by Tia Siren
A shock was probably not what James had needed. Perhaps gently easing someone new into his life would have been better than bringing her and dropping her on his front doorstep like an abandoned animal.
She shook off her feelings of resentment. She understood that Liz was just a meddling sister who cared too much for her brother, stewing in his misery and pain. She understood that James was still mourning and having a terrible time pulling out of it.
What she didn’t understand was how she was supposed to react to it. Her life had been turned upside down to travel across the country, and now her future was very much in question. She had prepared herself to be married. Was she supposed to start looking for someone else?
“I have been praying for someone to get through to James for so long now. I can’t bear to see him like that anymore.”
“What would you like for me to do, Liz?” Hettie asked. “Do you want me to try to do something to get through to him? Because I really don’t know how I’m going to do that.”
Liz shook her head and put one hand on Hettie’s arm. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Hettie. I just want you to be yourself. He will be around. I believe John was right when he said that James would calm down. He will give you a chance…if you still want one.”
Hettie thought about James. He was tall, handsome, strong, everything she admired in a man. Everything she could see, anyway. But she didn’t know his mind or his personality. All she had seen was anger and rage.
“When I was young,” Hettie said. “I watched my mother die.”
Liz sat back, her dark eyes wide open. She pushed one hand through some of the dark hair that had escaped the bun. “Oh my! I did not know that, Hettie!”
Hettie nodded. “I have not mentioned it before. It was…very bad. I was upset about it for a long time. So was my father. I was twelve years old; my brother was almost fifteen. My mother’s brother moved in with us after her death and helped my father care for us children. Mother was a wonderful and bright light in our lives. And my father mourned her for many years, too.”
Liz pressed her lips together, tears filling her eyes. “Did he ever find love again?”
Hettie shook her head. “He wasn’t looking.”
“Oh, my.” Liz looked devastated. The implication that James may never have intended to find another woman was becoming more of a reality for her.
Hettie understood what Liz was thinking by the distraught look on her face. She took the opportunity to put her own hand on Liz’s arm, squeezing gently. “But I have something else to say that might make you feel better.” Liz blinked and looked at her through thick tears. “With my father, I could see that he didn’t feel destined to be with another woman. I still hope that someday he will find another love. But he didn’t want to, and he didn’t stay in a deep depressive state for a long time. He chose not to find another woman himself, but he remained who he was. You say that James has changed.”
Liz nodded.
“I believe that our Lord does guide our steps, just like you do. And since we are only humans, we often react in typical human ways, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes.” Liz’s voice was soft.
“I don’t think God brought me here to just be a caretaker for you and your little baby.” Hettie smiled at her new friend. “I have faith that He knows what He’s doing. If it was meant that I should be with James, I will be.”
“How do you plan to act toward him now? You’ve only seen his bad side and oh, Hettie, he can be such a charming man, so fun and laughing and happy.”
Hettie nodded, picturing the handsome Sheriff in her mind. “I’m sure he can be. He’s just in that place right now. Perhaps we will give him a little time to come around? I will speak to him whenever he is here.”
“You will turn his head, Hettie. I just know you can change his mind. I’ve grown to like you quite a lot in the last two days and so has John. We believe you will be a respectful and good houseguest while you are here and if it is God’s will, a good wife for my brother.”
Hettie pulled in a deep breath. “I would certainly like to see what happens.”
“I will pray that things work out as they should.” Liz used her apron to wipe her tears away and clear her eyes. She pulled in a deep breath and released it slowly. “I still feel so bad for overstepping the boundaries.”
“It’s too late for all that now,” Hettie said. “We must look to the future and trust that God knows what He wants, and He will make it happen.”
“You are very strong in your faith. I didn’t know that about you, either.”
Hettie chuckled softly. “It’s another one of those things I didn’t mention in my letter.”
Liz smiled, her eyes lighting up from relief instead of tears.
For two days, James had avoided going to his sister’s or seeing her at all. He barely recalled the woman Liz had brought to town for him and was trying to avoid thinking about the fact that the woman would inevitably be at John’s birthday party that night. He felt like the lowest man on earth, remembering his actions in front of the strange woman. He hadn’t been able to help it. The shock was too much for him.
He’d always felt that if he let himself look at another woman, he would be betraying his late wife. He missed Annie still, thinking of her not on a daily basis anymore, thank God, but often. Little things around the house and around town still reminded him of her.
If he was not betraying Annie, he was putting yet another innocent woman in harm’s way. How could he justify doing that for his own selfish purposes? How could he go on with the thought that he may someday see another woman killed in front of his eyes and have his heart ripped out of his chest all over again?
The thought truly made him sick to his stomach.
He looked in the mirror hanging next to his front door and ran his hands through his dark hair. His brown eyes still looked sad. They always looked sad to him. He brushed his hands over his trim beard and sighed. He was going to do it anyway. He tried recalling the woman’s face in his mind but couldn’t. All he could see was Annie.
Perhaps Liz was right. Could it be time to put his heart on the line again? Was it worth it?
She’d been telling him for almost a year that he needed to brighten his life, find something new to be interested in, if not a woman, something else. But his job took precedence over everything. What woman was going to accept that?
Was that why Liz brought someone from afar to be his companion? He gnawed at his upper lip, staring at himself. He wasn’t a bad man. He tried very hard to be a good man.
“Lord, what do I do?” He asked aloud. “I don’t want to get another woman killed, especially one that I love.” He was quiet for a moment, hoping God would speak to him through the mirror. He pulled in a deep breath. It wasn’t going to happen. “I’ll see her tonight.”
His chest became tight with anxiety for a moment before it released and he felt peace fill him.
Maybe everything would turn out all right if he just kept his cool and talked to her to see what kind of woman she was.
And prayed.
Chapter Four
There were more people at the party than Hettie expected. She sat in a garden chair, watching them all. They talked and laughed, milling around the garden, admiring Liz’s fine work in such an arid atmosphere. The grass under their feet was green. Bushes and trees had been planted. Liz and John had placed stone tablets along the garden area and around the yard, so visitors didn’t need to step onto the grass or disrupt the vegetation.
“Aren’t you hungry, Hettie?” John asked, stepping over to where she was sitting. “You spent a lot of time preparing this food for everyone. You must have some, too.”
Hettie nodded. “I will. Don’t worry.” She smiled, reached over to the small white table next to her and picked up a thinly sliced carrot stick. She took a quick bite and chewed, still smiling at him. He nodded and laughed.
“Good for you.”
“John! Who is thi
s lovely young lady?” An older man had approached and was leaning toward Hettie to take her hand. Hettie lifted it, and the man kissed it gently. “You are a refreshing breeze here in this dusty town, young lady.”
Hettie blushed. “Thank you, sir.”
“You must call me Charles!” The man announced. “And what might your name be?”
“This is Hettie, Charlie,” John answered, giving Hettie a look over the older man’s shoulder that made Hettie drop her eyes to keep from giggling.
“Hettie! It’s good to meet you!”
“Charlie runs the Little Boar Inn,” John explained, stepping a little closer so that the older man needed to edge away from Hettie. “Hettie is here to meet with James.”
Charlie raised his thick eyebrows and stood up straight, looking up at John. “Oh, I see!” He paused. “I take it this was an idea that came from Liz?”
John nodded.
Charlie looked back down at Hettie. “Well, young lady, let me tell you a few things about our Sheriff.” His voice had changed but not in an unfriendly way. “He is a good man. He’s taken good care of this little town, even after Annie was…killed, poor girl. It was a terrible tragedy and it hurt James greatly. But if he lets you in, you have a good chance of being with a good husband.” Charlie leaned back down and said in a low voice, “I do believe you are beautiful enough to catch his eye, I must say. If he doesn’t give you the chance, you will not have trouble finding a husband, should you want one.”
“All right there, Charlie.” John laughed. “Let’s go talk to Mary and Liz. You can quiz them about the social next month to see what plans they have made so far.”
The two men made off into the small crowd. Hettie watched them. Charlie seemed an amusing old man. As he and John walked off, he began talking excitedly about the social next month. Apparently, social gatherings were something this little town enjoyed frequently. With so few people populating the area, most knew each other. She had been greeted by each person at the party with open arms though she was a stranger and an outsider. She had the sneaking suspicion Liz had warned them all ahead of time that she would be there and had bolstered their opinion of her with her own opinion before they even met her.
She wondered if they had been told why she was here. John didn’t seem to have any trouble mentioning it. She had to assume they all knew what her purpose was. They were still kind and hospitable to her. She took that as a sign that they all cared about their sheriff as much as Charlie had implied.
She was brought out of her thoughts when she saw James come around the corner of the house. He was dressed in blue jeans, a well-fitting flannel shirt and had brushed his hair, from the looks of it. She pulled in a breath and held it for a moment. He was certainly a good-looking man. He stopped for a moment when he saw her. Before he could continue walking, Liz caught sight of him.
“James!” She called out. Everyone turned to look at him as he approached.
They all began to greet him. Hettie was amused to see the crowd gravitate toward James, wishing him well, almost hiding him from her sight. She caught his eyes straying to her while he responded to the people, smiling at them, removing his hat, shaking hands.
Hettie didn’t get up.
After a short time, the crowd dispersed somewhat, going back to what they had been doing. Liz and James stood to the side, talking in low voices for a few moments. Hettie tried not to watch them but was curious about their conversation. Neither seemed upset. Liz appeared to be apologizing, and James responded by nodding and pulling his sister into a hug. When they pulled away from each other, they smiled, and Liz moved off to find John, leaving James to gaze at Hettie.
She saw him looking and smiled at him, finally getting up.
“Hello,” Hettie said, approaching him. “I would have come over sooner, but you would think it was your birthday the way everyone gathered around you.”
At first, he didn’t say anything to her. Then he looked down at his hands, where he was clutching his hat firmly. “I must apologize for my behavior the other day, Hettie.”
“You must not worry about that.” Hettie shook her head. “I realize you were very surprised to see me. I hope that you aren’t upset with Liz about it. I am a grown woman and can take care of myself.”
“I am not upset with her.” James shook his head. “I am more upset with myself. I don’t generally treat strange, beautiful women that way.”
Hettie smiled at the compliment and looked down. “Thank you, James.”
“Shall we sit and talk?” He asked, holding out his hand to the chair she had been sitting in. She returned to it, and he pulled a similar chair nearby to sit close to her.
“How are you enjoying it here so far?” James asked, picking up a few of the same carrot sticks she had been eating from and taking a few bites.
“Actually, I find the atmosphere very refreshing. I know it is much warmer than my home in Virginia, but I like it. I would rather be warm than cold, wouldn’t you?”
He laughed. “I better. I live here.”
She laughed with him. “Yes, I suppose so. And now I do, so I better learn to like it if I don’t.”
“But you do?”
She nodded. “I do.”
He looked around at the crowd and then back at her. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
Hettie looked up at the darkening sky. “Do you think we will be caught in the dark?”
James glanced around them. “There’s a lantern. We’ll take it just in case.”
“I would like to go for a walk then. But you carry the lantern.”
His wide smile made him, even more, appealing to Hettie. She tried not to let any kind of reaction come across her face. She couldn’t help smiling back, though.
They stood up, and she followed him to fetch the lantern and then down the garden path. “We’ll just walk around the house and land here, Hettie,” James said. “We won’t stray far from the path, I promise.”
“Good,” she responded. “I do like to stay on the proper path.” The one ordained by God, she thought but didn’t say.
He gave her a look that made her wonder if he’d known just what she was talking about.
“I want you to know that I’m not some big brute who likes to go around yelling at strangers…women or men.” His voice was low and gentle. Hettie found that she enjoyed listening to the sound of it when he talked. “I have been through a lot in my life, and it’s hard for me to…get by sometimes. I do hope you can understand what I mean by this.”
I do. Hettie didn’t speak the words aloud. She just looked at him with encouraging eyes. She nodded to let him know he should continue.
“When…when my wife was killed, it took a lot out of me. It took away the life in me for a long time. I only focused on the job. I keep the peace. It’s what I have to do to make sure the people here are safe. Safer than I…I had to work a lot harder to keep everyone safe. To make sure.” He stopped.
Hettie looked at him. “James, is it all right if we sit on the steps of the house to talk? I’m a little weary from being on my feet most of the day.”
“Oh, of course!” James nodded and they turned in the direction of the front of the house. He didn’t continue talking, and when they sat, it was Hettie who talked instead.
“James, Liz told me what happened with your wife and I’m so sorry to hear it. I’m sorry that you were so broken from it. I know how depressed you have been, and I understand it. I lost my mother in a tragic way, as well. She was killed when I was twelve. It took my father a long time to stop mourning. There’s just something you need to remember. When someone dies, you don’t want to let go. But eventually, you have to. You have to let God have it. It’s the only way to save your soul. I don’t know why your wife had to die or why my mother had to die. But God knows. And we have to trust Him.” She stopped and tilted her head, putting one of her small hands into one of his.
He looked closely at her. “Liz told me that you lost your mother,” he confe
ssed. “She said that it should make me think about how we have something like that in common. She thinks we would be good for each other.”
Hettie felt a twitch in her chest, and she swallowed, smiling. “Do you think we would be good for each other?”
“I didn’t think so.” James wrapped his fingers around hers so that she couldn’t pull away. “I have thought about it and prayed about it for two days. I haven’t been able to see past the loss…the mourning. The anger I still feel…it eats away at me.”
She nodded. “Those kinds of emotions only hurt the one who feels them. There’s simply nothing we can do about the circumstances. We must rise above.”
They were quiet for a moment, sitting on the steps with their hands together.
“For years, I have been taking two steps forward and another back,” James said. “I feel like I’m not making any progress.”
“If you are taking a step forward then you are making progress. As long as it isn’t two steps back.”
James smiled.
“If you want to, James, I will stay here with Liz and John, and we can have a few more talks.”
“You want to see if you really want to stay with me?” James asked.
She giggled. “No, I was thinking the opposite way around. I was brought here for you. This must be your decision. I had already made mine.”
“Do you think you could love a man like me?”
“From what I’ve heard, you are a wonderful man whose heart has been kept in a prison of his own making for some time now.” She reached up and placed one hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them to look into hers. “Don’t you think it’s time to let it out now so that it can heal?”
“You will stay and help it heal?”
“I surely will, James.”
James leaned forward so that he was inches away from her. “I don’t think it will take very long.”
Just before Hettie leaned in for the first of many soft kisses, she replied, “I will wait as long as it takes.”
THE END