by Anne Rice
"You know that it's true," said the old woman behind her. "You've always known deep inside that an evil lived in you."
"You choose your words badly. You speak of the potential for evil."
"Well, know that you can put it to a finish! That can be the significance of your greater strength, that you can do as I have done and turn it against him. Turn it against all of them!"
She pushed past Rowan, the hem of her dress scraping Rowan's ankle, her cane thudding lightly as before, as she walked out onto the landing, gesturing for Rowan to follow.
Into the only remaining door on the third floor they went, a noxious overpowering smell flooding out over them. Rowan drew back, scarcely able to breathe. Then she did what she knew she had to do. She breathed in the stench, and swallowed it, because there was no other way to tolerate it.
Lifting the lamp high, she saw this was a narrow storage chamber. It was filled with jars and bottles on makeshift shelves and the jars and bottles were filled with blackish, murky fluid. Specimens in these containers. Rotting, putrid things. Stench of alcohol and other chemicals, and most of all of putrefying flesh. Unbearable to think of these glass containers broken open and the horrid smell of their exposed contents.
"They were Marguerite's," said the old woman, "and Marguerite was Julien's mother and the mother of Katherine, who was my grandmother. I don't expect you to remember these names. You can find them in the ledger books in the other room. You can find them in the old records in the downstairs library. But mark what I say. Marguerite filled these jars with horrors. You'll see when you pour out the contents. And mind me, do it yourself if you don't want trouble. Horrible things in those jars .... and she, the healer!" She almost spat the word with contempt. "With the same powerful gift that you have now, to lay hands on the ill, and bring together the cells to patch the rupture, or the cancer. And that's what she did with her gift. Bring your lamp closer."
"I don't want to see this now."
"Oh? You're a doctor, are you not? Haven't you dissected the dead of all ages? You cut them open now, do you not?"
"I'm a surgeon. I operate to preserve and lengthen life. I don't want to see these things now ... "
Yet even as she spoke she was peering at the jars, looking at the largest of them in which the liquid was still clear enough to see the soft, vaguely round thing floating there, half shrouded in shadow. But that was impossible what she saw there. That looked just like a human head. She drew back as if she'd been burnt.
"Tell me what you saw."
"Why do you do this to me?" she said in a low voice, staring at the jar, at the dark rotted eyes swimming in the fluid and the seaweed hair. She turned her back on it and looked at the old woman. "I saw my mother buried today. What do you want of me?"
"I told you."
"No, you punish me for coming back, you punish me for merely wanting to know, you punish me because I violated your schemes."
Was that a grin on the old woman's face?
"Don't you understand that I am alone out there now? I want to know my people. You can't make me bend to your will."
Silence. It was sweltering here. She did not know how long she could stand it. "Is that what you did to my mother?" she said, her voice burning out in her anger. "You made her do your will?"
She stepped backwards, as if her anger was forcing her away from the old woman, her hand tightening uncomfortably on the glass lamp which was now hot from the burning wick, so hot she could scarcely hold it any longer.
"I'm getting sick in this room."
"Poor dear," said the woman. "What you saw in that jar was a man's head. Well, look closely at him when the time comes. And at the others you find there."
"They're rotted, deteriorated; they're so old they're no good for any purpose if they ever were. I want to get out of here."
Yet she looked back at the jar, overcome with horror. Her left hand went to her mouth as if it could somehow protect her, and gazing at the clouded fluid she saw again the dark hole of a mouth where the lips were slowly deteriorating and the white teeth shone bright. She saw the gleaming jelly of the eyes. No, don't look at it. But what was in the jar beside it? There were things moving in the fluid, worms moving. The seal had been broken.
She turned and left the room, leaning against the wall, her eyes shut, the lamp burning her hand. Her heart thudded in her ears, and it seemed for a moment the sickness would get the better of her. She'd vomit on the very floor at the head of these filthy stairs, with this wretched vicious woman beside her. Dully, she heard the old woman passing her again. She heard her progress as she went down the stairs, steps slower than before, gaining only a little speed as the woman reached the landing.
"Come down, Rowan Mayfair," she said. "Put out the lamp, but light the candle before you do, and bring it with you."
Slowly Rowan righted herself. She pushed her left hand back through her hair. Fighting off another wave of nausea, she moved slowly back into the bedroom. She set down the lamp, on the little table by the door from which she'd taken it, just when she thought her fingers couldn't take the heat anymore, and for a moment she held her right hand to her lips, trying to soothe the burn. Then slowly she lifted the candle and plunged it down the glass chimney of the lamp, because she knew the glass of the chimney was too hot to touch now. The wick caught, wax dripping on the wick, and then she blew out the lamp, and stood still for a moment, her eyes falling on that rolled rug and the pair of leather shoes tossed against it.
No, not tossed, she thought. No. Slowly she moved towards the shoes. Slowly, she extended her own left foot until the toe of her shoe touched one of those shoes, and then she kicked the shoe and realized that it was caught on something even as it fell loose and she saw the gleaming white bone of the leg extending from the trouser within the rolled carpet.
Paralyzed, she stared at the bone. At the rolled rug itself. And then walking along it, she saw at the other end what she could not see before, the dark gleam of brown hair. Someone wrapped in the rug. Someone dead, dead a long time, and look, the stain on the floor, the blackish stain on the side of the rug, near the bottom where the fluids long ago flowed out and dried up, and see, even the mashed and tiny insects fatally caught in the sticky fluid so long ago.
Rowan, promise me, you will never go back, promise me.
From somewhere far below, she heard the old woman's voice, so faint it was no more than a thought. "Come down, Rowan Mayfair."
Rowan Mayfair, Rowan Mayfair, Rowan Mayfair ...
Refusing to hurry, she made her way out, glancing back once more at the dead man concealed in the rug, at the slender spoke of white bone protruding from it. And then she shut the door and walked sluggishly down the stairs.
The old woman stood at the open elevator door, merely watching, the ugly gold light from the elevator bulb shining full on her.
"You know what I found," Rowan said. She steadied herself as she reached the newel post. The little candle danced for a moment, throwing pale translucent shadows on the ceiling.
"You found the dead man, wrapped in the rug."
"What in God's name has gone on in this house!" Rowan gasped. "Are you all mad?"
How cold and controlled the old woman seemed, how utterly detached. She pointed to the open elevator. "Come with me," she said. "There is nothing more to see and only a little more to say ... "
"Oh, but there's a lot more to say," Rowan said. "Tell me--did you tell my mother these things? Did you show her those horrible jars and dolls?"
"I didn't drive her mad if that's your meaning."
"I think anyone who grew up in this house might go mad."
"So do I. That's why I sent you away from it. Now come."
"Tell me what happened with my mother."
She stepped after the woman into the small dusty chamber again, closing the door and the gate angrily. As they moved down, she turned and stared at the woman's profile. Old, old, yes, she was. Her skin as yellow all over as parchment, and her neck so th
in and frail, the veins standing out under her fragile skin. Yes, so fragile.
"Tell me what happened to her," Rowan said, staring at the floor, not daring to look closely at the woman again. "Don't tell me how he touched her in her sleep, but tell me what happened, really happened!"
The elevator stopped with a jerk. The woman opened the gate, and pushed back the door, and walked out into the hallway.
As Rowan closed the door, the light died out as if the elevator and its bare bulb had never existed. The darkness swept in close and faintly cool, and smelling of the rain from beyond the open front door. The night gleamed outside, noisy with comforting sounds.
"Tell me what happened," Rowan said again, softly, bitterly.
Through the long front parlor they walked, the old woman leading the way, listing slightly to the left as she followed her cane, Rowan coming patiently behind her.
The pale light of the candle slowly crept throughout the whole room, lighting it thinly to the ceiling. Even in decay, it was a beautiful room, its marble fireplaces and high mantel mirrors shining in the dreary shadows. All its windows were floor-length windows. Mirrors at the far ends gazed across the length of the room into each other. Dimly Rowan saw the chandeliers reflected again and again and into infinity. Her own small figure was there, repeated over and over and vanishing finally in darkness.
"Yes," said the old woman. "It is an interesting illusion. Darcy Monahan bought these mirrors for Katherine. Darcy Monahan tried to take Katherine away from all the evil around her. But he died in this house of yellow fever. Katherine wept for the rest of her life. But the mirrors stand today, there and there, and over the fireplaces, just as Darcy fixed them."
She sighed, once more resting her two hands on the crook of her cane.
"We have all ... from time to time ... been reflected in these mirrors. And you see yourself in them now, caught in the same frame."
Rowan didn't respond. Sadly, distantly, she longed to see the room in the light, to see the carvings in the marble fireplaces, to see the long silk draperies for what they really were, to see the plaster medallions fixed to the high ceilings.
The old woman proceeded to the nearest of the two side floor-length windows. "Raise it for me," she said. "It slides up. You are strong enough." She took the candle from Rowan and set it on a small lamp table by the fireplace.
Rowan reached up to unsnap the simple lock, and then she raised the heavy nine-paned window, easily pushing it until it was almost above her head.
Here was the screened porch, and the night outside, and the air fresh as it was warm, and full of the breath of the rain again. She felt a rush of gratitude, and stood silently letting the air kiss her face and her hands. She moved to the side as the old woman passed her.
The candle, left behind, struggled in an errant draft. Then went out. Rowan stepped out into the darkness. Again that strong perfume came on the breeze, drenchingly sweet.
"The night jasmine," said the old woman.
All around the railings of this porch vines grew, tendrils dancing in the breeze, fine tiny leaves moving like so many little insect wings beating against the screen. Flowers glimmered in the dark, white and delicate and beautiful.
"This is where your mother sat day after day," said the old woman. "And there, out there on the flagstones is where her mother died. Where she died when she fell from that room above which had been Julien's. I myself drove her out of that window. I think I would have pushed her with my own hands if she hadn't jumped. With my own hands I'd scratched at her eyes, the way I'd scratched at Julien's."
She paused. She was looking out through the rusted screen into the night, perhaps at the high faint shapes of the trees against the paler sky. The cold light of the street lamp reached long and bright over the front of the garden. It fell upon the high unkempt grass. It even shone on the high back of the white wooden rocking chair.
Friendless and terrible the night seemed to Rowan. Awful and dismal this house, a terrible engulfing place. Oh, to live and die here, to have spent one's life in these awful sad rooms, to have died in that filth upstairs. It was unspeakable. And the horror rose like something black and thick inside her, threatening to stop her breath. She had no words for what she felt. She had no words for the loathing inside her for the old woman.
"I killed Antha," the old woman said. Her back was turned to Rowan, her words low and indistinct. "I killed her as surely as if I did push her. I wanted her to die. She was rocking Deirdre in the cradle and he was there, by her side, he was staring down at the baby and making the baby laugh! And she was letting him do it, she was talking to him in her simpering, weak little voice, telling him he was her only friend, now that her husband was dead, her only friend in this whole world. She said, 'This is my house. I can put you out if I want to.' She said that to me.
"I said, 'I'll scratch your eyes out of your head if you don't give him up. You can't see him if you don't have eyes. You won't let the baby see him.' "
The old woman paused. Sickened and miserable, Rowan waited in the muffled silence of the night sounds, of things moving and singing in the dark.
"Have you ever seen a human eye plucked out of its socket, hanging on a woman's cheek by the bloody threads? I did that to her. She screamed and sobbed like a child, but I did that. I did it and chased her up the stairs as she ran from me, trying to hold her precious eye in her hands. And do you think he tried to stop me?"
"I would have tried," Rowan said thickly, bitterly. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you wanted to know! And to know what happened to one, you must know what happened to the one before her. And you must know, above all, that this is what I did to break the chain."
The woman turned and stared at Rowan, the cold white light shining in her glasses and making them blind mirrors suddenly. "This I did for you, and for me, and for God, if there is a God I drove her through that window. 'Let's see if you can see him if you're blind,' I cried. 'Then can you make him come!' And your mother, your mother screaming in the cradle in that very room there I should have taken her life. I should have snuffed it out then and there while Antha lay dead outside on the flagstones. Would to God I had had the courage."
Again the old woman paused, raising her chin slightly, the thin lips once again spreading in a smile. "I feel your anger I feel your judgment."
"Can I help it?" Rowan whispered.
The old woman bowed her head. The light of the street lamp settled on her white hair, her face in shadow. "I couldn't kill such a small thing," she said wearily. "I couldn't bring myself to take the pillow and put it over Deirdre's face I thought of the stones from the old days of the witches who had sacrificed babies, who'd stirred the baby fat in the cauldron at the Sabbats. We are witches, we Mayfairs. And was I to sacrifice this tiny thing as they had done? There I stood ready to take the life of a small baby, a crying baby, and I could not bring myself to do what they had done."
Silence once again.
"And of course he knew I couldn't do it! He would have ripped the house apart to stop me had I tried."
Rowan waited, until she could wait no longer, until the hate and anger in her were silently choking her. In a thick voice, she asked:
"And what did you do to her later on--my mother--to break the chain, as you've said?"
Silence.
"Tell me."
The old woman sighed. She turned her head slightly, gazing through the rusted screen.
"From the time she was a small child," she said, "playing in that garden there, I begged her to fight him. I told her not to look at him. I schooled her in turning him away! And I had won my fight, won over her fits of melancholy and madness and crying, and sickening confessions that she had lost the battle and let him come into her bed, I had won, until Cortland raped her! And then I did what I had to do to see that she gave you up and she never went after you.
"I did what I had to do to see that she never gained the strength to run away, to search for you, to claim you ag
ain and bring you back into her madness, and her guilt and her hysteria. When they wouldn't give her electric shock at one hospital, I took her to another. And if they wanted to take her off the drugs at that hospital, I took her to another. And I told them what I had to tell them to make them tie her to her bed, and give her the drugs, and give her the shock. I told her what I had to tell her to make her scream so they would do it!"
"Don't tell me any more."
"Why? You wanted to know, didn't you? And yes, when she writhed in her bedcovers like a cat in heat, I told them to give her the shots, give them to her--"
"Stop!"
"--twice a day or three times a day. I don't care if you kill her, but give it to her, I won't have her lie there, his plaything writhing in the dark, I won't--"
"Stop it. Stop."
"Why? Till the day she died, she was his. Her last and only word was his name. What good was it all, except that it was for you, for you, Rowan!"
"Stop it!" Rowan hissed at her, her own hands rising helplessly in the air, fingers splayed. "Stop it. I could kill you for what you are telling me! How dare you speak of God and life when you did that to a girl, a young girl that you had brought up in this filthy house, you did that to her, you did that to her when she was helpless and sick and you ... God help you, you are the witch, you sick and cruel old woman, that you could do that to her, God help you, God help you, God damn you!"
A look of sullen shock swept the old woman's face. For one second in the weak light, she seemed to go blank, with her round blank glass eyes shining like two buttons, and her mouth slack and empty.
Rowan groaned, her own hands moved to the sides of her head, slipping into her hair, her lips pressed shut to stop her words, to stop her rage, to stop the hurt and pain. "To hell with you for what you did!" she cried, half swallowing the words, her body bent with the rage she couldn't swallow.
The old woman frowned. She reached out, and the cane fell from her hand. She took a single shuffling step forward. And then her right hand faltered, and plunged towards the left knob of the rocking chair in front of her. Her frail body twisted slowly and sank down into the chair. As her head fell back against the high slats, she ceased to move. Then her hand slipped off the arm of the chair and dangled beside it.