As Chloe sits down to chat with Olivia, I leave them to commune with Gabe over beer. Both to escape the feelings that caused me to impetuously kiss Livvie again and to get a feeling for Chloe’s new boyfriend.
“Beer?” Gabe asks from the fridge.
“Sure, thanks.” I accept the cool bottle gratefully. “What’s for dinner?”
“Salad, stuffed shells and homemade brownies for dessert.”
“That sounds amazing, man. Thanks again for inviting us over.”
“No problem. Chloe’s gone on and on about her infamous family, so I couldn’t wait to get up here and meet all of you.” He finishes stirring some sauce in a pan and turns to me. “I was sorry to hear about your girl. Did they ever catch the bastard who did it?”
I shake my head. “Not yet, though not for lack of trying. My buddy Logan is a cop here. Thankfully.” I take a sip from my beer. “No leads yet, but we’ll find them.”
If it was the last thing I did, I would find whoever threatened my family. That was for damn sure. I may not have a clue as to what the fuck I’m doing with my life or how I’m going to be a dad to a kid when I could barely hold myself together, but I could at least keep them safe. I had to.
The phrase my family reverberates through my brain as I take another drink. Olivia laughs in the other room, and my eyes automatically flit to her. I remember the night we spent together and the way she’d laughed when I tried to convince her to make love with me just one more time, even though her body was still shaking from the last orgasm.
“So,” Gabe begins as he plates the shells. “I hate to ask this, but Chloe will eviscerate me later if I don’t at least try to get some information out of you.”
I can’t help but smile. It’s good to know she has him wrapped around her finger, though I do feel sorry for the fact that he has to face the little tyrant. “Sure, what’s up?”
“How did you not know you had a kid? You sure surprised the hell out of Chloe. And trust me, I’ve given significant time and effort to the plight.”
“We’ve been on-again, off-again for a while now. I was in the Marines until a few months ago. Anyway, I deployed a while back and we hooked up just before I left. I didn’t have access to internet, and the mail service was spotty at best where we were. And I…” I look over at Cole, who’s gnawing on a block. “I wasn’t in the best shape after that last deployment, for a lot of reasons, and when I saw her, with the baby and all, it was like I shut down. I won’t forgive myself for that.”
Gabe looks like he wants to say something, but Livvie chooses that moment to holler into the kitchen, “Hey, we’re starving here. Are you ladies going to keep clucking, or are we going to eat?”
I help him finish the rest of the food, but the actions don’t distract me from my renewed guilt.
After dinner, I walk Olivia and a sleeping Cole back to the car.
“That was nice,” Olivia says. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to see Chloe. And Gabe seems like a good guy. They make a cute couple. The way they met was so sweet.”
“He’ll do,” I tell her.
Olivia buckles Cole into his seat, and I set his bundle of things next to him. Though it’s only been a short time since we’ve been going out together as a family unit, we’ve already gotten things like this down to a rhythm. I find myself watching the street for a white SUV as Livvie buckles herself in next to me.
As I make the short drive back to Livvie’s house, I scan her yard for odd shadows. Her security system is top-notch, Jack made sure of that, but ever since I moved myself in, I’ve kept an eye out. Just in case. After the past ten years, it’s become second nature to keep an eye on my surroundings. The break-in and the shooting have left a bad taste in my mouth and make the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge. Even though Logan’s co-workers covering the case think both are isolated incidents, I know better than to let my guard down.
Her house is quiet and seemingly safe when we enter. She smiles at me then takes the baby upstairs to put him down. I lean against the back door while Hank runs excited circles around the kitchen. As I wait for Olivia to make her way back downstairs, I cycle between wanting to push her away and never letting her leave my sight.
I FELT HIS charged stare all through dinner and it’s left me unsettled in my own skin. I escape to the bathroom after settling Cole in for the night to splash some water on my face, though it does little to cool me down.
I take a few deep breaths and tell myself not to be such a child. We have a kid together, for Christ’s sake. I’m going to have to face him for at least eighteen more years. We should be able to do things like have dinners and go on outings without there being this kind of tension between us. I resolve to ignore whatever lingering feelings I may have because even if Ben can trust me after my lie, who's to say he even wants a relationship now?
I repeat these things to myself after freshening up as I walk down the hallway toward the stairs. I’m so caught up in resolving to ignore Ben that I don’t realize he’s come upstairs until he’s right in front of me.
My feet freeze and my eyes round. My traitorous heart beats an unsteady rhythm in my chest. “Hey,” I whisper, because all other words have failed me.
He rocks back on his heels and hooks his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “Thought you got lost,” he says.
“No—uh—I was just in the bathroom.” I shake my head to clear the confusion. “Are you going to bed?”
He takes a step toward me, and I find myself backing up toward the wall. “No, I was coming up to talk to you.”
“Me?” I’m completely mortified to find that my voice is little more than a squeak.
“I think it’s time we had that talk.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“I’m thinking we’re past letting you make decisions about things that concern me for a while. Don’t you?”
My cheeks heat. “Look, about that—”
Ben puts a finger on my lips, halting my confessions. “I think it’s time for me to talk for a bit.” When I nod, he lowers his hand. “I was in a fucked-up place, for a long time, Liv. Truth be told, I’m still in that place. If you were smart you’d be running away from me right now.”
Even though I had suspected that something had happened to change the person I once knew, he’d never out-and-out confirmed it. I bring my hands to his cheeks and pull his crystal-blues up to face me. “I don’t want to run away from you, Ben.”
“You don’t deserve to be saddled with a man like me. I knew it when we were together that night. I knew it the first time I kissed you, and I know it now. If I were a good man, I wouldn’t be here right now, but I’m not. I want you, everything else be damned.”
“Do you—”
He traces the gentle curve of my cheekbone with the tip of his finger and says, “I don’t want anyone else. What I want is to spend every day I have with you. Every mundane moment. I don’t want to keep letting you slip away.”
Thoughts slow to a pathetic crawl and every nerve ending is focused on the soft pass of his skin on mine. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying that you’ve brought me to my knees, Spitfire. I tried to get you out of my head and I couldn’t. I don’t think I want to.”
Despite my confusion and the emotional whiplash of the past few weeks, I have to admit that I’ve missed him, too. So much.
His fingers delve underneath the thin material of my shirt, pushing my bra out of the way as he cups one breast in his big hands. My knees weaken and he wraps his available arm around my waist. He presses my back against the wall.
I gasp for breath that sounds ragged in the darkness of the secluded hallway. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Really?” His teeth catch my earlobe, and he sucks it into his mouth and nibbles. “I’m sure it’s probably a bad idea. But don’t you remember how good the last bad idea we had was?”
He catches my lips
in a searing kiss, one that is in no way playful, or loving, or soft. This kiss dominates me, reminds me of all the times I’ve fantasized about doing exactly this. It ignites a fire inside me that burns away every misgiving I have.
He starts to edge us toward my room, hitching my thighs around his hips as he walks so our lips never break contact. Somehow, we make it to my room without tumbling to the floor in a heap of limbs and lust.
When he reaches to turn on the lamp on the bedside table, I grab his hand to stop him.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, pausing his investigation of my bra clasp.
“I would just rather have the light off.”
Ben makes a confused sound and flicks on the lamp. “Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong. I just don’t quite look the same.”
Understanding dawns and he lays me down on the bed, climbing between my legs so his face is even with my stomach. “Every inch of you is perfect.” His hands travel from my thighs to the hem of my shirt. “Every inch. Do you hear me?”
I squirm in his hold. He’d seen my body pre-baby and mostly obscured by shadows. It’s completely different now; the months hadn’t dulled the stretchmarks, hadn’t taken away the new curves. I’m no supermodel. “I—”
He doesn’t even give me a chance to protest. “No. I’ve spent the last year dreaming about you. About touching you. Tasting you. Seeing you. All of you. Don’t hide yourself from me.”
My chest warms. It feels like I’m on the edge of a precipice. Taking this step will change everything. Again. “Ben. I’m scared.” Of what I’m feeling. Of the future.
He climbs up my body and holds me in his arms, tipping my face up with a hand cupped under my chin. “Don’t be. I’m here. What we have is more important than any imperfection you may think you have. It’s more important, stronger, than what we’re up against.” His free hand grips my hip and pulls me closer. “This body grew my son. It nearly died for him. Twice. You have no idea how beautiful that makes you to me. How gorgeous you are. All of you.”
He seals this proclamation with a drugging kiss. The first time we were together, it was like we were ravenous, trying to fit in all the taste and touch we could into the short time we had. Now, we have all the time in the world to explore.
And based on the meandering way his hands have begun to map my body, Ben plans on making use of each and every second.
His fingers inch up my stomach, taking my shirt off as he goes, all the while being careful of my arm. He dips down my body to press kisses to each new section of exposed skin. Baring myself this way to him makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.
As he slips my shirt over my head and looks down at my naked body, I’m hit by the sudden irrevocable realization that once we go down this path, there will be no turning back for me.
I can’t believe I’m in this place again. Fragile, vulnerable, and essentially at his mercy. They were right when they said only fools fall in love, because that’s what I am for this man. A fool.
“Stop,” he whispers.
“Stop what?” I manage through a gasp.
His hands slip between my body and the bed to loosen the clasp of my bra. “Stop thinking so much.”
“I’m not—” His lips close over my nipple and my sentence is drowned by my own moan.
I’ve been ready for this ever since he had me undress to change my bandage. Hell, I’ve been ready since the first time, if I’m being honest.
Now I’m naked from the waist up. He sits up so he’s on his knees between my legs. Then he crosses his arms in front of his body and grips his shirt, sliding it up, baring his beautiful body like a veritable feast for my eyes.
I rear up and wrap one arm around his back, cupping his head with the other to pull him down to me. Part of me is screaming that I need to think this through. Is he still upset with me? Is it smart to stir the already-muddy waters? The other part of me completely submits to the kiss, surrendering control to his every whim. I need this, need it so much that I give myself over to his kiss.
It helps that Ben is a phenomenal kisser. That he can, with one press of his lips against mine, make me forget everything but the soft rub of his tongue or the simple taste of him. Bad decision though it may be, I can’t summon the strength to complain.
His hand curves around my jaw and the other trails down my neck, tickles the skin on the undersides of my breasts, then brushes the marred skin of my stomach with the backs of his fingers. My breath catches in my throat at that simple touch.
He breaks the kiss and looks me straight in the eye. The hand that was cupped around my jaw presses against the bed as he uses it for leverage to hold himself up. The one on my stomach slips down to the button on my jeans and his nimble fingers unbutton and unzip, then slip underneath.
My lips part as his fingers slide over my folds. I hear the rumble of his growl in my ear and I whimper, “Ben.”
“Are you wet for me, baby?” His fingers delve between my legs and the sound of his satisfaction makes my pussy clench in anticipation.
Then he presses against my clit with his thumb and moves in such ways that causes my breath to catch in the back of my throat. If I learned one thing after our night together, it was that Ben knows me almost better than I know myself. He understands from the pitch of my sighs and the restless way my fingers grip the sheets that I’m about to come. He watches as I twine the material around my hands and undulate against the play of his fingers. My desire reaches a fever pitch and he catches my low moan with his lips, his fingers flicking an insistent rhythm until I tremble against him in relief.
My muscles are so deliciously relaxed that I don’t realize Ben has even moved until I feel the rasp of my jeans sliding down my legs and the cool air curling around my now-exposed skin. My panties disappear along with my pants, and I don’t have a moment to adjust to my complete nakedness before his hands are spreading me wide and his mouth is on me.
The wet slick of his tongue against me sends a shock of pleasure along my nerves, short-circuiting any second thoughts I may have had. He presses against my legs as the flat of his tongue devastates me. He places one leg over his shoulder and uses his free hand to add the thick length of his fingers.
My hips lift, unbidden, and I moan through my second orgasm. I nearly scream through it, but Ben lifts and kisses me as his fingers help me through the aftershocks. His taste and mine mingle through the kiss, and I shudder underneath him.
His breath becomes ragged and a sense of urgency now underlies each of his movements. His fingers tremble as he undoes the button and zipper on his pants, so much that I knock his hands away to finish the job. I push his pants down his thighs with impatient fingers, dragging the cotton of his briefs along with them. He’s still wearing his customary black combat boots, so I don’t even consider shucking them the rest of the way off. That will take way too long, and I want him inside of me. Now.
His legs are pinned by the confines of his jeans, so his range of movement is significantly limited. The thick length of his cock springs free, and my mouth waters at the same time my pussy tightens. It’s been so long since I’ve even wanted to make love to anyone that my sudden and significant response to him surprises me. Though, it shouldn’t. The few moments it takes for him to slip on a condom feel like an eternity.
I scramble to pull him on top of me, needing the heavy press of his weight to assuage the need burning inside me. He spreads my legs and settles between them in a smooth movement, his lips taking mine for another kiss as he drives inside me.
We groan in unison and I remember how much I love the feel of him, the fullness of him. The rough material of his jeans abrades my calves from where I have them wrapped around his legs. He hooks his hands underneath my shoulders so he can hold me in place for each hard thrust.
He shoves his face in my neck and bites the skin there as I clench around him. Then he loosens a hand to press between us and I arch my neck in response. “Baby,” I manage between heaving breat
hs. “Don’t stop, that feels so good.”
Ben, the bastard, slows his movements in response, thrusting deep, holding, pulling out, then thrusting again even more slowly. “You want it?” he asks.
“Please,” I whisper.
“Are you gonna give this a shot?” he murmurs in my ear.
“What?” My voice hitches as he sits up and presses my feet into his chest so the head of his cock is hitting just the right spot.
“I’m here. You gonna be here with me?”
“Yes,” I gasp.
“Gonna give this a chance, Spitfire?”
I clench around him and relish the sound of his gasp in response. I adjust my legs so they’re wrapped around his waist and push up to roll him on his back. My hands clutch at his shoulders as I start to ride him. He slides his own up my waist to cup the weight of my breasts, his thumbs flicking over the hard tips of my nipples.
With each of my movements, he flexes his hips up to meet me and I nearly see stars the pleasure is so intense. My back arches, but he abandons one breast to cup my neck and force my gaze back to him.
“Watch me when you come, baby. I wanna see those gorgeous eyes.”
It’s just as beautiful as it was the first time. Just as all-encompassing, soul-shattering, and heart-breaking. It builds me up just to tear me down and starts all over again. In the end, my muscles are quaking with the need for release. I want to give in, but part of me is holding back, afraid.
His fingers and hips speed up, noting my heavy breathing and the fast pace of my hips.
“C’mon, baby,” he growls. “I want to watch you. I need to feel you come on me.”
The orgasm builds and my breath catches in my throat. He holds my legs still so he can take over again, meeting me with deep thrusts. The combination of his hard cock pulsing inside of me, the delicious tugs of his fingers on my nipples and the throaty commands he whispers in the darkness throw me over the edge with a savage force.
“That’s it, baby,” he says. “Oh, yes, just like that. I feel you around me. Yes, lay on me. Let me help you through it.”
Warrior (First to Fight #1) Page 16