I flipped the paper over, inspecting it, and found there was something even better written on the reverse side: I love you too.
It said nothing more. Nothing less. And my chest had never felt so warm and gooey inside. Not just because she loved me back, but because of everything this note meant. By keeping it all these years, she’d been keeping a part of me with her as well. I didn’t just love this girl. She was my future wife. The woman I wanted to have babies with. The girl of my dreams. And the princess I would always worship. I left the bathroom, the note now safely in my pocket, and hurried to go find her.
In the living room she sat on the floor with her legs crossed and her long hair tucked behind her ears as she worked with her brother to set up the game. I hardly cared that he was here, or that Heath the pretty-boy simpleton was also here, or that her mother was passed out on the couch not two feet away from us. I knelt down next to her, interrupting whatever she was doing, took her face in my hands, and I kissed her. The world could see, and I didn’t care.
All my emotions, my love, and my desire went into that kiss. I was in love, what can I say? And I kissed her like I was.
“That’s enough,” her brother quickly said. “I’m being polite over here. I’m giving him a chance, just like you asked, Sydney, but this is too much. Cut it out.”
“Shut up, John,” she muttered as she continued to kiss me.
After a second she broke away. Neither of us acknowledged that note or the meaning behind it or that sexy-as-hell kiss or what this meant for our future, but I knew she was it for me. I knew she was feeling everything I was. And I knew we were good. Better than good.
We loved each other.
The end.
The rest of the world could go fuck themselves. Because she was mine now, I was hers, and it was never supposed to happen any other way.
EPILOGUE:
1 month later…
RHETT
It was Christmas Eve, and I was at the Turner family’s annual Christmas Eve party. Not the first time I’d ever crashed one of these things, but the first time I’d ever brought a date. Sort of. Sydney hadn’t made it here yet and as the party had already started, I was beginning to wonder if she was going to show. Her flight in from New York, where she’d been the last week, had been listed as delayed on the airline’s website for the last three hours. We hadn’t spoken since this morning, so I really wasn’t sure where she was now. On her way, I hoped.
After Thanksgiving, Sydney had returned to college for her last couple weeks of the fall semester. Assuming she had four more years to go before graduating, for the moment at least, it seemed the long distance factor would have to be a part of our relationship. Even though I missed her like crazy on a daily basis, we’d found a way to make it work. We’d developed the strangest, yet surprisingly functional solution…camping trips. Aside from our constant texting and phone calls, we’d decided we should meet in the middle somewhere at least one day per week.
When we did a map search of where ‘the middle’ was, a camp ground popped up. An hour and a half from her and an hour and a half from me. Except…December in North Carolina was fucking freezing. And when Sydney suggested the camp ground I’d thought she’d been out of her damn mind. But we took a trip to Target. We bought a four-person tent, a queen air mattress, a space heater, blankets, flashlights, and a bunch of other random camping gear items. All of which now had a permanent home in the back of my Impala. It wasn’t the Four Seasons, but it worked. It was cozy. It was just us. And Friday nights under the stars, alone with Sydney in that tent, were easily becoming my favorite day of the week.
The only problem…none of our friends knew we were together.
This hadn’t been my idea. Basically, I couldn’t keep a secret if my life depended on it. And fake moping around with Ellie during the week, even if it had somehow helped turn us into better friends, wasn’t easy. But Sydney thought we need to ‘figure us out first’ before telling more people, and I respected that even if I didn’t fully agree with it.
But it had been a month. It was a time for the charade to end. It was time to tell the world. Sydney agreed. And we’d been planning on telling people we were a couple this evening. Only, Nate West had come back into our lives, specifically Ellie’s, but since he was practically living with Ellie at this point, it was like he was back in my life too, and tonight she planned on sharing him with her family. They all thought she was a lesbian, even her grandparents and her crazy Aunt Michelle, and now she was…returning to the closet? I didn’t know the correct terminology. Nor did I really care which team she wanted to play for. Her business. Not mine. But I didn’t want my news to overshadow her news.
So I was conflicted on how to approach this.
At that moment, Ellie showed up with Nate West aka ‘Nathanial’ as he liked to be called on her arm. “Here we go,” Georgina whispered. She was here with Noah. I’d been hanging out with the two of them all evening. “This should be interesting.”
If anyone had been expecting fireworks, they’d be disappointed. Her family loved and accepted Nathanial no problem. Two seconds in the door and Ellie’s youngest sister Rose was hanging on all over him like a little spider monkey. Who knows why Ellie had been so freaked to tell her family? He was a celebrity, of course they approved. Plus, he was a genuine guy. It didn’t surprise me that all was going well.
“I thought Sydney was coming,” Georgina commented, playing with her food, using her fork to push some peas around on her plate.
“Oh, really?” I asked, trying to act surprised. “She’s coming?”
“Yeah. She’s been in New York doing the Christmas thing with her family there and was supposed be getting home today to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with her brother. And come to this party. I haven’t heard from her all day though. So I’m not sure if she’ll be here or what.”
“Oh,” I uttered.
Noah shot me a look. His face said it all. He wasn’t buying whatever I was trying to sell.
See—horrible liar.
“What?” I asked him, my voice sounding way more defensive then I intended it to.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
All of a sudden there was a giant crashing sound. Mr. Turner—Wade—who’d been holding some giant platter of mash potatoes in his hands, suddenly dropped the food to floor. His eyes were on a new person in the room. For a brief second my heart jumped, thinking Sydney was finally here, but as my eyes focused across the room, I saw the very last person on earth I ever wanted to see. Ben Turner. In the flesh. Alive and well. Standing there with a suitcase in his hands and an old lady carrying a cat by his side.
“Holy mother of shit,” I whispered, my mouth dropping open.
It had been over a year since I’d seen him and he’d changed in the time since. He’d grown a few inches, his once clean-cut hair was longer, shaggier, and he just looked older in general. I guess that was what time did to people. He had an apprehensive look on his face as he surveyed the room and all the faces of his family members.
“Susan!” Wade Turner called, yelling for his wife. She’d stepped into the kitchen with Ellie only a moment ago. “Get out here, please!”
Before even finishing his sentence to Susan, Wade cut across the room, moving toward his son. No words were said. The room was so still and quiet that I could practically hear my own heartbeat. And everyone else’s for that matter. Would Wade shake his son’s hand and accept him back with open, loving arms? Or would he punch his punk son in the face like the asshole desired? I hardly knew what was coming next. Nobody did.
Wade reached his son and wrapped his arms around him in a tight bear-hug. There was a collective sigh in the room. Wade held onto him and held onto him. Susan came out of the kitchen and her reaction was similar, just with a lot more tears. They hugged him. They squeezed him. After a minute or two, the noise in the room picked up. And the party went on. There was a new excitement in the air. People were buzzing about Ben’s arrival, everyo
ne wanting to know how this was even possible. They went to him. They forgot that we’d all held this giant funeral for him—one where people cried and mourned—and they accepted him back into their lives like not a single day had passed. Maybe everyone was so accepting because they were in stock.
Not me though.
I wasn’t so accepting.
I stayed in my seat, observing with Noah and Georgie. I guess this had to happen eventually. Maybe it was better to just get this over with now. Like pulling off a Band-Aid. Then again…maybe a part of me still wanted to kill the kid myself. Thank God, Sydney wasn’t here. You know…she hadn’t told me all the details about whatever relationship they’d once shared. She didn’t drill me about my past with other women, and I didn’t drill her about Ben. But I knew enough to know that she’d cared for him. By faking his death, he’d not only hurt his family, but he’d hurt her. And that was unforgivable in my mind. I’d always hate him for that. Even if she could forgive him, I wouldn’t.
You hurt her, you hurt me. End of the fucking story.
“Well, this is a shocker,” Georgina said, interrupting my ill thoughts by dropping her fork with a clank onto her plate. “When we saw him in LA he said he was never coming home. He said that he never planned for anyone to know he was alive. This is crazy.”
“It’s better now that everyone knows,” Noah told her. “I didn’t like carrying that secret.”
Nathanial walked over to our table. Ellie had disappeared and Nathanial seemed unsettled all of a sudden. Noah stood from his seat and went to see if he was okay.
“This is too much drama for me,” I told Georgie. She was the only one left still sitting at the table with me. “I might head home. Mom and I always watch Christmas Vacation together on Christmas Eve, and I don’t want to keep her waiting for too much longer.”
“Your mom could have come to this.” Georgie gestured to the room. “Who would want to miss this fun?” she joked.
Except, my mom wasn’t into parties or into crowds. My extroverted genes came from my father, not from her. She didn’t mind me leaving her on Christmas Eve for a couple hours to come, but she wasn’t about to join me. “Yeah, I think I’m going to get going.” I stood and pulled my phone from my pocket, ready to text Sydney about my change of plans.
“Oh, thank God,” Georgie huffed. “Sydney’s here.”
I stopped texting mid-sentence. My eyes immediately darted across the room. She was here, and my stomach lodged itself up in my throat.
Oh, fuck.
She was talking to Ben.
The world sort of dropped right out from under my feet.
What if she saw him and all the old feelings she once felt for him came rushing back? It was my biggest fear and my worst nightmare all rolled into one.
* * *
SYDNEY
Just breathe. Just breathe.
I stepped upstairs onto the second floor of the Turner’s house and into a brightly lit room full of Christmas decorations and well-dressed people. Coming into this situation, I thought it would be Rhett’s open arms that would welcome me upon arrival. I’d just had one hell of a day traveling here and all I’d been looking forward to was seeing him. Instead, I ran smack into Ben.
Ben!
And I nearly had a heart attack because of it. Seeing him was so…unexpected. Maybe even unwelcome. I wasn’t sure. It was weird. How? Why was he here?
“Hi, Sydney,” he said to me. “You’re here.”
“Um. Yeah. I’m here.” My eyes scanned for Rhett. He was also here. He was across the room in a nice button-up shirt with Georgina and they were both watching me. I gave him a small wave—which both Rhett and Georgina responded to. She seemed happy to see me. But I couldn’t really read Rhett’s expression. His face was blank…pale even.
“I heard you were in LA too…when the others were there last month,” Ben commented, bringing my attention back to the current conversation. He looked so different. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.
“I was,” I responded.
“You could have come to see me when the others did. It would have been fine.”
I hugged my winter coat a little closer to my body. I had a chill even though we were inside. “It didn’t feel right at the time.” It still didn’t feel right.
“Can we talk privately for a minute?” He glanced around him. We had about twelve ears listening to our conversation, including his little sister Rose who could not take her eyes off of us.
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
Ben grabbed my hand in his and pulled me away from the room. There was a study off the living room with glass double doors and walls of books—that was where he took me. I wasn’t necessarily comfortable holding his hand, and I tugged my hand away from his just as he started to close the double doors. Okay…if I wasn’t feeling it before, now I certainly was feeling uncomfortable.
Ben sat on the edge of his father’s (or possibly his mother’s) desk. “I feel like I have so much to say to you. I’m not sure where to even start.”
“You really don’t have to say anything.”
“But I do.” He took a long breath and stood up from the desk. At this point, my heart was racing. I didn’t know what this was about. By essentially faking his own death, he’d sent a pretty clear message that he didn’t see a future between us. And I was okay with that. I’d moved on from that. I had Rhett. I was over the past. And in a way grateful for the past since it had led me to my current relationship.
“I want to apologize,” Ben started. “I have a lot of people to apologize to, but I wanted to start with you. You know…that summer…I knew how you felt about me, how you’d always felt about me. And the moment you walked into that community college class, I took advantage of your feelings. I needed a friend, pretty desperately at the time, and I think you were equally desperate for my attention.”
Jeez. Not something a girl ever wants to hear. My stomach—which was already in knots—started to churn. “This is not how pictured this evening going,” I uttered. Where was Rhett? He had to of seen Ben drag me into this room. Why hadn’t he come to my rescue yet?
Ben cleared his throat and went on. “What I’m trying to say is that…at that moment in time, I didn’t appreciate how much you cared. I was stuck in my own issues, my own problems, and my own depression. I was too focused on those things, and on what I’d lost, to notice you back. But I’ve thought about you every day since ‘my death.’ Every day I’ve been tempted to contact you and tell you the truth. To tell you that I do care. To tell you how stupid I was. And to tell you how much I wish I could go back in time.” He took a few breaths. “Sydney…because the truth is…I think I might be in love with you.”
Wait. What?
He moved closer across the room.
I only held my coat a little tighter.
“What do you think?” he asked.
I think that my mouth was dry, and that I needed a glass of water. I’d waited years to hear to these words. And now that I’d finally heard them, I wished that I could unhear them. I already had someone who loved me. And he didn’t love me as an afterthought or as something born out of his problems. He loved me. Period. And it was Rhett that I should be with right now, not Ben.
“I think…” I uttered. “I mean I know…that you’re too late. I’ve moved on. I have a boyfriend, a very serious boyfriend, the forever type of boyfriend, and to be perfectly honest, it’s just too late for us. Like a year too late. I’m sorry. It’s just—” I stopped myself because I didn’t know what else to say. There wasn’t anything else to say.
He gave me a weak smile. The closest thing I’d seen to a smile since we started this conversation. “I understand,” he told me. There was no anger in his voice, only regret and sadness.
My heart broke for him. What in his life had been so bad that he’d felt the need to graduate early, leave this town, and subsequently pretend to be dead? Something pretty awful, I assumed. “You mentioned you lost some
thing before. What did you mean by that?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “It’s in the past, and I’m trying to move on from that. Just poor decisions on my part. Sometimes one wrong choice can haunt you for the rest of your life.” For a moment I thought he was going to spill his guts, but the moment quickly faded and passed. “So who’s the guy?” he asked. “The boyfriend?”
“Rhett Morgan. Ellie and Noah’s friend,” I answered, a little apprehensively. This was the first time I’d been asked this question.
“I know who Rhett is.” He smiled, giving me a pointed look. “I am surprised though. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I do. So…I’m gonna go.” I gestured for the door, giving him a small smile. Suddenly it felt like this giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Closure. That was what this was. Everything with Ben was finally and completely over. And I left him before anymore words could be exchanged and before things had a chance to grow awkward. There was somewhere else I needed to be—someone else I needed to be with.
As I left the study and returned to the living room, part of me feared that Rhett might have left the party early. By talking to Ben for as long as I had and being alone with him like that, part of me felt a tad guilty. What if Rhett was pissed at me for this? But Rhett wasn’t really that type of person. He was pretty relaxed with most everything. So a bigger part of me knew he’d still be here. I came into the living room and sure enough, he was still here.
I was relieved and excited to see him. Also, slightly emotional. Cutting across the room, I hurried toward him. We came together and I immediately fell into his arms. His embrace was strong and sure and exactly what I needed. I held onto him rather tightly.
“You okay?” he whispered against my ear.
“Yes,” I answered.
He pulled back to look down at me, brushing my hair out of my face. “Are we okay?”
“Never better.”
“Okay. Good.” And as easy as that—that was the end of it. The Ben thing would never again be an issue between us. A giant sigh of relief left my lips as I settled in against Rhett’s side. He kept his arm firmly in place around my waist.
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