by Amy Brent
“Hey there, Kireina. I’m your Daddy. Did you know that? Did you hear me when I was outside of your mama? I was only there a little bit, but I certainly did like talking to her.”
The baby didn’t look at me, but the nurse had warned me that they didn’t make eye contact for quite a while and that I shouldn’t take it personally. But I didn’t mind. It just gave me one more thing to look forward to.
And there was so much to look forward to. While I had been holding my daughter, I also had been doing even more reading online. I learned about the baby first lifting their head, first attaching to the breast, her first crawl, her first potty training, etc…etc… there was just so much that I knew I couldn’t miss it.
But what did that mean for my business? I couldn’t have the whole office move; the costs would be ridiculous, and we just didn’t have the proper contacts or resources. But maybe I could open another branch? I’d been waiting to expand for a while and if there was ever a reason to, it was the amazing child in my arms.
I would have to look into it later, for now, all of my attention was going to be on taking care of Nicole and Kireina when we went home.
Oh geez, I was already thinking of that tiny apartment as home. For all of my lecturing about remaining unattached and objective, I realized that I was absolutely smitten with the girl in my arms, and that I definitely wanted to support her mother for years to come.
“Hey there,”
I heard Nicole’s voice, low and raspy from all the straining it had gone through earlier and looked over to the bed. She was staring at me with a gentle smile, her muscled arms reaching out for both me and the baby.
I didn’t blame her. I wanted to hold the magical girl in my arms as much as possible, and I wasn’t even the one who had grown her inside of me for six and a half months. So, I got up carefully, and went over to the bed, sitting down on the edge so she could reach up and stroke our child’s little beanied head.
“She’s even better than I thought,” Nicole whispered, looking to our daughter with so much love that I knew she was undoubtedly in good hands. But even with that knowledge, I couldn’t justify in my mind leaving our little girl. I had certainly put myself into a bit of a pickle, hadn’t I?
“It doesn’t seem possible, does it? And yet here she is.”
“Here she is,” Nicole repeated. Once more she was looking up at me with that wide eyed, hopeful expression again. “Thank you, for being here.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“That means a lot to me, it really does.” Suddenly her eyelids whipped back, and she sat bolt upright.
“Whoa, hey there, what’s wrong?”
She looked to me with an utterly horrified expression. “I forgot to call my mom.”
“Oh… oh no.”
She collapsed back to the bed and her expression was just so damn funny that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to cover my mouth with my free hand and failing terribly. “It’s not funny. It’s not.”
“Yeah, sure it isn’t,” she scoffed. “If you just wanna grab my cellphone out of my clothes folded in the corner, I’m ready to deal with the disappointed mom voice.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “You literally just gave birth.”
“Yeah and couldn’t imagine a more perfect time to learn the technique that I hopefully won’t have to use much in my life.”
I smirked at that. I could just imagine Nicole standing in the doorway, giving our daughter a disappointed look as she tried to sneak in past curfew. Of course, in my imagination, she was in a large, sprawling house that she most likely would not have been able to afford her on her own. Was my subconscious trying to hint at something? Because now was not the time.
“Here, you hold our girl,” I said, getting up to find her phone. “Just don’t blame me when she hits you with a really good one liner.”
“Don’t worry,” Nicole said with a sigh. “I’m prepared.”
But she couldn’t remain negative for long with our bundle of joy in her arms, and soon she was cooing at her little baby. I took out her phone from the pocket of her jeans but paused before handing it to her. Instead, I opened the camera and snapped a few pictures. These moments were precious, and it would be a shame to lose them forever.
When I was satisfied with the amount of digital memories I had collected, I handed her the phone like she had asked, doing a trade off for Kireina. I only half listened as Nicole tried to explain to her mother why she hadn’t called and how everything had happened so fast, but my attention was on our little star once again.
No matter how upset Nicole’s mother was, no matter what hurdles lay in wait for us, I knew there was untold happiness to be had around every corner.
We had our whole futures lining up ahead of us, and I couldn’t wait to get started.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
~Nicole~
How did I tell the man that I was supposed to be divorcing that I was madly in love with him?
I found myself wondering that repeatedly as he drove us home, looking as striking as ever for wearing the same clothes for over two days.
I had told him that he should go home, change and shower, but he had refused to leave my side. I found it pretty sweet, although foolish, and didn’t argue with him too hard about it.
Especially since at first I thought I was only staying in the hospital overnight. In my one birthing class they had mentioned that mothers were usually released twenty-four hours after a successful, hitch-free birth, but apparently my doctor wanted to monitor me and little Kireina for an extra day.
I didn’t mind. It gave me time to prep for my mother’s arrival and prepare myself emotionally for James’ inevitable absence.
He had been with me for a month now, and I was obviously spoiled by his attention. I didn’t want to imagine a life without him in it, but that was the reality I needed to face.
And I need to do it soon. I was about to start my life with my precious little girl and I didn’t want to be mopey for the beginning of it.
Of course, my mother helped distract me. She had arrived at the end of the first day, at about eleven pm, and was full of bluster.
She wanted to see the baby, of course, but the baby was being held in the nursery while they ran a few more tests, got her feet prints and also let me rest.
I mean, I didn’t want to rest, but the nurses told me this was the last full night’s sleep I’d have for a very long time, and I was inclined to believe them, so I didn’t argue.
“So, as soon as we get home, why don’t you lie down, and I’ll finish setting up the baby’s crib in your room.”
And that was my mother in the back seat. I’d like to say that I had forgotten that she was there, but she talked far too much for me to ever do that.
I sighed and told myself to reign back the sarcasm. I should have told my mother about my condition as soon as I found out about it. But I just didn’t want to make her worry. Was that so wrong?
Probably, as she would no doubt remind me for years to come. But the important thing was that our little dysfunctional family was all together and almost home.
We pulled in to my apartment and for some reason it seemed so different than when we had left. But maybe that was because the whole world seemed different. I never knew it was possible to have so much love for two people in my life, and yet every time I looked to Kireina or James, my heart felt like it was going to explode. There were even some nice feelings towards my mom, even if she had been a bit overbearing since she had arrived. But I guess that was a part of being a first-time grandmother and maybe I’d appreciate it once things hit the fan.
Because they would, or at least that’s what I was told. Soon I would be running around, trying to take care of my baby’s needs while she cried, pooped and generally kept me up all night. Especially since I would be all on my own.
That thought sobered me, and I arrived back at home in a slightly da
rker mood. It was easy enough to fall into considering I was wearing some sort of weird mesh diaper and it felt like my bottom half could fall off at any moment.
But then, as James pulled up to the front and I caught a glimpse of our perfect baby girl in the back, I felt a lot better. Yeah, our situation wasn’t ideal, but the two of us were going to flourish together and go on countless adventures.
James put on his flashers then helped me out of the car, keeping his arm around my waist until we were all the way up the elevator and to the door. Then, as he went back to park the car in the lot, mom helped me get settled into my room.
“Let’s get your feet up and a nice, cold glass of water on your nightstand. I know you like that.” She continued to buzz about as she helped me lay down, then pulled the covers over me. I felt like I hadn’t seen her so kind and caring since I was a wee little kid, and appendicitis had made me incredibly sick.
It was nice. I mean weird, but nice.
But what was even nicer was looking at my beautiful Kireina as my mother set her carrier on the floor. Normally I would object to that placement, but my mother was busy setting up the mattress and blankets in the crib, and it certainly wasn’t safe to rest the carrier on the bed when I was so immobile, so the floor would have to do for the moment.
Mom was almost done by the time I heard keys slide into the lock again and James’ footsteps sounded along the hardwood floors. I listened intently until he reached the doorway, and our eyes locked once again.
Something had changed between us. While there had always been attraction, and we were drawn to each other more than I had ever been drawn to any man, there was no denying that it was… different. There was a sort of magnetism there that wasn’t before.
And that’s when I knew, without a doubt, that I didn’t want to divorce this man. Well, I did but I didn’t. I didn’t like that we had a sham wedding, one borne out of a drunken night stumbling around Vegas. I didn’t like that I never got to look into his eyes and promise I would be there for him forever. I never got to promise all of my affection for the rest of my days. I never got to let him know how completely and madly I was in love with him, and that was perhaps the biggest crime of all.
So, in a way I wish I kind of did divorce him, just so we could do the whole thing over the right way. But I also knew that wasn’t in the cards. He was a kind and generous billionaire bachelor who had put so much of his life on hold for the decision that I had made. And sure, he said he understood it, but there was no denying that I had robbed him of a certain amount of choice. If I had known then how genuinely good he was, I might have reacted differently, but it was too late for that. I had shot down the possibility of anything between us before it had ever started. How classic Nicole.
He bent down and gingerly unbuckled Kireina from her carrier and brought her over to me, helping me sit up so I could hold her properly. And for that moment, we were the family that I wished we could be.”
“So, when do you have to leave?” I asked, clearly hell bent on ruining the moment.
“Why? You in a rush for me to go?”
“No! No. Not at all. I just wanna prepare myself, you know, for when I’ll be flying solo.”
“Well I don’t know about you,” my mother said, cutting in as she finished arranging the crib to her liking. “But I’m going to be here for the rest of the week.”
“But what about your shift?”
She gave me a look and I quickly pipped down. “Nicole Toshi Arden, my granddaughter was just born. If you think I’m going to leave her for a six-hour, minimum wage shift at a grocery store, you are truly crazy.”
“Alright, fair point.” But she wasn’t the one I was really curious about. Forcing my face into a neutral expression, I looked up to James. “What about you?”
“I’m here until next Sunday night. I have some things I need to go take care of back at home base.”
“Things like what?”
“A lot of details that can’t be handled from here.”
Huh, not the most forthcoming answer, but if he was leaving, I guessed that meant that we wouldn’t be dealing with the divorce for a while, which was fine with me all things considered. I needed a little while to get back on the separation band wagon, even if it was going to break my heart.
“Okay then,”
“But don’t you worry about that for now. You have me for the next eleven days, and then I’m going to visit often after that and so is your mom. And if you ever need either of us, we’re just a phone call away.”
“Uh-huh,” I murmured, staring down at my child. It was impossible to be sad while looking down at my little bundle of joy, so I would just keep my eyes on her forever, or until my heart stopped feeling like it was going to be torn into little, tiny pieces, whichever one came first.
***
Somehow, the first week and a half of mother life flew by. Maybe it was my sudden freedom in not being restricted to a bed. Maybe it was because I suddenly had a brand-new life to take care of. Maybe it was because I was trying to make the most of my time with my mother and James before I was on my own again.
Funny, so much of my life had been focused on learning how to be independent and never counting on anyone only to end up doing exactly that.
And of course, there was my darling baby girl.
I was more and more convinced every day that she was a gift directly from God himself, and no other child could have been as perfect.
She rarely ever cried, and when she did, there was usually a pretty immediate fix such as food, diaper change or naptime. She latched onto both of my breast without fighting me and didn’t bite down often like I had read about online. She slept regularly, and I could count the times she had woken me up screaming on one hand. Sure, she tended to miss the towel every time she burped up after a meal, but compared to everything else, I felt like we had straight spades.
“You know, if I wasn’t so adamantly against the exploitation of children, I think Kireina could be a child model.”
I looked to where James was sitting on the couch, flipping over my grilled cheese as I did. Since I was now free to roam the house as my body allowed, I liked to cook my meals again. I was sure the novelty would wear off eventually, but it felt like a small measure of my freedom had been given back after being yanked away so unceremoniously.
“She is awfully pretty, isn’t she?” I asked, sliding my sandwich onto a plate and approaching the two. “The prettiest little baby that I have ever seen.”
“Granted, the two of us might be biased?”
“What, me?” I gasped as I walked over to him. “I assure you that I am the most objective person here on this planet.”
“Sure, you are,” he laughed before reaching over to steal one of my grilled cheese halves. I pulled it away from him, raising my eyebrows to the sky. “Excuse me, if you wanted some, you should have said so when I asked.”
“Well I didn’t want any then, but I do now.”
“Too bad for you,” I countered, sticking my tongue out at him. But before I could withdraw it back into my mouth, his lips were against mine.
I sat there in shock for a moment, completely surprised, and James pulled back just as quickly, smirking like he thought he was real clever. While I was still trying to decide what the hell had just happened, he swiped half of my sandwich from my plate and bit into the hot cheese and carbs.
Well two could play that game.
I leaned forward as well, swooping in like I was going to kiss in, only to grab the sandwich half in my teeth and yank it backwards.
He was so surprised that it allowed me to drape myself over the arm of the couch and hurriedly shove all of it into my mouth.
“Tricky tricky,” he laughed, shaking his head at me. “I guess I’ll go make my own. They’re just never as good as yours.”
“That’s because you’re rich.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” He stood, shifting Kireina to his hip. But he should have known
better to mention the kitchen because my mother came shuffling down the hall at an impressive speed considering her hip.
“I’ll take her,” she said eagerly, holding her hands out for her granddaughter. I understood her eagerness to get in as much time as she could, not only was Kireina the prettiest baby ever, but she also was fairly lightweight since she was a preemie. Soon she would be too heavy for mom to carry on her own.
James handed her over reluctantly then headed to the kitchen, allowing me to finish my sandwich then go join him. My mother took little Kireina back to the bedroom, where she no doubt had the playpen already set up for our precious little bean.
“You never answered my question,” he said, giving me some side eye as I approached him with my empty plate.
“What question?”
“What being rich has to do with me not making grilled cheese as good as you.”
“Oh!” I laughed. “Because you never had to. I imagine, if you and your parents ever made grilled cheese at home, they were on fancy bread with some sort of reduced butter and filled with fancy cheese, maybe some succulent meat cuts.