telling her everything that happened.
“Are you okay now, though?” she rushed to ask. “The bleeding, the pain?”
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