by V. K. Ludwig
“It won’t happen again.”
“No, it won’t.” He parks his hands on his hips and gazes around the gym, sucking on his upper lip. “The moment I climbed into the drone, I put my DNA signature on a contract for an estate over at Thalem Beach.”
A hesitant wave of relief ripples over me. “So, you won’t join Izzy’s estate?”
“And make myself miserable? No thanks.” His eyes narrow once more. “You might not realize it, Adrin, but you’re veking up a bunch of lives here, including Izzy’s.”
That guy has nerves. “I only want what’s best for Izzy.”
“Do you?” He shakes his head. “She’s under obligation to take in three saikhs, but you’re making it impossible for her to satisfy this contract. You chased me off. That number you pulled with Cain? It intimidated enough scholars they won’t even dare approach Izzy. Are you even fully aware of what happened last night?”
When I only stare at him, he snorts and lifts the side of his shirt, and my limbs quiver.
No way did I do that.
I’m not the aggressive type.
“The moment you pulled her onto your lap, your damn tail lashed out at me, and your claw shredded my shirt.” He trails his finger along the red, angry cut curving his waist, two staples holding the impact hole together. “You’re miserable because you were stupid enough to fall in love. No doubt you’ll make the lives of the other two saikhs miserable. And guess what? It’ll all come crashing down on her.”
Dropping his shirt, he offers a final scoff before he walks off.
My muscles twitch even harder. What if he’s right and I’m driving Izzy straight into chaos? Fights between saikhs, constant tension, and male aggression… Everyone has heard stories about males who triggered the ruin of entire estates because they fell in love with their mistress.
Am I that male?
I have to be. Izzy didn’t even sign the contracts yet, and already one saikh dropped out.
“Adrin,” a voice calls from behind that could be my own.
I turn toward Odrin. “Huh?”
“They called your name three times.” His grin is the widest yet. My brother passed his final assessment. Good for him. “Your sheri’ma is waiting.”
“Shit.”
I sprint across the gym and along the hallway leading to the assessment area. The closer I come to the assigned room, the more my ribcage shrinks around my organs.
Anxiety, probably.
I knock on the door and enter. The sheri’ma greets me with a poison-dipped stare. Damn, she’s pissed because I left her waiting.
I sink my head extra low. “Honorable female.”
She rises from her cushioned stool, nothing covering her body but a dark-orange, transparent robe. Her hair is beautifully braided, still pitch black, and she’s appealing in every way.
Until her tail flicks behind her.
I shudder. Then I flinch because… why am I appalled by a tail? I have a tail for vek’s sake.
“You’re late,” she snarls, and the fabric of her robe pools by her feet. “Ready yourself, scholar, and have a look at the positions and angles I chose for you.”
I activate the hologram beside the pod and read over the first instructions as I strip down. We’ll jump right into penetration. Yotush position. Angle for the upper wall. Sustain pressure while getting her anal sphincter to clench. Easy enough.
Graduation here I come.
The sheri’ma sits on the pod with spread legs. A sight that used to excite me. Just not now, and I blame her tail. Maybe the horns, too. Or the fact that her hair is black and long, instead of short and grayish-blue.
I climb onto the pod and focus on my breathing.
In. Slow.
Out. Slow.
“Honorable female,” I say once more. “I’m ready.”
Her brows arch up, her pupils drop, and she slowly shakes her head. “No, you are not, scholar.”
I glance down at myself.
Oh.
Oooh.
Yeah, any angle requires a straight line, and my penis is currently more of a sphere given how the organ almost curls into itself, hugging my balls. That’s… not an obstacle I anticipated.
A nervous tingle creeps up my spine. How can this be happening? The night Izzy walked into those mating growls, I kept myself hard for the better part of five hours, only occasionally allowing myself a ten-minute break here and there. But that was with Izzy. And this is… not Izzy.
“Just a second.”
Those seconds tick into minutes as I stare down at my shriveled cock. I breathe. I focus. I breathe some more. Not a twitch. My reproductive system quit on me, and the way the sheri’ma huffs isn’t helping either.
That tingle spreads, expanding into a full-body shudder. It serves as a spark, and my insides heat to such a degree I feel like combusting all over again. Did I think earlier that I’d achieved everything I wanted? Scratch that. I achieved shit. Neither did Izzy, and it’s my veking fault.
I climb off the pod, kick my legs into my pants, and grab my shirt. “I can’t do this.”
“Scholar, failing the practical assessment—”
“I understand the consequences.” I slip into my shoes and turn toward the door, fingers clawing my shirt, muscles twitching.
Bam. Explosion.
Right inside my core, electric impulses sizzle, sending a destructive blast that crumbles my entire damn life. Why did I spend so much time with Izzy? Why did I allow myself to grow attached to this female? She was supposed to help me graduate, not be the reason I fail.
We’re failing each other.
“Hey!” Odrin swings his arm around my shoulder, his good mood nauseating. “Look at my little brother the saikh. A graduate, and with a damn offer to an estate. You’re making me look bad.”
“Vek off, Odrin.” I duck and spin away from him, stomping toward my room. “I failed. I won’t graduate. I messed up.”
Messed up my graduation.
Messed up my brain.
Messed up my life.
And messed up Izzy’s life as well, just like Zorvik said.
I slam into Odrin’s chest, who straightens faster than I do, as he says, “What do you mean with you messed up?”
“I couldn’t get hard.”
His lips pull into a smile and he scoffs. It lasts for one beat. Two. Three— “Wait… you’re serious.”
Of course he’s shocked. Temporary erectile dysfunction isn’t something Vandalar males are prone to, least of all a saikh, because we’re a horny, sex-deprived, desperate bunch of virgins, taking opportunities all too gladly whenever they arise.
Except for me.
I’m only horny.
For Izzy.
I wrap my hands around my horns and yank hard enough my skull aches. “I love her.”
“Oh, shit.”
That sums it up nicely. “Brother, I’m not the aggressive type, am I?”
He shrugs. “You’ve been on the edge lately.”
As if I need him to confirm what Zorvik substantiated twenty minutes ago. I injured him without even realizing. Honestly, though? When he pressed his lips to Izzy’s, I was ready to do things far worse than a scratch with my tailclaw. No matter how hard my thinking-brain tells me I have to share Izzy, my body is revolting and will continue to do so.
That’s dangerous.
My back slides down along the smooth wall before I slump on the ground. “That isn’t even the worst part. Last night, she said she loves me too.”
Something any Vandalar, male or female, would kill to hear, no matter the destructive qualities of the word. Love isn’t an emotion fit to survive our social structure. Females avoid showing that kind of favor to one male, preventing the rivalry it causes. Smart males guard their hearts because my kind runs on superficial relationships.
Clearly, I’m not smart.
Izzy and I love each other, and that in itself is a curse on Vandalheim. What am I supposed to do? Insist she break the contract and get deported? Sh
e can’t go to Earth. Everyone knows Agri II is a shithole where slave trade runs rampant. I’m a professional athlete for a sport not performed on any planet but this one. How am I going to support us? How could I possibly expect her to live in a shitty, bug-infested apartment with me? Working three jobs like her mother? Leaving her to her own devices like her father? I can’t do that to her.
But I can’t share her either.
I clutch my stomach, and my guts roil against my palm. Chances are, I’d end up in jail just like her father. For assault. Potentially murder. Didn’t I hover my tailclaw against Cain’s temple, saying, “Dead?” I should have realized then and there that this thing with Izzy is out of control.
And it will only get worse.
No saikh will bind himself to a contract without expecting intimacy. It would cause animosity among us males, chaos, drama, and all that shit Izzy had enough of all her childhood.
No, I don’t want that for her.
“I don’t know what to say, Adrin.” My brother lowers himself down beside me. “Remember how I got Belesh to sleep with me?”
“An achievement.”
“It fades compared to being loved, I would assume.” His knee kicks against mine. “Who would have thought a little shit like you would get a female to fall in love with him. Hmm?”
I shake my head. “She’ll only get hurt.”
And I’ll be the one hurting her.
I have to, if I want to do what’s best for her.
Sixteen
Izzy
That cake I baked looks nothing like the recipe, but at least I’m ninety-eight percent certain it won’t poison us.
Pure, unbridled energy hums from the walls inside the saikhmenti today, and scholars line the hallways. No, not scholars. Saikhs. The new graduates laugh, smile, and chatter up a storm — except for Adrin.
The door to his room stands ajar, and he sits on his bed folding clothes. Or more like rolling them into tiny balls and stuffing them into a large black bag.
I knock on the frame. “Congratulations.”
Adrin meets my smile with an empty gaze that lingers for long seconds before he jerks out of it, pupils going to my hands. “You made me a cake.”
“That’s what the recipe said, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
He lowers his elbows onto his knees, hands dangling limp between them. “I appreciate the gesture, but you better give it to someone else because I didn’t pass.”
Haha, good joke. “Send whoever is in charge my way, and I’ll tell him all about those angles you showed me last night.”
His head drops so low the end of his braid falls over his shoulder. “Angles weren’t the issue. We didn’t even get to that part because I couldn’t… perform.”
Something frigid climbs along my ribs.
Wait. He isn’t joking.
He’s dead serious.
I put the cake on his desk and sit on the sleeping pod beside him, stroking my fingers over his arm. “I’m sorry. I know it meant a lot to you.”
“Not nearly as much as I thought it would.” He straightens so quickly my hand slips off him, but he continues staring at the ground as he says, “We need to talk.”
An uncomfortable tingle starts in my toes and slowly spreads along my legs. We need to talk is scary when a woman says it, but it’s outright terrifying when a guy uses the phrase.
This can only be about last night.
Adrin stayed, but the comfort of his broad chest wasn’t enough to distract from the way none of us spoke another word. We remained equally silent, eventually pretending we were sleeping while we probably both pondered the same issue: the contract.
All we have are shitty options and a ticking clock. Or more like a time bomb counting down seconds, and that government official who came by the estate this morning left no room for misunderstandings. Asshole pushed words like visa and expiration through gritted teeth, framed by a fake smile no less.
“I already took up way too much of your time, so I’ll get straight to the point.” He tortures his upper lip, and his eyes stare at a lonely crumb sitting between his shoes. “I won’t join your estate.”
My lungs cease, and a thundering heartbeat replaces the rushing of breath entering my nostrils. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d get straight to the point, and it fucking pulls the bed out from underneath me. How am I supposed to go through this nightmare without him?
I press a hand against my quivering chest. “So I’m down to one saikh.”
“Zero.” Golden irises search for mine through white lashes, and Adrin reaches his hand for me, only to stall mid-air, and drop it onto his thigh instead. “Zorvik told me he signed a contract for a different estate.”
A lump forms at the back of my throat.
As he should have after last night.
“Boy, I fucked it up good, didn’t I? Signed that stupid contract and… and…” The blood in my veins heats to a boil, and my toes itch inside my sandals. “Why did you agree only to change your mind a week later?”
“I made a mistake.”
“A… mistake?” That itch spreads across my entire body, hot, and nasty, and unbearable. “Why did you show up at my estate and lie to me? Why did you kiss me? Why did you—”
“Alright, I made many mistakes.” He stands, immediately pacing the length of his pod. “I cannot share you.”
“I don’t want you to share me!”
“But I’ll have to!” When I flinch at his shout, he curses low and turns away from me, his voice dying into a mumble. “I injured Zorvik last night.”
“You did what?”
He spins around, his jawline tense. “Cut him across his waist with my tailclaw, and I wasn’t even aware of it.”
“It was an accident.”
“No, Izzy, that wasn’t an accident.” He drags his palm over his braid as he sighs. “Can you imagine what I might be capable of as a trained fighter, confronted with your other two saikhs? If one of them strokes your cheek? Holds you at night?” His Adam’s apple bobs with a visible swallow. “Sinks himself into you?”
“But I don’t want those things.” I rise and walk over to him, stroking my fingers over his palms but he doesn’t take my hands. “I love—”
“We don’t love on this planet.”
My heart shatters when he takes a step back, bringing distance between us. Who knew mere inches of air could pack such a punch? Who knew words can fill the gap, erecting an invisible wall? Does that mean he has no feelings for me?
You shouldn’t.
That was his response to my confession last night. I felt a bit embarrassed then because he didn’t say it back. Now? Please strike me dead.
A first sob hiccups over my lips. “You don’t feel anything for me, do you?”
Whatever distance he carved between us, he closes with one step, and his hands cup my face. “Not a second goes by without thinking of you. Every moment of my day, I want to spend with you. I want to bite you… right there.” A finger strokes over the nape of my neck. “And put a youngling in you the first chance I get.” His forehead, almost freezing to the touch, sinks against mine. “I wish I would feel less for you so I could stay. If I do, I’ll cause a tragedy because I’m too possessed with the urge to have you to myself. You’ll never find what you came for on this planet as long as I’m around.”
“I don’t care about the estate.” I sniff. “I want to be yours.”
“Which is the greatest honor you can gift any male. But I ruined my graduation and put you in a terrible position. If I stay, I’ll make your life miserable, and that’s the last thing I want.” He straightens and drops his hands, pulling a folded note from his back pocket which he places into my hand, closing my fingers around it. “This is a list of all Adrin-approved scholars, plus a few saikhs I know from the area who are looking for an estate, including all the dirt on them. As I promised.”
The corner of the note pokes into my palm, and numbness spreads from it. “We could go to Agari II to
gether.”
“That right there. That’s what makes you so damn adorable.” He presses a kiss to my cheek. “No, Izzy. You had a rough life already, and I won’t drag you back to that. Back then, you couldn’t choose your family, but you can choose your saikhs.”
Those words sting.
Twice, actually, because they’re my own.
The frrt of a zipper pulls me out of my thoughts. “Where are you going?”
He shoulders his bag and guides a hover box on top of the others stacked by the wall. “Whoever graduates gets to remain another few days until the ceremony. I need to vacate this room right away and will stay with a friend until I figure out what to do next.”
My heart turns to stone, stretching those strings it clings to until they ache. “You could stay at my estate.”
“It’s better if I disappear for a little bit. Give you some room to breathe. That doesn’t mean I won’t be there if you need me in the future… as a friend.” He clasps my chin, and golden eyes roam over my face as if it’s the last time he’ll ever look at me. “If there’s an emergency, Odrin is on standby for you.”
My chin lifts with the way his pupils drop to my lips, but he forces them away, leaving the room so quickly the draft of his movement cuts over my exposed skin.
I sink back onto his bed. Paralyzed.
Way to ruin my life. And Adrin’s.
I can’t even blame him for walking out on me.
Not sure how long I sit there, but it must be a while because the hallway slowly empties, leaving behind a heavy silence. Until a voice breaks it.
“Izzy?” Silas’ green eyes search for mine, but they don’t connect until he kneels down in front of me. “Did you cry? Your eyes are all puffy and… where the vek is Adrin?”
Maybe I did cry, given how my voice comes out small and croaky. “Gone.”
“Gone where?” When I give no answer, he glances around, and grunts low. “How can that dickhead fail his mistress like this right from the start?”
“I’m not his mistress.” Another sniff through congested nostrils. “He said he won’t join my estate because he injured Zorvik and worries that it’ll happen with the other saikhs as well since he has to share me.”