Proud Mary

by Bette McNicholas

  Their lips came together in a fever, ravishing and quick. He wanted to rip his shirt wide open remove hers completely, one button at a time. He wanted to feel her skin against his.

  He wanted to taste her skin. He tore his mouth from hers and ran his tongue along her neck to her cleavage, barely visible at the V in her blouse.

  Her intake was audible and she struggled to bring his lips to hers and out of unfamiliar territory, taking everything within him to do that. He slid his mouth from hers and whispered in her ear, “We’re great together.” A perfect match, he thought.

  Trouble was he couldn’t continue holding her body next to his and kissing her like that without wanting more. But to get more came at a high price when he was at the peak of his rodeo career. If only he could get her to ride out his career with him for a time.

  “Stede…”

  “Shh. You don’t have to say a word. I’m ready to offer you love, marriage and family. Anything. Yet I have this feeling you’ve made up your mind and are going to go back to Washington and leave me heartbroken.”

  She ran her fingers over his soft lips and touched his cheek. “I’m afraid for us to make love. I want to offer my body and soul to you, but that will make my leaving you harder even though I know the memory of our lovemaking would last me a lifetime.”

  Stede took both her hands and lowered them and stepped back from her. “Offering your innocence to me, while a great temptation, is not enough, Carolina. I can’t continue this intimacy unless I can get you to change your mind about leaving. And, I want you to know that I plan to keep on trying until the very last second.”

  “Is that a promise, Stede?”

  “Yes,” he said seriously, “but if you leave Arizona, I want to make you understand I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life living alone, waiting for you to change your mind, or looking for someone like you to fill the void and end up a bachelor.”

  He ran his finger down her nose. “You no longer have to worry about whether or not I’m going to expect you to sleep with me. I want a commitment first.”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Carolina was well aware that Stede solved her dilemma about going to bed with him. But she wasn’t sure she liked the fact that he was able to readily make the decision to remove the option.

  “Come on, I’m in need of a soda and they have great Buffalo wings here. And I want to know why you haven’t mentioned or opened that envelope your mother handed you before we left.”

  “You noticed?”

  “Yes, I noticed you folded and stuffed it inside your purse, or as I refer to your purse, the abyss.”

  “You don’t play fair, Cowboy.”

  Stede put his arm around her shoulder as they entered the restaurant and he asked the waitress for a quiet table for two.

  The hostess smiled and said, “I know love when I see it.”

  After they were seated, Stede ordered an iced tea for Carolina and a soda for himself, along with an order of medium hot wings. When their drinks arrived, Stede raised his glass to Carolina, “Here’s to many years of a happy relationship for you and your family.”

  They clinked their glasses and she said, “Thanks to you.”

  “My pleasure, because not only am in love with you, I find joy seeing you happy.”

  She lowered her head and smiled. “Thank you. I know this sounds terribly trite,” she said reaching for his hand, “but is there even a slight chance we can remain friends. I don’t want to lose touch with you.”

  Stede pursed his lips. “That’s a possibility, Carolina, but to what end? A few phone calls, a Christmas card, maybe a visit or two? What happens when one of us meets someone else and makes plans to marry? Don’t you think the one left pining will have a hard time accepting that final chapter?”

  He looked at her and saw the tears beginning to slide down her cheek. “I think so, Carolina. But I’ll tell you what,” he said, wiping her tears with his thumb, “I will always be here for you if you need me. You know where to find me. My love for you is not like some fading photograph.”

  She picked up her napkin and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “I understand, Carolina. Honest. Now, do you want to discuss the contents of the envelope your mother gave you?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think I’m ready for that. On the outside of the envelope she had written: “To be given to my daughter, Mary Fox, after my death. I might want to wait until then.”

  He tilted his head to the side. “Sounds reasonable, although I distinctly remember her telling you to read it after you left. Then, if you had questions, you could call her, which doesn’t sound like she really wants you to wait to read the letter until after she’s gone. I’ve noticed a bit of a distance between you and your mother, but you and Lizzie appeared as though you’ve never missed a beat.”

  “What a great feeling. I can’t describe how quickly Lizzie and I closed the gap between all those years we were apart.”

  “And your mother?”

  Her eyelids closed tightly for a moment. “I guess I have some issues that pertain to her weaknesses. And perhaps I’m being a little harsh, but I believe if I had found myself in the same situation as my mother, I never would have left my children behind.

  “My mother knew Carl wasn’t physically abusive only to her. She could have left him years ago, before I was born, taken Lizzie to a shelter and called the police.” She stopped to take a sip of tea.

  “She used to sit there and cringe and allow him to beat us. Any solution would have better than the one she chose, which was to save her skin and the hell with us. I didn’t see the situation like that when I was young. Now, after talking to Lizzie, I find out my mother was sorry she left Carl because she still loved him.

  “And what did she do? She became dependent on alcohol, like him. That realization makes me ill. Somehow none of it sits right with me. Fact is, Stede, my sister and I never deserved either one of our parents.”

  Stede held Carolina’s hand as tight as he could without crushing her fingers. He felt the anger run through him and the veins pulsate in his neck. “Oh, God, Carolina. What can I do to eradicate these horrible memories that haunt you. You have every right to all the feelings you harbor against your parents.”

  “Thank you, Stede. You’ve done more for me in these last few weeks than I can count.”

  “You understand, don’t you, that nothing you or Lizzie ever did or said or thought, warranted the way you were treated?”

  She nodded. “I do now, but the realization was a long time coming.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing her palm tenderly.

  They continued to talk and enjoy the wings until Stede noticed she had a hard time keeping her eyes open. He paid the bill, and said, “Come on, let me get you home.” He offered her his hand and didn’t let go as he led her out to the car.

  ****

  The ride home from the restaurant was quiet. Carolina had her sister and her family in her life and her mother was as part of the package. Eventually her thoughts concerning her mother would probably ease, and even if they didn’t, she could live with the way things were. Carl at least was no longer a factor.

  She had a lot to be thankful for and many reasons to be happy, all made possible by the handsome cowboy at her side and his grandmother who thankfully had saved her letters. All in all, her trip to Arizona turned out to be a great success but she needed to go back to Washington and put her efforts into her own future. She’d always have the memory of her time spent with Stede.

  There really wasn’t much more for her and Stede to say to one another. Getting through the next few days would put a strain on their relationship until she left Arizona.

  They loved each other; that much was indisputable. But he was a rodeo champion and she was a woman with a trail of broken relations looking for reasonable assurances that she wasn’t about to experience losing the love of her life to a rodeo accident, when preventing that ending was within his p
ower.

  She also wanted reasonable expectations that she wouldn’t spend half the year alone while he spent his nights away from home fending off buckle bunnies, maybe successfully, maybe not.

  Getting over Stede would take the rest of her life even if she met and married someone else because she was conscious of the fact that no one would ever again walk through with her what he had, or understand her like he did. She had her doubts that she’d be able to allow anyone get that close again because she truly believed of all the men in the universe, Stede Foster was her soul mate.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Carolina and Stede had breakfast together the next morning alone on the patio because his parents had a tee time at the club to play golf with another couple.

  Stede suggested that they stay around the house and go swimming and take it easy, unless she wanted to go into the city and shop or go sightseeing.

  “No, I should try to get a little more sun. After spending all this time out west, I can’t go back home without a tan. Besides, I had enough excitement yesterday.”

  They were interrupted by a phone call from Chance. Stede put the speakerphone on for Carolina to listen.

  “Manny and Jenny are here, they’re still asleep, but we made plans to go to the Saddle and Hearth tonight for dinner and a little dancing and we want you to join us. I called some of your old buddies, Stede, and they said they heard you had brought a beautiful, and I use their words, hottie, with you and they all want to meet her. How about it guys? You’ll be leaving tomorrow and we haven’t spent a lot of time together. Mom and dad are also going to join us. I reserved one whole side of the restaurant.”

  Aware her cheeks were flame red, Carolina rolled her eyes at Stede and smiled ruefully.

  “All right, Carolina seems brave enough. What time? Seven-thirty’s fine.”

  “When the Ruiz’s wake up how about if we come over for lunch and a swim? Or, do you two have other plans.”

  “No, we were talking about staying around the house and swimming when you called. See you in a bit.”

  After Stede hung up, Carolina asked. “What should I wear tonight?”

  “How about that yellow linen outfit with the shorts and jacket? Might as well show off your legs and make my friends jealous. Did I ever tell you I was a leg man?”

  “Yes, along with all the other parts…”

  ****

  The Foster Ranch took on the atmosphere of a party that afternoon after Stede’s parents arrived home from their golf outing with their friends, the Carlson’s, and the ten of them had fun playing volleyball in the pool and even played some tennis matches, and ordered pizza and salads from a local restaurant for lunch.

  To say that her leopard print bikini had brought the animal out in Stede was an understatement. She’d had more suntan lotion slathered on her in the hard to reach spots and everywhere else than was decent.

  And while in the pool he carried her on his shoulders in order to get her far enough out of the water when it was her time to serve the volleyball, his hands smoothing over her bare and wet thighs and down her legs, breaking her concentration on serve after serve.

  Every time she landed a scoring serve, he’d score also, kissing the inside of her thigh and yelling with one arm raised, “Take that,” to the opposing team, but he hadn’t fooled her.

  By the time they broke up for the afternoon and Carolina went to shower and dress for dinner, she had gotten a lot tanner and was grateful her skin didn’t burn, even though she felt the heat on her cheeks. After her shower, she added some indoor tanning cream to even out the color on her skin.

  She dried her hair and parted it slightly in the middle and let the curls hang down, teasing it full. She wore a black camisole with lace across the top under her yellow linen box-shaped double-breasted jacket with three-quarter length sleeves. The Bermuda shorts came above the knees and were cuffed. She slipped into a pair of yellow linen wedged heels with a black and white polka dot bow and carried a yellow purse to match that had polka dots on the handles.

  Carolina finished off the outfit with her black earrings and bracelet, smudged on pink eye shadow and a pink gloss on her lips that she coated with sparkling lip sugar.

  When she finished dressing she opened the door to her bedroom and found Stede leaning against the wall waiting for her. He wore a light chocolate dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the neck loosened, and a pair of tan slacks, tasseled loafers with no socks and a grin that made her heart melt.

  “Hey, Cowboy,” she said, giving him a kiss. “You look very handsome tonight.”

  “Are you trying to say I clean up good?”

  “No. You’d look great in a potato sack.”

  He chuckled. “Come on, everyone’s waiting.”

  “Am I the last one to get ready?”

  “Yep, and I don’t know about them, but you’re worth every minute.”

  “Thank you,” she said stealing another kiss, trying not to think about the little bit of time they had left to be together.

  ****

  The Saddle and Hearth restaurant and bar, an upscale place Carolina pegged for the country-club set, and certainly not a hangout, like Stede mentioned he wanted to take her to when they were on the road.

  There were about ten other friends of Stede’s seated along the wall on the booth side of the tables, that she had to be introduced to, a couple of men without dates, a few married couples and the rest single with dates. His parents and the Carlsons sat together in the chairs at one end, and Carolina sat between Chance and Stede, which made her feel comfortable. Jenny and Manny sat to Stede’s right and Tracey to the left of Chance.

  The music was soft and the atmosphere romantic, and the conversation remained friendly and light, which put her at ease. After their drinks were served and the appetizers arrived, Stede asked her to dance.

  Carolina smiled because she had on heels that brought them cheek-to-cheek. He held her close, yet she wanted to be closer. When he had shown her around his parents’ home, she discovered a bottle of Herrera for Men in his living quarters, and when she got back to Washington, she planned to buy a bottle to spray his fragrance on her pillow.

  She wrapped one arm around his neck and his right arm encircled her back, while he brought their other hands to his chest. He kissed her ear and whispered, “I love you.”

  “I love you, too. What am I going to do without you? I can’t remember what my life was like before I met you.”.

  “That’s all I needed to hear.” As many times as he’d told her he loved her, he hadn’t known if he’d ever hear the same words from her lips, although she had told him in plenty of other ways she loved him.

  He stopped dancing and moved his head back and kissed her with a tenderness that she met with her own, their senses attuned to every nuance of the kiss, every texture and taste, leaving them unmindful of the crowd, the hoots and whistles, the food, and the music. And for once she didn’t blush.

  When the song ended, he walked her over to her chair and said, “I’m going to go to the bar to order another round. I’ll be right back.”

  Needing a moment herself to recover without his leg pressed against hers under the table or his hand roaming over her knee, she acknowledged his comment with a mere nod.

  As he walked away, she heard him laugh good-naturedly as friends slapped him on the back and kidded him about smokin’ up the room.

  Chance leaned against her shoulder and said, “After a cold-shower kiss like that, Stede ought to be glued to your side.”

  She laughed and nodded toward the reflection of him in the mirror on the wall above the booth. However, he didn’t look like he would be right back, having been waylaid by a couple at the end of the bar. The man did much of the talking, his manner at first friendly, then appeared more earnest. The dark-haired woman was lovely, her eyes shifting from her talkative companion to focus on Stede.

  Carolina became aware Chance followed her gaze. The cigarette nearly to his lips stopped i
n mid-air, as his eyes narrowed and an uncharacteristic frown creased his forehead.

  She kept her eyes on him as Chance dropped his gaze from the mirror and crushed his cigarette out in the ashtray, glancing at Tracey who was deep in conversation with Jenny, and then he downright glared at his mother seated at the far end of the table, who seemed to be watching the bar scene with great interest.

  Someone across the table asked Carolina how she liked Texas and she turned her attention to those around her.

  The drinks were delivered and still Stede had not returned. When Carolina looked in the mirror again, the woman had drawn nearer to Stede and several other women, who looked to be in a convincing mode about something, although he seemed to be listening with cool detachment, joined them.

  Some of Stede’s friends had sauntered over to flank him, competing for the women’s attentions and drawing him into conversations of their own. With the party in his honor, understandable he had a roomful of people with whom to chat, but at that rate, she wasn’t going to see him for the rest of the evening.

  As soon as the waitress came to take their orders, Chance went and spoke with Stede. He looked a little miffed when he was seated again, but didn’t say anything and placed Stede’s order for him.

  Most of the couples got up to dance while they waited for the dinners to be served, which Carolina realized with a table of twenty, would take a while. Being alone with Stede’s unmarried male friends made her feel awkward, as if out of polite concern for her they kept her company, when what they really wanted was to get up and ask one of the available females to dance. She excused herself and walked over to the bar.

  Stede’s friends cleared a path for her and watched with interest as she joined them. Aiming to accomplish what Chance hadn’t, she asked sweetly, “Mind if I steal him away for a dance?”

  Stede stood immediately, placing his arm around her shoulder, and said, “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Carolina Palmer.”