Privacy would be needed for this conversation.
I let my backpack fall to the ground as I directed my attention to my cell. My heart rate sped up at the thought of calling Van. Hearing his voice would tear me apart, but it would be his questions and their answers that would gut me completely.
My wolf paced. She was ready to surface, the feel of my fear drawing her out. I licked my lips and pulled in a deep breath. She couldn’t handle this for me. Neither could my vampire.
This was all me.
I tapped on the screen of my cell, pulling Van’s number up. My thumb hovered over the call button as my heart beat triple time in my chest. When I hit the button, it only rang once before he answered.
“Faith, I’m glad you called.” His familiar husky voice made goose bumps prickle across my skin. My eyes closed. How long had it been since I’d last heard his voice? “Tell me your side of the story. Tell me what happened, because my mind has been going crazy with different scenarios as to why you did what you did. I need you to tell me I’m wrong. I need you to tell me that bastard didn’t do what I think he did.”
The ground, littered with fallen leaves and tiny twigs, swayed beneath my boots. I’d known he would ask. I’d known this was the conversation we would have. What I hadn’t been betting on was how much he would seem to care.
“Please. Tell me I’m wrong, Faith,” he pressed.
I licked my lips, trying my damnedest to get ahold of myself. Tears burned the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision, but I refused to let them fall.
“Xavier attacked me.” My voice shook when I spoke.
I hadn’t said the words out loud before. Not to anyone. Not even to myself.
Honestly, I hadn’t even put a label on what happened until now. In my head, it had just been something horrible that I refused to think about. But attack, that was the right word. It was the word you used when somebody did something to you that you didn’t want.
That you never asked for.
More images from that night broke free from the box I’d shoved them in, and they floated to the surface of my mind. I forced them away like I always did, but the emotions attached to them lingered. Fear crept up my throat. My wolf bristled; her pacing intensified.
He can’t hurt you. He can’t hurt anyone ever again. You made sure of that.
No. I hadn’t made sure of that, but my wolf had.
She’d done what I couldn’t. She’d killed him.
“I knew it. I fucking knew it!” The rage in Van’s voice startled me. I felt it through the phone. It caressed against my cheek, warming it. I could see his eyes flashing bright with it in my mind. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell your mom?”
I’d known this question would come. I’d been expecting it. Still, it sent dread pooling through my middle. “What good would it have done? There wasn’t anything anyone could have done for me I didn’t do for myself.”
Maybe my words were harsh, but they were the truth.
“We could’ve supported you. We could’ve been there for you.” He let out a sigh, and I knew it wasn’t because he was searching for the right words. He was frustrated with me. “I know we aren’t together anymore, and I know things with us didn’t end on the best of terms, but you know I would’ve helped you in any way I could. I am now. I know I at least owe you that much after everything.”
He did. He owed me that, and so much more, because he hadn’t just broken my heart—he’d broken my faith in men.
“What did you do?” I tossed his first text to me back at him. My words were clipped, but it was because I’d already placed my walls back up. That was all the emotion he would get from me. It was all I would show him.
“I knew no matter what happened you did what you did with good reason. I know you. You’re not a killer, Faith. Neither is your wolf. She wouldn’t do something like this unless she was protecting you, and I knew you wouldn’t set her free on someone like that unless you felt there was a damn good reason.”
Van wasn’t giving me the answer I was looking for. He was just telling me how well he knew me, which I hated, because if he had known me so damn well, he would have known how in love with him I was.
“What did you do, Van?” I repeated through clenched teeth.
“I sent the nest in a different direction. There’s no connection to you. Not even the slightest. I made sure of it. You don’t have any reason to worry. No one will come for you. Not over this at least. Your mom is a different story. She might seek you out at some point or another since you’ve disappeared.”
I scoffed because it was highly unlikely she would care enough to search for me. She was probably glad I was gone. Madge Clairemont wasn’t the most motherly of mothers. I’d pretty much raised myself.
“You’re safe now,” he said. I got the impression he wanted me to say thank you, but those words didn’t build on the tip of my tongue.
I’d already seen to my safety. Xavier was gone, and I was here. With a new last name. A new number. A new life.
I hadn’t needed his help. I’d only needed him to leave me alone.
Silence drifted through the phone between us. I didn’t know what else to say.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said after a few more seconds ticked away. “For the way things ended between us. For not being able to love you the way you deserve. And, I’m sorry for what Xavier did.” He swallowed hard, the sound of it echoed through the phone. “I can’t… I can’t even explain how sorry I am for that. I wish it hadn’t happened. I wish I’d been there to stop it…”
I couldn’t breathe.
A single tear slipped from my right eye. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, struggling to suppress the ragged breath that wanted to push past them. I didn’t want him to hear how much his words had affected me. I wanted him to think they hadn’t been enough, because that was exactly how he’d made me feel at the end of our relationship—like I wasn’t enough.
The steady drumming of traffic as it rushed down the busy street in the background behind him filtered through the phone. I imagined he was on his balcony, watching from above as strangers passed below.
How many times had I stood there and done the same? How many nights had the sound lulled me to sleep while I lay in his bed?
The silence festered between us. He wanted me to speak. He wanted me to say something—anything—I could feel it. Did he want me to say it wasn’t his fault so that whatever guilt eating at him went away? Did he want me to tell him that I wished he’d been there to save me too? Well, he’d better not hold his breath, because it wasn’t happening. None of those words would change anything.
Nothing could.
“Faith, I’m sorry,” he whispered. His voice cracked, and all I could think was good. “I haven’t given your number to anyone else, and I won’t. I’ll erase it from my phone and I’ll protect your privacy. I understand if you want to disappear, but I hope you’ll work through this the right way. Mentally. Don’t blame yourself for what happened, for what he did, because it wasn’t your fault. I hope you know that. I hope you believe it.”
“I do.” My voice didn’t quiver. There was no sob attached to the end of my words. They were firm, strong, because they were the truth. I did know those things. “I promise.”
I waited a heartbeat before I hung up. Goodbyes had never been my strong suit, especially not ones with so much emotion attached.
Sobs shook my shoulders less than half a second later. My phone fell from my hand as I broke down. My tears were of relief that everything had been taken care of and that nothing would point back to me, but they were also from what happened and the emotions I still carried. More images of that night shifted through my mind, ripping my insides to shreds and causing more tears to fall. Just because I didn’t blame myself for what happened, it didn’t mean I was okay with it. It didn’t mean that I was past it.
I still hurt. My tears were proof. And, that was okay. I would be okay. In time. I knew this. So did my vam
pire. So did my wolf, and yet she still itched to be set free, and what she wanted, she got. Especially in moments like this where I felt too weak to fight her.
I kicked off my boots and peeled out of my clothes, tossing them on my backpack as fast as I could. The pulse of shifter magic simmered beneath my skin. My wolf was ready. She was waiting. All I had to do was step aside. So, I did.
Breaking rules had never bothered me. I wasn’t afraid of being caught.
My bones stretched and bent. The sensation was familiar. Beautiful. Wanted. I tingled with excitement at not being me for a moment. Life seemed put on pause when I let my wolf take over. I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t have to think.
All because I was no longer me.
My wolf lunged forward once the shift was complete and barreled through the woods. Daylight still filtered through the branches of the trees and animals scurried around sensing her presence, but she wasn’t focused on any of that, all she cared about was running. She needed that release, and frankly, so did I.
Axel
I undid my tie and then rolled up the sleeves of my uniform shirt as I headed toward the Wolf Blood dormitory. While walking, I passed a few guys with faded bruises across their cheeks or cuts above their brows. We nodded to one another in brief acknowledgement, but didn’t speak.
It was all to keep suspicion surrounding the group down.
Fight club had been happening for a few weeks now, and I was feeling saner than ever. My nightmares had subsided. My demons seemed manageable. I was doing well.
I took another puff from my cigarette and felt my fat lip crack open again. The copper taste of my own blood coated my mouth as I snaked my tongue out to lick the area.
Damn, that hurt. Thank goodness it would heal fast.
As I passed Holt Taylor—my first fight and first win—he nodded and flashed me a crooked grin. He’d been a great contender to go against simply because the rage trapped inside him was his fuel. Fight club was good for him. He needed a way to take out the aggression his human side held tight to from being bitten and turned.
I returned his smile and then cut a left to head inside my dorm house. As always, there were people sprawled around the main lounge, and the vending machines had a line. I started up the stairs, heading for the fourth-floor dorms, not saying much to anyone.
“Hey, man,” one of my housemates, Drew, called out as I passed him on the stairs. His dorm was three down from mine and Lee’s. “Still down for heading to Last Call for a drink tonight?”
“Absolutely. It’s been one hell of a week.” No truer words had been spoken.
I was so glad it was finally Friday night. I’d bombed a mixed martial arts test in Strength Training this week because I’d fallen flat on my ass during one of the moves and Professor Blades had failed me. He was a hard-ass. I also had an essay due in Meditation and Spiritual Release I’d worked nearly all week on and almost turned in late despite it. And, there had been a test in another class I wished I’d taken the time to study for.
Yeah, I could really use a drink. Or ten.
“Awesome. See you there,” Drew said, continuing down the steps.
I reached the top of the staircase and cut a right toward my dorm. When I reached the door, I unlocked it, expecting to see Lee hunched over his desk nerding out on whatever the hell he’d been researching lately. I was sure it had something to do with Bryant’s tattoo. It always did. He’d become obsessed. He’d tried to explain a few more things to me about it, but I’d stopped him. I wasn’t here to learn about some stupid secret group he believed was here. He hadn’t mentioned it again, but I noticed he’d been more paranoid the last couple of weeks. He’d acted like someone was following him.
Honestly, I was beginning to think he was a bit off his rocker and I was just now noticing.
When I unlocked the door and stepped inside, I was surprised to see the desk chair empty. Lee’s bed too. He wasn’t here.
“Maybe he finally listened to me,” I muttered as I tossed my backpack on my bed and then slipped off my tie. My button-down shirt was next to go, then my slacks.
Where was he? Was he with Nora? If so, I’d let him slide on skipping drinks tonight at Last Call, but if I learned anything different, I’d kick his ass. The guy needed to live a little.
After I changed into my street clothes—which comprised of well-worn jeans, a black cotton t-shirt, and my boots—I shot him a text, asking where he was and reminding him of drinks tonight. He didn’t respond. I waited a beat before texting again, letting him know I was heading to Last Call. I pocketed my cell and left our dorm, ready to down a few shots and celebrate making it through another week at Lunar Academy.
* * *
Last Call was a typical small-town bar. I’d come here a few times since being at the academy. It was decent. Cramped, but that was to be expected on a Friday night. There wasn’t shit else to do in this town besides come here. Plus, they let those of us from the academy drink regardless of our age. Half the school showed up every weekend because of it.
I snuffed out my cigarette on the bottom of my boot before heading inside. My eyes drifted straight to the bar when I stepped in, pulled there of their own accord, same as always.
She was there, slinging drinks like a pro to two yuppies ogling her.
Faith had a wide smile on her face and seemed in her element. Her hair was pinned up in an intricate bun, and her lips were painted her signature ruby red. She looked good, but damn, I’d been hoping she wouldn’t be working tonight. I didn’t know why, though; she always worked Friday nights. My gaze remained on her as I stepped farther inside the place. I noticed one of the guys grab her wrist when she slid his drink across the bar top to him, and my wolf bristled. He was always willing and waiting to protect her. So was my vampire, and so was I. She’d wormed her way beneath our skin even more in the last few weeks somehow. I’d tried ignoring her and keeping my distance, but nothing seemed to work. She was always on my mind, always in my thoughts.
She shook the guy’s grip off and flashed him a coy smile that sparked a weird, yet strong, sense of jealousy in me. My teeth ground together, my eyes never wavering. Her gaze met mine as though she could feel me watching her. She kept her expression neutral. Blank. She’d gotten good at putting her walls up whenever I was around. I knew it was because she didn’t want me to read her soul any more than I already had.
I understood.
I tore my eyes away from her, and searched for Lync, the other bartender and owner, but didn’t see him. Was he in the back? I wove through the crowd of people standing around drinking and chatting, and stepped closer to the bar. I chewed the inside of my cheek while I walked, hoping Lync appeared before I made it so Faith wouldn’t have to serve me.
It wasn’t that I was opposed to talking to her—hell, there was a large part of me that wanted to do more than just talk to her—it was just best that we kept our distance. She was too much temptation.
My fingers dipped to the ring on my necklace. Ansley flowed through my mind. She was the reason I wouldn’t allow myself the comfort of a woman again, because there was always a risk I might hurt them. Even someone like Faith who was of the supernatural world instead of a fragile human like Ansley had been. I had more control over my demons now, but still I worried.
And that worry was enough to make me keep my distance.
My gaze drifted back to Faith. She was serving someone else. I shifted around to scope out the bar, searching for Lee. There was a chance he might have beat me here. He didn’t give a shit about changing out of his uniform half the time.
I didn’t see him, but I did spot some guys from the dorm house along with their girlfriends. Since Lee wasn’t among them, I grabbed my cell from my back pocket and checked to see if there was a text from him yet. Nothing.
Where the hell was he?
“Axel,” one guy from our house shouted. “Hurry and grab a drink, then get over here. Alan needs to hear it from somebody else how much of a pro I am when
it comes to the roundhouse kick.”
I chuckled and gave a nod. The guy landed it twice and now thought of himself as a pro. What the fuck ever. I rolled my eyes as I shifted around to face the bar again.
Faith’s eyes were on me—I could feel them—but I didn’t meet her stare. Not right away. Instead, I kept my eyes on my cell and waited until she stood in front of me.
“Hey, is your roommate here?” she asked in her husky tone.
Damn, I loved her voice.
“He’s supposed to be, but I don’t think he’ll show.” It was a feeling I had in my gut.
I’d pushed him too hard on coming out with me tonight, so he’d probably holed himself up in the library. I just hoped Nora was there with him.
Faith placed a hand on her hip. Irritation prickled off her. It was cute. “Great. He was supposed to have a book for me. One I need to help write my paper for Moon Phases. I was supposed to get it from him in essentials, but he never showed.”
My brows pinched together. “He never showed?”
Lee always went to class. I’d never even heard him tease about skipping before.
“Nope. And, I need that book. My paper is due Monday.”
“Monday, huh? Procrastinate much?” I grinned. She didn’t think it was funny.
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes as she reached for a rag to wipe down the bar top with. “Whenever you see him, let him know I really need that book.” Her eyes flashed when she spoke.
“Will do, but I think he’s with your roommate right now, so I might not be seeing him tonight at all.”
She narrowed her eyes. “He’s not with Nora. She’s in a meeting for that library newsletter thing of hers. I just talked to her about thirty minutes ago.”
Okay, if he wasn’t with her. Or in our room. Or here. Where the hell was he?
Something wasn’t right.
“You sure about that?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She scoffed as though she couldn’t believe I had the audacity to question her on it.
Wolf Blood: Lunar Academy, Year One Page 9