He stopped and turned to her, and she fidgeted under his calm gaze.
“For God’s sake,” she snapped. “Stop acting like I’m one of your naughty schoolkids.”
“Sorry.” His lips curved. “I’ll leave that role for Toby.”
“Rusty!” She frowned, too irritated now to hold back. “What do you want? Is this about the uniform? If you didn’t want to do it, you should have said no to Toby.”
He laughed and handed her the package. “I couldn’t care less about the uniform.”
“So what’s up?” She tucked the bag under her arm and forced herself to meet his gaze. “I know you disapprove of me. You might as well come out and say it.”
A frown flickered on his brow, and his expression turned to sympathy. “Oh, Esther, I don’t disapprove of you—far from it.”
Her jaw dropped. “Oh.”
“Is that what you thought? I’m sorry. No, it’s just…” He sighed and looked across the fields, eyes distant for a moment. “I’ve been there. I can see what you’re getting into.” His gaze came back to her. “And I wanted to warn you—you’re making it terribly hard for yourself.”
“We’re only having sex,” she said boldly, trying brush aside the niggling concern. His question stirred the worry that had coiled in her stomach for a while.
He said nothing, but his eyes—green like her own—studied hers challengingly, and she dropped her gaze.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought as much. I told you—I’ve been there.”
“Yes,” she protested, “but you and Faith were already good friends. It would have been impossible to stop seeing each other romantically when you were together all the time. It’s different for me and Toby. Soon I’ll be going back to Christchurch. Actually, maybe even Dunedin. So we won’t be able to stay together.”
“Dunedin?”
“My university will be shut for a while, and I’ve had my fill of earthquakes. I’ve applied for a job in Dunedin.”
“Does Toby know this?”
She flushed. “No.”
“So there’s no chance of the two of you getting back together again?”
“No. We are attracted to each other, but there’s too much water under the bridge. He didn’t want me, Rusty. He walked away from me. And he’ll never be able to forgive me for not telling him about Charlie.”
He smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. Toby has a pretty big heart.”
She didn’t return the smile. The urge to confide overwhelmed her. Rusty had been through a hard time—maybe he would understand. “He doesn’t know the whole story. He thinks I tried to find him when I found out I was pregnant, but I didn’t. And the messages he left me at the university—I did get them. I threw them away.”
“Ah.” He studied her for a moment.
“Now you disapprove of me,” she whispered.
“Not at all. We all have our reasons for doing the things we do. I’m can hardly lecture on How Not to Make a Mistake in a Relationship.” His lips twisted wryly.
Curiosity made her ask, “Was it easy—the decision to marry Faith after the problems you had?”
“Yes…and no. Yes because, well, she’s everything,” he said simply. “She filled a hole in my life I hadn’t even realised was there. But no, it hasn’t been plain sailing. Sometimes, when I’m grumpy or being an ass, I want to yell at her for marrying me, because I don’t want the responsibility of having to be a good husband, and I don’t want to feel crap when I’m not. I have to fight the feeling that she deserves better than me—that I don’t deserve her.”
Compassion flooded her. “Aw Rusty, you’re so sweet. How can you possibly think you don’t deserve her?”
He shrugged, smiling. “Low self-esteem, I suppose.”
She would never have guessed he suffered from low self-esteem. He acted so confident, and he was such a clever, handsome man. Why would someone like him have low self-confidence?
“So I know where you’re coming from,” he said. “And it’s a shame you think you don’t deserve him, because he’s clearly crazy about you.”
She opened her mouth to contradict him. But the words didn’t come. Did Rusty speak the truth? Was the main problem that because of what she’d done in keeping Charlie a secret, she thought she didn’t deserve to end up with Toby?
He’s clearly crazy about you. Eve had told her a similar thing. Was it true, then? Toby fancied the pants off her, and he hadn’t passed up on the chance of some free, no-strings-attached sex, but what red-blooded male would have?
However, it wasn’t all about sex. The memory of the way he’d worshipped her body the night before, spending ages telling her exactly what he loved about each part of her… It had excited and saddened her in equal measure. It was as if she were a diabetic and someone had taken the time to make a delicious cake in front of her, filled with jam and icing that she couldn’t possibly eat.
Despair swept over her. Oh jeez. What were they both getting into?
She thought about it all the way back to Faith’s house, the parcel growing warm under her arm. Palm trees and rustling lush greenery filled the gardens on either side of the pavement, making her think of Charlie’s observation of it being like Jurassic Park. Her lips twisted wryly. The only monster threatening to overwhelm her at the moment was the fear that Rusty had conjured up.
As she walked, she attempted to keep the tide of panic from washing over her. What the hell did Rusty know? Toby had told her enough about Rusty’s relationship with Faith for her to understand that he was hardly an expert on emotional matters. He’d nearly screwed up his own future with Faith. She couldn’t rely on him to know Toby’s state of mind.
And anyway, so what if he was crazy about her? She was crazy about him too. He was gorgeous, and she loved his boyish vulnerability. She was enjoying spending time with him. He was great in bed. Why wouldn’t she be crazy about him? And when it came to an end, she’d be sad. But after Fiji, she’d learned a lot about expectations. And basically, she didn’t have any now.
At the weekend, or at least very soon after if her interview came through for Dunedin, she’d be flying back. Maybe in retrospect, it hadn’t been the greatest idea to indulge in the Naughty Nights. Yes, it was going to make it harder. But not impossible. She wouldn’t be lying there the nights leading up to leaving wondering if he would ask her to stay. There wouldn’t be that desperate hopefulness, followed by the mind-numbing, heart-wrenching, painful disappointment when he said no. She wouldn’t ever put herself through that again.
It would only ever be Charlie and her. All the time she could keep that in her mind, this current affair would be easy to manage.
Rain started to spot on the pavement, and she increased her pace. She’d come to realise that in the Northland it would be hammering down within minutes.
She thought of what the parcel held and sighed as her heart rate increased. Yeah, yeah. You’re totally in control, Esther Tyler. No worries at all.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Toby lay on the sofa, eyes closed. Outside, heavy sub-tropical rain hammered on the decking and streamed down the windows, almost drowning out the music playing in the background. The temperature had risen by a few degrees, and his shirt stuck to his skin. He was used to the Northland weather, but it had been refreshingly dry in Christchurch even though it had been the height of summer, and he’d enjoyed the crisp mornings and scorching afternoons.
Esther was in the bedroom, singing along to the music as she got changed. He covered his eyes with an arm. Hopelessness settled over him like a blanket. He’d said yes to Esther’s suggestion of exploring the Naughty Nights game because he liked her, he hadn’t had sex in a while, and he hadn’t seen the harm in it. How stupid was he? Why on earth had he thought he could have some free sex and not get his heart involved?
But he knew the answer. Because he’d done it so often before. How many times had he slept with a girl for fun, without worrying about where it would lead? And after a few dates when he’d got
bored, he’d brushed them off and moved on without a second thought. He’d even done it to Esther in Fiji, although he’d cursed that decision ever since. But he thought he’d got over her, and he’d been certain their dalliance would just be a fun way to pass a few days while he got to know his son.
Fucking idiot. He groaned. How could he have thought he’d got over her? Why didn’t he realise he’d be thinking about her twenty-four/seven once they went to bed again? For God’s sake, last time she’d haunted him for years after only two weeks in her presence, and this time he was emotionally invested from the start. She was the mother of his child.
He was in love with her.
The thought shocked him so much, he sat up. His heart pounded. “Fuck,” he said out loud.
“Yeah, all right,” Esther said from behind him. “Give me a minute. What ever happened to foreplay?”
He turned and nearly fell off the sofa at the sight of her. She stood with one hand on her hip, posing like a teen with attitude, clearly enjoying his reaction. The navy skirt reached barely halfway down her thighs, and the white shirt stretched tight across her breasts. She couldn’t get the blazer done up, but the way it hugged her was hardly a turnoff. The tie hung in a loose knot. She even wore long white socks with gym shoes, and she’d braided her hair into two pigtails.
She sucked the lollipop in her right hand and pointed it at him. “What’s up mister? Never seen a schoolgirl before?”
His heart—still racing from his eureka moment a few moments before—increased its pace. “Not like this, no. Wow.”
She sauntered forward, stood before him and slid the lollipop in and out of her mouth, eyes fixed on his. “Everything all right, sir? You look kind of…shocked.”
No way would he admit to her what he’d been thinking. He had to do some serious damage control here. This was physical, he told himself firmly. This was all about sex. That was the reason why he couldn’t get her out of his head. She was a good fuck, nothing more.
The thought made him wince and he apologised in his head. Shit. Sorry.
She pulled the lollipop out of her mouth and surveyed him with a curious smile. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look weird.”
“I didn’t mean it,” he said.
“Didn’t mean what?”
He stared at her helplessly. “Um… I meant…”
She toed off her shoes, came forward and climbed on top of him. She straddled him and sat on his lap, then offered him the lollipop. He closed his mouth around it, tasting cherry, and then she removed it and placed it back in her mouth again, grinning. He hardened beneath her. Why was that so sexy?
She moved a little closer, opening her thighs so she could slide toward him. “I’m guessing you like the outfit?” The stick moved from side to side as she turned the lollipop in her mouth. He couldn’t take his eyes off it.
“It’s very…ah…entertaining.”
She chuckled. “I’d never understood the male fetish for the schoolgirl look before, but I have to admit there’s something sexy about it. I guess it’s the innocence thing. The chance to corrupt and degrade.” Her eyes gleamed.
“Yeah.” His voice was little more than a squeak.
“Do you like the white cotton panties I’m wearing?” She hitched up her skirt to show him she spoke the truth.
He groaned as she moved her hips from side to side and rubbed her soft mound against the rock-hard length in his pants. “Oh jeez.”
“The thing is, sir…I’ve been very bad.” She batted her eyelashes, playing the naïve girl, even as she continued to arouse herself on him.
“You have?” His voice came out weak. He felt completely out of control, physically and emotionally.
“Mm. The principal caught me behind the bike sheds doing something very naughty.” She ran the lollipop over her lips, coating them with red gloss. “And he told me you were going to have to chastise me.”
Various scenarios ran through his head of how to discipline her until she begged for his forgiveness, and a deep, warm feeling of contentment crept over him at how much he was enjoying their game. But that was accompanied by a sharp sadness at the knowledge that it all had to end. He gave a long, resigned sigh, unable to think what to say.
She lowered the lollipop and studied him. “Are you sure you’re okay? You have a very strange look on your face.”
He nodded feebly. What the hell was he doing? Why did he get himself into such impossible situations?
She gave him a sympathetic, amused look, wrapped the lolly back in its wrapper and placed it on the table. Moving even closer to him, she wriggled until her breasts brushed his chest. Fixing him with a gentle smile, she cupped his face in her hands. And then she lowered her lips to his.
Esther kissed him, enjoying the warmth of his body against hers. But even as she pressed her lips against his, she pondered on his strange expression. What was bothering him? Why had he stared at her with that odd mixture of helplessness and desire, as if he couldn’t make up his mind?
Usually his hands would have been wandering all over her by now, but this time he’d linked them loosely behind her back. Not that he didn’t seem to be enjoying the kiss. As she moved her hips, he was hard against her, and he returned the kiss happily enough, eyes closed as his tongue played with her own.
He’s clearly crazy about you. Out of the blue, Rusty’s words rang through her, clear as someone tapping on crystal. She lifted her head. Toby opened his eyes and looked into hers. On the one hand, his shone like discs of polished oak, reflecting all her emotions back at her. Yes, of course he had feelings for her. He adored the mother of his child. She had no question about that.
Equally, although she studied him carefully, his expression remained unfathomable. Was he just thinking about how sad he’d be when she took Charlie with her—this new, ready-made family she’d sprung on him? Or was it more than that?
She brushed his stubble with her thumbs. Did he love her?
That thought made her blink. What? Why had that popped into her head? This was nothing to do with love. It couldn’t be. All the time they were just having sex, the problems that lay between them like a minefield didn’t matter—they could step around them and concentrate on having a good time. But falling in love would be a disaster, because to have a relationship they’d have to face up to their past and address the issues that both of them were managing to ignore. It wouldn’t work—it couldn’t. It would be too hard, too painful to sift through the whys and wherefores of Fiji and Charlie and why she hadn’t contacted him.
Shame flooded her, the same way it always did when she thought about bringing Charlie up on her own, and she lowered her eyes and let her hands slide down his chest. Any feelings he’d developed for her would dissolve like salt in warm water once he found out she’d actually got the messages he’d left for her. Maybe she should tell him now and get it over with.
But he put a finger under her chin and lifted it so he could look into her eyes, and his were filled with such warmth and gentleness that she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. He slid his hand into her hair, brought her head down and kissed her, and this time the usual heat that simmered between them flamed and engulfed her.
He wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her tight against him. She sighed and opened her mouth to his searching tongue. He slid the hand resting on her back around to her breast, and she arched against him as he squeezed the nipple through the lace.
Tears pricked her eyelids, and she squeezed her eyes shut tight, determined not to let them fall as he kissed down her neck. For crying out loud, this was supposed to be fun. The last thing he’d want was her collapsing into a snivelling heap. Desperation rising inside her, she grabbed his hair and pulled his head back so she could kiss him again. She plunged her tongue into his mouth and ground her hips against his, wanting to fire both of them up until the sexual daze overtook them and forced these uneasy thoughts from her head.
He seemed happy to go along with that plan a
nd groaned at her insistence, his hands becoming rougher as they wandered over her body. He moved one between them and hooked it around the leg of her panties. His fingers glided through her folds so easily she could tell she was already slippery with desire for him.
“Fuck, Esther.” He slid two fingers deep inside her. “You’re so wet.” He curved his fingers and searched until he found the spot he was looking for.
She gasped at his words, as well as his actions. “And you’re so rude!”
“Because I tell the truth?” The mischievous glint in his eye was back, thank goodness, replacing the tenderness that had nearly been her undoing. He stroked firmly, and she knotted her hand in his hair as her internal muscles rippled with pleasure. “There,” he said in a contented voice. “Good girl.”
She tipped her head back blissfully. “I know why you like the schoolgirl thing. You love the thought of corrupting me, don’t you?”
“Yep. I like doing and saying things that make that look appear on your face.”
“What look?” She dropped her head to give him an indignant glare. “You’re making it up.”
“No, I’m not.” He continued to stroke her. “You want a mirror so you can see it?”
“There’s…no…‘look’.” She was having trouble stringing a sentence together.
“Absolutely there’s a look.” His eyes gleamed. “It’s about to appear now, when I tell you I’m going to get my cock out in a minute and fuck you hard with it.” She inhaled and whacked him on the arm, and he laughed out loud. “There you go.”
She lifted herself off him and mumbled to herself as she removed her panties. “You should be ashamed of yourself. Leading an innocent girl astray.” She slipped off the tight jacket, waiting until he’d unzipped his jeans and freed his erection from his boxers before she climbed back onto him. “It’s shocking.”
“One does one’s best.” He put his hands on her hips and moved her on top of him until his swollen tip parted her equally swollen lips. “It’s a practiced art,” he said, finishing with a groan as she gyrated her hips and rubbed herself along him.
Six Naughty Nights Page 22