Aaron’s face floated in front of me, handsome and inviting. Too handsome and inviting.
“Just . . .” How to explain without really explaining? “Just a bad experience.”
I forced myself to look at Connor. His face showed disappointment.
“You know I’m not one of your silly girlfriends.” I’d never heard him sound so angry. “I’ve got no intentions of talking about you behind your back or using what you say as blackmail. Haven’t I proven that to you by now?”
My response came out as a whisper. “Yeah.”
He looked at me with hard, challenging eyes. “Then why don’t you ever share anything real with me?”
“You know more real things about me than anyone. Even Eli.” I glanced at him. He looked doubtful. “It’s not easy for me. The vulnerability thing.”
Connor poked around his sundae, appearing pensive, and a long silence ensued.
Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. “We had this deal, Eli and me. Something happened, something big, and I knew it was time for a life change. I told Eli I wanted to go back to church and stop partying and stuff. He said he would do it with me.”
“And is he?” Connor kept his voice soft, as if he feared spooking me.
I hesitated. “Sometimes.”
“You said he dragged you to James’s party. That doesn’t sound very supportive to me.”
“That wasn’t his fault.”
“How?”
I focused unblinking eyes on my ice cream, hoping I wouldn’t have to suffer the humiliation of crying in front of Connor. Again. “I was weak. I should have said no.”
“Why do you stay with him?”
I studied him. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t like him. I can tell.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh, you like the idea of him, but really, Eli drives you crazy.” He tilted his head, like a puppy trying to understand. “Why do you continue with him? Because he’s popular?” I hadn’t been this offended since he’d called me a cliché. “That has nothing to do with it.”
Connor snorted. “So you like guys with anger management issues who flirt with all your friends when you’re not looking?”
Normally I was a pro at mastering my emotions, at turning on a chilly voice, but for some reason I couldn’t this time. I sputtered like a pot ready to boil over. “Eli and I are absolutely none of your business!”
He lifted his shoulders, unflappable as always. “Maybe not, but as your best friend I’m concerned by how I see him treating you.”
A response sat on the tip of my tongue, just waiting to shoot Connor’s direction, but those two words adjusted priorities. “Best friend?” I laughed. “You’re not my best friend.”
“Oh yes I am.”
“No you’re not, and I get more of a say in it than you do.”
“None of those girls are willing to tell you what you need to hear”—he pointed his spoon at me—“which is that Eli is the wrong guy for you.”
Of course, this thought had bounced around in my head since that night at QuikTrip, but it’d never been spoken, never been made subject to discussion.
I laughed again, but this time I forced it. “So, because you’re nosy and have a big mouth, you’re my best friend?”
“That’s right.”
“Jodi is—”
“Not your friend at all,” he finished for me. “Trust me.”
I burned with shame imagining what he’d seen that made him say that. Jodi bad-mouthing me. Hosting parties and leaving my name off the invite list. Maybe even plotting revenge.
“Jodi’s been my best friend since eighth grade.” What did I hope to convince him of by saying that?
Connor evaluated me. “You know she’s mad at you.”
“Of course I know.” I took to jabbing at my ice cream rather than eating. “Don’t you think I would fix it if I could?”
“It’s practically all she talks about, your betrayal. She’s obsessed. It’s why we’re not together anymore.”
My heart pounded so loud, I feared he could hear it. “Because she won’t talk about anything else?”
He shook his head. “Because she’s always talking trash about you. At first I didn’t care as much as I should have. But now . . .” Connor turned to me, squinting in the glare of the sun. “Well, we’re friends now.” He grinned. “Best friends.”
I thought about these last couple months, how Connor had spoken more truth about my life than Jodi had in the last five years. Here I’d assumed I had a crush on him, but maybe I was just experiencing my first real friend. This comforted me. I didn’t want to date someone who owned such a variety of running pants.
“We’re not going to, like, exchange friendship bracelets or anything, are we?”
He snorted. “Please, no.” He plucked the thick, beaded bracelet decorating my wrist. “I can only imagine what kind of wacky, zebra-print contraption you’d invent for me.”
I laughed and returned to my ice cream, now a souplike consistency. The breeze blew cool on my face, reminding me to enjoy the warm sun while I could. “What a beautiful day. Thanks for inviting me out.”
“Well, I can’t take credit. It was Chris’s idea to call you girls.”
“Really.” I glanced over my shoulder and caught Chris winding his fingers through Abbie’s. “So, what do you think of Chris and Abbie?”
“How do you mean?” he asked around a bite of ice cream.
“About them dating.”
His eyes widened. “They’re dating?”
I nodded in their direction. “See for yourself.”
He fixed his gaze on them. “I had no idea. How long has this been going on?”
“I think since we had dinner at your house. You really didn’t know?”
Connor shook his head.
“Stop staring,” I said, and he turned his wide eyes back to me. “I don’t know what to do. I told Abbie she needed to tell Chris about”—I forced myself to speak it—“the baby, but she still hasn’t told our parents yet.”
“What’s she waiting for?”
“I don’t know. Courage, I guess.”
Connor shook his head and resumed blinking and breathing as normal. “You think she’ll tell them soon?”
“She doesn’t have much of a choice. She’ll start showing before long.”
Connor didn’t say anything, just fixed his gaze on his ice cream and stirred with slow strokes.
Monday morning when I arrived at school, sans Connor for once because of a dentist appointment, I found only Eli at our group of lockers.
“Good morning.” He touched my forehead with his lips. “How are you?”
It startled me how normal he behaved. “Fine. How are you?”
“Great. Sorry I wasn’t at church yesterday.” He offered a sheepish grin. “I overslept.”
“That’s okay.” I searched his face for clues that things had shifted between us.
Eli laughed. “You’re making me nervous.”
I shook my head and forced a smile. “Sorry. Just . . . zoning out, I guess.”
He leaned against the locker and watched me spin in my combination. “So, your party invitation arrived.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I guess it came on Friday, but Mom didn’t give it to me until yesterday. Looks fancy.”
“Well, you know my mom,” I said with an eye roll. “Every day when I get home from school she’s asking me questions like, ‘How about cilantro potatoes and beef satay?’”
“What’s beef satay?”
“Some Indonesian dish, I think. I don’t know.” I folded the flap of my bag and closed my locker.
Eli fit an arm around my waist. “You ready to go?”
“Sure.” I kept my eyes on his face as we walked down the hall. He really did seem okay. Was it possible, or was this an act?
Eli laughed again. “Why do you keep looking at me like that? I feel like I’m under the microscope this morning.
”
“No reason,” I said, and turned away. Apparently, I worried for nothing.
Lisa rolled her eyes. “What’s the big deal? Just say it already.”
“What’s the big deal?” I gave her an incredulous look, at which Lisa shrugged. “‘I love you’ is one of the most serious things you can say to another person.”
“Oh, Skylar.” She sighed and returned to her biology reading.
“It’s a big deal,” I insisted.
“It’s not like it’s your virginity,” Lisa said too loud for our classroom setting. The guy seated across from us raised an eyebrow.
“Shh,” I hissed.
She lowered her voice. “All I’m saying is, it’s not going to drastically alter your relationship.”
I chewed my lip as I considered this. How could it not change things? I suspected Lisa could be wrong about this. “Did you tell John you loved him?”
“Of course.”
Had that been such a dumb question? “Why ‘of course’?”
“We were together for nearly a year. There are certain things that happen in that amount of time.”
I tapped my pencil against my textbook. “Had you said it after four months?”
“We got together in January and said it Valentine’s Day.”
“You both said it? Like in cards or something?”
“No, at dinner. He said it first, then I said it back.” She tilted her book toward me and pointed to a fungus picture. “That’s disgusting.”
“Did you mean it when you said it?”
Lisa sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
“What about now? Do you regret it?”
Lisa narrowed her eyes, as if debating whether she should be offended. “What kind of question is that?”
“I’m just trying to sort this thing out.”
“Look, Skylar.” She folded her arms over her book. “I don’t know for sure, but I still think I loved John back then. Maybe in college I’ll meet someone new and realize that I was wrong, that what I thought was love really wasn’t. But then maybe later I’ll meet someone else and think the same thing about that guy.” She patted my hand, seeming to sense my discouragement. “My point is, you can’t overthink it or you’ll drive yourself crazy. Just tell Eli you love him. It’s time to get over being scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I scratched at a stain on my pants, a drip of ice cream from my afternoon with Connor. I chose not to answer Lisa’s question. Instead, I asked my own. “Did Jodi have a party after Fall Ball?”
“What? No. Of course not.” She followed her denials with a laugh. “Don’t you think you would’ve been invited if she had?”
“I’d have thought so,” I said. “But recently it feels like Jodi wants me out.”
It happened too quickly to know for sure, but I swear I saw a flicker of fear in Lisa’s bright eyes.
12
“I’m thinking up,” Abbie said as she twisted my hair off my neck. “And dramatic eyes, but just touches of makeup everywhere else.”
I fussed with the skirt of my yellow silk dress as Abbie tucked pins into my hair. “You know, it’s not like I’m a bride or anything.”
“You’re the lady of the evening. Now shut up and let me have my fun.”
Abbie did my makeup twice and my hair three times. The first hairstyle didn’t seem elegant enough to her, but the second looked too over-the-top, so she redid it the first way. I’d never been more grateful to hear Connor knock on the door.
Abbie spritzed herself with perfume. “Tell them I’ll be right down.”
“Don’t take too long.” I slipped into the coat Mom bought to match my dress. “Mom won’t like me being late to my own birthday party.”
“I’m right behind you,” she said, but since she was raking through her makeup bag, I wasn’t so sure.
Downstairs, I pulled open the front door to find Connor and Chris looking uncomfortable in creased pants and collars. “My rescuers have arrived.”
Chris laughed as he entered. “What are we rescuing you from?”
“Your girlfriend. She’s been fussing with me for forty-five minutes now.”
“Where is she?” he asked with an amused smile.
“Upstairs. She’ll be down in a couple minutes.” I glanced at Connor, but he looked away. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong when Abbie thundered down the stairs.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” She gave Chris a breathless peck on the cheek, then turned a brilliant smile toward me. “Doesn’t Skylar look great?”
“You both do.” But Chris’s eyes never strayed from my sister.
“We need to go,” Connor said, a hint of impatience in his voice. I tried to make eye contact, but he moved to the front door and held it open.
Chris and Abbie walked in front of us, snuggling together when the wind picked up, laughing about something.
I glanced at Connor, who still wore a stiff expression. “Nice night, huh?”
“I guess. If you don’t mind cold weather.”
I couldn’t remember another time when he’d been so out of sorts. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” He opened the passenger door of his Tahoe like a secret service agent might for the president—face of stone and gaze beyond me.
I sank into the seat, fingers knotting as I fretted. Clearly, he was mad at me. What could I have possibly done? At school yesterday, everything had been fine. Great, even. We spent five minutes laughing so hard we couldn’t talk. What changed between dropping him at his house yesterday and opening the door for him tonight?
When we entered the country club banquet room, Mom’s face filled with relief. “There you are.”
“This looks great,” I said, and it really did. She’d draped the room in silver and navy blue, and all the fussy food with names I couldn’t remember smelled incredible.
Abbie shrugged out of her coat. “How’s everything going?”
“The idiot florist didn’t bring near enough votives. I wanted the entire room bathed in candlelight, and there’s no way that can happen now.”
“Mom, relax.” I touched her shoulder. “It’s wonderful just how it is.”
She surveyed the room with her critical designer’s eye. “You think so?”
“I love it,” I insisted.
She opened her mouth to respond, then caught sight of my father entering the room, rumpled from his day of flying. “Oh, Paul!” She pushed past us. “You’re twenty minutes late.”
“How am I late? No one is here yet.” He kissed my forehead. “Happy birthday, angel. You look beautiful.”
I’d barely managed to say, “Thanks, Daddy,” when Mom started in on him again.
“You need to go home, change, and hurry back. Skylar’s friends will be here in the next ten minutes and I don’t want you looking like a hobo.” She brushed lint off his suit jacket.
“Teri, I’m tired and smell like an airplane. I’d like to shower and shave before making an appearance.”
“Take all the time you need,” I broke in.
Dad smiled at me, his eye creases deeper than I remembered. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He glanced at my mother, then turned and headed out the door.
Mom followed him out to his car. We couldn’t hear what she said, but her mouth never slowed, and Dad’s expression grew rock hard. Abbie took Chris by the hand and led him away, leaving me and Grumpy to our own resources.
“So, I guess you’re officially part of the family if my parents will argue in front of you.” I forced myself to chuckle.
Connor glanced at me but never looked in my eyes. “D’you want something to drink?” Then he walked away before I eked out, “No thank you.”
You’re not supposed to get blown off at your own birthday party. You’re just not. I decided to march over and demand an explanation for his mood, but Lisa arrived. She carried an enormous gift and gushed about how great I looked, so
for now I let Connor off the hook.
“This place is fabulous!” Lisa shuffled toward the gift table in three-inch heels. Why do girls buy shoes they can’t walk in?
“That’s a huge box,” I said, watching her ease it onto the table.
“Nothing else would do for my Skylar.” She noticed my curls. “Your hair is beautiful!”
“Abbie did it,” I said as Lisa removed her coat. “Wow, that’s some dress.”
“You like it?” She spun so I could see the whole thing. Not only did it look like she spray painted it on, but it was red. It screamed, “Notice me!”
Lisa spotted Connor. “Hi, Connor!”
I was about to warn her of his sour mood when he turned and smiled. “Hey, Lisa. Chocolate-covered strawberry?”
She helped herself to the food on his plate. “I saw you this morning on Santa Fe.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You were in the car with your mom. I was at Swim Quik.”
He popped a cheese cube in his mouth. “Why were you at Swim Quik this time of year?”
Okay, what was this? To Lisa he was chatty and smiley? To Lisa? Connor didn’t even like Lisa.
“I’m going to Barbados over Christmas.” She helped herself to another strawberry. Was she so lazy she couldn’t fix her own plate? She had to steal Connor’s food?
“I’ve never been to Barbados,” Connor said. “I’ve been to St. Lucia.”
“When did you go there?” I asked.
“Couple years ago.” He didn’t even glance at me.
“Did you like it?” I said as he asked Lisa, “Who are you going to Barbados with?”
Unbelievable. When I noticed Eli arriving, I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about abandoning Connor to Lisa’s motoring mouth. Alexis and John showed up a few minutes later. Alexis instantly noticed Lisa and glared at her, but Lisa seemed incapable of seeing anything but Connor.
Jodi, who always enjoyed making an entrance, strutted through the door twenty minutes late on the dot. She wore her makeup too heavy and her hair stick straight. She announced her presence by crying, “Where’s the birthday girl?” and giving me a lavish hug, all arms and no feeling. “Sorry I’m so late. Catch me up, girls. What’s going on around here?”
Alexis obliged in her low, gossipmonger voice. “This is so weird.” She pointed to Lisa and Connor standing at a cocktail round. “Lisa’s been hanging all over him. What’s going on with them?”
Me, Just Different Page 11