by Jennie Jones
The gravel crunching beneath her feet as she walked up the driveway towards her house was the only sound she could hear.
A premonition, like dread, encroached on her thoughts. The silence was similar to the one she experienced when she walked into her family home and just knew there wasn’t a Granger heartbeat there.
The kitchen door was closed—and locked. They hadn’t locked it before the Marcus nonsense and hadn’t been locking it these last few days either.
She turned, and paused, listening hard.
Nothing. Not a bird. Not even a bee.
She wanted to call Ryan’s name but her throat had thickened.
Her heart palpated like crazy as she strode across to the barn. The side door was padlocked. Ryan’s four-wheel drive wasn’t parked there. She walked to the back of the barn where he garaged his Harley.
Oh, God. Not there either.
She spun around, starting to flounder. Maybe he’d taken his bike to the mechanics in Cooma. Maybe he’d gone for a ride and had parked his big black four-wheel drive in front of the barn instead of down the side.
She made her way towards the front of the barn, her steps getting faster and faster until she was running.
She halted when she got to the corner of the building, putting one hand on the barn to steady herself.
No four-wheel drive, just a bright red car with a big white ribbon tied in a bow on the windscreen. It was a small SUV and the sun was shining on its bonnet as though it was supposed to make her happy. There was a note tucked under a wiper blade.
She trembled as she walked towards the car, not wanting to get there but knowing she had to. Her hands were shaking and her legs wobbled, as though she’d had one glass of shiraz too many.
Gingerly, she pulled the note from beneath the wiper blade, and unfolded it.
All yours. Thought you'd like the colour.
Also thought it time to move on.
Goodbye, Dazzlepants. Stay out of trouble.
Her heart drained of courage and the blood left her head. He’d gone.
29
Heartbreak
‘Here she is! Three cheers!’
Edie reddened when she entered a crowded Kookaburra’s, late for her own party.
She nodded thanks and smiled as her cast and crew, and all her family and friends, and a lot of other people in town, cheered and clapped her arrival.
She was immediately pulled into the fray and kissed on the cheek a dozen times, and hugged a further dozen times until she finally made her way through the crush and could breathe.
She’d managed to get herself together enough to shower and change into her white linen wrap dress. She’d painted her fingernails siren red and was wearing cherry-coloured high-heeled shoes to try to boost her spirit. Some hope. But at least they matched her car. She’d driven herself to town and would be driving herself home. She’d wanted independence, and she’d got it.
There were so many people, their faces blurred in the ocean of love and laughter that rang around Kookaburra’s bar, that she lost her breath again. She’d been calling Ryan all afternoon but he wasn’t answering. Each time it went to message bank and she heard his voice it was like a dagger slicing into another part of her soul. She’d been so frightened and tense she hadn’t been able to leave a message, and after her fourth call, his phone just kept ringing and ringing. He’d switched it and his message service off.
She looked around the room, eager to find someone to talk to before she was inundated by merriment again. She wanted her mother, but Sammy was with Kate Knight, chatting up a storm as though they hadn’t seen each other that morning. Her dad was deep in a conversation with Jamie Knight.
Then she spotted Gemma, amazingly standing on her own, with a bright smile as she glanced around the bar, nodding her head in time to the song playing on the jukebox about it being the singer’s party and she had every right to cry if she wanted to.
Edie made for her, grabbed her and pulled her towards the end of the bar, heart pounding.
‘Ryan’s gone.’
‘Gone where?’
‘He left me, Gem. He bought me a red car and left me.’
Gem looked askance for a second. ‘He didn’t tell me he was going!’
‘He didn’t tell me either! He left me a note. What do I do?’
‘I can’t believe it. He didn’t say goodbye to me—’
‘Call him!’ Edie begged.
Gem got her mobile out of her striped skirt pocket. ‘It goes straight to message.’
Well at least he’d switched his phone back on. ‘Tell him to call you,’ Edie said. ‘Tell him to come back.’
‘Not until I know exactly what’s happened,’ Gem said, pocketing her phone. ‘Look, my brother doesn’t just up and leave out of the blue.’
‘Well he just has.’ About four hours ago.
‘Edie,’ Gem said pointedly, ‘did you turn him down?’
‘No! He didn’t ask me to—’
‘You didn’t communicate.’
‘He didn’t inspire me to! We weren’t talking. He was going to leave anyway. This afternoon I was going to beg him not to. Gemma—he was on the internet looking up houses to buy for his retreat even before the play opened.’
‘His what?’
‘You know—his country retreat for kids and their ex-defence force parents. Trauma,’ she said as Gemma frowned. ‘PTSD.’
‘Is that what he wants to do?’
‘Yes!’
Gem looked away, her face set in confusion. ‘He told you.’ She glanced back at Edie. ‘He hasn’t told anybody this.’
‘Well he told me. I want to help him. I want to be with him and encourage him. He wanted to do it here, in Swallow’s Fall, and now he’s bought me a car and driven off into the sunset without me.’
‘But you’re going back to Sydney. To do the big play about Millicent Gray.’
Edie stilled. ‘How did you know about the play?’ she asked in a small voice as another voice in her head murmured, Something awful is about to come to light.
Gem lifted her hands in exasperation. ‘Everybody knows!’
Everybody? ‘And Ryan?’ she asked as her blood ran cold.
‘Of course he knows. That’s probably why he’s left. He thought you were leaving him. You didn’t communicate.’
‘But I—’ Turned the part down. Except she hadn’t told Ryan about the offer in the first place. How stupid of her. How could he possibly inspire her when she hadn’t communicated that she wanted to be inspired by him? ‘Oh, Gem. What have I done?’
Gem took Edie’s hand. ‘I think you might have broken his heart.’
Oh, God—how painful was that? It tore at her chest. ‘But how did everybody know about the play?’
‘Tony mentioned it.’
Edie inhaled a lungful of air and pulled her shoulders back. ‘I’ll kill him!’
Except she couldn’t find him.
She made her way through the bar, doing her best to smile every time somebody attempted to stop her—but she was on a mission.
‘Mum!’ She grabbed Sammy by the shoulder. ‘Did you know about the Millicent Gray part?’
‘Of course, darling. What does Ryan think? Will you be able to do the ABC thing and the play?’
‘Who told you I was taking the part?’
‘Tony.’
She’d definitely kill him. As soon as she could find him. ‘Did Ryan know?’
‘Of course he knew, we talked about it.’
‘But he didn’t talk about it to me,’ Edie insisted.
Sammy frowned. ‘Is everything all right, darling?’
‘No! Ryan’s gone.’
‘Gone where?’
‘Gone! I broke his heart.’
Edie left her mother’s side and resumed her frantic search for Tony. Where the heck was the tall drink of poison?
She spotted Olivia on the other side of the bar talking to Cameron. He’d know where Ryan was.
Ten seconds
later she was at the bar, drumming her fingers on the wooden counter as she waited for Cameron to finish his conversation with a flustered looking Olivia.
‘I’m just saying,’ Cameron said in a mild-mannered tone that was obviously forced, ‘will you please sit and talk to me? Or at least stay still. Why are you always running away from me?’
‘You scare me.’
‘I’m sitting at the bar. There’s a whole counter between us. I’m not going to grab you. What the hell makes you think I’m such a bully? And are you gay, or not?’
‘No,’ Edie said, interrupting and stepping closer. ‘She’s not gay. Cameron, Ryan’s gone.’
Cam looked over his shoulder and around the crowded bar. ‘Gone where?’
‘I don’t know! He’s not answering his phone.’
‘You mean he’s left you?’ Olivia asked in a shocked tone.
‘I broke his heart,’ Edie admitted.
Olivia gasped.
‘Did you know that Ryan knew that I was taking the part I’m not taking?’ Edie asked her.
Olivia scrunched her face in thought. ‘If I’ve interpreted that correctly, yes he knew and yes he spoke to me about it—and Tony gave me the impression you’d accepted the part.’
‘Hang on,’ Cameron said. ‘He mentioned something about you going to Sydney to do some play, and said it would give him time to figure out his future.’
‘Oh, God,’ Olivia said, her hand flying to her chest. ‘And then you broke his heart.’
‘I’m not going to Sydney!’ Edie said, exasperation rising. ‘I have to talk to him. You call him, Cameron. He’ll answer for you.’
Cam pulled his mobile out of his back pocket and made the call. ‘Message bank,’ he said after what felt like ten hours. ‘Want me to leave a message?’
‘Tell him to come home!’
‘Hey, mate. Where are you? Call me.’ He hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket.
‘That’s not telling him to come home,’ Olivia said.
‘I won’t do that,’ Cam said. ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but if he wants out then that’s his decision.’ He looked at Edie with an apologetic smile. ‘I’ll keep calling him. But as his friend, I can’t do something he doesn’t want.’
‘But she broke his heart!’ Olivia said. ‘And she didn’t mean to.’
‘I definitely didn’t mean to.’
‘Look, ladies,’ Cam said, opening his arms. ‘It’s a guy thing. We don’t interfere in each other’s issues. Ryan’s a big strong guy,’ he said to Edie. ‘If this is what he wants then he’s already made a full assessment of the situation, figured it out and decided to deploy elsewhere.’
‘That is such a man thing to say!’ Olivia said, outraged.
‘Exactly!’ Cam said incredulously.
Olivia swiped his beer off the counter and tipped the contents into the sink behind the bar. ‘I politely inform you that I refuse to serve you another alcoholic beverage due to your unspeakable male behaviour and ignorance of a delicate situation where a woman has broken a man’s heart.’
Cam sighed hard.
Olivia turned to Edie. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘Kill Tony.’ Then keep trying to get hold of Ryan. She’d force everyone she knew who also knew him to keep calling him. She’d hire Vince to find him. She’d drive her little red car all over the country looking for him.
‘Darling!’
At last! She spun to her ex-best friend and dragged him to the end of the bar.
‘Did you tell Ryan I was doing the Millicent Gray part?’
‘No,’ Tony said, stepping back from Edie’s fury. He lifted his broad, angular shoulders. ‘Darling, there was no need. Everybody knows.’
‘But I didn’t take the part,’ Edie said, panic making her eyes water. ‘I turned it down.’
‘Whatever for?’
‘Because I want to be with Ryan and now I’ve broken his heart. He’s gone.’
‘Gone where?’
‘He left me!’
‘Oh, God, Edie. Why didn’t you tell me about the play?’
‘Because I didn’t think you’d think I was automatically going to take the part.’ She took a ragged breath. ‘I didn’t think at all. About anybody. I didn’t think about Ryan.’
‘He’ll come back.’
‘No, he won’t. He’s ascertained the situation, made full evaluation of his options and deployed elsewhere.’
Tony frowned.
‘It’s what men do!’ Edie explained. She covered her face with her hands and squeezed her eyes tightly shut to try to stop the waterworks.
‘Darling girl.’ Tony put his arm around her and shuffled her through the crowd.
Edie kept a hand over her face.
‘Got something in her eye,’ Tony said when somebody asked if she was all right. ‘Just nipping to the Ladies to sort her out.’
They didn’t get to the Ladies; her father came up and had a quiet word with Tony, who left. Then her dad took her to the foyer where it was quieter.
‘Your mum told me what’s happened,’ he said.
Exasperation and frustration sweating through her, she threw herself into his arms.
He embraced her in his solid, fatherly hold.
‘I wanted to walk into the sunset with him,’ she said against his shoulder. ‘But he’s bought me a car and he’s gone.’
‘There’s no other man I’d allow you to go off with,’ her dad said softly.
‘He wanted to open a retreat for kids and he was going to do fishing trips and camping and all sorts of fun things.’
‘I know. He told me about his plans.’
‘He did? I was going to help. I love him. I’ve always loved him.’
‘I know.’
Edie dragged herself from the comfort of her father’s shoulder. ‘I think he might have wanted me to stay in Swallow’s Fall all along.’
‘We all want you to stay. If you want to.’
‘I do! I have to tell Ryan. But he left me. He’s gone.’
Her father looked over her head at the doors then back to her, his familiar smile appearing slowly and surely. ‘That’s odd,’ he said, sounding incredibly casual about his daughter’s pain. ‘Because there’s a man outside on the walkway who looks just like him.’
30
Beneath the Lamppost
The evening air was warmer than it had been for weeks. A thousand solar lights twinkled on the claret ash trees and Ryan stood on the walkway just down from the doors of Kookaburra’s, next to their lamppost.
Edie’s heart hammered harder than it had all afternoon.
‘I’ve got a few things I’d like to say,’ he said, looking stony faced.
She wanted to run to him but didn’t dare—not when he looked so thunderous.
‘I thought you’d gone forever,’ she managed.
‘I got as far as Canberra.’
That wasn’t very far. ‘What made you turn back?’
‘You.’
He still didn’t sound happy, so she didn’t respond.
‘I’ve been in love with you since—’ He paused, grimaced, then flicked a thumb at their lamppost. ‘Since then. Probably before then, but you were only twenty-two and I didn’t realise what it was I felt.’
Her heart began a tap dance in her chest.
‘I came back to Swallow’s Fall because you were here. I thought we might see how we got along, romantically, and see if it went anywhere. It didn’t work.’
‘Ryan—’
‘That’s why I left. Then when I got to Canberra I remembered something Gary told me the other day. He said you told him you’d wanted me forever, and that I was the only man you’d ever loved. I didn’t believe him because you’d insisted we shouldn’t let anyone know we were sleeping together and I thought it was because you didn’t really want me.’
‘Ryan …’
‘But this afternoon I thought about it and realised I had to know for sure. So here I am again, bene
ath the bloody lamppost.’
‘Our lamppost,’ she said, but he didn’t hear her.
‘So is there a chance you might want a relationship with me?’
‘Yes.’
‘Because I was thinking,’ he said as though again he hadn’t heard her. ‘If you do, and that means moving to Sydney with you, then okay. I’ll move.’
‘I’m not going to Sydney …’
‘Wherever. Melbourne. Hollywood. I’ll come with you.’
‘I’m not going anywhere—’
‘I got a lot of things wrong, Edie.’
He hadn’t done one single thing wrong!
‘A lot of people are together but work in different states, or even countries. Look at the army—if I was still with my unit, I’d be away from you for months. It’s not right of me to expect you to accept that possibility if I’m not prepared to accept that you might be on tour for months at a time.’
‘I’m not going—’
‘If we stay here, I can run the retreat in spring and summer only. That way, we both have a home in Swallow’s Fall for whenever we need it. I’ll come on tour with you every chance I get. I’ll sit in our hotel room all day while you’re rehearsing. Then I’ll sit in the dressing room while you’re on stage. I’ll come to all the fluffy after-show parties.’ He stopped, as though he’d run out of breath—or words. ‘I just want to be with you. I came back to tell you that.’
He wasn’t finished, and Edie didn’t dare speak.
He glanced up at the sky. ‘You’re like my starlight on a dark night, Edie. I can’t help but be drawn to you.’
Oh, heavens above.
She walked up to him, amazingly steady on her feet, even though her knees had been shaking for hours.
The warm air brushed the bare skin on her legs, her arms, and her face. She tossed her hair over her shoulder before she got to him, getting herself ready to communicate in whatever way she had to.
His gaze flew to her shoulders as her hair settled.
‘I love you, Ryan.’
He stilled, and squinted, eyes darkened.