by F. Anstey
CHAPTER VII.
A Dissolution of Partnership.
SCENE--_A Second-Class Compartment on the line between Wurzburg andNuremberg._ PODBURY _has been dull and depressed all day, not havingrecovered from the parting with_ MISS TROTTER. CULCHARD, _on thecontrary, is almost ostentatiously cheerful._ PODBURY _is intenselyanxious to find out how far his spirits are genuine, but--partly fromshyness, and partly because some of their fellow travellers have beenEnglish--he has hesitated to introduce the subject. At last, however,they are alone, and he is determined to have it out on the very firstopportunity._
CULCHARD. Abominably slow train, this _Schnell-zug_. I hope we shall getto Nuremberg before it's too dark to see the general effect.
PODBURY. We're not likely to be in time for _table d'hote_--not that_I'm_ peckish. (_He sighs._) Wonder whereabouts the--the Trotters havegot to by now, eh?
[_He feels he is getting red, and hums the Garden Scene from_ "_Faust_."
CULCH. (_indifferently_). Oh, let me see--just arriving at St. Moritz, Iexpect. Wonderful effect of colour, that is.
[_He indicates the West, where a bar of crimson is flaming between abelt of firs._
Podb. (_absently_). Oh, wonderful!--where? (_Hums a snatch of awaltz._) Dum-dum-diddle-um-tum-dum-dum-dum-ty-doodle; dum-dum--I say,_you_ don't seem particularly cut up?
CULCH. Cut up? Why should I be cut up, my dear fellow?--about what?
[_Before_ PODBURY _can explain, two_ Talkative British Tourists _tumbleup into the compartment, and he has to control his curiosity oncemore._
FIRST T. T. Well, I 'ope we're all right _now_, Sam, I'm sure--theseGerman jokers have chivied us about enough for one journey! (_To_CULCHARD.) Not in your way, this 'at box, Sir? Don't give yer much spacein these foreign trains. (_They settle down and the train starts._)Pretty bit o' country along 'ere!--puts me in mind o' the best part o'Box 'Ill--and I can't say more for it than _that_!
"PUTS ME IN MIND O' THE BEST PART O' BOX 'ILL."]
SECOND T. T. (_a little man with a sandy fringe and boiled-lookingeyes_). What I notice about the country abroad is they don't seem to'ave no _landmarks_.
FIRST T. T. (_with a dash of friendly contempt_). What d'yer mean--nolandmarks--_signposts_?
SECOND T. T. (_with dignity_). I mean to say, they don't 'ave nothing toindicate which is Jack's property, and which is Joe's.
FIRST T. T. Go on--they've as much as what _we_ 'ave.
SECOND T. T. _'Ave_ they? We 'ave fences and 'edges. I don't see none_'ere_. P'raps you'll point me _out_ one?
FIRST T. T. There's precious few 'edges or fences in the Isle o' Thanet,as you'd know if you've ever been to Margit.
SECOND T. T. (_loftily_). I'm not talkin' about Margit now, I'm talkin'of 'ere, and I'll trouble you to show me a landmark.
FIRST T. T. Depend on it they've their own ways of knowing which is'oo's.
SECOND T. T. That's not what I'm _sayin'_. I'm sayin' there ain'tnothin' to _indicate_ it. [_They argue the point at length._
PODB. (_to_ CULCHARD). Then you really aren't cut up--about Miss T. youknow?
CULCH. (_with the reserve of a man who only wants to be pressed_). Thereis no reason that I'm aware of, why I should be--but (_lowering hisvoice_) don't you think we had better wait till we are alone to discussthat subject?
PODB. Oh, all right. I'm not partic--at least. Well, I'm glad you_aren't_, you know, that's all.
[_He becomes silent again--but his face brightens visibly._
FIRST T. T. (_to Second Do._). See that field there? That's tobacco,_that_ is.
SECOND T. T. What they make their penny smokes of. (_The train enters astation._) What funny engines they do 'ave 'ere! I expect the guard 'llbe wanting to see our _billyetts_ again next. It's as bad as it used tobe with the passports. I've 'eard--mind yer, I don't know 'ow muchlikeli'ood there is in the assertion--that they're going to bring 'em inagain. Most intricate they were about them. (_To_ CULCHARD). Why, ifyou'll believe me, a friend o' mine as 'ad one--well, they got 'isdescription down to a ioter? He'd a cast in 'is eye,--they put it down,and a pimple you'd 'ardly notice--but down _that_ went!
FIRST T. T. It's no use 'aving such things if they don't do itthoroughly.
SECOND T. T. (_irrelevantly_). I wish I 'adn't 'ad that glass o' peachwine where we changed last. (_A_ Guard _appears at the window, and makessome guttural comments on the couple's tickets._) Wechseln? Why, thatmeans _wash_, don't it? I'm as clean as _him_, anyway. "Anshteigen,"--ah,I ought to know what _that_ means by this time! Sam, my boy, we'rebundled out again. I _told_ yer 'ow it would be!
[_They tumble out, and the carriage is presently filled by an assortmentof Germans, including a lively and sociable little Cripple with a newdrinking-mug which he has just had filled with lager, and a Lady withpale hair and sentimental blue eyes._
PODB. We can talk all right _now_, eh? _They_ won't understand. Lookhere, old fellow, I don't mind owning _I'm_ rather down in the mouthabout----you know what. I shouldn't care so much if there was any chanceof our coming across them again.
CULCH. (_cordially_). I am very glad to hear you say so. I was ratherafraid you had taken a dislike--er--in that quarter.
PODB. I?--is it _likely_! I--I admire her awfully, you know, only sherather seemed to snub me lately.
CULCH. (_with patronising reassurance_). Quite a mistake on your part, Iassure you, my dear fellow. I am sure she will learn to appreciateyou--er--fully when you meet again, which, I may tell you, will be at novery distant date. I happen to know that she will be at the ItalianLakes next month, and so shall we, if you let me manage this tour my ownway.
PODB. (_with surprise and gratitude_). I say, old boy, I'd no notion youwere such a nailing good chap? Nein, danky. (_To the little Cripple, whois cheerily inviting him, in pantomime, to drink from his mug._ ) Cheekylittle beggar. But do you really think anything will--er--come of it, ifwe do meet her again--_do_ you now?
CULCH. I--ah--have the best reasons for feeling tolerably certain of it.[_He looks out of window and smiles._
PODB. But that cousin of hers--Charley, you know--how about _him_?
CULCH. I put that to her, and there is nothing in it. In fact, shepractically admitted--(_He glances round and lowers his voice._) I willtell you another time. That lady over there is looking at us, and I'malmost certain----
PODB. What if she is, she don't understand a word we're saying. I wantto hear all about Her, you know.
CULCH. My dear Podbury, we shall have ample time to talk about her whilewe are at Nuremberg together--it will be the greatest pleasure to me todo so as long as you please.
PODB. Thanks, old chap! I'd no idea you were doing all this, you know.But just tell me this, what did she _say_ about me?
CULCH. (_mystified_). About you? I really don't recollect that shementioned _you_ particularly.
PODB. (_puzzled_). But I thought you said you'd been speaking up for me!What _did_ you talk about then?
CULCH. Well, about myself--naturally.
[_He settles his collar with a vague satisfaction._
PODB. (_blankly_). Oh! Then you haven't been arranging to meet her againon _my_ account?
CULCH. Good Heavens, no--what a very grotesque idea of yours, my dearfellow! [_He laughs gently._
PODB. Is it? You always gave out that she wasn't your style at all, andyou only regarded her as a "study," and rot like that. How could _I_tell you would go and cut me out?
CULCH. I don't deny that she occasionally--er--jarred. She is a littledeficient in surface refinement--but that will come, that will come. Andas to "cutting you out," why, you must allow you never had theremotest----
PODB. I don't allow anything of the sort. She liked me well enoughtill--till you came in and set her against me, and you may think itfriendly if you like, but I call it shabby--confoundedly shabby.
CULCH. Don't talk so loud, I'm sure I saw that woman smile!
PODB. She may smile her head off for all I care. (_The train stops;__the Cripple and all
but the_ Pale-haired Lady _get out._) Here we areat Nuremberg. What hotel did you say you are going to?
CULCH. The Bayrischer-Hof. Why?
[_He gets his coat and stick, &c., out of the rack._
PODB. Because I shall go to some other, that's all.
CULCH. (_in dismay_). My dear Podbury, this is really too childish!There's no sense in travelling together, if we're going to stay atdifferent hotels!
PODB. I'm not sure I shall go any further. Anyway, while I _am_ here, Iprefer to keep to myself.
CULCH. (_with a displeased laugh_). Just as you please. It's a matter ofperfect indifference to _me_. I'm afraid you'll be terribly bored byyourself, though.
PODB. That's _my_ look out. It can't be worse than going about with youand listening while you crow and drivel about _her_, that's one comfort![_The_ Pale-haired Lady _coughs in a suspicious manner._
CULCH. You don't even know if there _is_ another hotel.
PODB. I don't care. I can find a pot-house somewhere, I daresay.
THE PALE-HAIRED LADY (_in excellent English, to_ PODBURY _as he passesout_). Pardon me, you will find close to the Bahnhof a very goothotel--the Wurtemburger.
[PODBURY _thanks her and alights in some confusion; the_ Lady _sinksback, smiling._
CULCH. (_annoyed_). She must have understood every word we said! Are youin earnest over this? (PODBURY _nods grimly._) Well, you'll soon gettired of your own society, I warn you.
PODB. Thanks, we shall see.
[_He saunters off with his bag;_ CULCHARD _shrugs his shoulders, andgoes in search of the Bayrischer-Hof Porter, to whom he entrusts hisluggage tickets, and takes his seat in the omnibus alone._