by Rae, Harloe
A bob of my head. “It always leads back to that.”
“Do you think it will get easier one day? I mean, after all of this is a distant memory and you’re able to truly move on?”
A single glance at her has me reconsidering what I’ve assumed would always be my existence. The future is brighter just knowing she will be there, even if I only have the memory of this moment. The rumbling in my gut refuses to believe our story ends here.
Life hasn’t been kind to me. Quite the fucking opposite, in many respects. But dropping Blakely in my path, giving me the opportunity to be with her, is a peace offering I’m taking full advantage of. “Without a doubt, sweetheart.”
Survival tip #20: Packing an extra set of clothes—when possible—should never be taken for granted.
Warmth soaks into my skin, and I moan at the simple indulgence. I tip my chin to the sky with a sluggish grin. Even with the ever-present chill nipping at me, this generous burst of unfiltered sunlight is spreading heat smoother than melted butter. Every muscle is pliant from the organic buzz. If I hadn’t been paying attention, or know better to assume otherwise, I might be convinced something extra was slipped into my water.
Control has been given to far more capable hands. It’s no secret that my psyche is bubble wrapping the fragile state I’m in. This blissful mood is a projection, but that’s a coping mechanism I willingly practice. In my professional opinion, which is horribly biased and not reliable, the acceptance phase has been welcomed in. I’ve officially offered that final stage a warm bed to stay indefinitely.
Being on the open water isn’t something I expected to find joy in. When I not-so-willingly boarded the canoe yesterday, fear rattled down into my bones. I was cold, teetering on edge, and any fizzle of adrenaline tapered off way too soon. With the storm chasing us, our pace was forced to be full tilt. I didn’t have the chance to recline on this warped bench and smell the pine-scented air. The experience on the river this morning is completely different. We’re coasting at a steady pace without any hint of hurry or concern.
I peel my eyelids open, the motion more lazy than the smile spreading my lips. Pale blue paints the view above, flickering golden hues between naked branches. I imagine those empty limbs are seeking a lover to embrace. That tingling urge resonates on a constant hum in my lower belly. The clouds resemble cotton candy and remind me of afternoons at a carnival. Those puffs seem to share my mentality and crawl along with floating flow.
A gruff cough attempts to poke at my quiet abyss. “Do you want to dock at the next clearing?”
“What? Why?” I sit up so fast that the boat rocks. The haze I’m in protects me from even flinching.
Halder chuckles at my choppy movements. “Just for a break. We could make lunch and take a hike through the woods.”
I think about that for a moment, listening to the nonexistent grumble of my stomach and finding it passive, at worst. Stretching my legs doesn’t sound all that bad. But the dangers that linger between the trees are more menacing compared to anything swimming below us. That’s what I’ve been telling myself, at least. “I’m enjoying this easy ride we’re on. Are you hungry? Do you need to get off the boat?”
“Nah, I’m all good.” He gives his head a rough shake. A reflective glow casts a glint on the stubble coating his jaw, highlighting that dark scruff with a beacon. As if I need another excuse to stare. “I’ll dig out some trail mix or a protein bar.”
I watch him lean forward to riffle through our food bag. “We can stop. Those chalky flavors are no substitute for fresh fish.”
“I’ll survive Blakely. Don’t worry.”
That’s his go-to phrase. I hate that he’s still relying on the bare minimum to maintain any level of satisfaction. In retrospect, he’s been through hell and is sitting with me to discuss the tale. Now is a good time to nod and agree. “Whatever you say, boss.”
He squints at me. “I prefer your sass.”
I let my mouth drop open with a pop. “Does that mean I’m a diva?”
Halder shakes his head again, adding a crooked smirk for visual stimulation. “Not at all. More like spunky. I happen to find your type of attitude very sexy.”
His words create goosebumps along my arms. I bask in that electric zing as if he’s supplying another dose of vitamin D. “That changes things. Let’s take a moment to appreciate a new site, I insist.”
“Aren’t we already?” He nods at my precarious position while I remain half sprawling across the seat.
I slam my knees together. There’s no need to be spread wide with snow pants concealing any chance of a peep show. “Well, you’re doing all the work.”
Halder bounces his eyebrows. “I don’t mind, sweetheart. This is the best view a man could beg for.”
“You’ve been deprived too long,” I whisper.
“Not the way I see it.”
Gah, his green stare could spark flames without a speck of wood or flint. I’m sure those fiery beams are visible from the heavens. It sure feels like he’s sending me there with each glance. There’s no disguising my shiver that has nothing to do with the tickle of wind teasing me. How much longer am I expected to resist? Screw the winter conditions.
“Maybe we should pull over, just for a bit. A little breather break sounds nice, huh?” My voice is pure suggestion laced with seduction. I’ll never claim to be a witch, but maybe I can lure him in with some secret power of the feminine variety.
“Are you sure?”
I suck the corner of my lip between my teeth. “Um, yeah?”
“Doesn’t sound very convincing, boss.” His broad shoulders roll while making a wide arc with the paddles. We glide across the water in a smooth, straight line.
I drop my gaze to the ripples skipping along the glassy surface. “Well, you have me questioning my decision.”
“As I should. The sights are about to get a lot more interesting.” Halder gestures behind me with a jut of his chin.
I swivel in my seat as if the corroded metal is waxy wood. What I find in the foggy distance leaves my jaw hanging lower than before. Holy shit, check out that view. I press a palm over my gaping mouth to trap the squeak begging to escape. My thighs tremble as I bend forward and prop an arm across the front bar. A range of mountains appear from seemingly nowhere, lifting from Lord only knows how far away, yet their size is already massive. The snowy caps extend from left to right across the horizon.
“Wow, it’s like a postcard.” The awe in my voice forms a swirl of smoke in front of me.
“This is much better. Almost guaranteed to be more treacherous, though.” Halder chuckles, the gravely sound almost tempting enough to tear me away from the landscape.
“You think so? The setting seems too picturesque for that.”
“Uncharted territory doesn’t allow for easy passage.”
“Fingers crossed for a gully or valley or whatever the clearings are called.”
“There will be plenty of those. We just have to find them.”
I scour the scene, tracking new details plotting the soil. The terrain is noticeably uneven and rough. Sharp stones and thick roots crop out of the dirt in perfect formation to trip anyone daring to pass. The woods shrink not only in bulk, but also size. Evergreens still dot the snowy shorelines, but these trees are closer to large shrubs. I’ve been accustomed to lush shields of forest greenery lining our travels. Now those dense walls are no more than patchy pillars. I failed to notice any of this. My sole focus rarely strays from the man steering us to a better chance for tomorrow. He’s too distracting, especially his dimples dusted in scruff.
This fast of a stage flip is impressive. Maybe that’s not unusual for these parts. It’s almost as if I blinked and got transported to a different portion of the Canadian wilderness altogether. Much can change in the span of a conversation, apparently. How in the hell long were we talking for so much to change?
“Pretty great, huh?”
I swing my gaze back to Halder. My nod is disjointed and slow. “Uh-huh.
This is…um, majestic.”
He releases a low laugh. “That’s an interesting way of describing a desolate mountain range.”
With a flourish, I wave at the beauty spanning beyond our reaches. “But it’s a fitting backdrop for some faraway fairy tale or wonderland. I feel like we’re in a scene from Frozen.”
His head cocks to the side. “What’s that?”
A sputter bubbles from my lips. “You can’t be serious.”
The look he shoots me is flatter than a pancake. “I’ve never been much of a jokester.”
“It’s a Disney movie.” My tone clangs with disbelief, stating this should be obvious. “I think it was released before you were arrested.”
Halder rubs over his forehead. “Even if I had been around, those films aren’t really my preference.”
“Well, yeah. That I can understand. But the buzz was impossible to miss.” I’m trying to imagine how that would be possible for anyone with a television or radio. A computer with the internet would probably do the trick, too. “Did you ever hear the song Let It Go?”
“Can’t say that rings a bell.”
After clearing my throat, I count down from three. I go on to sing the chorus, pitchy high notes and all. Being the gentleman he is, Halder doesn’t cringe. “Eh?”
A quick jerk of his head. “This has nothing to do with your vocal talents, but that’s not my sort of music either.”
“We’re so watching Frozen once this is all over,” I mutter.
“I can hardly wait.” His gruff timbre is genuine enough for me to believe him.
The boat bobbles, knocking me off kilter and returning my thoughts to the path in front of us. I grip the rusted edge for support as we tip at an aggressive tilt. “What’s happening? Is something wrong? An ice bath isn’t on my list of things to experience while on this trip.”
“The rapids are getting worse.” Halder’s grip on the oars is tight and unyielding as he fights with the bumpy flow. “I’m betting the river will soon be too rocky for us to continue. We won’t be able to sneak by or take the risk, especially in this dinosaur.”
I pet the metal in front of me. “Skipper has been good to us.”
“Very, but a wide canoe won’t survive against these narrow passages. A new form of transportation will be required.”
“Such as?” Our options appear to be more limited than ever.
“Our feet. Unless we can wrangle a pack of huskies and a sled.” Halder winks at me.
“I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”
We stay on the turbulent water as the bends curve at harsher angles and the scenery opens into a breathtaking kaleidoscope fit for arctic paradise. A vast expanse of unpolished glory spreads out in front of us. Steep peaks topped with white caps provide a panoramic view wider than I can capture. The woodlands fade farther, making room for the sprawling range and potential landings in between.
Angry splashes and spouts begin erupting from all sides. Creaks and groans rumble from beneath me. My ears ring with the echo of trouble. I can’t stop the churning in my belly. Sloshes of frigid bursts spray at us on a continuous stream. I dip and dodge with little success. A slew of droplets pepper my face, getting a whimper out of me. There’s no protection against the freezing onslaught. I squint against the glare reflecting off the glittering surface. Large stones and boulders protrude from the frothy shallows, creating an obstacle course we’re sure to flunk.
“Should we bail?”
“Yep, already on it.” Halder’s response grinds out from clenching teeth. His jaw looks ready to snap in half as he manages to maneuver us toward a smooth expanse of land. The shore is a mix of snow and dirt sprouting with wild grass.
He scuttles us onto the shore, and I clamor onto safety, ready to kiss the snow under my boots. A quick peek at my companion confirms he’s joined me on solid ground. His jacket is stained with moisture. I’m sure mine is in the same condition. “We made it.”
“Over one hurdle.” With a grunt, he yanks our trusty vessel from the roaring stream. I’m most surprised that Skipper is still in one piece without a single hole.
“What’s next?”
“Find a place to set up camp that’s near a calm portion of the river for fishing.”
“Okay, great. That’s easy enough.” But what the hell do I know? We might have to backtrack two miles in order to find a decent strip.
“Fuck,” he spits. With another curse, Halder slams our bags to the ground.
I swing my gaze from left to right, back and forth, expecting who knows what to attack next. There’s probably a devious cliff waiting to release an avalanche. Only the babbling of rushing liquid greets me. “What’s wrong now?”
He thrusts an arm straight out. “We need to be on the other side. There’s no way we want to climb that incline.”
Ahead of us is a sharp and jagged slope. I track the nonexistent path up and farther until nothing but gleaming ice calls to us. “But the river is too wild. How will we cross?”
“Let’s hike a bit and see what we find.” Halder strides forward with purpose.
I glance behind us. “What about Skipper?”
He slashes through the air without looking back. “I don’t think we’ll be needing a boat.”
A sinking sensation tugs at my stomach. “Not even for shelter?”
“The mountains offer coverage greater than an ancient canoe on its last trek. We can always make a loop and fetch the thing later. If needed,” he adds as if an afterthought.
My sentimental heart skips a beat. “But we didn’t get to christen him. Or is Skipper a she?”
“Wasn’t that the purpose of naming it?”
“That was for tradition.” I want to stomp my foot at the injustice. “Skipper is a he. I’ve decided. We should have a parting ceremony, just in case we don’t return for him.”
Halder lifts a brow. “Why?”
I bite my lip and dig a foot into the mud. Is it ridiculously sappy that I want a kiss in every spot we’ve shared? “Um, so we don’t tempt further superstition?”
“Is that a legit concern? I’m more interested in what you’re planning.”
“I’ll show you.” On trembling legs, I step over to the space between our seats. “Come here.”
He humors my attempts by getting in and standing beside me. “Done.”
With a strangled gulp, I grip a handful of his coat and pull. Our mouths meet with a gentle caress. He groans into our tender embrace, sliding his tongue out to drift along mine. I nibble his bottom lip and tug the plump flesh between my teeth. When Halder bends to seal us tighter, the boat tips under our shifting weight. I collapse against him with a squeak and a giggle.
“That was perfect,” I hum.
Halder drops a parting peck on my lips. “I can get on board with all of your ideas if they involve more of that.”
“You’ve got a deal.” I ghost my nose along the bridge of his.
He offers me a hand off our rickety ride. After scooping up our belongings, he passes me a protein bar. “To tide you over until we can find trout.”
I accept the flavorless brick with a smile. “Thanks.”
We walk upstream while chewing on our lunch. I sidestep a drift of snow and swallow a dry bite. Halder places a palm against the base of my spine, giving silent support that spreads warmth through me.
His feet slow to a stop. “Hey, look at that.”
I follow his pointer finger to the area of flat rocks rising from the rippling tides. “See? We’re keeping Mother Nature in our good graces by following rituals.” I’m stretching further than the splits, but Halder doesn’t need to know that.
“If that’s what you believe and it helps our journey, I’ll be a willing follower.”
I study the makeshift bridge again. “Can we get across there?”
His gaze doesn’t shift from the stones. “It’s worth a try. Should I go first, boss?”
“Does it make me a coward if I agree to that?”
“N
ah, I’d never be able to send you across without ensuring it’s stable. I’m the official crash dummy, right?”
I frown at that title. “We could go at the same time.”
“As in me carrying you?” His green eyes sparkle under the overhead sun.
“Oh, no. Not that again. I’ll stand back and watch.”
And I do just that as he steps onto a black slab only halfway visible. The breath stills in my lungs as I hang in the balance. My pulse flutters a rapid beat, increasing in pace the wider our separation extends. Any concern coursing through my veins is unwarranted. Halder makes the hazardous voyage look easier than a lazy stroll.
Once his heels stomp onto the opposite side, he turns to me with a bow. “Easy as that.”
I snort, expelling a cloud of steam. “Apparently.”
“Just tread carefully. I’ll be here to catch you.”
Gurgles draw my gaze downward. The cascade spills over every surface, ebbing away only to reappear a second later. “Let’s hope that won’t be necessary.”
The initial leap has my nerves ricocheting. I extend my arms for stability that doesn’t delve below the surface. The rubber of my soles allows for a grip, but I’m still moving at the speed of a snail. Patience and determination wins the race, right? A relaxing haze descends around my shoulders as I hit the midway mark. I glance up to find Halder smirking at me. Usually concentrating on him is a glorious diversion for the mess enveloping me. At this moment, it costs me dearly. My boot slips with the next step. I pinwheel, my limbs spinning faster than a turbine. The attempts of remaining upright are futile. A shriek rips from my throat as I tumble into the flooding rapids.
“Blakely!” His bellow follows me as the chilling water sweeps over me.
I choke on a mouthful of what resembles broken glass as the current slams into my chest. Shards of blistering agony stab into my flesh as I struggle against the plunge. Each prick of those needles has me gasping. This is no gentle pull teasing me. The river is a furious stream, setting its rebellion on those daring to tempt fate. I’m drenched within seconds, doused in the damn ice bath I very specifically didn’t request, and my winter wear becomes a weighted suit.