by Scott Allan
Remember: The journey of a thousand miles is completed one a time.
Perfection: The Third Obstacle of Defeat
The obsession to be perfect in all things; to perform flawlessly in all areas of life; to possess unrealistic expectations through the expectation of perfection in all matters.
People spend their lives trying to accomplish the impossible task of creating the perfect life and the perfect world. It is the obsession to be perfect in all things, to perform flawlessly in all areas of life, to possess unrealistic expectations through the expectation of perfection in all matters.
A Perfect World
The relentless pursuit of perfection often leads to a road of bitter disappointments, frustration, and grief—as the perfectionist realizes their goals are impossible to reach, their destination is always just out of reach, and what they seek is an illusion of hard-core beliefs that never seem to remain consistent.
The perfectionist believes in a world that must be perfect, and they apply all their energy and resources into creating the perfect environment, the perfect career, the perfect way of life. Perfectionism is a powerful disillusion; it is the ultimate lie. It does not exist but in the minds of those that pursue it with relentless obsession.
Perfectionists live in a world of black and white, an all-or-nothing way of thinking that fuels the belief that every small detail has to have the indelible seal of perfection stamped on it. There is no middle road and no forgiveness of self (or others) for errors or failure.
“Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.”
— Martha Graham
Perfectionists either succeed beyond the norm or they fail miserably; something is either flawless, or it is seriously flawed. There are no mediocre results or “good efforts” in this game; there is no middle ground.
Perfectionism can be an obsessive mental disorder sustained by the fear of failure, low self-esteem, and the pursuit of a perfect world order that can never measure up to the high standards it demands. It is an illusion that always remains just out of reach.
Three Core Characteristics of the Perfectionist
1. Perfectionists live in a world of unattainable goals.
No mountain surmounted is ever high enough. A goal achieved, no matter how significant, is rarely appreciated because the perfectionist is already focused on reaching a higher plateau.
The struggle to attain these super-goals leaves many frustrated and depressed as their over-ambition becomes a dark cloud of self-disappointment. There is nothing more tragic than achieving something worthwhile and not taking the time to savor the victory.
2. Perfectionists hold to a system of unrelenting standards.
The core of perfection is the high level of expectations perfectionists have set for themselves and others. The people you associate with will fear not being able to live up to your demands.
Even for those that do, they can’t maintain the same level of expectations you demand and soon fail under your scrutiny. It is because of this one applicable trait that most perfectionists find themselves alone, struggling against a world of indifference.
3. Perfectionists are highly critical of their self and others.
A true perfectionist passes judgment easily, especially when others disappoint or just don’t measure up to expectations. Perfectionists are extremely unforgiving, especially when they talk to themselves. As someone once described it to me: “It is like there is a committee inside my head all day long, and I can’t turn it off.”
Perfect people use criticism as a means of keeping others in line, especially themselves. Perfectionists tend to be highly critical and are themselves extremely sensitive to criticism. They can deliver it but have a roadblock when it comes to receiving it. Nothing is more threatening to the perfectionist than the suggestion that they might be flawed or defective in some way.
Everything Is Flawed
Chances are if the perfectionist trap is one of the behaviors holding you back, you probably have derived an immense pleasure-gain from this. But the fact is that everything in life is flawed. The people, places, and things around you have real flaws.
When you shop for a new car and admire the beauty of its new paint; the perfect new engine underneath the nice, shiny hood; and the perfect smell of the fresh interior, remember that as you are forking over thousands of dollars for a piece of mint-looking machinery, this beautiful thing has flaws.
No matter how clean it looks, how much it costs, or how sophisticated it appears to be, there are flaws, and although they are not obviously transparent, they do exist.
A flaw is God’s guarantee that there is always room to be better. Nothing is created without having flaws; every living creature—plants, trees, even the most sophisticated and intelligent species on our planet—is flawed in some way. The only real, perfect thing is an imperfection.
Addiction: The Fourth Obstacle of Defeat
A habitual disease of the mind and/or body that is deeply infected with the mental/physical attraction to foreign substances or actions that inevitably lead to out-of-control behavior through repeated patterns of abuse.
In our world today, there is an epidemic of disastrous proportions spreading into every town, community, and home. It is perhaps the most destructive of all self-defeating behaviors: the addiction cycle—a behavior of complete defeat, a master manipulator that has stolen our freedom and replaced it with the iron bars of an emotional and spiritual sickness.
The Road to Failure
Addiction is an affliction of the mind, affecting the addicted person in all manners of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual forms that make up the pillars of one’s life. Struggling with addiction is like trying to run a race with a lead ball and chain tied to your leg: you might be able to drag the lead ball for a short distance, but sooner or later, you will collapse.
An addiction is a temporary loss of sanity. The one addicted becomes so completely preoccupied with the obsession that the only form of relief is to act out and give in to the demands of the addiction. It is more than just a bad habit: it is an obsession of the mind that once it has established a pattern of “pain relief,” continues indefinitely unless there is an intervention, such as complete abstinence through recovery, hospitalization, or death.
“No one is immune from addiction; it afflicts people of all ages, races, classes, and professions.”
— Patrick J. Kennedy
Addiction is an invisible thread of power that leads the addict down a long, winding, dark road, isolating them from friends and family until the addict has traveled to the point of no return. The only way back is to seek the help of people who have dealt with this form of insanity and have come back from the bottom of hell to tell their stories.
The secret to addiction recovery lies in the desire of the addict. If you truly have a desire to change and recover from your addiction, this is the starting point from which recovery is possible. It is simply not enough to stop something for a short period time or to only cut back on the destructive pattern of abuse.
The only cure is abstinence, a complete removal of the pattern and the substance or action fueling the addiction. Your goal is to break this cycle of defeat so you can stop the suffering and humiliation that comes with the disease. There can be no half measures with addiction. If you truly suffer from this disease, complete abstinence is the only solution.
Here are some of the more common addictions and suggestions for handling each addiction. I recommend that you become very familiar with your addiction through your own research. There are plenty of books and volumes on each of these addictive behaviors to make you an expert in the area of addictive behavior that affects you.
Alcohol and drug addiction: includes all those drug-related addictions that influence your mental and physical state.
Sex and relationship addiction: includes all sex-related a
ddictions, as well as codependency.
Gambling/spending/consumerism addiction: includes all financial-related addictions that lead to debt and financial hardship.
Tobacco addiction: includes the consumption of nicotine (through cigarettes or other means).
Addictive fillers: includes caffeine, chocolate, sugar, and all other substances that are used to fill up the individual with a sugar or caffeine high.
Tactics for Addiction Recovery
Addictions are severe aliments of the mind and soul that, if untreated, eventually result in the breakdown of the physical and mental condition. Even the seemingly less harmful addictions can, over time, have a powerful impact on your life. Here are some suggestions for building a path to recovery.
Meeting places. The Twelve-Step Program is now synonymous with recovery as a set of guiding principles for addiction recovery. If you are going to be successful at defeating and keeping your addiction under control, both the Twelve-Step Program and working with others that have the same affliction are proven best methods to a successful recovery.
The twelve steps lay out a plan for recovery in such a way that anyone can do them with the help and support of a friend or sponsor. I highly recommend doing them with someone, such as a counselor or sponsor, who has experience and can walk you through the steps to recovery; the advice you receive from another could prove invaluable to your success in recovery.
In addition to working through the twelve steps, it is important to go to the place where people with addictions hang out. This would be meeting places set up for discussing and learning to understand the nature of your addiction.
Decades ago, little was known about addictive personalities. Today, however, there are thousands of meetings a week in big cities and small towns across America and all around the world. Nobody has to suffer alone anymore, as it is the nature of addiction to isolate the addict, making the person dependent and helpless. Through the steps and attending meetings, you are fighting back and gaining the control over your life that you once only dreamed of.
Avoid trigger spots. If you are working toward alcohol abstinence, it would be wise to avoid establishments that serve alcohol. Your trigger spots could take you right back to where you used to be.
A nicotine addict should abstain from hanging around people who are still smoking, the sex addict should abstain from hanging around the adult section of the bookstore, and the person with an eating disorder might have to avoid the all-you-can-eat menu.
Avoiding trigger spots and knowing what and where these places are, as well as the times of day your triggers usually work, is essential to recovery. If you don’t know what your triggers are, you will after only a couple of weeks in recovery.
Triggers are encouraged by certain places, specific times of day, and certain individuals that play a role in the repeated relapse of the one suffering from addiction. Remember that addiction is an illness and, like most illnesses, you have to take precautions to avoid putting yourself at further risk.
Whether or not it is a bar, casino, the internet, or the junk food section of the supermarket, work to know and understand how your addiction operates. What are the things that feed it and give it its power? Once you figure this out, recognizing and dealing with your trigger areas will become second nature.
The Road Home: Your Path to Recovery
Facing your destructive behaviors of chaos is one of the greatest challenges you will ever face. You are taking the courage to stand up and say “No more! I have suffered enough!” Now that you are aware of the stranglehold your SDBs have on you, you are in a greater position of power to do something about it, to stand up and take action, releasing yourself from the shackles of pain and duress that have plagued your life.
Awareness leads to a stronger desire to stop your destructive SDBs and start living a life of freedom and higher mastery of self. Your commitment to recovery is the first step. There are no half measures. You must prepare to dig in so you can dig yourself up and out of the hole you have been living in. You are going to war with the darkest parts of yourself.
I urge you not to surrender, no matter how many times you have to try. Recovery from this illness is the path to real freedom, and the only road that will lead you to the truth. Once you are ready to face your deepest wounds, you have set the stage to make way for lasting, permanent changes in your life.
To release yourself from the power of negative self-behavior, first select options and thoughts that lead you away from choosing the same negative patterns over and over again. SDBs can only grow stronger if you continue to feed into the behavior through acting out the same set of old behaviors again and again.
You have to remember that every action you take, before it becomes an action, is first created as a thought, and that every thought leads to a choice, and that choice leads to an action, which produces a result. Now is the moment of truth to turn around and stop running. There are choices to make here, and the choices you make will ultimately determine the course of your fate.
Action Workshop: The Master of Destroying Obstacles
Do you have any addictions that serve as a means of coping with your reality? If so, what rewards do you receive from the compulsive behavior of feeding these addictions? Write down your current addiction, and the advantages and disadvantages it provides you.
Do you procrastinate? When do you procrastinate? In what ways do you procrastinate? How has procrastinating been holding you back and causing you to fail? Now, write down three techniques that you are going to try to replace procrastination.
Is perfectionism a problem for you? If you aren’t sure, take the time to read some literature on the subject and think about ways in which you might be a perfectionist. Now, how has perfectionism worked to your advantage? Your disadvantage?
Do you have a strong, supportive alliance of friends/family? If so, whom do you trust the most for advice within this group? What character traits does that person have that you admire?
What are some of your deepest fears? How have these fears blocked you from reaching your true potential? How will you deal with these fears from now on?
Write down your ideas and create a plan to help you face your fears, deal with them head on, and open up the channels of opportunity and advancement.
SECTION II:
The Master of Time Investment
“In every art, beginners must start with models of those who have practiced the same art before them. And it is not only a matter of looking at the drawings, paintings, musical compositions, and poems that have been and are being created; it is a matter of being drawn into the individual work of art, of realizing that it has been made by a real human being and trying to discover the secret of its creation.”
— Ruth Whitman
The Value of Time
“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”
— Warren Buffet
Are you struggling to get work done? Is there not enough time in the day to get your critical tasks finished? Do you know what those critical tasks are? Would you like to implement simple strategies to help you do less and have more time to spend with people you love doing the activities you enjoy?
How, where, and with whom we spend our time reflects the value we place on our lives. When you value the time you’re given, you’re making use of the greatest resource at your disposal.
Effective time investment is about making good choices to efficiently utilize the time you have so you can increase the value of your living standards and quality of life. Knowing what’s most valuable to you and properly allocating your time to each vital area of your life is necessary for progressive personal development.
You don’t have all the time in the world to do everything, but you do have enough time to invest in the things that matter.
People always say they have no time.
I disagree.
I think we have enough time for anything we want to do. The key is to i
nvest the time into an area of interest that will increase the value and quality of your life.
Making a commitment to master the time you have will enable you to build a level of excellence that connects you to a vigorous lifestyle. When you apply your daily activities, tasks, and work to meeting your goals and expectations, you gain control of yourself.
Managing your time is a massive challenge, and when your day is filled up with tasks, to-do-lists, meetings, projects, and SM/email messages that come in regularly, distributing the limited time you have becomes critical.
In this section of The Discipline of Masters, I will teach you how to:
Create a time-wealthy balance
Focus on doing things that matter and get results
Build superior performance activities and time-management techniques
Blow up your level of productivity with the power of delegating
Manage your team of winners
The Challenge of Time Management
Our lives are full of distractions these days, but it is not worse than it used to be; we just have more choices of what to distract ourselves with. You see, the problem isn’t that you get distracted easily. The issue lies in the fact that you have not really learned to govern your time effectively.
Mastering your time is easy. It is mastering yourself that is the real struggle. But by focusing on the minutes of your time, you can be more efficient, productive, and get the same amount of work done in a day.
Personally, I believe the person who is in control of their time is way ahead of the game. Remember three very important things about time investment.
There are twenty-four hours in a day. You have to sleep for at least six hours. This gives you sixteen–eighteen hours to spend for work, play, or relaxation.