by Leddy Harper
She tilted her head from side to side and lifted her shoulders a bit. “Yeah. That totally sounds like something I’d say. I guess I’m just confused as to why. Ya know? Like…why did you agree? Why did neither of us stop and think about the ramifications? Or at the very least have a conversation about our intentions and expectations.”
“I can’t answer most of that, but I can tell you why I agreed. I’ve always loved your family, Janelle. You know my mom wasn’t around much, always chasing the next guy, but your mom was. Your dad filled the empty father role in my life, and for once, I finally stopped feeling alone. You complain about being the youngest, imagine being the only child—except getting none of the perks. It’s not like I ever thought one way or another about marriage. It was more of a take-it-or-leave-it thing for me. But I found myself really enjoying your company over those months before Vegas. I liked spending time with you and taking care of you. I realized then that I actually liked having someone depend on me, and knowing that marrying you would solidify my place in the family made it all that much better. So it was a no-brainer for me.”
“So you married me because you wanted to be a part of my family.” It wasn’t a question, although she did sound highly confused when she said it…doubtful maybe. “How romantic. That’s exactly what every girl dreams of hearing.”
“Whatever. You only married me to win the power struggle with your mom.”
She waved me off and leaned against the back of the bench. “What else can you tell me about that night? How was the sex? Good? Great? Could’ve been better?”
My mouth opened and closed as I tried to come up with the right thing to say. Rather than anything intelligent coming out, it was a bunch of stammering and stuttering—basically, single-syllable garble.
“I totally rocked your world, didn’t I?” She wagged her eyebrows, and effectively left me speechless.
Once we finally finished our walk—which Janelle adamantly referred to as the hike through Death Valley—we headed home. It wasn’t that I had expected to eat dinner with her, but I would’ve liked it. Instead, as soon as we got back to the house, she left to go “shopping.” Yet, when I climbed into bed at ten, she still wasn’t home, and I couldn’t help but assume the worst.
And by worst, I meant her being out with that fucker or another guy.
9
Janelle
“How much longer?” Holden called out from the living room.
I sat on the edge of my bed and slipped on the new pair of heels I’d purchased last night while I was out. I couldn’t stop thinking about how good Veronica looked in them, and I wanted to see if I did, too. I knew I’d more than likely get teased for wearing them to my parents’ house for Sunday dinner, but I didn’t care.
I tucked my cell against my chest and yelled back, “Two minutes.”
“I don’t understand how going anywhere with him will make him divorce you faster,” Connor droned on in my ear from the other end of the line. “I was for sure he would’ve kicked you out on your ass by now, so why hasn’t he? Are you doing everything we talked about?”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me. “Yes,” I huffed into the receiver. “He’s not going to cave easily—if at all. So you need to be prepared in the event he makes me wait out the entire six months. But we’re getting ready to leave for dinner, so I have to go.”
“Stop going out with him, and maybe he’ll give up sooner.”
“Oh my God. For the last time, it’s my parents’ house. I don’t have a choice in the matter.”
“Sure you do. He wants you there to reunite with them, so if you don’t go, you’ll piss him off, and eventually, he’ll kick you out.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Connor. Just let me handle it, okay? It’s been less than two weeks. Chill. I know what I’m doing. Not to mention, even if he doesn’t give in earlier, it’s not like we’ll lose the money. We still have time.” I stood and took a moment to steady myself in the heels. “Listen, as entertaining as this call was, I’m gonna have to let you go.”
A minute later, I hobbled into the living room, where Holden waited for me by the front door. He drew his attention from whatever he had on his phone to my feet, and then slowly dragged his gaze up my legs. However, rather than say anything about my appearance—or the new shoes I struggled to walk in—he asked, “Ready?”
I wanted to stomp my foot and throw a tantrum, spin around in a circle, and scream, “do you not see how hot I look?” But I refrained. Instead, I nodded and followed him outside to his car. Which, to my dismay, wouldn’t start due to what he assumed was a dead battery, so we ended up taking mine. And for reasons I wasn’t willing to divulge, I hated taking my car.
Luckily, between the effort it took to steadily walk in heels, coupled with obsessing over Holden being in my car, I didn’t have time to worry about how I’d be treated at dinner. And what helped even more was walking inside first—meaning, I didn’t have to wait until everyone greeted Holden before they said hi to me. It also meant I didn’t have to witness the sudden shift in reaction, either.
“I feel like I didn’t get to talk to you much last week.” Nikki took the empty seat next to me on the back deck, where I sat alone and watched the guys and kids run around with a football in the yard. “There just seemed to be so much going on, and I didn’t even realize it until we all left. So…how’s it going? Are you enjoying being back?”
At first, I thought this was a trick. I halfway expected one of them to come ask me things to get on my good side, and then congregate in a corner, or the kitchen, and discuss it like some clicky high school group of girls. But when I turned to take in Nikki’s stare, I realized how wrong I was. Her completely genuine interest shone back at me, and it nearly made me melt, because this was the first time since returning that I felt like one of my sisters actually wanted me here.
“It’s an adjustment, but Holden’s keeping me on my toes.” I couldn’t fight the burning grin tugging on my lips when I focused my sight on the men running around in the grass and found Holden, carrying Nikki’s youngest daughter, Maggie—who was eight—over his shoulder.
“I bet he is.” The way she said it made me face her once more, picking up on the teasing in her tone. “Oh, baby sis…I have so many years on you that you should know it’s pointless to hide it. Not to mention, I’ve been through this with two other sisters before you, don’t forget.”
“Been through what?” It was easy to play dumb. Because I seriously had no idea what she was talking about. “I’m not trying to hide anything.”
“You’re not? So you don’t care if we all know you and Holden are more than roomies?”
“What?” Shamelessly, my voice came out so high I was sure it rivaled one of Mariah Carey’s soprano notes. I wanted to look away so she wouldn’t catch my flaming cheeks, but I didn’t—I knew doing so would give me away faster than a preacher at his daughter’s shotgun wedding. “Why would you think that?”
“Aside from that?” With her finger pointed toward my face, she gestured to my expression using imaginary circles. “How about the way you came staggering in here like you just got off a bull? Or the glow you’re exuding, which can only be derived from a good orgasm. And let me just say this, Jelly.” She leaned forward, which I mimicked to prevent her from being overheard. “You’re lit up like the Christmas tree in Times Square, so I know it must’ve been good.”
Suddenly, it dawned on me. “You think…” I smiled for many reasons, but mainly out of relief that she didn’t know about Vegas. She could think Holden spent every day buried between my legs for all I cared, just as long as she didn’t find out the truth regarding my marital status.
“Oh, I don’t think…I know.”
“What if you’re wrong? What if it’s not Holden?”
“Really?” Her eyes widened, and her back went ramrod straight. “I want details. Who is it?”
“I’m not ready to talk about him quite yet. It’s still so new.” I wa
ved her off, hoping that would’ve ended the conversation. I figured leading her to believe there was a mystery man in my life, one I wanted to keep a secret for now, would hold her off for a bit, at least until I could devise a breakup I’d want to keep on the down-low for obvious reasons.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
“Holden!” Nikki grabbed his attention as he tried to walk by to go inside.
When he glanced over and noticed us in the corner of the deck, he grinned and started to head over. Apparently, he completely missed me mouthing to him “go away” because he didn’t, in fact, retreat. He came all the way over and perched himself on the railing, wearing the same shit-eating grin he used when he knew he had an advantage in a situation.
“Do you know who Janelle’s mystery man is?” She was like a dog on a scent trail.
Before I could interrupt, Holden perked up and cocked his head in my direction. “Mystery man? I might have a clue. But it depends…what do you know?”
They were like co-conspirators the way they seemed to gravitate toward each other, practically rubbing their hands together in excitement. “She won’t tell me anything, but whoever it is has given little Janelle over here the orgasm glow.”
Humiliation weighted my eyelids, almost forcing them closed in a desperate attempt to save myself. But before I lost sight of him, I noticed his shoulders sag and the lines between his brows deepen as he turned his attention to me. I thought to shake my head, to let him know it wasn’t true, but then I reminded myself that I didn’t owe him an explanation. I’d given him one last weekend regarding Connor, but he didn’t need to know anything else. Plus, he’d never provided one to me when he invited Veronica into his bedroom right in front of me.
Holden pulled in a deep breath and straightened his posture, rolling his shoulders back. “Well, she went out last night and didn’t come home until after ten.”
“Interesting.” She turned her attention to me and asked, “Where were you?”
“I went shopping.” It was true. I even had a new pair of shoes to prove it.
“Alone?” When I nodded, my eyes glued to Holden, she continued. “What about after that? What did you do for dinner?”
“I ate at the food court in the mall.” Again, not a lie.
“Well, you weren’t there until after ten, so where did you go after shopping?”
That’s when my gaze fell from his face. “I drove around, listened to music. Parked at the sports complex near the house. And then I went home. Nothing to know, no juicy details. You’re looking far too hard into something that’s not there.”
Holden mumbled some excuse to get up and walked away, leaving me alone with Nikki, who I desperately wanted to strangle. I knew she didn’t do or say any of that to be malicious; she had no idea. But it didn’t stop me from being upset over the whole situation.
“I know you didn’t think about it, but you just made things really awkward between us.”
She stared at me with confusion brightening her eyes for a second, and then narrowed her gaze. “I’m sorry, Jelly. I had no idea. I guess I figured you two are friends, and you live together, so I didn’t imagine—”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know. But from now on, please refrain from talking to Holden about me and relationships. We’re just now getting to a good place where we can act normal around each other as roommates, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.”
“I guess I didn’t know there was anything wrong between you two.”
“I wouldn’t say wrong, but as you know, a lot of my relationships here became strained when I moved away. That was one of them.”
Remorse darkened her hazel eyes, and after a moment, she reached over to take my hand. “Don’t let any of it get to you, okay? We’re all happy you’re home, and we want you to stay.”
“I appreciate that, Nik. I really do. But let’s be real—every single one of you got to go to school. You, Stacey, and Rachel all attended college away. I don’t recall you guys being home much during those years. You got to live in a dorm, make friends, go to parties, and no one here gave you a guilt trip for not spending every holiday at the house. But when I do it, I’m crucified and treated like a runaway when I come back.”
She squeezed my hand in a genuine show of support. “I fully understand where you’re coming from, and you’re right, it’s not fair. You’ve been held to a different standard than the rest of us, simply because you’re so much younger than we are. And I hate that for you. You had just as much right as we did to do all those things and be young, it’s just hard for some of us to recognize that, because we’ve all moved into a different period in our lives.”
“Exactly, and I’m the one being punished for being young. Just because I don’t have a kid like you did at my age, or married like Matty and Christine, that somehow means I’m less. Maybe I don’t want to get married or have kids. Maybe I want to own my own business and focus on that. That doesn’t mean I’m somehow not as valuable as any of you.”
“No one said you’re not. And I’m not making an excuse, only offering you something to think about in the event you want to see things from our perspective. We were so used to you being here all the time—at least, I know I was. So when you went away, it was hard, but not as hard as it was when you stopped coming back. It’s like…you were here, then in the blink of an eye, you were gone. Add to it, we were all older and moving into the land of parenthood and dealing with real life. The age gap between us was so monumental during that time. We kind of all banded together, and now that you’re back, we’re realizing we had left you out of major things in our lives. I can’t speak for the others, but I’m willing to bet any resentment you’re picking up on isn’t meant for you. I know I, for one, feel like shit for not keeping you in the loop over the last few years. And I don’t think I’m alone in that.”
I hugged my sister, thankful for the insight she bestowed upon me. I felt it was the first time someone other than Matt had opened up to me honestly since I’d returned. Rather than try to convince me everyone was happy that I was back, she actually gave plausible reason to the hesitation I felt. I agreed that it wasn’t my fault, and it shouldn’t have been taken out on me, but at least now I could try to understand the issue and work toward finding a solution.
Holden, however, acted very strange for the rest of the evening. He behaved normal around my family, but in my presence, he refused to look at me, and any conversation was short and awkward. Most of his dialogue was mumbled and barely understood. It bothered me, but what I found more frustrating was that I had to wait until we left to make any effort to fix it, considering he avoided any possibility of time alone with me.
Nevertheless, I tried to block that out and attempted to make the most of my time with my family. Rachel and I carried on an easy, surface-level conversation at the dinner table about the event-planning business I wanted to start. It drew in others, and eventually, I felt as though I belonged again.
I rode that high all the way up until it was time to leave. That’s when anxiety hit me, knowing I’d be alone with Holden the entire ride home. After his silent treatment this afternoon, I expected him to be quiet, ignore me. Needless to say, I was rather surprised when he had so much to say once we backed out of the driveway.
“You went to the sports complex last night? The same one I took you to the night of your prom?”
“Yup.” I avoided looking in his direction, even though I could feel his stare burning into the side of my head. I debated on telling him the truth, but I didn’t have the nerve. I had no idea how he would’ve taken it, and I didn’t care to hear his opinion.
“So if Nikki’s right, and you’re telling me the truth, that means you got off in the car.”
I closed my eyes and groaned inwardly. “Maybe.”
“I can’t imagine there’d be that much room over there with the steering wheel in the way, unless he’s a really small guy, and since this is your car, I’m assuming he was here. Which means…�
�� He shifted in the seat and held his hands out as though he was afraid to touch anything. “Which means his bare ass was right here. I feel dirty.”
In my peripheral vision, I saw him lean forward, but it wasn’t until I realized he’d reached for the glove box that I jerked into action. My right arm swung into him—like a mother protecting her child in the front seat—and I screamed, “No!” Although, I elongated the two-letter word until it sounded more like an obnoxious cry of desperation comprised of eighty-seven of the worst sounding syllables ever put together. And yet even that wasn’t enough to stop him before the latch came open.
The car swerved, and as soon as I saw something purple fall out and land at his feet, I gave up on righting the car and just pulled over to the side of the road, thanking the Lord we hadn’t made it out of my parents’ neighborhood yet. In fact, I not only pulled over, I threw the door open and got out. I had no idea what the plan was, but at that moment, I was more than willing to walk home—even in the most painful set of heels I’d ever worn.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Holden called out when he, too, left the vehicle and ran around the front to stop my irrational retreat. “Don’t take off like that. Let’s get back in the car and head home. If you don’t want to discuss it, then we don’t have to…although I am kinda intrigued.”
I rolled my eyes and tried to step out of his hold, but the way he gripped my shoulders made it hard to get away. “No. This is really embarrassing, and I’d very much like to just disappear if that’s all right with you.”