Pulled Under

by Sarah Darlington

  “Do you have the time?” I asked the man.

  “Oh,” he said, as if I’d startled him. Maybe he hadn’t seen us standing behind him. “It’s almost five thirty.”

  Jeez. It was late. Or early. Rhett and I left the room and walked in silence back down the hall. There had been talk about going to Disneyland today, but I didn’t know how the day would unfold or when Ellie planned on taking us all to see Ben.

  Ben.

  My heart dropped at the thought of his name. I hadn’t thought about Ben once in hours. It was weird thinking about him now. Unwelcome, even. I’d been enjoying my time with Rhett, now it felt clouded somehow.

  “Alright,” Rhett said, fishing his room key out of his pocket. “We better both go try to get some sleep. Ellie always wakes up at the ass-crack of dawn. You’re welcome to come share my bed until everybody gets up. If you want.”

  “I think I’m going to go try to sleep in my own room,” I uttered. “I don’t want them to wonder where I am when they wake up.”

  I was suddenly insanely nervous around Rhett. My stomach twisted into a gnarly knot, my throat thickened up, and I was having a little trouble breathing properly. Why was I so tense?

  “Okay,” he said, opening his door. “I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”

  “See ya’,” I replied.

  There was no goodbye kiss. There wasn’t even a nice, long lingering gaze into one another’s eyes. He was just suddenly gone, while I was left by my lonesome out in the hallway. I spent a moment trying to collect my thoughts and trying to catch my breath. It felt like I’d screwed up somehow. Then again, maybe he was only tired and wanted to hurry to get a small amount of sleep in before the others woke up. I wasn’t sure.

  Back in my room, everyone else was still dead asleep. I used the bathroom as quietly as possible and then snuck into bed with Ellie. Despite our non-existent goodbye, I’d spent an amazing night with Rhett. Possibly the best in my life. Even though I still had confusing feelings toward Ben, I now knew one thing with absolute certainty. Rhett was in my heart, too. Hell, he might even be taking it over, pushing Ben out, and throwing one hell of a curve ball at everything I thought I’d ever wanted.

  * * *

  When I woke up later that day, the entire room was drenched in sunlight. That told me several hours had passed since my time with Rhett. Ellie was gone. So was Noah. Only Georgie remained in the room. She was awake, lying in the other bed, doing something on her phone. “Where is everyone?” I asked, my voice groggy with sleep.

  “Noah had to go help Ellie do something. I have no idea what. I was half asleep when they left a couple hours ago and haven’t heard from them since. Hopefully they’ll be back soon. We’re still going to Disney today, though, so I’m going to start getting ready. You want the bathroom first?”

  “Sure,” I said, dragging myself out of bed. “Have you heard from Rhett or Luce yet today?”

  I had to ask. I couldn’t help myself.

  “Not yet.”

  “Okay,” I said, grabbing a few things out of my suitcase. Part of was dying to tell Georgie about everything that had happened last night. But I held back. Because what if last night didn’t mean the same thing to Rhett as it had meant to me? What if last night was a one-time thing, the same way I’d originally treated our first time together? Hell…what if…what if last night was some kind of sexual pay back?

  The idea shook through me. But then I realized, he wouldn’t have sat and talked with me for so long after, neither of us wanting to hurry back to our rooms, if he’d only been using me. So I relaxed, stopped thinking the worst, and hurried to get in the shower.

  Disneyland, here we come.

  * * *

  Rhett, Luce, and I were all waiting in the lobby. Ellie and Noah still weren’t back. Georgie had stayed behind in the room. She’d been second to take a shower and hadn’t finished getting ready yet. We were expecting Noah and Ellie any minute. Noah had texted, saying that they were stuck in traffic, so all we had left to do was wait.

  Talk about awkward.

  I thought that maybe after last night, everything would be different. Rhett and I never discussed the specifics of our relationship, but after having sex the way we had, it almost felt like we were a couple. But between our strange goodbye, and the strained vibe going on between us now—with Luce awkwardly here to experience it all—I had no idea what to think.

  What the hell? This hurt. It didn’t help that I suspected Ellie and Noah had gone to see Ben this morning, and that was actually what was keeping them. Was everything about to blow up the moment they got back? What if they arrived with Ben? Shit! My stomach started churning, I was freaking sore…down there…thanks to Rhett, and I had a headache growing into the size of Alaska.

  Worst. Vacation. Ever.

  A moment later Noah walked into the hotel lobby. Alone. He still wore his pajamas from the night before, his blond hair pulled back into a messy pony, and he had the most twisted look on his face. Oh holy hell. He knew. He knew Ben was alive. Oh God. I bent over my knees, suddenly afraid I might vomit.

  “You okay?” Rhett asked. The first words he’d said to me all day.

  “No,” I admitted, but at least he was talking to me now.

  “Where’s Ellie?” Rhett asked Noah as he approached. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “She’s right behind me,” Noah said, his voice gritty and raw, like he’d had an equally hard morning. “You okay, Sydney?” he asked me.

  “I’m fine. I’m fine,” I assured him, forcing a smile onto my lips, sitting back up.

  But I was so not fine.

  “Where’s Georgina?” he asked next.

  I was about to answer him but never got the chance. Because Ellie had entered the lobby. I was relieved to see she wasn’t with Ben. So relieved, in fact, that for a moment my forced smile became real. But she wasn’t alone. She had Nate West with her. As in, Nate West the Hollywood actor.

  This trip just kept getting weirder and weirder.

  CHAPTER 14:

  RHETT

  “Holy Mickey Mouse, it’s Nate West in the flesh. Again,” I shouted, ripping off my sunglasses. I’d purposely dressed up like a tourist today, wearing my American flag aviators and a ‘Hakuna Matata’ t-shirt I’d specifically brought along to wear to Disneyland.

  There was a weirdness between Sydney and me today. She seemed pissed—like every time she looked at me I felt chills run through my body. I wondered how much of that was my own doing, how much of that was regret (on her part) about last night, and how much of that had everything to do with Ben. But now that there was a celebrity among us, for a brief second, I was pleasantly distracted.

  Strange how we were seeing Nate West for a second time. There was no chance this was a coincidence. Once, I swear to God on Noah’s OCD, I thought I noticed Ellie checking me out. I’d just stepped out of the shower, only in a towel, and it was one very small, brief look. And that nearly non-existent moment made me question her lesbian sexuality. Obviously there was no chance she’d ever act on whatever lusty glance she’d given me. Hell, maybe she’d been ovulating or some shit that day, unable to help herself, the way many women acted when they got around me. That could have been a logical explanation. But seeing her now with this Nate West guy and seeing the sideways glances she kept shooting him…holy shit, Ellie liked a boy!

  Introductions were made. The guy shook all our hands, seeming genuinely pleased to be meeting Ellie’s friends. But we were attracting some attention now. Others in the hotel lobby were watching us with way too much curiosity. Ellie noticed the extra eyes on us and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Nothing to see. He’s not the real Nate West. Just his stunt double. We get this sort of confusion all the time. I can’t take him anywhere. Carry on. Sorry to disappoint.”

  Somehow, Ellie’s horrible attempt at lying worked. Nobody approached us or the tall, beastly, bulky man for his autograph or picture or anything. He let out a breath of air, seeming relieved,
and sat down in one of the mahogany chairs we’d previously been occupying.

  “Thanks,” he told Ellie kindly.

  Ellie gave him a small smile, one so shockingly nice I almost shit my pants, and then asked us, “Where’s Georgie?”

  “Spending all morning doing her hair,” I answered, plopping back down in my seat. I started talking since that was what I always did when my nerves were heightened. And right now, between things with Sydney and now being in a celebrity’s presence, they were through the roof. “That girl is the most low-maintenance/high-maintenance girl I’ve ever met. It’s like she can’t decide which she is from day to day,” I joked. “And today she’s chosen high-maintenance.”

  “I’m going upstairs,” Noah announced, clearly not into my jokes at the moment. “I think I might be high-maintenance today, too.”

  Ellie’s face paled at his words. “What? Now? I’m coming with.” She started to move in his direction.

  “No,” Noah told her firmly. “You wanted me to know your secret. Now I know. And now I want to tell her myself. Sorry Ellie, but this is something I think I should do alone. If I need your help, in any way, I’ll call.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair, and turned his attention to us. “I’m sorry about Disney, guys. I’m afraid we probably won’t be going today as planned.” And with those parting words, he left the group.

  Ellie fell into an arm chair. Her eyes met her boy-toy’s eyes briefly.

  “So the cat’s out of the bag then?” I asked, understanding now that she must have taken Noah to see Ben and that they’d been with him this morning. Why take Noah first? Who knows? Ellie never thought stuff through.

  Ellie nodded yes to my question.

  I guess since confessions were in order it was time to tell her my secret too. “By the way, I told Sydney like a month ago that Ben was alive. So yeah…” I smiled weakly. “She knows.”

  “I know,” Sydney confirmed, her voice shaky and barely above a whisper.

  Maybe Sydney and I hadn’t had the best morning, but the moment I heard the pain her voice, my whole body went cold. I desperately wanted a chance to get her alone so that we could talk stuff through.

  “And then I told Luce everything so she’d be ready for the bomb to drop,” I added, telling Ellie the rest. “Sorry, I suck at keeping secrets. If you want to beat my ass, I’ll let you have few free shots.”

  “So everyone knows? Fantastic,” Ellie muttered. “And I’ll take a rain check on beating your ass.”

  “Cool,” I added, turning my attention to Nate for the first time. We were leaving him out of the conversation, and despite everything else going on, I wanted to include him. Ellie had never once shown this much interested in anyone—male or female—so after sharing all her secrets, this was the least I could do. “What I want to know is why Nate West has suddenly joined the party?” I asked him, keeping the conversation light. “Because I have a hunch that this is typical ‘Ellie’ behavior. Less than twenty-four hours in LA and she’s already befriended a celebrity. This is crazier than the time she made friends with Homeless Man Todd. So how did she rope you in, man?”

  “Homeless Man Todd?” Nate asked.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “He’s this local that randomly sleeps out on the beach by the bar where I work. Has been doing this on occasion for years. Come to find out, he’s not homeless or a drunk like we all thought, just a man who likes to sleep in the sand sometimes. It’s the oddest thing. Anyway, Ellie made nice with him one night, stayed out there with him until the sun came up. Which meant Noah and I had to hang around too to make sure he wasn’t some serial killer about to chop her up. Turns out he’s just a man who misses his wife and the beach reminds him of her. So I gotta give Ellie her credit, when she wants she can make nice with just about anyone.”

  “Ellie and I met on the plane yesterday,” he explained. “And then Ben…well, I suppose he’s my neighbor. He’s living with Carrie Stone—she’s the wife of the late Joey Stone, a director. She lives two houses down the beach from me in Malibu. Coincidently enough, Ellie and I met again this morning. Small world, I guess.”

  “So you know Ben?” Sydney asked, breathing deeply. “How is he? Is he good?”

  These questions that Sydney asked were desperate. In all the time I’d known her, I’d never heard her ask something with so much heart behind it. And I sat back in my seat with sudden annoyance. As star struck as I’d momentarily been with Nate West, I no longer cared about him or the rest of this conversation. Sydney and I had been on shaky ground all morning…but still, some part of me hoped that that was more my fault and less about Ben. And now the fucking truth had come out. She loved Ben.

  Just like she’d used me the first time, last night had been more of the same. I couldn’t sit here with her, with the others, for a single second longer, playing nice and pretending I wasn’t heartbroken. Without saying anything, I stood and left.

  The emotions that coursed through me as I walked were worse than the day I broke my arm and knew I’d never make it to my dream of playing baseball professionally. The hotel lobby was a blur, and my steps shaky. I shouldn’t have come on this trip. This explained everything. The way I was with women, this right here was why. Never again would I let emotions into sex.

  “Rhett! Wait!”

  My heart squeezed in my chest as a familiar voice called out my name. Without looking behind me, I knew it was Sydney. She’d followed me, and she sounded heated. But I didn’t have the energy to talk to her, or even look at her right this moment. Making it around a corner, blatantly ignoring her, I took an exit outside. The moment I hit fresh air, I sucked in a giant breath. I might have felt relief, but I knew Sydney was right behind me.

  I leaned against the side of the building. Waiting. Waiting for the storm.

  A second later she came rushing outside. The door flew open with a hell of a lot of force. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes wild and fierce, and her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as she set her attention on me. “Did you not hear me calling?” she snapped.

  “Yes,” I said calmly, keeping my voice low. “I heard you.” No matter what, I wasn’t going to let her see how much she’d hurt me. So I remained indifferent, despite the way she was looking at me.

  “And you purposely ignored me?” she demanded.

  “Yes.”

  “Fuck you,” she uttered. “I mention Ben’s name once and that’s your reaction?”

  She’d never cursed like that in front of me. I didn’t like it. It tore at something inside me but whatever it was, I ignored it. “Let’s just go back inside. I’m tired and don’t have it in me for this sort of argument right now. Somebody wore me out last night. And frankly, princess, I’m sick to death of hearing that kid’s fucking name.”

  She narrowed her pretty eyes at me. “So this is about Ben?”

  Whether I wanted it or not, it seemed this argument was happening anyway. So much for staying calm. “It’s always been about Ben. Hasn’t it? I mean…that was the whole reason you slept with me in the first place. A one-night stand to get over the guy you loved, right? And now that he’s alive—I won’t be the replacement, only good enough for the time being, until you can finally get back to your ‘real thing.’ I heard it in your voice when you asked about him a second ago. I could hear how much you still care for him. So I’m done. Sydney, seriously, I’m done. I’m done trying to reach for something unobtainable with you. I’m the guy who likes to fuck and have a good time. This whole time I’ve been trying to be something I’m not. I’m ready to go back to being that other guy.”

  There were tears and loathing in her eyes. “So, just like that, it’s over between us?”

  “There was never an ‘us’ in the first place. And you know that. The sex was good but, really, beyond that, what did we even have?”

  When she hesitated to answer, I knew I was right. Hoping to be with her was about as useless as hoping my cover band might actually amount to something someday.

/>   “Come on,” I said, moving around her for the door. “We should go inside. The others are probably wondering where we went.” I grabbed the door handle, yanking open my exit.

  But before I could go inside, with my back to her now, she whispered something.

  One word. Eight letters. Two syllables.

  “Bullshit.”

  I froze.

  “That is such bullshit and you know it.”

  Sometimes it was scary how she could see right through my crap. Like right this moment. “Don’t,” I warned her, unable to turn around but also unable to keep walking forward. “Don’t go there unless…unless…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence. Unless she meant it. Unless she wanted me instead. My hand on the door started to tremble. It was a breezy, cool November day in California. But suddenly the world around me felt like fire and lava.

  “Unless what?” she uttered.

  “Unless you mean it,” I finished.

  “What if I mean it?”

  I groaned. Because she knew exactly how to torture, maim, and kill me. “I’m not sure I believe that.”

  “If you don’t then go ahead…walk away…end this.”

  For the life of me, I could not take that second step inside the building. The edge I’d had in the conversation a second ago, I’d lost it when clearly she knew everything I was saying to her was complete shit. I wanted it to be true, I wanted to believe that I could walk away from her without looking back, but I just…couldn’t. And losing that edge, it now felt like she had her hand tightly around my heart. One squeeze and I would break.

  “You are so annoying,” she told me. “You know that, right?”

  “Thanks,” I said sarcastically. “I’ve never heard that one from a woman before.”

  This growl left her lips. Literally, she growled. Then she started hollering at me. “Don’t you get it, Rhett?!” I turned around to find her pacing, a little frantically, in front of me and tugging at her long hair. That passionate, fiery, hot-as-hell side she liked to keep hidden away, the side that I was starting to get to know very well during sex, had broken free. “I choose you,” she hollered at me. “Of course I still care for Ben. Some part of me is always going to care for him. Maybe I loved him. Or maybe I thought I did. But none of that matters because losing whatever this is—” She gestured between our bodies. “This…weird, annoying, frustrating thing we have…losing whatever it is scares me more than anything. The first time we were together, I’ll admit, that was only about sex. But last night, that was real. If you want to go…fine. If you’re still the guy who likes ‘to fuck and have a good time’…fine. If you don’t want me…fine. But don’t stand there thinking I’m not completely and hopelessly, one-hundred and ten percent, drowning in the deep end with you. Meanwhile, all you can do is stand there doubting me. And—”