Me, Just Different

by Stephanie Morrill

  “Not anymore I’m not.”

  I exited, and while both guys followed me, Connor stayed right on my heels. “It doesn’t work like that. You don’t get a say in whether or not you’re my best friend.”

  I hated that he thought quicker than me, that he was so articulate. In lieu of being witty, I picked up the pace.

  “So this is how it’s going to be?” Connor said as we reached our lockers. My friends, who were at their lockers, turned big, curious eyes our direction. “You’re going to push me away, hibernate in your room, and feel sorry for yourself?”

  “You’re making me sound pathetic.”

  He shook his head as if disgusted. “You’re acting pathetic.”

  He turned to walk away, but Eli’s infamous temper flared—he grabbed Connor by the collar of his shirt and yanked him back.

  I reached for his arm. “Eli, stop!”

  But Connor appeared calm, even slightly amused. “Let me go.”

  “Eli, let him go.” I uncurled the fingers gripping the collar of Connor’s polo. “I appreciate you sticking up for me, but let him walk away.”

  Eli momentarily tightened his hold. “I’ll only tell you one more time. Leave her alone,” he said before releasing him. Connor held my gaze for a moment. He straightened his collar and walked away, his steps as jaunty as if the whole ugly scene had never happened.

  The girls crowded around me, wanting to jabber about what they’d just witnessed, but Eli reached for my hand and pulled me away from my clucking friends. “Give her a little space.” He led me toward the parking lot. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “You sure I can’t talk you into ice skating?” Eli asked as he directed his car down my street.

  I’d been resting in the reclined passenger’s chair. I opened my eyes and offered a sleepy smile. “I’m afraid lunch, two movies, and ice cream are all I have energy for today.”

  “You should come over for dinner.”

  “And tell my dad I’m having dinner with my boyfriend’s family?”

  Eli shrugged. “Tell him you’re at Jodi’s or something. You’ll just be two houses down. You’re hardly lying.” He slowed as we reached my house. “Last chance.”

  “Thanks, but I really need to get inside.” With the car parked, I leaned across the console and kissed him. “I really appreciated today. You saved me this morning.”

  He rested his forehead against mine. “No way am I letting someone talk to my girl that way.”

  “I didn’t mean Connor. I meant afterward with our friends. There was no way I could have dealt with them.”

  “Yeah, about that.” Eli tucked my overgrown bangs behind my ears. “When are you going to tell them what’s going on? I’m sure they’d want to help.”

  I snorted. “And I’m sure they’d want to gossip about me behind my back.”

  The corners of his mouth twitched upward. “Maybe just Alexis and Lisa.”

  “They’re the least of my concerns. Jodi’s who I’m worried about.”

  He frowned. “Why Jodi?”

  “Are you kidding?” I tilted my head, evaluating him. Didn’t he know this? “She’d love to get revenge on me for dating you.”

  “That’s crazy.” Eli nearly laughed. “You’re just being paranoid.”

  In a quiet and what I hoped was a non-accusatory voice, I said, “She’s been flirting with you ever since we got together.”

  “That’s just how Jodi is.” He punctuated this with a shrug, as if even he doubted this explanation.

  “She’s hoping to catch you in a moment of weakness and break us up.”

  “We’re just friends”—his voice emerged sharp—“same as you and Connor are just friends. Best friends, apparently.”

  I bit my lip. How had this turned into a fight? The last few hours had held more laughter and intimacy than the last four months combined. All day I’d kicked myself for holding Eli at arm’s length these last years.

  I measured my words with care. “I was just trying to say thank you. I didn’t mean to start a fight.”

  “You didn’t.” His fingers combed through my loose hair before cupping my cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean how that came out. It’s just . . . Connor.”

  “Why does he bother you so much?”

  Eli shook his head. “I just don’t trust him. He seems too good to be true.”

  I looked at my lap, not wanting Eli to see how tears pricked my eyes. “Apparently he was.”

  “Hey.” Eli tapped beneath my chin with a curled finger, encouraging me to look up. “You don’t have to rely on him anymore, okay? You’ve got me now.” He pressed his lips against mine for a soft, tender good-bye kiss. “I love you.”

  I smiled and slid my hand through his blond hair. “I love you too.”

  After one more kiss, I went inside.

  The sound of Dad’s voice surprised me. What was he doing home? But more importantly, had he seen me in the driveway with Eli?

  My fears eased as I approached his office, where the windows faced the neighbor’s house rather than the front yard.

  “Thanks, Brian. Any time is fine.” Dad saw me and beckoned me inside. “I sure appreciate it. Bye.”

  “Hi, Dad.” I dropped into his rarely used receiving chair. “Why are you home so early?”

  He fixed me with a stern look. “You ditched school.”

  I swallowed. “No I didn’t. I—”

  Dad poked the answering machine’s play button. The raspy voice of Shawnee Mission’s secretary filled the room. “This message is for Paul or Teri Hoyt alerting you of Skylar’s unexcused absence. If this is a mistake, please call the front office or send a note to school with your daughter. Thank you.”

  Dad cocked his head at me. “Where have you been?”

  If he cared about what I did, maybe he should’ve been here this morning when I woke up.

  “Why does it matter?”

  “I’m your father and I want to know. That’s why.”

  “I’ve just been out, okay?” I crossed my legs, as if completely comfortable. “I didn’t feel like being at school, so I left.”

  “Were you with anyone?”

  “No.”

  “Really?” Dad leaned forward and rested his chin on steepled fingers. “Not even your boyfriend, Eli?”

  My surprise showed before I could conceal it.

  His mouth pressed into a thin line. “That’s what I thought.”

  “How do you know about Eli?”

  “Brian Ross told me. Apparently, he and Connor tussled today. You can imagine my surprise, seeing as you’re not supposed to have a boyfriend.”

  “I’m eighteen years old—”

  “I don’t care how old you are. You know the rules, Skylar.” He shook his head. “It’s no wonder Abbie thinks she can disobey and get away with it. Look at the example you’ve set for her.”

  Guilt pierced my heart. “Abbie got pregnant before I started dating Eli.” It was lame and I knew it.

  “Well, you’re not dating him anymore.”

  I laughed, loud and humorless. “You seriously expect me to listen to you? This is about the longest conversation we’ve had since we moved into this house. You’re always at work.”

  “I know it’s hard to understand, but it’s my job as a man to provide for my family.”

  “Brian somehow provides for his family and shows up for dinner.”

  Dad’s eyes narrowed at this. “You’re just like your mother, you know that?” The second slap in the face. “You don’t mind my working hours when you’re at the mall running up the credit cards, but the second I say something you don’t like, you’re throwing my late nights in my face. If you had any idea—”

  “You know”—I pushed myself to my feet—“I think Mom and Abbie had the right idea.” I grabbed the doorknob and let his office door close with a satisfying bang.

  It wasn’t until I marched into the garage, determined to fire up the ignition and squeal out of there, that I realize
d my car was still in the Shawnee Mission parking lot. Perfect. I groaned and turned to walk back in the house, but my eye caught Dad’s Mercedes. Well, it’s not like he was using it . . .

  Of course, I didn’t have many options of where to go. As I cruised down the Parkway, I called Mom. She’d said I could call if I needed her, and boy, did I. On my first few attempts, it rang several times before voice mail kicked in. By the fifth call, it stopped ringing and sent me straight to Mom’s prerecorded message, like she’d turned it off.

  I tried Abbie’s cell as well, unsurprised when she didn’t answer, and then pointed Dad’s car in the direction of Eli’s. I couldn’t spend the night at his place, but I could at least eat a good meal and hang out with someone who cared about me.

  The Wellings lived directly off the Parkway in a bulky, historic house that screamed wealth. In my sporty Acura, their driveway hadn’t felt so narrow, but it did in Dad’s sedan. At any moment I expected to hear the tires crunching a perfectly pruned hedge.

  Mrs. Welling opened the door with a smile. “How nice to see you, Skylar. Are you joining us for dinner?”

  “I’m looking for Eli. Is he home yet?”

  “No.” Her forehead creased as she considered this. “His car pulled in, but then he walked down the street. I assume he’s at Jodi’s.”

  The hair on the back of my neck bristled. “Jodi’s?”

  “He’s been there about five minutes. I’m sure he’ll be home soon if you want to come in.”

  “Oh, um, I was actually headed to Jodi’s and just thought I would stop by and say hey. I’ll just catch him over there.” I backed off the front steps. “Bye, Mrs. Welling.”

  My pace quickened with every step, though I couldn’t say why I felt I needed to go over to Jodi’s. Sometimes truth is so blatant, you know it in the marrow of your bones regardless of visual, tangible evidence. Not that I didn’t already have plenty of that. Like earlier, when Eli snapped at me in the car for mentioning Jodi flirting with him. James’s party, how they looked at each other. Eli’s paranoia about Connor and me.

  Alexis’s words at Sheridan’s returned to me: “An absurdly jealous partner is often a sign that they are cheating.”

  I knocked on Jodi’s front door. It wasn’t until Jodi’s little brother opened it that I realized I was still knocking. “Where’s your sister?”

  He pointed upstairs.

  I jogged to Jodi’s room, slowing only when I saw the door slightly ajar.

  “Look, you don’t need to stay to ease a guilty conscience,” she said as I tiptoed closer.

  “I’m not leaving until you swear you won’t tell Skylar what happened.”

  As Eli spoke, I discovered a tiny flame of hope had still burned in my heart. Poof. Gone.

  “Skylar and I aren’t particularly chatty these days,” Jodi said.

  “So, you won’t tell her?”

  A pause followed. I shifted closer to the door and discovered a view of Jodi’s full-length mirror. In it I saw Eli standing in the middle of the room with only his back visible to me. Jodi sat on her desk, facing both him and the mirror.

  “Has it ever occurred to you that Skylar might not be worth all this?” She smiled as she said it, the toothy, fake one. “Neither of you has seemed happy since you got together.” Eli shifted his weight. “You don’t understand the situation.” “What’s there to understand? Skylar treats you like dirt and you let her.”

  He answered her quietly, “She’s had a rough couple months.”

  “Yeah, her life’s real hard.” Jodi crossed her arms over her chest. “I wish my biggest concern was figuring out which boy to make fall in love with me next.” She huffed a sad little noise. “What is it with you guys? It’s like she looks your direction and you lose all common sense.”

  Eli didn’t say anything right away. He seemed to be looking at her, but I couldn’t tell from my view. “Just please don’t tell her about Fall Ball. I was upset. I thought we were about to break up—”

  “Eli, I got it. I promise not to tell your precious girlfriend you turned to me in a moment of weakness.”

  I’d have marched in then and there, but I was too busy vibrating with anger.

  “Thanks.” But even with the promise secured, Eli didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get out of there. “You know, Jodi, you’re always going to be special to me. I’m always going to love you.”

  That did it.

  I pushed open the door. “And here I thought I was the only one.”

  Eli yelped.

  I glared at him. “Yeah, sorry, I guess I wasn’t supposed to hear that, was I?”

  He reddened but didn’t speak. I cut my gaze to Jodi, who wore a satisfied expression—victory clearly belonged to her.

  “You know, I planned to humiliate you publicly”—she tipped her head from side to side, as if weighing the pros and cons—“but this works well too.”

  I studied her. This tension between us had gone on for so long, I couldn’t remember what we were like before. “I can’t believe I ever considered you my best friend.”

  Jodi set her jaw. “Right back at you.”

  “And you.” I turned to Eli. Clever remarks bounced around my brain, but when I saw him standing there, so sheepish and pathetic, it didn’t seem worth it.

  So I just shook my head and left.

  18

  As if the day hadn’t been long and trying enough, I came home to find Connor’s Tahoe parked in the driveway and the owner himself standing in Abbie’s bedroom.

  “Nice to see you feel at home,” I said.

  Connor turned from Abbie’s open dresser drawers, his smile sheepish. “Your dad let me in.”

  “Unbelievable.”

  “I was pretty shocked myself. I thought he’d either escort me upstairs and stand guard, or make me sit in the entryway until you got home.”

  “Normally he would. I guess he’s a little distracted right now.” I crossed my arms. “Why are you here, anyway?”

  “Abbie needs clothes.”

  “And she doesn’t have legs?”

  “I volunteered to come over.”

  I didn’t think I wanted to know, but I asked anyway. “Why?”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  Yep, I’d been right. I didn’t want to know.

  I dropped onto Abbie’s bed, a sleep-deprived ache building behind my eyes. “And it doesn’t matter that I don’t want to see you?”

  “I wanted to apologize for this morning. I never should’ve said what I did. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s your prerogative. From now on—” He squinted, examining me. “Have you been crying?”

  I laughed humorlessly. “What happened to it being my prerogative?”

  “Sorry, of course. If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine.” He turned back to Abbie’s drawers. “Mind doing me a favor?”

  “What?”

  “Can you pack for Abbie? I really don’t want to rifle through her dresser.”

  “No way. If Abbie wants clothes, she can walk over here herself and get them.”

  Connor sighed. “Don’t do it for Abbie, do it for me. Please.”

  “I guess I do owe you.” I dragged myself off the bed. “After all, if it wasn’t for you, my mom never would have left and Abbie wouldn’t hate me.”

  Connor studied me, but I didn’t look at him. “You know I never meant for this to happen.”

  I forced up the corners of my mouth. “Thanks. That fixes everything.”

  “Stop it,” Connor snapped. “I can’t take anymore of this surly, sarcastic Skylar. That’s the girl I met this summer. That’s not you.”

  “I am that girl.”

  “No you’re not. I know better.”

  “You’re wrong.” I felt the evidence of it in my back pocket. “I was stupid to think I could change.” I jammed wads of Abbie’s pajamas into the duffle bag Connor held out. “You need new scenery to really change, like college. Nearly being raped just doesn’t cut it.”

&nb
sp; I didn’t realize the words escaped my mouth until Connor’s fingers curled around my arm. “Eli?”

  I sniffled, congested from all the crying I’d done while aimlessly driving around the city. “No.”

  “Then who?”

  “No one you know.” I pulled away from his touch and pushed a stack of Abbie’s sweaters between us.

  “Aaron?”

  The sound of his name made me shiver. “Who told you about him?” It came out as a whisper.

  Connor kept his voice quiet as well. “Jodi. She said you’d been hanging all over him one night, then suddenly you were with Eli and never even mentioned Aaron again.”

  My hands trembled as I turned to the closet and yanked clothes from hangers. I wasn’t packing anymore, I was ripping Abbie’s room apart—same as I wanted to do to my messy, chaotic life. “I don’t like talking about him.”

  Connor stayed near the dresser. “Maybe you should.”

  I laughed. “Why does everyone say that? Talking about it isn’t going to change what happened.”

  “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

  “And maybe it won’t.”

  “It doesn’t look like you could feel much worse.”

  “Fine, you want to hear about it?” Abbie’s clothes now covered the floor. I started on her shoes. “In July, Jodi’s parents went away for their anniversary and she threw a party. I met Aaron there. He was a friend of a friend. A senior at one of the Blue Valley schools. I’d seen him at a couple parties before, but we’d never talked, and I liked him right away. He was funny, really cute—”

  “Ouch!”

  I turned and found I’d clocked him with Abbie’s boot.

  Connor rubbed his knee. “Could you maybe tell the story without throwing shoes?”

  “Fine.” I plopped on the floor and started folding pants. “I drank a lot that night. More than normal. I think I was trying to impress Aaron or something. I’d never really liked someone before and didn’t know how to act.”

  I pressed my teeth into my lower lip to keep from crying. Connor sat beside me. He picked up a shirt to fold. “You can cry if you want.”

  I stopped fussing with Abbie’s clothes and stared into my lap. “I don’t even remember going upstairs, but suddenly we were there. It was the guest bedroom, the one Jodi’s mom didn’t like us going into because she was just sure we would break or scratch something. I felt awful. Kind of nauseous and really thirsty. I told Aaron, but he wouldn’t let me leave and I started to cry.”