‘I’m Neve Chambers,’ I said.
He turned and walked through the double doors and I followed closely behind, the younger officer holding the door open for me. I was expecting to see a cell or something on the other side, but there was a small kitchen area, an office and some toilets. He led me into the office and offered a chair in front of a desk. Again, watching police programmes, I expected paperwork to be everywhere. Perhaps a whiteboard on a wall, covered in words and pictures of suspects. The desk was tidy: one laptop, a stack of Post-its and a Harlan Coben book, open and face down so he didn’t lose his page.
‘What would you like to tell me?’ he asked, sitting down in his chair, which squeaked angrily under his weight.
‘Do I need a pen or something to write it all down?’
‘Let’s talk first, shall we?’
‘Sorry, yes. I was one of the people who found that top yesterday whilst looking for Jamie.’
‘Go on.’
‘Do you know if it’s definitely his blood?’
‘It’s being investigated. Please, continue, Ms Chambers.’
‘I don’t know if you remember, a long time ago a girl went miss—’
‘Chloe Lambert,’ he interrupted. ‘I remember.’
‘Yes, Chloe.’
‘You were one of her friends.’
‘Yes, I was.’
‘And you’re here to tell me again about the man you called the Drifter?’ He paused, allowing a moment for the name to register with me. ‘I was a lot younger back then, but yes, you told me all about the shadowy man who you and your friends saw hanging around the mine. A man who we never found, who no one else ever saw, despite the village being so small.’
‘I know what I saw back then,’ I said quietly.
‘Maybe.’ He paused again, eyeing me, and I remembered him, I remember him eyeing me the same way when I was young.
‘PC Hastings—’ I knew I needed to take a different tack; Hastings didn’t like me, he hadn’t liked any of us when we were young. ‘I remember you now and, oh, what was his name. Your boss.’
‘DCI Thompson.’
‘Yes, Thompson. I remember how much you did when trying to find Chloe, it meant a lot to everyone. How is he?’
‘Retired.’
‘Well, it has been a long time.’
‘Your Drifter haunted him.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He didn’t stop looking for that person until the day he left the force. He was never the same after that case. He couldn’t let go.’
‘Could anyone?’ I asked with all sincerity.
‘No, I guess not,’ he replied, kissing his teeth, and again he looked at me in a way which was unnerving. ‘The Drifter seems to live forever,’ he added in an accusatory way. The small talk was over.
‘I know what I saw, PC Hastings,’ I repeated.
‘But he was never found. We searched and searched, but he was like smoke. Don’t get me wrong, I was desperate to find him, we all were, because we wanted closure. But he wasn’t found, was he, and nor was Chloe.’
‘I…’
‘Ms Chambers, we spent a long time – long after the papers stopped talking about it – chasing your ghost. And since then, the Drifter has never even been mentioned, not outside the usual chats in the local pubs.’
‘I know it sounds crazy, but I know what I saw.’
‘Do you?’ he said. He knew something, and I felt my heart rate jump.
‘What about the top? The fact that it’s so similar to what happened with Chloe. Don’t you think there could be a link?’
He looked at me for a moment, and I couldn’t work out what he was thinking, but it felt like I was a person of interest to him, rather than a witness. He seemed to ponder his next move and then sighed.
‘Jamie Hardman is an unwell person. He has a history of self-harm, and of disappearing. He is a well-loved man here. We are taking this incident seriously. But we all know Jamie, Ms Chambers. This is nothing more than what it presents itself to be: an unwell man calling for help.’
‘But the top, don’t you agree—’
‘Jamie has always struggled with what happened when you were all young. Everyone knows that. He has never spoken of that summer and how losing his friend affected him. He is calling to us to help him. He’s ready to heal.’
What he said echoed what had been said in the pub the night before. Maybe I had been seeing things.
‘Ms Chambers, I have a small force here, I cannot afford the time or manpower chasing someone you only think you saw.’
‘I saw him.’
‘In the same way you saw the roof of that club fall down?’ he asked, enjoying himself. ‘I’ve read up on you, I know about why you had to leave university. A brief psychotic episode, I think, is the technical term. Am I right?’
‘Yes,’ I said quietly, thinking of that night. It was just another evening out, nothing to suggest I was about to have an episode. We drank, laughed, flirted with boys, and just after midnight, I saw a crack form in the ceiling. It spread in all directions, just before it caved in. I was sure I was going to die. Esther held me, shielded my eyes until help arrived. They said it was stress, exam pressure. But I knew it wasn’t. It was Chloe.
‘Seems you have a history of seeing things that aren’t really happening. I don’t have time for ghosts. I just want to find that boy. If you want to help…’
‘Yes, yes I do.’
‘I don’t mean this disrespectfully – but if you want to help, you’ll not talk about the Drifter. People are superstitious, and I don’t want scaremongering to ruin our search.’
‘But…’
‘Back when Chloe went missing, it ended up being a circus. I’d like to avoid that.’
‘I understand,’ I said, defeated.
‘Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do,’ he said, dismissing me.
In shock I stood and backed out of his office. Passing through the double doors, the younger officer said something, but I didn’t hear. I left the station, climbed into my car and burst into tears. Everyone thought Jamie had just left. It seemed to be the logical explanation to this, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut telling me otherwise. I know what I saw back then. I know what I have seen since coming back. The Drifter wasn’t a ghost or a figment of my imagination. He was real. He had done something to Jamie, and he had left his bloodstained top to make sure we were listening. I wanted to be wrong, I almost begged it to be me losing my sense of reality again, but I knew he was back.
Chapter 26
25th November 2019
Morning
Returning to the village, the headstocks guiding me home, I pulled up outside the social club, hoping that Holly was there, organising her small team of well-meaning volunteers to comb the woods. But the door was closed. I opened my Facebook and saw she had replied to my panicked message last night. She said that she was free if I wanted to come over. I was touched by her kindness. Again, I considered how I could have been kinder when we were young. As I messaged back, I made a silent vow to be a better friend than I thought possible. And I knew I wouldn’t run like last time. I would be present; I would help in any way to find Jamie and protect those who’d shouldered the grief for Chloe back then.
In the message I told her I had been to the police and was around and if she was still free, I’d like to see her. She responded straight away with an address, and punching it into my phone, I drove the short distance. As I rang the doorbell, I could hear the sound of a little voice screaming and playing. Holly was a mum? I hadn’t asked, and assumed because I was childless, everyone was. She opened the door, wrapped in her dressing gown.
‘Don’t worry, I’m dressed underneath, it’s just cold in this house. Come on in.’
Turning away, she sidestepped a large toy dinosaur and then caught a charging little one who was about to crash into a doorframe, moving with such fluidity, like it was all utterly natural behaviour. I thought how if
that was me, I would have fallen over the toy and helplessly watched my child smash face first into the frame. This was why I wouldn’t have kids; it wouldn’t be fair on anyone.
‘Harry, please, slow down.’
Harry said something I couldn’t quite make out and then ran back towards the sound of the TV coming from what I assumed was the lounge.
‘That was Harry, and Finn is asleep upstairs.’
‘Two boys. Wow, you have your hands full,’ I replied, a strange feeling beginning to push its way from deep in my gut.
‘I do and wouldn’t change it for the world. Coffee?’
‘I’d love one.’
Following Holly, we walked into a small, tidy kitchen-cum-dining space. Modest, yet I could tell Holly was incredibly house-proud. I thought about my silent vow this morning. I sat at a bar stool as she grabbed a couple of mugs and flicked the kettle on.
‘I didn’t know you had children.’
‘You weren’t to know.’
‘I’m sorry I’ve not asked. And the dad?’
Holly paused for a moment before replying. ‘He’s not here.’
‘Sorry. Sorry, what a stupid question.’
‘It’s OK. Neve? Are you all right?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep well.’
‘Did you definitely see someone last night?’
‘Yes, I’m one hundred per cent sure.’ The ceiling moved above me. ‘Well, ninety-five per cent.’
‘Shit.’
‘Holly, I’ve just been thinking about what happened when we were young.’
‘Try not to, it’s not healthy.’
‘Do you not think about it?’
‘Yes, of course, every day,’ she said with a sad smile. ‘But like I said, it’s not healthy.’
‘I’m sorry I left you and everyone to pick up the pieces after Chloe.’
‘If I could have, I might have done the same.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘You have no idea how good it feels to hear that.’
‘Neve, we were young, we weren’t built to cope with it all.’
I looked at Holly, the strength she now owned that wasn’t present as a kid. And then I looked around her kitchen, the pictures on the walls of her and her boys. Smiling, hugging. I didn’t know how she could do it. There were a few spaces on the wall where it looked like other pictures once hung – no doubt, images of the father that had not been replaced.
‘I’m not sure I am coping now,’ I said before I descended into thoughts about the life I might have had. ‘I’m freaking out, Holly. I spoke to the police; they aren’t interested in exploring it. Hastings, a copper from back then, practically told me I was making it up. What do we do?’
‘I think we need to meet with the others again. Talk through what we know. Let me see if the pub is free, so we can meet without people seeing us.’
‘Why would that matter?’
‘Because it’s us. Because people haven’t forgotten the past. Because if people see us talking, they will think the worst.’
From the baby monitor I’d not noticed came the sound of a crying; apologising, Holly left to go to Finn upstairs. The kettle finished boiling so I made us both a cup of coffee and sat back down to listen to Holly talking to Finn through the monitor. Her words, soft and loving, and whatever actions she was undertaking, were clearly well received as every now and then I heard baby Finn giggle.
And for a moment, I felt something akin to a pang of loss.
I shook it off, it was hardly the time. As I took my first sip of the hot coffee, Harry bounded into the kitchen.
‘Hello,’ I said, forcing a smile onto my face.
He didn’t respond, he just looked at me, accusingly. He knew, children always know.
‘My name is Neve, I’m a friend of your mummy’s. What’s your name?’
‘I’m Harry.’
‘Hello Harry, and how old are you, do you know?’
‘Yep, I’m four.’
‘Wow, Harry, you’re such a big boy.’ He seemed to like my response, as a smile replaced the accusatory look.
‘Do you want to see my dinosaurs?’
‘Yes, please.’
Harry ran out of the kitchen and back into the living room. For a moment I waited for him to return, but it didn’t take long to realise he wasn’t coming back, and I was supposed to follow. When I stepped into the living room, I was taken aback at the chaos – whereas the kitchen/diner was immaculate, the lounge was anything but. Toys were strewn over the floor, covering all available floor space. The TV played one of the Pixar films in the background and in the middle of it all sat Harry with a large scary-looking dinosaur and a smaller one.
‘This is my T-Rex, he’s my favourite.’
‘I see, and why is he your favourite?’
‘Because he’s the baddie and he eats everyone.’
‘Wow, he is pretty scary.’
‘Here, you hold this one,’ he said, handing me the smaller dinosaur, and without giving me any time to realise what was happening, he began to talk with what I guessed was a dinosaur voice. I almost made an excuse and scuttled back into the kitchen, but decided instead it would do me good to try and forget the shit going on outside in the real world. So, jumping up I began to run away, drawing a circle into the carpet as Harry and his dinosaur chased me. Once he caught me and ate me, I became Batman, and he became the Joker, who of course had a T-Rex as a minion. And we continued to play. I made a laser out of a small slinky and pinged Joker from a motorbike he had acquired somehow, much to Harry’s delight.
‘You two having fun?’ came a voice from behind me, and turning I saw Holly standing with Finn in her arms. I laughed and tucked my hair behind my ear, embarrassed.
‘Harry, Mummy and Neve need to chat for a bit, are you OK to play on your own?’
‘But Mummy, I want her to play.’
‘She can’t, darling. I’ll tell you what, after Mummy and Neve have talked for a while, we could go to the park.’
‘Yes!’
‘OK darling, we’ll be in the kitchen.’
I followed Holly and sat back at the breakfast bar, my coffee cool enough to drink now.
‘You’re good with kids. Have you thought about having any of your own?’ Her words hit me harder than I thought possible.
‘Yes, I’ve thought about it, just never seemed the right time,’ I lied.
‘Oh, Neve, trust me, there is no such thing as the right time. Are you married?’
‘Engaged.’
‘How exciting! Have you two set a date?’
I thought of Oliver’s message yesterday morning, his coldness, and I wanted to cry.
‘No, not yet.’
‘Sorry, I’m prying.’
‘No, it’s OK.’ I took a deep breath and watched as Holly turned slightly so she could feed Finn.
‘You don’t mind?’ she said after he latched, and she turned back to face me.
‘No, of course not.’
‘Tell me about him.’
I thought of my silent vow. I didn’t want to break it by lying. ‘Holly, I’m not being totally honest. My fiancé, Oliver, he left me a few weeks ago.’
‘Oh, Neve, I’m so sorry.’
‘We both wanted different things,’ I said. Again, being truthful, but I omitted that he wanted a future, a family, and I wanted to stay hidden as I had done my whole life.
‘What about you?’ I asked.
‘I’m still married, but as I’ve said, he’s gone.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be, it’s just one of those things. We talk and still get on, for the sake of the kids.’
‘Must be tough.’
‘It is. But you and I, we’re survivors, aren’t we?’
‘Yes, we are,’ I agreed.
‘And right now, we’ve got more pressing things to survive than our love lives.’
‘Yes, we have. What are we going to do?’
‘Let me message the others, get a place to meet, and we will go from there. How does that sound?’
‘Sounds good. Thank you, Holly. I promise, I’m not making it up, about the man.’
‘I know. We all saw him when we were kids. All of us.’
‘But none of you have seen him since.’
‘True, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t. If you say you’ve seen him, you’ve seen him, and as a group we need to work out what we do next. We have to find Jamie, and I think we need to find the Drifter too.’
She was right, we needed to find Jamie, but with each passing moment, I was more and more convinced that we never would. Or if we did, he would be dead.
‘Can we go into the woods again?’
‘No. The police have said we need to stand down and let them do their jobs.’
‘All we’re trying to do is help.’
‘I know, and I said that to them. But since it’s gone beyond Jamie wandering off to him potentially being hurt, or worse…’
I didn’t know what to say, instead I smiled at Holly. ‘I better go, spend some time with my dad.’
‘Yes, of course, let me message the others and let you know. Can I grab your number? I’ll add you to the WhatsApp chat.’
‘Of course.’
Holly took my number in her phone and then, as Finn had finished feeding, she burped him over her shoulder as she walked me to the door. Outside, the crisp morning was being replaced with clouds that had blown overhead, dulling everything to a grey. I quickly gave her a kiss on the cheek and stepped outside, not wanting the cold air to sweep into her house.
‘See you later,’ I said, aware I wasn’t worried about doing so.
As I walked back to the car, I had a notification ping on my phone, quickly followed by another, and another. Holly was organised, motivated and had already created a WhatsApp group, added me and posted about needing to meet. I quickly learnt that the pub was off limits. Derrick had opened it to the police and local media, who were beginning to appear in larger numbers. It was good for business. Baz’s place was out of action, whatever that meant. Georgia’s dad would have a fit if we met there. He was the last person any of us wanted to see. With my dad’s pending tests, I didn’t think it was a good idea to go to his, besides, it wasn’t my house to offer. And then Michael messaged, his words sent a shiver up my spine.
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