“I’m looking into it, but it may take some time.”
“That’s not something we have much of at the moment.”
“I’ve got a lead I’m following, so I should have something for you soon. Keep your head up, man. We’ll find him.”
I end the call without saying goodbye as my stomach clenches. I can’t help but feel like I should have stayed away when I had the chance.
Sofie and Jack are busy arguing in the living room, so I use their distraction to slip out to the backyard with Hank. Olivia has since moved on to distract herself with the upstairs bath.
The storms the day before sapped the heat from the region and as a result, the air is refreshingly cool. I sink down on the glider on the back porch and stare blindly into the yard as Hank investigates every bush and tree trunk. I’m a miserable combination of anger, despair, and regret.
The tenuous relationship Olivia and I had managed to cultivate after years of hit and misses won’t survive this latest devastation. I’d taken the one chance I had at happiness—however short—and wanted to run with it. Now, it seems as though it’s going to slip through my hands again.
The nine months I’d been deployed after our night together were some of the worst I’d ever had—and it wasn’t my first, so that’s saying something. The years of devastation had only made everyone involved meaner, more determined and even worse—more desperate.
Coming back from that, I was in no shape to be any good for her. Learning that she had a kid when I was gone only devastated me all the more. The only thing I could think when I laid eyes on them the first time was that I had missed out on my chance. I was too blinded by all I had lost to realize that everything I wanted was right in front of me.
And now it may be too late for any of it.
Around me, the world is still turning; the birds sing in the trees and I hear the laughter of children playing in the backyard down the street. I note these things and wonder if I’ll ever be able to enjoy the simple things I liked so much again.
Even if we find Cole, they’d be better off without me.
“Ben!”
The scream shakes me to my core and I jump to my feet and rush back inside. I find the three of them huddled around Livvie, who is holding my cell phone. Tears are streaming down her face and my heart stops in my chest.
“Yes,” she says. “We’re on our way.”
The phone falls from her limp fingers to the floor and she doesn't notice, as she’s already running toward the door. I scoop it into my fingers and race after her. By the time I reach her, she’s already in my truck, buckled and backing out of the drive. She barely notices me, only stopping just enough to let me hop in the passenger’s seat.
Jack waves from the driveway and shouts, “We’ll meet you there!”
Beside me, Livvie whips through traffic with the agility of a seasoned racecar driver as she whispers, “Come on. Come on.”
I don’t want to ask her what the call was about. I’m almost afraid to know.
We make it across town in record time. She brings the truck to a screaming halt, not bothering to turn it off as she flings the door open and jumps out. The press must have already got wind of the news because they huddle around the entrance like buzzards scenting a fresh kill. I pocket the keys and follow her into the police station, barely breathing as the wings of hope beat in my chest.
Inside, the station is quiet save for the rustle of papers and the soft murmur of conversation. It ratchets the hooks of anxiety ever tighter around my lungs. Livvie spots Logan standing outside of the conference room about the same time I do. She reaches for my hand and I take it, grateful for the small measure of comfort.
The length between us feels never-ending, but when we reach Logan’s side his face brightens with a smile, and I nearly drop to my knees. The relief is all-encompassing. She spares Logan a glance and inhales deeply before opening the door to the conference room.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I am holding when the air is rent with the squalling of a very unhappy baby. I never thought I’d be so happy to hear someone cry.
Livvie lets out a sob, lets go of my hand, and falls to her knees in front of the female officer holding a very unhappy Cole, who notices his mother for the first time and holds out his arms. She accepts him into her embrace and he makes happy sounds, though he’s still sniffling. Her shoulders shake as she cries into his hair.
Logan puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and I realize silent tears are streaking down my own face. I clear my throat and wipe them away as Jack and Sofie arrive—for once, not arguing.
Sofie bursts into tears the moment she sees Livvie on the floor and Cole looking around at all the adults in confusion. She nearly collapses, but Jack is there in a moment, supporting her with an arm around her waist.
Cole looks up at me and gives me a gummy smile. His little hand reaches out to me and he says quite clearly, “Da-da.”
Relief is both welcome and crushing. I gather him in my arms and take comfort in the fact that my fuck up didn’t cost him his life.
A FEW HOURS later we reconvene at the house once the media furor has died down.
“They found him in an empty car—a white SUV—at the gas station over on Seventh Street. Someone recognized the description from one of Sofie’s social media call outs and reported the car to the police. They went out to check and found Cole asleep in the back seat.”
I rub my hand over a sleeping Cole’s back. “A white SUV?” My mind flashes back to the day we were attacked at the doctor’s office and the few glimpses I’d manage to get of the car they were driving.
“It’s possible,” Logan says, knowing where my mind was going. “We ran the plates, but they turned out to be stolen. From what we can gather, they were heading out of town. The back was full of suitcases, baby toys and clothes.”
“So, this couldn’t have been a ransom—not that we have tons of money in the bank. They were truly planning on taking him. Keeping him,” I finish on a whisper, and my body is racked by shivers. I lean down and kiss his forehead. I can’t seem to go a few minutes without touching him in some way. He’s gotten more hugs and kisses in the past few hours than in his entire life, and I’ve always been very affectionate.
“That’s what the evidence points to,” Logan says gently. “But something must have spooked them because they abandoned the car. The witness who found it works across the street. They didn’t see anyone drop it off, just that it had been there for over an hour and he recognized the car from the description Sofie gave.”
I flash Sofie a grateful look, but she’s fast asleep on the couch opposite me with her head cradled in Jack’s lap. While I was in the oblivion of sleep last night, she had been trolling every website and imploring every hacker connection she’s made over the past five years to help find Cole. I’ll never be able to repay her for that.
“What about prints?” Ben asks.
Logan shakes his head. “No luck there. There were too many in the car and none that matched anyone in the system. We believe that since they abandoned the car and didn’t take Cole with them, he should be safe. Even so, I think it would be best if Ben continues to stay with you to keep an eye on things. I can also have a car stationed outside your house until we’re certain they’ve fled the area.”
“I doubt I’ll even sleep tonight, but that sounds great, thank you.” For the foreseeable future, I want to keep Cole as close to Ben and me as possible.
Logan nods. “I need to get back to the station. Take care of yourself.”
Ben stands to walk with him to the door, and I lift Cole up to take him to the portable play pen. At least I can move it around to keep him in sight while he sleeps. As I’m pulling the blanket over him, I catch a thread of Logan and Ben’s whispered conversation in the doorway.
“Did you find him?”
“I have a lead on his last place of residence, but no one’s seen him in months, so it’s possible he’s moved on.”
I
hear Ben’s heavy sigh and my heart slows to a heavy thud in my chest. What in the hell are they talking about?
“Thanks, man.”
The door opens and I heft Cole’s pen so it’s shadowed behind the couch. My hands are trembling with a combination of rage and shock, and I can’t believe there’s something Ben is hiding from me that could possibly help find who took Cole.
He appears in the doorway, a hand rubbing his neck with his eyes downcast.
“Was that about Mason?”
Ben’s head jerks up and he says softly, “No.”
“Then what is it about?” After the horrors of the past few days, the last thing I want are more secrets—or more surprises.
“Livvie not now.” His face is hard and closed-off, and it sparks to life the dregs of anger that have been building since this whole mess started.
“No!” I yell. “I’ve had enough of wondering what’s going on inside that head of yours. And bullshit that it doesn’t have to do with Cole. You wouldn’t be asking Logan to check in on someone right now if it didn’t have to do with Cole.”
“I’m telling you right now, Livvie, this isn’t something I want to discuss, so drop it.”
“After what we just went through, what we’ve been building, I think you owe it to me to explain. Let me in, something.”
He doesn’t answer; his facial expression doesn’t even change. My sinuses begin to tickle, but I force myself not to cry—again—even though I want to. I stand in front of him, feeling like I’m wide open, baring my soul for him, but he doesn’t give me anything. And that hurts so much worse.
His expression hardens further. “I told you what I could give you a long time ago, Liv,” he says, his voice rough. “I told you what I was capable of. Either way, this business,” he gestures with a finger in a circle, “has nothing to do with you.”
He gives me one last hard look then brushes past me.
I wake later that night to an empty bed. I’d gotten so used to Ben’s warmth that the cool sheets beside me make me frown. Sliding from underneath the comforter, I grab my robe from the rocking chair, slipping it on as I take the stairs down to the first floor. Hank barks outside, and the sound leads me to the back porch where I find Ben. I stop in the doorway, the cool night air swirling around my bare legs.
Ben is sitting with his head cradled in his hands, wearing a pair of sweats sans his customary black T-shirt. Normally, the sight of his bare body would send my hormones into overdrive, but this feels wrong. This feels like the Ben from the night of the break-in, the one who has a penchant for leaving. A hollow feeling takes up residence in my stomach.
“Ben?” I pause in the doorway, unsure if I want to even have this conversation. Maybe it would be better all-around if I were to just turn right back around and pull the covers over my head like a child who's afraid of the dark.
He turns to look at me, his face pale in the yellow cast from the porch light. He clears his throat. “I’ve been thinking… Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
My heart stops. “What wasn’t a good idea?”
“Us,” he says. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep seeing each other. I still want to be a part of Cole’s life, be his father… but, aside from that, I think it would be best if we were just friends.” He licks his lips and looks at me as though I should happily agree with his statement and go on my merry way.
“After—” My voice breaks, so I clear my throat and lick my lips before I continue. “I told you after you came back that we shouldn’t pursue any kind of romantic relationship.” My voice raises a few octaves. “You were the one who convinced me it would be okay, that this would work. You were the one who came on to me. You—you know what? I’d like you to leave now.”
We finally have our son back safe and sound and he’s leaving me—us—again?
I turn to the kitchen and stalk back upstairs, paying no mind to the awful racket I’m making. My temper reaches a boiling point when I see his clothes strewn all over my room. I lose a growl at the sight and stalk to my closet where his giant duffle bags have taken up residence.
I hear him enter the room, but I ignore that. Instead, I grab his duffle bags and toss them on the bed. I go to my dresser and open each of the drawers he’s taken over, tossing his things on the bed. Dresser finished, I do the same with the toiletries in the bathroom and the clothes hanging up in my closet.
Nearly two years, I think. Two years of waiting on this man and his wavering sense of duty and complete inability to commit to anything. I am so done with all of it.
I had thought before about whether or not there was a time limit on love. No, I realize, there’s not, but there sure as hell is a limit on the amount of shit one person is willing to take to be with another. And I have had more than my fill. In fact, I’m full to bursting.
Ben watches solemnly and silently from the doorway as I throw a fit of epic proportions. If I had just a hair of Walker blood in me, I would have done the outrageous thing and thrown all of his crap out of the window. Instead, my motherly instincts force me to at least toss his things in his bags. When every last trace of him is gone, I drop each bag at his feet and give him my fiercest look.
“I have errands to run tomorrow. If you’d like to keep Cole while I do, I can drop him off at your parents or wherever else you need me to. Around noon, if that works for you, and I’ll pick him up tomorrow night around six.”
He only nods, and his lack of response and the fact that he can shut down so easily when my heart feels like it’s withering in my chest pisses me off even more.
I charge past him and back down the stairs. I can hear him behind me, lifting his bags and following. The sound of his steps down the stairs echo with finality.
I reach the front door and hold it open for him, but he stops walking and turns toward me. “I know I’m no good for you, Livvie. I told you that when this first started. The only thing I ever wanted to do for you was keep you safe and be there for you. I just realized that I can’t be the man you need, the man you deserve. It’s better that we let this go now before it’s too late. If it weren’t for me, he would have never been taken in the first place.”
It’s then that the pieces click together. “You think that Cole getting kidnapped was your fault?” Now, I hurt for him instead of me.
His face is hard. Unreadable. “I told you that you wouldn’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to lose people that you’re responsible for. I can’t let my failures or my weakness be the reason that he’s hurt again, Livvie. If I hadn’t been distracted by those fuckin’ fireworks, this never would have happened.”
“Ben, we were both there. There were a million people around us. It wasn’t your fault. The person that kidnapped him is to blame, not you.”
“I’m not going to argue about this with you, Liv.”
“Then stay. Don’t go.”
“I can’t.” His scent lingers as his steps recede into darkness. Tears pool and fall down my cheeks as I close the front door behind him.
IN RETROSPECT, IT was a good thing I had so much to do before going back to work again. Thank God the school board was understanding, considering the circumstances. Had they not, I would have been single—again—and jobless. Focusing on returning to work, getting all of the paperwork completed and lesson plans organized is just what I need after my horrific break-up with Ben.
Could it be called a break-up if it had never really started in the first place? Can you break up considering our fucked-up way of “dating”?
I push the thought and resulting self-doubt from my mind. The last place on my list was to visit the accounting department at the school board to turn in the last of my paperwork. Then I can pick up Cole from Ben’s parents’ house, where he is due for dinner. They’d invited us a few days ago, but—no, I stop that train of thought right in its tracks. This makes the third time Ben has walked away from me, and I am determined it will be the last.
I get a text from Sofie an
d my cell rings just as I’m pulling up to the school board office. I throw the car in park and dive into my purse to retrieve it. I recognize Ben’s mother’s number and my heart leaps into my throat at the thought that something could be wrong with Cole.
“Hello?” I answer breathlessly, putting the phone on speaker so I can make sure everything’s okay with Sof.
“Hi, Olivia. This is Sheila Hart.”
I try to control my instant panic. “Yeah, hey, Sheila. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, honey, Cole is fine. Everything is fine.”
I heave a sigh of relief and open up the text message. “Good, that’s good. Was there something you needed?”
Back when we were all younger, Mrs. Hart had been like the local mother hen, mothering all of the neighborhood children. When my father died, she was one of the first people to come and cook up a storm to feed all of those visiting with their condolences. She reminded me a lot of my mom, Celeste, which only made me miss her all the more.
Now, I don’t know how to handle her. It reminds me too much of what I’ve lost.
I rub a hand into my eyes and hope I can get through this unscathed. Based on how her son essentially made me crash and burn, that’s unlikely. Sofie’s attachment to the text takes me to an outside link. Based on the URL it looks like some sort of news report.
“You need to do something about this, girl. I’m at the end of my rope.”
I blink at the empty parking lot in front of me then rub a hand over my brow. When I said mother hen, I meant it. She’s the nosiest, most busy-body woman in the county—probably the state. So I ask cautiously, “What do you mean?
“I mean, I’ve had it up to here.” The word here is emphasized and I can picture her, clear as day, gesturing with one hand above her head. “…With this boy and his nonsense.”
Considering she has four men she noses after, I say, “Which boy?”
“It wasn’t that long ago that I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to help pull him out of this funk, but he seems bound and determined not to let that happen.”
Warrior (First to Fight #1) Page 20