by Tracy Ewens
“How should I know? Can you turn on the television?”
“No. Dad, where does Mom keep the medicine?”
“Same place she kept it when you lived here. What do you think, when you move out to become fancy that we moved the medicine?”
Matt inhaled, slowly let it out, and walked to his parents’ bathroom. The Advil was right where it usually was and he put two in his hand.
“Here,” he said, handing the liquid-filled pills to his father who, of course, ignored him and stared at a television that was not on.
“Dad, take these with our food.” He set them on the paper next to his burger.
“Can you get that television?”
“No,” Matt said, sitting back down.
“Why not? What are we going to do, talk about all your money? We used to have other things to talk about. See, if you hadn’t screwed it all up and—”
“And what?” Matt asked, knowing the answer, but wanting to cut him off before he was allowed to somehow make him feel small again. “Gone to school, found success? Which one of my decisions explains why we have this?” He gestured between the two of them.
“Watch your mouth.”
“Sure, right. What should I stop saying, Dad?”
“You have no respect.”
“No, I have tremendous respect for you and Mom and what you guys have built.”
“We should have had more kids,” his father said.
Matt laughed, relieved as some of the usual tension spilled off him. “Oh yeah? You want to be careful with that one. What if little brother had turned out to be… I don’t know, a heart surgeon? Or worse, an astronaut? Imagine the shame when little brother or middle child hadn’t wanted to learn about roasting coffee. But now, you only have me to pile all the guilt on.”
His father grabbed his walker and Matt felt bad. He put his hand over his father’s.
“Dad, stay where you are. I’ll leave.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know how else to help you,” Matt said quietly.
“Help? I don’t need your help.”
“I think you do, Dad, and I’m tired of backing down, so we’re going to see if I can help.”
At the knock on the door he was expecting because he’d texted Toro, Matt opened the door.
“Hey, ACM! How’s it going?” Toro stepped in and shook his father’s hand.
“Toro, I’m… I have a bum hip. That’s how it’s going. A bum hip and a rude son.”
“Said every father, right?” Toro crouched his giant frame down in front of Matt’s dad. “So here’s the thing, Coffee Master. I have a sister who runs a health club, kind of a rehab place, but there are women in bikinis so it’s better. I’d like to get you in the pool.”
His father’s eyes darted immediately to Matt. “Is this your doing?”
Matt shrugged, knowing anything he said would be the wrong answer at this point.
“Thank you, Toro, but I had physical therapy this morning and it does nothing.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Let’s see how the water goes.”
“No.” He looked at Matt, stubborn because he knew no other way.
Toro stood and glanced at Matt, who moved to the door. He grabbed a bag of his father’s stuff that he’d packed and gave the nod to Toro.
He leaned down and said quietly, “Almighty Coffee Master, your son loves you and you know I worship you, so you’ll have to trust us.” With that, he gently picked up Matt’s father, who was in such shock he didn’t even blink until they were out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The following night was karaoke night at Mitchell’s Cove. Hollis spent her morning helping to get things set up and went back to her cabin to shower. She hadn’t seen Matt and guessed he’d gone back to the city, although Poppy told Hollis this morning when she went to get her coffee that she wasn’t coming back full-time until next week.
The music was loud and the restaurant was packed with locals and tourists. Hollis tried to tell herself a little space was good and if he was back home, then distance was good too. They certainly couldn’t stay in the “postcard” forever, as Annabelle had put it. Now that she knew what Matt really did, she imagined his life was busy. That was fine; hers was too. Hollis laughed at the thought because about an hour ago she was testing out the strobe light above the karaoke machine. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, she thought right as Matt walked in and sat on one of the bar stools Uncle Mitch had saved for his guests. Hollis took the stool next to him.
“Is there any way all of this could be your fault?” She leaned in so he could hear her, and he smelled so good she almost spun off the stool.
“I…”
“You know, since you have a penis. You could plead the Fifth and the whole thing could be your fault.”
“Will that fix this so I can get back to waking up next to you? Because if so, my penis is all yours, blame away.”
Hollis laughed and right as Mr. and Mrs. Trumble started singing, more like screeching “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga, she took Matt’s hand and pulled him out to the patio.
“This isn’t exactly a slow dance song,” he said, settling his hands on her hips.
“I don’t care. I’m sorry. I was stupid and it’s great that you are successful. Do you forgive me?”
Matt nodded.
“What color is your couch?” she asked.
“My couch? You’ve seen the couch at my parents’ place.”
“Your couch at home, where you live now. What color is it?”
“Black. Yours?”
“Mine is a red and orange color. It’s not quite a sectional, but it has a little chaise piece on the end. I like to sit there on Sundays and read.”
“My couch is kind of small. I should get a bigger one, but I don’t spend a lot of time on it.”
“Do you have any plants?”
“No. Well, I have a Christmas cactus that my mom brought over when I moved in, but it’s barely hanging in there.”
“I don’t have any plants or pets.”
They stood in silence.
“What kind of toothpaste do you use?”
Matt laughed.
“I think it’s Crest. There are some kind of beads or whiteners in it because it’s a little crunchy when I brush.”
“Paste?”
“As opposed to?”
“Gel. Is it blue or white?”
“White.”
“Paste.” She turned to face him, wrapped her arms under his, and flattened her palms across his back, resting her head on his chest.
“Do… you use paste?”
“Yes. I think we might have the same toothpaste. Crest Whitening. It works. Are you happy with your toothpaste?”
Her eyes met his and she knew Matt could see she was asking him to give her something. Once again, he didn’t quite look like he knew what that was, but he played along.
“I am. I’ve had the blue kind before and I like this one, I like the grit.”
“Me too.” Hollis smiled.
“Since we are finally getting down to the nitty-gritty.”
“Oooh, great phrase. Can I have it?”
“Sure. Since we are in the nitty-gritty, we should probably discuss toilet paper. I can’t use Charmin, it’s too soft,” Matt offered, visibly enjoying himself now.
“Me neither. You know, I’m not sure what my toilet paper is. I’ll have to look when I get home.”
“When you get home, yes, you need to do that.” His mouth hovered over hers and when he kissed her, soft and capable, it triggered something in her. A desire to keep him safe, which she knew sounded weird, but she didn’t want anything to ruin it this time.
“What about trash bags?” she asked, her head still swimming as their lips parted.
“I have no idea—whatever’s under my sink.”
“You should know this information. Maybe we should check on your trash bags now.”
“That is a good idea. Do you want me to ta
ke you home, Holls? We could go to my parents’ place or back to your cabin.”
“I want to see where you live. I want to be there.”
Matt pulled her toward the exit—stopping at some point behind a couple debating whether they should sing Stevie Wonder or Neil Diamond—and bent to kiss her again as if he couldn’t quite make it to the parking lot without one more. On their way out the door, her uncle walked in carrying more popcorn.
“We need to check on Matt’s trash bags.”
Her uncle smiled and nodded. “Absolutely. You two get on that.”
They drove with the windows up and the quiet of the car. The isolation, as opposed to the open sea air, made things different already. As they crossed the bridge into San Francisco, it felt sort of like returning from a long vacation and having to check the mail and buy groceries. Those were things they hadn’t done together in a long time and as Hollis sat next to him, for the first time since she had returned, Matt wondered if they would work outside of the cove.
Matt had never put much thought into his apartment. He bought it after his divorce and thought of it as a conveniently located place to sleep and visit with the occasional friend. After his divorce, most of those “friends” had been women, but that became old quickly. He would admit his place was stereotypical single guy, but he’d never thought of it as cold until she was standing in the entryway. It didn’t feel like the right place for her and yet he wanted her there, in his life. She’d asked and they’d set aside so many things, skipped more conversations than they should have. She wanted to be in his place, and now they were. If she chose to stay one day, he had no doubt she would fill every room with love. After a quick tour, during which Hollis commented that he needed more artwork on the walls, Matt took her into his bedroom, and later, when they’d fallen asleep in one another’s arms, she was restless. He wasn’t sure if she was dreaming, but it certainly wasn’t a fairy tale. He’d rolled over to find her gone at some point in the middle of the night and heard noises in the kitchen.
“Holls, what are you doing?” he asked, buttoning up his jeans.
“I’m making brownies.” Hollis was stirring batter in nothing but the button up shirt he’d worn hours before.
“It’s two in the morning.”
“I know, I had an urge.”
Matt nodded. “Are you all right?”
“Yes. I like your home,” she said, still not making eye contact as she began pouring the chocolate into a waiting pan.
“Thank you.” He sat at the counter. “Do you need some help?”
“No.”
“Why are you stressed?”
“Who says I’m stressed?”
“You bake when you’re stressed. Of course, it was cut and bake cookies back then, but I’m assuming it’s the same thing with better… skills.”
She laughed and used a spatula to get the last of the batter.
“So?”
“Would you like to go to my sister’s wedding with me?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, good. So, it looks like I’m going to be fired, well, maybe not yet, but soon. I’m sure they’ll give me a chance to resign. I mean there were other people who could have vetted Zeke along the way, you know, up the chain. So, they’ll give me a chance to resign. I’ll update my resume. I’ve been with them for eight years, but there are some things”—she put the pan in the oven and began washing the dishes—“things that were not right there, so I’m trying to look at this as a learning opportunity. Another one.” With the water still running, she leaned both hands on the sink.
“Do you want to tell me what happened now?”
“I screwed up, that’s what happened. I screwed up.” She began to laugh. “Quite literally, or would that be screwed down? I’m not sure.” And then she started to cry.
Matt stood and even though Hollis held up her hand as she tended to do to indicate she was fine, he went behind her and wrapped his arms around her. After a gentle squeeze, she turned in his arms and held on. Matt tried to steady his breath, so unfamiliar with Hollis letting go that it took him aback for a minute.
“Can I help?”
“No. I’ll be fine. Will you go to the wedding with me?”
He leaned back and lifted her chin. “Of course I’ll go with you.”
“It’s next Saturday. We need to go to the ceremony at the farm and then fly to Napa. It’s a weekend thing.”
“That sounds like a good time.”
Hollis nodded. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For going with me.”
“What is wrong? If it’s work, tell me what happened. I run a damn company, Holls. Other people let me fix their mess. Let’s figure this out.”
She shook her head. “It’s not something… I’ve tried to work it out, and I think it’s time to walk away.”
“Okay. Then you’ll find some other great job. Do you want to be my partner? I could use someone with an MBA.”
She huffed out a breath, but Matt was happy to hear a little bit of a laugh.
“I’m sorry,” she said, touching her head to his chest.
“For what?”
“For leaving you, for being so… me. I’m sorry for being anything other than thrilled that you’re loaded.”
Matt laughed and held her tighter. “I am far from loaded.”
“If that’s true, then you’re not managing things properly.”
Hollis seemed lighter from simply talking, and Matt cradled her head in his hands. “Please don’t apologize for being you. I’ve loved you all my life, Holls. That’s not going to change.”
“Even with my sailor mouth and my second toe being too big?”
“I’ve always liked the dirty mouth, and you know what they say about big second toes.”
“What?”
Matt pulled her into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. “I’m sure someone has said something about big second toes.” He kissed her and started back toward the bedroom.
“Wait, I need to check the brownies.”
He turned off the oven and continued into the bedroom while Hollis laughed, almost back to normal.
Much later, it started to rain and Matt watched her sleep. Something was wrong. Hollis only baked when things were wrong, and he guessed “wrong” took on deeper meaning as she grew older. He was officially worried now and annoyed he didn’t know the full story. This was becoming some kind of stupid game, sort of like holding their breath, but Matt worried that this time, Hollis was going to pass out before admitting she needed help. He hadn’t been this worried about her since, well, for about twelve years.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Reese called the morning before they left for Sage’s wedding. The guy had impeccable timing. She’d spent last week calming the waters and it appeared, after talking with a consulting company, there might be a way to fix the game in less than a month. Megan had argued during the conference call that followed that she didn’t like the consultants they were working with and she “highly doubts you’re going to pull this one from its tailspin.” Hollis had hung up more determined than ever. Megan’s bitch face had that effect on her.
“They’re pulling out,” he said before she had a chance to say “hello.”
“What? It’s not the end of the third quarter.” Hollis instinctively threw the covers off and climbed from bed. She needed to be dressed for this conversation.
“Someone has a wild hair and now all the rest are following. Time is up. If they don’t have a finished functioning game by the end of next week, they’re done.”
This was it, she thought, the moment had arrived, the “dark place” as her uncle had said. She couldn’t figure out how to respond to Reese. She certainly wasn’t going to share her fears with someone who wore suspenders and a belt. Hollis took in a slow breath and tried to steady her voice. “Okay, well then we have the rest of this week, four days, and next week. Let Corning know we will have something for him and the group
by Thursday of next week.”
“What… do you know something I don’t know? Because Megan and I have been racking our brains.”
I’ll bet you have.
“We can’t think of a fix for this. I think we need to let them pull out.”
“Reese, I need you to listen very carefully. I will have something for the group by next Thursday. If they don’t like what I present, then they can walk. For now, all you need to do is convey the message and mark your calendar. Can you handle that?”
He hated when Hollis brought out her “preschool teacher” voice, so he grunted and quickly hung up. Pulling a light sweater on, Hollis opened her laptop and began sending e-mails conveying the information she’d said to Reese. She learned early on not to trust anyone and to cover her ass. She honestly had no idea how she was going to fix this before next Thursday, and she had her sister’s wedding for the entire weekend. Hollis had a feeling this one was going to fail, but she wasn’t quite ready to give up the cookie yet.
Scanning her inbox, she clicked on an e-mail from a contact she'd reached out to over two weeks ago. They were asking for specifics about the game structure. Hollis forwarded the e-mail to Reese and copied Corning, requesting that they provide a response. At least there was some momentum, she thought as Matt knocked on her door. Hollis put her laptop inside her bag and threw the covers on her bed. When she opened the door, he had a cup of coffee and Hollis wondered if he’d still love her once the darkness settled in.
“Coffee,” he said, looking around her room, seemingly inquisitive and impatient at the same time.
“Everything okay?” She expected him to grunt or offer one word this early in the morning, but he surprised her.
“Well, Toro is working with my dad again today and I think he might actually start speaking to me at some point. The hip is getting better.”
“That’s great.” Hollis snatched up some papers she had been reading last night before she fell asleep and shoved those in her bag too before locking her cabin door. Matt took her bag and she tried not to jump, but she was still shaken from her call and her laptop had turned into some strange key to a world she still needed.
“We need to talk, Holls. This can’t go on like this.”