by Jennie Jones
Ryan didn’t speak, so she carried on.
‘He listened to his messages and must have pressed the speaker button by mistake. It was his wife—the one I didn’t know he had. She was yelling at him about his latest woman, which I presumed was me. Then he switched his phone off, and I was standing there, staring. I know I should have left but I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. He didn’t give me time. He pushed me against the wall and told me the part I’d auditioned for was mine, and the movie was mine too. If I put out.’ She had to swallow before continuing, and the air between her and Ryan suddenly felt taut. ‘He fumbled around, I got away, and that was that.’
Ryan didn’t speak for what felt like minutes and she couldn’t look at him.
‘You’re playing it down,’ he said at last.
She met his eyes, glad he understood and glad she’d got the sorry story over with. ‘Yes, I am. But he didn’t hurt me—he only scared me. Now let’s get off that subject. Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
‘Why did you tell Gary I was gay?’
For a second he looked off-balance but then he drew a soft breath.
‘I was trying to let him down kindly,’ he said. ‘Unless I got it wrong and you don’t mind his attention.’
She couldn’t help the laugh—but she stopped quickly. Gary was a kind man, carrying people’s hay bales, horse feed or bird seed sacks out to their cars if they couldn’t manage it themselves.
‘His attraction to you is real,’ Ryan said.
‘I know,’ she agreed. ‘I should tell him I’m not interested, shouldn’t I?’ She ought to get it done soon, too, before his feelings got hurt. ‘Maybe I’ll tell him I’m already with someone.’ If only she could say it was Ryan.
‘No. I’ll fix it.’
‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘Least I can do.’
They were sitting close together, the bench between them not being that wide, and they were also close again, as in friends, or near-friends, or kind-of friends. Her eyes were drawn to the leather band around his wrist.
‘Who’d have thought, when we were younger, that either of us would need emotional-problem bracelets?’ she asked, twirling hers on her wrist.
‘It’s just charm and talisman stuff,’ he said.
‘I like yours better than mine. I like the mauve stone in it.’
‘Really? You want it?’
Edie shook her head. ‘Gem would never forgive us.’
Ryan took her wrist and started to untie the knot of her amulet. ‘What are you doing?’ She’d got used to it. Had even formed the habit of rubbing it for good luck, or sometimes just to give her courage.
‘You like mine better than yours,’ he said, pulling the leather from her wrist. Her arm felt bare immediately. ‘So I’ll swap. You can have mine and I’ll have yours.’ He rested his elbow on the table and looked at her. ‘Untie mine, would you?’
‘Really? You’re giving me yours?’
‘All yours, Glam-puss.’
She untied his, although it was tricky because the knot was really tight.
He tied his amulet around her wrist, having to pull it a bit tighter as his wrist was double the size of hers.
‘You want to wear this one?’ she asked, holding up her leather band to show him, as a reminder that it was pale lilac and not all beefy brown and masculine.
‘Why not? Whatever it takes to keep Gem off your back.’
‘This is very kind of you, Ryan.’ It was almost as though for the first time ever they were in tune.
‘Not a problem,’ he said in an offhand way, but his eyes were glowing. Like the time he’d bought her a pink-iced donut. Like the time he’d walked her out of Kookaburra’s and suggested they kiss. Why did I have to nearly knock him out?
She tied it quickly before he changed his mind. It looked surprisingly right on his strong, tanned wrist. Pale, almost unnoticeable, and kind of lovely.
‘Edie, that time on the walkway. I’m sorry I left you. I shouldn’t have done that.’
Surprised that he’d brought up this subject, she didn’t have time to control her expression. ‘Oh well. It was just a try-out.’ That hadn’t worked.
‘Am I forgiven?’
‘There’s nothing to forgive. I was …’ Overwhelmed by the kiss. Too shocked to think straight. Wishing for more. ‘I’ll forgive you, if you forgive me for—you know.’ She didn’t want to mention his fall in case it brought back unpleasant memories. ‘I’m glad we’ve spoken about it.’ She’d never imagined they’d ever have a conversation about it.
‘So am I.’
Their eyes caught and his gaze held.
A second later he leaned over the narrow width of the bench, and kissed her on the mouth.
Her bones weakened.
Then he pulled away and she felt like she’d been about to dive into a lake of summer-warm water but had been pushed aside at the last minute.
‘Sorry,’ he said, looking nonplussed. ‘That was just a friendship thing.’
She’d never seen him nonplussed before—apart from when he hit his head on the lamppost. ‘Okay.’ It was the most brilliant friendship kiss she’d ever had.
‘Don’t read anything into it.’
I’m trying not to. Had he just kissed her out of compassion, or kindness?
‘I suppose a guy who’s friends with a woman might sometimes, you know … kiss her,’ he said in a way that wasn’t quite a statement, as though he were questioning her.
‘Oh, yes. I’m sure it happens all the time.’ Never, in her experience.
He nodded, still gauging her. ‘So we’re okay about it?’
‘Of course!’
‘Right.’ He firmed his mouth, then got up from the stool with what looked like a forced smile. ‘Let’s get this beef marsala underway. I’m starving.’
Suddenly he was back to being all friendly but it didn’t feel right. He’d changed the atmosphere by kissing her. Heck, he’d changed her world.
‘Want me to put your frozen French fries on?’ he asked, busying himself with pots and pans from the cupboards.
Was he embarrassed about having kissed her? ‘No thanks. I’ll do them. I just need to call Viv first, to let her know I’m okay.’
‘You’ve got a wonderful family, Edie.’
She paused. ‘I know. So have you.’
He turned then, and put his full attention on her, eyes narrowed.
‘Edie,’ he said in a tone so serious she almost stood to attention. ‘I’ve got Gem, and Josh and the twins. But I have to make my own life.’
Edie swallowed a lump of fear but it just went down and stuck in her chest. ‘Of course you do.’ Where had this come from?
She stood, and turned from the bench, blindly finding her way to the hall through the blurriness of yet more tears in her eyes.
‘Edie,’ he said again.
She halted but didn’t turn around because she didn’t want him to see her tears.
‘I’ll stay until I’m sure you’re safe.’
Oh, God. He’d kissed her and now he was leaving?
13
Walking into the Sunset
The next evening Edie was on Main Street at the bottom of the walkway stairs, surrounded by her women friends. Ryan was standing up on the walkway, between the cast-iron balustrades of Kookaburra’s and the lamppost. He was meeting Gary for a drink but hadn’t gone in yet; he was chatting to everybody as they arrived.
She’d tried not to think about what he’d said last night about leaving, but it was on her mind and ingrained in her brain. When was he leaving?
She couldn’t ask him. Neither had she asked about the problem he said he was carrying around—whatever that might be, but it might have something to do with him leaving.
Olivia walked out of Kookaburra’s and beckoned everyone inside. Dan had carried Viv inside and Olivia’s mother, Charlotte, had taken charge of the wheelchair. Viv would be ensconced in the girls’ booth w
ith a glass of vino by now.
Edie hadn’t mentioned anything to Viv about Ryan in the telephone call last night. Viv was worried enough about Edie’s breakdown as it was. She did say something about feeling lost and unsure about her future to appease Viv a little. Edie didn’t want anything to unduly distress her while she was recuperating.
Edie turned to Gemma who was crossing the road from where she’d parked her car.
Maybe Gem knew something about when or why Ryan was leaving.
‘Gem,’ she said quietly when Gemma reached her. ‘Is Ryan in trouble?’
Gem took a moment to reflect. ‘What has he told you?’
‘Only that he has an issue he’s dealing with and it’s messing with his mind. He said it was a tall issue, so I’m thinking that’s code for something serious.’
Gem tilted her face to look up at Edie. ‘It is a tall issue. But not too tall—just a little taller than some.’
‘Can I help him with it?’
‘He needs stability, Edie. He’s going through a difficult time and he feels threatened by what his heart is doing and what his mind is telling him he ought to do.’ She took hold of Edie’s hand and turned her wrist. ‘You’ve swapped bracelets. It’s as I thought.’ She drew a breath. ‘Things are closing in.’
‘Like what?’
‘Ryan is being difficult as a means of conquering his dilemmas and his tendency to back away from difficult situations.’
Edie couldn’t imagine Ryan backing away from anything—even in Afghanistan and that would be enough to send any man or woman into an emotional torment. ‘He said he’s leaving.’
‘He’s not.’
‘He’s bound to. Once he makes up his mind about something, he does it.’ It was so easy for him to make judgements and follow them through. Why couldn’t Edie do this? ‘Did he tell you he was leaving too?’
‘Yes,’ Gem said. ‘He said he was leaving after the play.’
Under five weeks until opening night and one week for the run. So she had six weeks of his company and then she’d have to suffer the loss of him forevermore.
‘But he’s not leaving,’ Gem said, then sighed the sigh of the weary. ‘Sometimes I could kick him for not seeing what I see.’
‘But you do tarot—you see things we don’t.’
‘Talking of tarot.’ Gem turned so they both had their backs to the walkway. ‘I’m bringing in a professional. Things are messed up. I’ve called in Zenda.’
Edie stepped back so she could properly look at Gem and gauge her features. ‘The gypsy crystal ball gazer from Bombala? Is that necessary?’
‘Zenda’s Romani and a prophesier. She’s driven up here. She said she sensed things just from listening to my voice on the telephone! She’s amazing.’
‘Edie, you coming in?’
Both Edie and Gem turned around at the sound of Ryan’s voice.
‘Just a sec,’ Edie said, with a smile.
He leaned on the lamppost—so casually, as if it didn’t mean anything to him.
Its light fell over his shoulders in an amber glow that pooled on the wooden walkway beneath his feet.
With Ryan looking so heroic and manly, and with the sparkling lights in the claret ash trees twinkling as the breeze ruffled the leaves, her vision went soft focus. As though she were on a film set and about to walk off into the sunset with the man by the lamppost.
‘Why is he waiting for you?’ Gem asked in a whisper.
‘I don’t know. He’s just being gentlemanly, I think.’
‘It’s not that,’ Gem said quietly, turning Edie away. ‘He can’t not be at your side. Even though he’s standing at the very spot where it all went wrong. He needs your presence. You comfort him.’
‘I irritate the hell out of him.’
‘I know, but that’s because …’ Gem clammed up. She looked across the street towards the stock feeders and the oversized plastic horse, her expression softening as a smile curled on her face. ‘You know, seeing you and Ryan refusing to get along the way you’re supposed to is like I’m transported back to the wonderful time in my life when Josh and I were arguing. Not that it isn’t wonderful now. It’s amazing every day. Every hour. And we hardly ever argue—well, not much.’
She gave a nod to where Ryan was standing. ‘The same thing happened when Josh first came home. We got snarly with each other, and then he slipped on a patch of ice and landed on his backside—right over there, by Gary’s plastic horse. Of course, it was Ted’s horse back then.’
Edie remembered this. She’d been ten years old and she’d been standing outside the stock feeders when Josh slipped and Gem flounced off. It was a similar scenario, since both men had fallen over. Josh being so damned tall, at least six-four, and not dissimilar to Ryan in his manliness, it must have been as disconcerting for him as it had been for Ryan. ‘Am I emulating you, or something?’ she asked Gemma. ‘I’m happy to help you bring back so many wonderful memories, but I don’t want to be you and Josh.’
‘So what do you want?’ Gemma asked.
This was the problem. ‘I don’t know what I want. Or where to get it.’
Thunder cracked above, and the heavens opened.
‘Quick!’ Gem said, running up the stairs. ‘Get inside!’
A few minutes later, Edie discarded her wet jacket and joined the conversation in the girls’ booth—why hadn’t she brought her waterproof from Sydney? What use was a thin nylon jacket in the Snowy Mountains, even if it was a designer piece?
Half an hour later she checked for Ryan. He was at the bar, talking to Olivia’s dad, and Gary was hovering at Ryan’s side. It looked like Ryan was buying him a beer. Probably to sweeten him up before he told Gary that he’d lied about Edie being gay.
‘So what did Zenda say?’ Charlotte Bradford asked her daughter.
‘She said I’d never get married,’ Olivia said, as she stepped over Edie’s legs to get back to her place in the booth.
Olivia had just returned from one of the back rooms where Zenda had set up her crystal ball. They didn’t have any vacant hotel rooms for her, but Zenda said a storeroom held as much prophesising ability as a king-size suite.
‘This was such a good idea,’ Kate Knight said, raising her glass. ‘Zenda told me I’d be a grandmother before the end of next year.’
‘Don’t rub it in,’ Charlotte said, then turned to her daughter. ‘Zenda told me I’d be a grandmother by the end of next year too,’ she said in a pointedly mother-knows-you’re-having-me-on-about-never-getting-married manner.
Olivia smiled. ‘That might happen, but I won’t have a husband. Anyway, I’m not your only child. Tell Logan he’s having a baby.’
‘But your brother is a footballer,’ Charlotte said. ‘He’ll have plenty of girlfriends before he even thinks about settling down.’
‘So might I,’ Olivia stated. ‘Since Gary thinks I’m getting it on with Edie.’
‘I’m not telling anyone what Zenda told me about my daughters,’ Sammy said, with a smug smile. ‘But there is a grandchild involved.’
Edie inhaled and sipped her wine. She hadn’t gone in to see Zenda yet; she kept putting it off. ‘How wonderful that Viv’s going to give you a grandchild,’ she said.
‘Do I have a say in this?’ Viv asked. ‘Don’t forget I’m still in a wheelchair. Sex would be complicated at the moment. Where would I put my space-boot?’
Sammy put a restraining hand on Viv’s, but smiled tolerantly. ‘She said it would be Lochie’s child.’
That was so close to rubbing gravel on a skinned knuckle, Edie had to put her glass down in case she dropped it. ‘Oh, Mum.’
‘It’s okay, darling. Although the sad thing is, I might never know for sure.’
Viv pushed the wine bottle towards Sammy. ‘Zenda couldn’t tell you, Mum?’
Sammy shook her head while topping up her glass. ‘She said we’d probably never hear from Lochie again, but she wanted me to know that his child is going to look like a miniature me.’
>
Edie couldn’t comprehend how hurt her mother must be feeling—even though she noticed that her mum was gently smiling. Weren’t fortune tellers supposed to keep the bad stuff to themselves?
‘He’s alive,’ Sammy said. ‘He’s well, and Zenda said although he’s been unhappy at times, his life is on track now.’
‘He just can’t contact us to tell us about it,’ Edie said, furious with Lochie now too, as well as Zenda.
‘Darling,’ Sammy said, ‘as every woman around this table knows—and you are all my best friends, including my daughters—Ethan and I got through the hard times. We did nothing wrong that we know of, and believe me, we’ve turned that basket of worries inside out a thousand times, but we couldn’t change whatever opinion Lochie has of himself or of us, and that’s that.’
Sammy paused, a reflective look in her eye.
‘The thing that’s pained me most all these years,’ she continued, ‘is not knowing if he’s okay. Or wondering if he’s hurt, or whether he got into trouble he couldn’t get himself out of. But like I said, I now know he’s alive, he’s well, and as his mother that’s the best news anybody could have given me.’
There were tears in Sammy’s eyes but there was also a loving smile on her face.
Kate leaned in and squeezed Sammy’s hand, then gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘Love you, best friend.’
Charlotte took Sammy’s other hand. ‘I second that. Sorry, Katie,’ she added, ‘I know you were best friends with Sammy before I met her.’
Kate waved her hand. ‘Go ahead. There’s plenty of love to go around.’
Edie caught Olivia’s eye and they smiled at the unspoken thought between them: Women who drink too rarely get tipsy too quickly. But still, the friendship and love the women around this table had for each other was undoubted. They’d each been through their trials, not just Sammy. It had taken Kate years to get pregnant—Angelica Kate, her fashion designer daughter known as Kiki being the result—and Kate had given her love and care to their adopted son, Raphael, before Kiki came along. He was smothered in love! Just as much as Kiki was.
Charlotte didn’t have any family except Dan and the people in town. Her mother had been murdered when she was a child. That’s why she’d come to Swallow’s Fall in the first place, to get answers about the man she thought might have been the murderer. And wasn’t there a tale in that story! Edie couldn’t imagine not having any family. Maybe she ought to cut Lochie some slack—goddamn him.