by Casey Peeler
Chauna
Pacing the floor, I try to call Walker over and over. Still nothing. Where is he? Please let him be okay. As I try to call him for what feels like the millionth time, Logan appears through the sliding glass doors, and I fall apart as his arms wrap around me.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says as he kisses the top of my head.
“But Daddy’s in surgery, and I don’t even know what happened. They just said it was an accident, and I can’t find Walker either. What if he’s hurt? Or was in an accident or something? Oh God! What if his dad…” I say as I take a step backward.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ll have Mark go by there. Will that help?” I nod my head yes. He calls Mark, and for a brief moment I’m relieved. Logan pulls me into his side as we sit in the waiting room, but then the fear of the unknown consumes me yet again.
I’m not sure how long we wait, but as the door swings open, a man in scrubs appears with a look of defeat on his face.
“Are you Miss Jackson?” he asks.
My lips quiver as I reply yes. Logan holds me as we stand together.
“You father suffered a bullet wound to the chest.”
“Is he okay?” I question.
“I’m sorry, but…” are the only words I hear. As my world crumbles, and Walker is nowhere to be found, I turn to Logan and fall apart again in his arms.
When I finally have control of my tears, I look to the doctor. “I need to see him,” I say.
“Of course,” he says as I see Mark walk into the hospital. I pause, and he doesn’t have to say a word. It’s written all over his face. Walker is gone. I fall into Logan, and he puts his arm around my waist for support. Once I compose myself, I stand up straight and turn to go see my daddy.
Logan begins to walk with me, but I tell him no. I need to do this alone. I walk beside the doctor in silence until we come to a stop in front of a door. He opens it for me to walk in, and the room is completely silent. I see no cords or monitors. I only see the lifeless body of the man who has always loved me lying before me.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” the doctor states as he leaves me alone in the room.
I walk to Daddy and look at him lying there so peacefully. My heart begins to break all over again as I feel so lost without him. Taking his hand in mine, I hold it and pray. I pray that he didn’t suffer and is happy with Mama and Lane, but selfishly, I want him to be living and breathing. My sadness soon changes to anger. I want my daddy, and I want to know who hurt such an incredible human being. I pull up a seat and just talk to him.
“Daddy, I don’t know why this happened, but I miss you already.” I sit and just look at his motionless body. “What am I going to do without you?” I ask as tears stream down my face yet again. “Walker’s gone, too. I don’t know if he’s with you or if he’s hurt somewhere.” I sit quietly, leaning my head against his bed as I hold his hand. My body begins to shake as I mumble through my tears. “I’m alone. I don’t have you, Lane, or Walker. What am I going to do?” I ask as if he’s going to magically answer me.
“You have me,” a voice says from behind me. I turn to see Logan.
As if Lane sent Logan to rescue me, he takes me in his arms and leads me out of the room when the nurse says it’s time. I tell Daddy goodbye, and Logan holds me as we make our way out of the hospital.
When we get to my house, Logan calls his parents to let them know he’s staying with me. He takes me in his arms and lets me cry. I cry for my daddy, and selfishly I cry over a boy, a boy who stole my heart and then broke it when I needed him most.
Chapter 31
Walker
Riding north, I follow the back roads to the old shack that we run shine from. It’s dark and eerie, and a sense of unease comes over me as I pull up to the front. I don’t know if they will still be here, but I believe they started here. Why else would Dad have kept a map to this place in the house? It’s not like he didn’t know how to get here. Maybe Mama hid it for me to find, but then I shake it off. How would she have known where they were going? Dad always kept her in the dark. I turn off my bike and cautiously walk to the door of the single-wide trailer. Just as I’m about to knock, the door creaks open a few inches.
“Ivan doesn’t have a run. Whatcha need, boy?” the toothless man says quickly.
“Curious, Troy hasn’t been by, has he?”
“Nope,” he says, and I know he’s lying.
“I know he’s been here. Just tell me where they were goin’. That’s my dad, and I need to find him.”
Looking around, he opens the door wider, and I walk inside. “Have a seat. You want something to drink?”
“Thank you, but I’m good, sir,” I say politely. “So, have you seen him?” It’s obvious this is going to be harder than I thought. “It’s important.”
“How important?” he asks, and I know he’s willing to tell me for a price. A price I’ll have to pay.
“Life or death, sir,” I say as I sit there waiting for more.
“You’re a good lookout. I’ve been paying attention to you,” he says, and I smile and nod. “I’ll give you the info, if you’ll lead the runner. It’s going to Commerce.”
“Georgia?” I say as he nods yes. Things get more serious when crossing state lines, but what choice do I have? I’ve got to find my parents and make them pay for what happened to Mr. Jackson.
“I can promise you this will be worth your time,” he says, and I know that must be where my parents are headed, but I have no idea why.
“Make yourself comfortable. They should be here within the hour.”
As I sit waiting for the runner, I wonder where my life is about to take me. I don’t want to get busted, because I need to get to my dad and bring him down. Within twenty minutes, there’s a knock at the door. As the old man opens the door, I’m surprised to see Jimmy.
“What the hell?” I say.
“Ivan’s been running to more places than just Barber,” he says. I help them load up to save time, and then I lead out. The country back roads seem like a logical way to start, but as we make our way south, I have no choice but to take the interstate.
Crossing the state line into South Carolina, I say a silent prayer that we make this trip safely, but more that Chauna will forgive me for leaving her and not answering her calls. I make a promise to call her first thing tomorrow when I’m back in Barber with answers. I glance over my shoulder and see that Jimmy is the perfect distance behind me. I put the bike in the wind, and am almost thankful that he’s with me. He’s someone I trust.
We don’t stop until we get to Commerce. The directions I have lead to a location right off interstate eighty-five. Taking the service road, there’s an old abandoned gas station where I turn left and follow the road to a small run-down house consumed by ivy. The light is on, and I know we have arrived at the location.
As I wait for Jimmy to exit the Tahoe, I look around for anything that might lead me to my parents. Nothing. Suddenly, I feel as if this was all of Ivan’s doing to get me off track, and I’ve now wasted three hours of precious time.
“Jimmy, what now?” I question.
“Dude, same as any other. You help me get this shit in there,” he says, pointing toward the house. I start to help him, but anger flares within me.
“Do you fuckin’ know where they are?” I ask as I debate picking up the box of shine.
“Your parents?” he asks like an idiot.
“Yeah. My piece of shit parents,” I say.
He smiles, and I know that Jimmy’s about to finally tell me what I want to know. “Ivan sent them down this way because the local bar in town is stealing from him. He thinks they are watering down the shine and making a double profit.”
“What bar is that, Jimmy?”
“Mayville’s Saloon. It’s in town, kinda off the main road,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say as I place the shine back in his truck.
“Where you goin’?” he asks.
“Where the hell do you think?” I run to my bike, and as I crank it, I hear Jimmy yell to keep him and Ivan out of this, and I promise to do just that. Well, at least Jimmy.
I speed into town and then slow to thirty-five. This town isn’t what I thought it would be after seeing that high-class shopping mall off the highway. In a way it reminds me of Barber but on crack. It’s busy for this time of night. I find Mayville’s Saloon, and I scope out the place as I park my bike behind the dumpster. I’m underage and unsure of my surroundings, so I want to know the quickest route of escape.
I watch the crowd entering the building, and as I see more teens, I decide it should be okay for me to go inside. When I hear motorcycles in the distance, I quietly pray that it’s my parents so I can get the answers I need and get back to Chauna.
As the bikes pull in, I see that it’s not them. Damn. Deciding I should still see what’s going on with the shine, I make my way to the door. There’s no bouncer to stop me, so I walk in and take a seat at the bar.
“What can I get ya, honey?” an older woman asks as she smacks her gum.
“Jack and Coke,” I say to see how far I can go.
“Nice try, honey, but you ain’t twenty-one,” she says with a smile. “How ’bout just a Coke?”
“Whatever.”
As she hands me my glass, I notice a lot of the teens are going out the back door. Wonder what’s going on out there?
“I can’t serve ya, but you might want to check out the food truck out back,” she says with a wink.
After tossing a few dollar bills onto the bar, I make my way out the back door, and I’m amazed by what I see. There are kids everywhere with jars in hand. Most of them are my age or younger. How is it that the cops haven’t shut this place down?
I walk up to the food truck and quickly realize it’s full of shine. Holy crap.
“What can I get ya?” a cute blonde asks through the window as her boobs meet me at eye level.
“Just clear,” I say. With one taste, I’ll know if it’s Ivan’s.
I pass her some cash, and she passes me a jar. “You new in town?” she asks.
“Yeah, just passing through on my way to Atlanta,” I say, trying not to raise any flags.
“Nice. How’d you find Mayville’s?” she questions.
“I just turned off into town and thought it looked like my kinda place,” I say with a wink.
“I think I agree. Maybe you should stay longer,” she says with a wink back.
“Who knows, maybe I will,” I say as I take the jar and find a seat.
Taking a sip, I know instantly that something isn’t right with this shine. Swirling the contents around, I take another sip. It’s weak. Maybe Jimmy’s right? Sitting back, I take everything in. I notice a group of guys that have to be close to my age. I quickly tighten the lid on the jar and make my way over to the group and introduce myself, hoping to fit in. I’m talking to the guys and watching the cute blonde clean up when I hear motorcycles on the other side of the building.
All of a sudden there’s a loud commotion coming from inside Mayville’s, and everyone begins to scatter. The food truck window is closed, and the cute blonde exits out the back.
Everyone begins to walk out the back gate and into the main parking lot. I feel like I’m in a fire drill at school. As everyone walks back to their vehicles, like everything is normal, I figure this must happen a lot. As I walk toward my bike, people begin to scatter from within the building, and I know something is seriously wrong now. As I make my way to the front door, I have no doubt when I see the two bikes parked near the entrance. My parents.
As I grab for the door to Mayville’s, it swings open, and as I stumble backward, my mom catches my eye and signals for me to get out of there.
“That was a warning! We’ll see you again soon. We promise,” my dad yells on his way out. He turns to walk out the door, and we are face to face.
“Walker? What the hell are you doin’ here?” he asks as he and Mom climb onto their bikes and crank the engines.
“How could you?” I scream.
“Walker, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ ’bout,” he says.
“You know I love her. Why him?” I ask as I take a step toward him.
“Because he got in the way. Just like you are right now. Move, son,” he says as he tries to move his bike.
“You can’t leave. You have to do what’s right. For once, Dad, do what’s right!” I say as I glance at my mom.
“We can’t. Now move. We’ve got to get out of here,” he says as he inches the bike toward me.
“No. I won’t,” I say and mean every word of it.
“Don’t make me do this, Walker,” he says, and I stand there with determination on my face. I won’t move, and I just pray the cops get here before my dad does something else stupid.
As we hear sirens in the distance, Dad doesn’t think twice. He brings his motorcycle to life and walks it backward to try to go around me. I pause, and when he begins to take off toward the road, I run after him. As he pauses before entering the main road, I think I can catch up to him, but then I see him aim his pistol at me. I try to quickly move out of the way, but it’s like I’m running in slow motion. A sharp, piercing pain attacks the right side of my chest. I cry out in pain as I watch him take off. My mom looks like she doesn’t know what to do. She gives me a sad look and then takes off after Dad. Suddenly, everything around me goes dark, and breathing becomes difficult.
Chauna
When I wake up the next morning, I’m faced with a horrific reality that my daddy isn’t here. Sitting up, panic sets in when I see Logan beside me fully clothed and sleeping peacefully. Lord, why have you chosen this for my life? Why now?
I quietly get out of bed and head downstairs. As I start to fill the coffee pot with water, I’m taken aback when I see my daddy’s dirty coffee mug in the sink from yesterday. My hands begin to shake as I stare at the cup. I try my best to avoid looking at the cup, but as I fill the filter with coffee and wait for it to perk, tears begin to drip down my face like the coffee into the pot. I grasp the counter as a sob escapes my chest. It takes everything I have to hold myself up.
As I pray to wake up from this nightmare, I feel arms wrap around me. “It’s going to be okay,” he says. “I promise it’s going to be okay.”
Turning in his arms and looking into Logan’s eyes, I know he believes he’s telling the truth. The question is, do I believe it? As his phone rings, I pour my coffee, and then I realize today is his birthday.
Trying to put on a happy face as he hangs up the phone, I look at him. “Happy birthday, Lo,” I say. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”
“Are you serious?” he says. “That’s the least you should be thinking about.” We drink a cup of coffee to celebrate us both being adults then I get dressed and prepare myself to deal with life without my daddy.
*****
Between the funeral home, police investigation, Logan’s family, and the non-stop arrival of food, I haven’t had much time to myself. Who knew that two days ago, when I thought my life as an adult was just beginning, that I would be in this predicament?
After getting dressed for the funeral, I look at my phone. I debate texting Walker. I just can’t believe he’d leave without saying goodbye, and I wonder if something happened to him. There is a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I say as Logan walks in. “Hey, I thought you’d just meet me there,” I say.
“No way. I wasn’t gonna let you do this without me,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say as my eyes fill with tears. He pulls me into his shoulder, and I try to keep my tears from falling.
When we get to the church, I’m amazed by the amount of people who are already here. Walking to the graveside for the service, I see Lane’s tombstone. Logan takes my hand and squeezes it.
The service is short, sweet, and to the point, just like Daddy would have wanted. Daddy’s long-time friend, Matt, plays an
acoustic version of “It Is Well”. I sing along with him, knowing that everything will be okay.
After the benediction, everyone stands and says their goodbyes while telling me I’ll be in their thoughts and prayers. I swear, if someone says they understand one more time, I just might scream. Finally, I’m ready. I look at my daddy’s coffin and place my hands on it for the final time.
“I love you, Daddy. Please take care of Lane and tell Mama I love her.” I take my hand and kiss my lips then place them on the cold metal. As I turn away, Logan wraps his arm around me, and I glance over my shoulder as they lower the coffin into the ground.
As we leave the church, I know where I have to go. Boondocks. Looking to Logan, I know he’s not going to understand.
“Lo, can we stop at Boondocks?” I ask.
“Chauna, you sure that’s a good idea?” he questions.
“I have to,” I say. “Have to see if I can handle going back there.” Without another word, he drives straight to Boondocks. Darren is getting out of his truck when we arrive.
“Chauna?” he says in surprise.
“Yeah, I just needed to come here. Ya know, to see if I could handle being here,” I say.
“No problem. Your daddy was an amazing man. We’re going to miss him around here,” he says as he unlocks the door.
Before he opens the door, he turns to me. “Everything has been put back in place. I plan on opening back up Friday,” he says.
“Why not today?” I question. “Daddy wouldn’t want you to wait.” He shrugs his shoulders, and we enter Boondocks.
Holding my breath, I don’t know what to expect, but Darren was right. It looks as if nothing has changed. I shouldn’t have expected any less. The police have finished their investigation, and they have a suspect. Looking around, I see that all the tables and chairs are in order, and I wonder what really happened that night. Logan asks if I’m okay, and suddenly, I realize that this is still my home. Nothing has changed, except I no longer get to hear my daddy’s voice echoing through the speakers. I know exactly what I have to do.