Eloquent Silence

by Sandra Brown

  He was silent a long while as he stirred the logs with the toe of his boot, pushing them closer to the coals. "One day I came home late from the studio. I could hear Jennifer crying in her room. When I went in there, I nearly retched. She was lying in her own waste. She was cold and hungry. I was furious with Susan and stormed through the apartment looking for her. She … she—"

  He couldn't continue, and Lauri's heart filled with pity when he covered his face with both hands. She knew what was coming. She didn't speak or go to him. He would always have to suffer this particular hell alone. No one else could ever share it. She had been spared finding Paul's body, but could empathize with Drake's horrifying recollection.

  "She was in the bathtub with both wrists slashed. It was obvious that she had been dead for some time." After a long interval of silence he came back to her side and sat down on the rug, putting his arms around her and holding her against him.

  "I never forgave her. I let her parents arrange the funeral, which I refused to attend. Her family made it unequivocably clear that they never wanted to have anything to do with me or Jennifer again. We had robbed them of their treasure, their princess. Lauri" – he pushed her away from him so he could look into her eyes – "I swore that I would never love anyone again. I had loved Susan, and when I needed her the most, when we needed the full support and love from each other, she deserted me. But I fell in love with you. That's why you can't leave me now. I need you, don't you see?" He kissed her in desperation. His lips didn't need to demand a response. She was only too willing to let him know how much she loved him.

  When at last they pulled apart he said, "I went to New York to get things settled career-wise, but also to exorcise her ghost and visit her grave. I had never even been there. I can't tell you the hatred and bitterness I harbored against her. I realize now that she couldn't help being what she was any more than any of us can. Until I learned what it was to love, I couldn't forgive. Now I know: a beautiful little redhead taught me. I began to realize what it was all about that day Jennifer made the mess with your makeup. You were justifiably mad and you punished her, but you also forgave her. She never doubted your love. I had to go back and forgive Susan before I could offer you my love. I wanted it to be untarnished."

  Another deep kiss followed, then she said, "You asked about the boxes in the closet this afternoon. I thought you were going to show the pictures of Susan to Jennifer. I heard you teaching her to say Mommy."

  "So that's what set you off!" He threw back his head and laughed. "I asked for the boxes because now I can stand to sort through them. Before, I hated touching anything that belonged to her. I chose what I wanted to save for Jennifer. One day, when she's old enough to understand, we'll have to tell her about her mother."

  He placed a hand under her chin and raised it so she had to look at him "And I was teaching Jennifer to say Mommy as a surprise for you. That's what I want her to call you from now on. As soon as we're legally married, that's what you'll be."

  "Drake—" she started to say before his mouth closed over hers.

  * * *

  "Are you getting warmer?" Lauri cooed. Then: "Drake—" with a gasp. With inquisitive hands he was inspecting her body under the foamy bubbles in the deep bathtub. Despite her protest he wasn't deterred. He touched her in a way that made her neck arch as a long sigh escaped her parted lips. She glanced at their reflection in the mirrors opposite the bathtub and, though she had lit the room with only candlelight, their images were clear.

  "When did you think up this decadent activity?" he asked.

  "The first time I walked in this bathroom," she giggled. "I saw us together in here like this. I wanted to cover Jennifer's eyes before I realized the mirage existed only in my wicked imagination. Of course," she added thoughtfully, "I think she may have inherited your immodesty."

  "Am I so immodest?"

  "You told me that since you toured with Hair, you had absolutely no modesty."

  "Did I say that?" he asked in surprise. "I lied. I've never been in Hair. I just needed a guaranteed way to get into that bed with you naked."

  "Oh, you!" She splashed water in his face, but licked it away leisurely. As she went about that enticing occupation, his fingers teased her unmercifully. He asked huskily, "Do you know when I first fell in love with you?"

  "Drake," she sighed as he found an arousing spot. "No, when?" she asked hastily, afraid she would soon be unable to breathe.

  "When we were in the Russian Tea Room and you were honest with me about Jennifer and what I could expect of her." He grinned lewdly. "Though I was attracted to that little firebrand who spurned Drake Sloan, not giving a damn if he were a superstar or not. You looked gorgeous that day. I stripped off every garment piece by piece in my mind. But the reality far surpassed the fantasy." His hands lent credence to his words.

  "When did you know that you loved me?" he asked after a kiss in which his tongue gathered the sweetness of her mouth and took it into himself.

  "Have I ever said that I love you?" she asked impishly.

  His reaction startled her. He rolled over on her, not caring that water sloshed over the side of the tub. "Do you? Do you, Lauri?"

  With fingers dripping foamy water, she signed, I love you with all my heart. She spoke with an eloquent silence more expressive than voiced language. Her silken thighs moved sensuously along his under the warm water, conveying a message all their own. His eyes dropped to her breasts that bobbed in the water, tempting him beyond endurance.

  His mouth closed over each pink bud, teasing it with teeth and tongue before suckling it. His hips fit more snugly into the welcoming hollows of her.

  Sipping at her wet skin, he said, "The roads will be impassable for the next few days. Until we can get into Albuquerque or Santa Fe to get legally married, will you consent to live in sin?"

  Her tongue teased his chest, his chin, his mustache, even as her hands clasped the backs of his thighs and applied suppliant pressure until she could feel him hard and eager against her.

  "What would you do if I said no?" she asked playfully.

  "I'd drown you," he growled, lowering his head once again.

  "Yes, drown me, Drake," she said, arching against him. "With your love."

  * * * *