They filed out of the restroom. When the door swung shut, I rested a hand on Jodi’s shoulder.
“I thought I would be the one to call it quits.” Tears choked her words. “I thought he liked me more than I liked him. It was what I liked best, how safe he seemed. I thought he was incapable of hurting me.”
I squeezed her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
Bitterness eclipsed her sadness. “It’s because of you, you know.”
“What’s because of me?”
“It’s my own fault.” She looked away from the wall, into my eyes. “I should always assume that guys prefer you.”
“What? Connor doesn’t prefer me.”
She released a disbelieving laugh. “So it’s a coincidence that he broke up with me just as you guys became friends?”
“We’re not friends. Our parents are friends. That’s it.”
“You know, this is exactly what happened with Eli. He was perfectly content with me until you guys saw that movie together.”
“Jodi, Connor is a completely different situation,” I said. “And Eli and I were already at the theater when you called and said you couldn’t make it.”
“It was barely a week later when he broke up with me. He said he needed to focus on school, but of course I knew the truth.” She gave the mirror a knowing smile. “I guess some things never change.”
“Jodi,” I started, but didn’t know what to say.
She took a deep breath. “It was a nice idea, you coming in here, but maybe you should go.”
“No, I—”
“Please go.”
It seemed wrong to leave, but what choice did she give me? “I want to help.”
“You can help by not dating him, okay?” Then she pushed past me and out the door.
“You’re quiet,” Connor said on our drive home. He’d been watching me ever since we got in the car, but Abbie and Chris had been silent until now, so this was our first semi-private moment.
“That’s because I don’t have anything to say.”
“You and Eli still fighting?”
“Who says we’re fighting?”
“I just assumed. I mean, you left James’s party without saying good-bye. Didn’t he think—”
“I don’t know what Eli thought because we haven’t talked about it, okay?” I hadn’t realized how this angered me until I said it out loud. Eli hadn’t said a word to me about the party. He hadn’t asked how I’d gotten home, if I was mad at him. Nothing.
“Is this about Jodi?” Connor asked.
The muscles in my jaw tightened as I remembered her parting words in the bathroom.
Connor sighed, and I thought he might drop the subject, but instead, he said, “What should I have done? Kept dating her forever?”
I didn’t answer.
Again he sighed, but this time he didn’t say anything else.
“You don’t have to be so rude to him all the time,” Abbie said after we’d dropped off Connor and Chris.
I squeezed the steering wheel. “This is none of your business.”
“You know, just because a guy isn’t as hot as Eli doesn’t mean you have to treat him like nothing.”
When I laughed, it came out more bitter than I’d have liked. “Oh, are we airing grievances? If so, I’d like to discuss when you plan on telling Mom and Dad you’re pregnant.”
Abbie pursed her lips and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night, which suited me just fine.
Curtis tugged at Dad’s old necktie strung through the belt loops of my jeans. “Skylar, my friend Mark came over this afternoon and Mom let me turn my room into a fort. You wanna see?”
Now Cameron pulled the bell sleeve of my sweater. “Me and Chris took Cevin for a walk after school and we saw a dead bird.”
“Me and Mark played army until he had to leave for Cub Scouts.”
“Its eye was missing. And there were ants on it.”
“And we rushed our food. That’s where you don’t eat it all at once because you don’t know how long it will be until you get new food.”
“I think you mean rationed,” I said. “You rationed your food.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Well, guys, it sounds like you’ve had a very productive day.”
Curtis cocked his head. “What does ‘productive’ mean?”
“That you got a lot done.”
He considered this. “I’ve done my chores already. Cameron hasn’t.”
“Shut up,” Cameron said.
“Cameron, we don’t say that in this house,” Amy said as she breezed into the living room. She adjusted an earring and smiled at me. “Thanks so much for doing this, honey.”
“It’s no problem,” I said.
“Connor and Chris had planned to see that movie for so long, it would have broken my heart to make them miss it.”
Cevin hopped onto my lap to investigate me. He attempted a lick of my face. Curtis erupted into giggles. “He likes you.”
I rubbed his soft, white fur, hoping he wasn’t about to pee on my lap. He wore the overeager expression that characterized the entire Ross family, as if whatever problems you brought into their house could be solved with affection and food.
Brian entered the living room as he tied his tie. “Do you think this one, honey, or the red one?”
Amy assessed him. “I like that one.”
“Okay, good, because I don’t want to go back upstairs.” He turned to the couch. “You guys are going to be good for Skylar, right?”
“Yes,” the two boys said, their voices angelic.
Brian said to me, “They’ve already watched their TV quota for the week, so unless Cameron wants to watch the news and find a current event for his school project, the TV needs to stay off. Amy made stuffed manicotti for you and put it in the fridge. All you need to do is pop it in the oven for a half hour. And there’s ice cream bars in the basement freezer if you think they’ve earned it.”
Impressive. When I was growing up, Dad never did the babysitter briefing. Even Mom’s was sparse, consisting of the phone number for Pizza Hut, and how it took hours to calm Abbie down from caffeine, so please, please, please don’t let her have any.
“Have a good time,” I said as they moved toward the entry.
Brian tightened his tie. “I just hope his wife doesn’t get drunk and puke on my shoes. That’s what happened the last time my boss took out an employee.”
Amy smiled at me. “Well, with a standard like that, I’m anticipating a great night.” She beckoned Cameron and Curtis. “Come here, boys.”
“No kisses, Mom, okay?” Cameron said. “You just put on lipstick.”
“You mean like this?” Amy caught his forehead with her puckered mouth. Cameron let out a good-natured shriek and dove into my lap. With that, Amy and Brian left for the night.
I don’t know which surprised me more, that I voluntarily gave up my Wednesday evening to watch two little boys, or that I enjoyed it. We held races in the backyard, we played Twister with the music cranked loud, and they declared me an honorary boy so I could enter Curtis’s fort. After their baths, we ate ice cream bars and read a chapter from the book Brian brought out each night. When they coaxed a second chapter out of me, it happened because I wasn’t ready yet for them to go to bed. Several pages into it, however, they drifted to sleep, so I closed the book and tiptoed to the door.
“Good night, Skylar,” Cameron said in his drowsy-little-boy voice.
I switched off the light. “Good night.”
Downstairs, I flipped through TV stations, but nothing held my interest. I turned it off as my cell phone sang with Lisa’s call. I pushed her into voice mail. I couldn’t handle any more whining about John and Alexis.
I stared at my silenced phone. Should I try Jodi again? Would it amount to anything? She hadn’t said anything more to me than a crisp, “Hello,” since she stormed from the bathroom on Monday. As if she had the right to be mad. If anyone deserved to be angry, it was me
. Her implying that I might date Connor . . . Well, it insulted me.
Sure, we’d become friends. Good friends, even. And he was cute, in a squirrelly kind of way. And yes, I’d noticed myself having some, well, warmish feelings toward him since he changed my tire, but it didn’t matter. I’d never date him. Two of Jodi’s exes in a row? How embarrassing.
Connor and Chris came through the front door at that moment, practically shouting about, of all things, pineapple in Dubai.
I rose from the couch. “Guys, shh. Your brothers are sleeping.”
Connor froze. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I’m babysitting.”
“I didn’t know Mom was calling you.”
“Is there something wrong with my being here?”
“No, it just caught me off guard.”
Silence followed. I tucked my bag over my shoulder. “I guess I don’t need to be here now that you guys are home. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Tell Abbie hi for me.” Chris followed this with a deep blush.
“I will.” I nodded at Connor and walked through the door.
I had one leg in my car when Connor called, “Skylar, wait,” from the front door. He jogged down the short path to the driveway. “I think we need to clear the air.”
I retracted my leg and leaned against my car. “Do we?”
“Things have been really weird between us since Monday.”
“Well, she’s my best friend, and you’re . . .” I could think of no good description. “You’re someone I spend a lot of time with, so it’s a little uncomfortable for me.”
Connor nodded. “I know. But you understand why, right?”
“Why what?”
“Why I broke up with her. I assume Jodi talked to you about it.”
I dug my toe into the ground. He already wanted to discuss this? They’d just broken up forty-eight hours ago. “We really shouldn’t talk about it.”
“But if we don’t talk about it, then it becomes this thing we both know but neither of us says. I’d rather voice it so we can move on.”
“You really think that’s a good idea?”
He nodded. “Otherwise it’ll keep getting weirder and we won’t be able to stay friends.”
“Fine.” I shifted my weight and forced myself to hold eye contact. “Well, there’s no good way to say this. I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, and it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry.”
Connor blinked several times. “What?”
I sighed. “Even if we ignore that I’m with Eli, you’re Jodi’s ex. You’re sweet and funny, and I love your family, but—” I glared at him. “Okay, why are you smiling?”
Now he laughed. “Do you think I broke up with Jodi for you?”
My face warmed. “Okay, you don’t have to laugh.”
“Sorry.” Connor bit his lip in an effort to dampen his smile. It didn’t work. “It’s just that you’re such a good friend—”
I cut him off by raising my hand. “No need for further explanation.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you, it was just funny.” Probably realizing how this sounded, he rushed to say, “Not that you aren’t likable, because obviously you’re . . . Well, you’re Skylar. I think that pretty much sums it up.”
I hurled my bag into the passenger seat. “I have to go.”
“Don’t be embarrassed.”
“I’m not embarrassed,” I said with the cool manner I’d perfected during my years of turning away eager boys. “I just have somewhere I need to be.”
“Skylar,” Connor attempted, but I drowned him out by turning my ignition key. Only one thing could make this situation more humiliating—Connor comforting me.
On the drive home, I held in tears for the first minute, then spent the second furious with myself. I couldn’t fall apart because stupid Connor didn’t want me for his girlfriend. Especially when I didn’t even want to be his girlfriend.
I took several deep breaths before entering my house. “I’m not upset, I’m not upset,” I said under my breath, then pushed open the garage door.
I found Mom seated in front of the TV. I perched beside her. “What are you watching?” After spending my evening in the Rosses’ cozy living room, ours felt sterile.
She looked up from her magazine to the screen. “I’m not sure anymore. I haven’t been paying attention.”
It looked like a crime-fighting show—a guy and girl too good-looking to actually work for the FBI leaned over some hacked-up body. I knew it was fake but couldn’t keep from making a face. “Mind if I turn it?”
“Please.” She handed me the remote and returned to studying the pictures in her magazine. She turned it to me. “What do you think of this?”
I looked at a room dressed in silver and blue, full of twinkle lights and votive candles. “For what?”
Mom looked at me with exasperation. “You can’t be serious. It’s for your birthday party, Skylar.”
“Oh, right.” I flipped through the channels without absorbing anything. “It looks good.”
Mom always got way into our birthday parties, but this year she seemed downright obsessed. She booked the country club back in the summer and had the invitations addressed and stamped, just waiting for Emily Post to say it was okay to mail them out.
She turned another page and made a “hmm” sound at whatever she saw there.
For some reason, I really wanted Mom to ask how my day was, how school had been, if any big tests were on the horizon. I wanted to feel like the woman seated beside me was my mom.
“Is Dad home?” I asked, even though his car wasn’t in the garage.
“No.”
“Is he at work?”
“I assume so. I haven’t heard from him today.”
“Why is he working so much more now?”
“Some big contract for the Sprint renovation. Skylar, honey, I’m trying to concentrate.”
I turned back to the TV, where some bleached blonde chatted incessantly about her nails. Ugh. Didn’t I get enough of that at school? I hit the power button.
“Fall Ball is the weekend after this,” I informed Mom. “Eli Welling asked me today.”
Not exactly true, but he’d bought our tickets that day at lunch. Apparently that was all the asking he’d intended to do.
When he’d returned to the table and I saw the tickets, I said, “You bought two?”
He smiled. “I thought you’d like one.”
“Depends.” I took a long drink from my water bottle, making him wait. “At the last thing you took me to, I had to find my own ride home.”
Eli gave me a funny look. “Are you talking about James’s?”
“Of course.”
He blinked a couple times. “Are you mad at me?”
“Eli, you didn’t even notice I left. Yeah, I’m a little annoyed.”
“Of course I noticed. Connor talked to me about it.”
“He did?” News to me.
“Yeah. He said you were ready to go home, and since he was sober, he’d drive you.”
Connor had verified this later. Which meant I had no good reason to be mad at Eli or to skip Fall Ball. Unless Mom put her foot down, but she’d been pretty lenient about school dances in recent years, as long as we all went as a group.
Now, at the mention of Eli’s name, Mom looked up. She never clocked off her job as boy patrol. “Has he expressed a romantic interest in you?”
“A romantic interest?” I smiled. “Mom, you sound so old when you phrase it like that. We’d be going as friends.”
“In a group?”
“Of course.”
She pressed her lips together. “And you wouldn’t be alone with him at any point in the evening?”
“Nope.”
“Then I suppose . . .” She sighed. “I suppose that’ll be fine. I’ll be seeing Cathy tomorrow at the women’s tea, so I’ll discuss it with her there. I want to make sure she’s mindful of her son’s
intentions.”
“Thank you,” I said as Dad walked through the garage door. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Was that you who left the door up again?”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Sorry won’t cut it when I walk out there one morning and find all our stuff gone. Not to mention what easy access it gives people to our house. I could have been a robber.”
“Sorry,” I repeated. “How was work?”
“Fine. The same.” He hung his Windbreaker in the closet. “You two have already eaten, I assume?”
“I ate with the Rosses.”
“Okay.” He walked off toward the kitchen. No questions about why I would have eaten with the Rosses, or if Mom put leftovers in the fridge for him. In fact, he didn’t acknowledge her at all.
I turned and found Mom engrossed once again by her magazine, but now her forehead creased as she gripped it, her knuckles bright white.
“I’m going upstairs to start on homework,” I said.
She only nodded.
In my room, I didn’t bother to turn on a light. I just sat on my bed and stared out the dark window from my dark house. Abbie’s pop music bled through the walls, the peppy notes and sticky lyrics grating on me even more than normal. And finally, as the light, happy music clashed with the deep black inside me, the tears pushed through.
I rummaged through my desk drawer, finally finding what I wanted—the scrap of paper with Heather’s cell phone number. She answered on the third ring.
“This is Skylar Hoyt,” I said in a strained voice.
“Oh, Skylar.” Her warmth only made me cry harder. “I haven’t seen you at youth group. I’ve wondered about you.”
I forced my tears into submission. “Are you praying for my family?”
“Of course,” she said. “Did something else happen?”
“Nothing’s happening.”
I heard her hesitate. “It may feel that way, but in my experience, things are changing more than you can see.”
But were they changing in the ways I wanted them to? I couldn’t ask the question without sobbing, so I stayed quiet.
“Would you like to meet for coffee or something?” she asked.
“Please just keep praying,” I said, and hung up.
9
Out of the blue, Eli said, “I’m thinking Italian.”
Me, Just Different Page 8