I am a good nurse, I love the children I care for and that’s all that matters.
The closer she came to a face-to-face meeting with Richard, the more difficult it became to convince herself, especially now his first day on the ward had finally arrived.
She opened her locker in the nurses’ change rooms and replaced her casual clothes with the cheerful oncology staff uniform of coffee-coloured trousers and a crazy rainbow-patterned top. The outfit had been cleverly designed to have pockets in all the right places but bore no resemblance to the traditional dress of a nurse.
Thinking about the day ahead, she smiled as she stowed her gear in her locker. She wondered how Tye Coombs had coped with his final chemo the previous evening and whether Dylan’s grandparents had arrived from the country in time to wish him a happy birthday. As she walked into Matilda Ward she was greeted by the usual bustle of the night sister gathering the day staff for the morning handover, but even their cheerful chat didn’t distract her from thoughts of how she would cope with meeting Richard again. She tried her best not to appear preoccupied.
‘My God, you’re brave, Joanna,’ Karen said as she breezed into the nursing station.
Joanna smiled. ‘You mean my zero-gauge haircut?’
‘Yeah, I didn’t think you’d be game to do it again this year.’ She ran her fingers through her own honey-brown locks, which still had the vestiges of purple glittered streaks. ‘But then again, you can get away with it.’ The woman studied Joanna’s face for a few moments longer. ‘I wish I had eyes like yours and that fine bone structure.’
Joanna laughed. ‘I do it for the kids, and I don’t think they notice the finer points of bone structure. I suspect you’re just saying it to make me feel better.’
‘No, I really mean it.’
The conversation was cut short by Lynne, the charge nurse for the day, summoning them all together.
‘We’ve had a fairly quiet night and we actually have two empty beds, but I understand there’s a thirteen-year-old boy coming in today for bone biopsy tomorrow,’ Barbara, the night sister, began. ‘And there was one new admission at about midnight. Cassie Blake’s come in with a temp of 39.5 and a productive cough. Most of you know her, I think. Twelve-year-old with ALL.’
Lynne interrupted, ‘Do you know what that stands for, Tracey?’ She directed her question to the student nurse who had started on the ward the day before. The girl blushed.
‘Acute…er…lymphoblastic leukaemia,’ the girl amended.
‘Well done. Sorry, Barb, go on.’
‘No problem.’ Barbara smiled and refocused her attention on the pile of patient folders. ‘She’s halfway through induction chemo as an outpatient and responding well. Chest X-ray’s clear but she’s on IV antibiotics and two-hourly obs. Temp’s come down to 37.9 already. The physio will see her this morning and she’s to have another blood count.’
Joanna became aware of the presence of a late arrival in the small nurses’ station. By the hint of aftershave she knew the person was a male and he was standing directly behind her. She began to feel embarrassed that he had a full view of her recently shorn skull and as she moved sideways he leaned towards her and whispered, ‘No need to move,’ as casually as if he’d never met her before. ‘I’m just eavesdropping.’ Then he addressed the whole group.
‘Don’t let me interrupt, ladies…’ he glanced apologetically at Grant, the only male nurse on for the shift ‘…and gentleman. Just thought I’d get a head start on the ward round by listening in. Hope you don’t mind.’
‘Of course not, Dr Howell.’ Barbara beamed. ‘I was just about to say that you would be seeing Cassie this morning to assess her.’ She addressed the group again. ‘You’ve all heard Dr Howell is starting his clinical duties today as medical oncologist, taking over from Dr Price.’
All eyes turned towards the man standing behind her. Joanna sensed the rush of warmth and felt certain her whole scalp was glowing. This kind of reaction was so out of character. She was embarrassing herself and behaving like a teenager.
‘Thanks, Barbara, but please go on. Pretend I’m not here.’
Easier said than done, Joanna thought as she forced herself to concentrate on the remainder of the handover. It was no easy task with the man she had shared the most traumatic time of her life with standing so close she could feel his thigh touching her hip and the warmth of his breath on her neck. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself by moving again, though.
Barbara was finishing. Joanna cleared her throat but her voice still sounded husky.
‘What’s happened to Tye?’
Barbara laughed and Joanna thought she detected a hint of a wink. ‘Even the prospect of his favourite nurse on duty today couldn’t keep him here. He left last night, straight after his treatment finished.’ She looked around the room. ‘Anything else, any questions?’
There was an impatient silence. They were all ready to embark on another busy day’s work.
‘Great, I’m out of here, then. Have a good day.’
* * *
Richard’s aim had been to get the feel of the staff attitude, the atmosphere of the ward and a rundown on the patients from the nursing point of view before his morning ward round. He’d had no idea whether Joanna would be working a morning shift so, when he saw her in all her close-clipped glory, he mentally rearranged his schedule.
She’d blushed at the mere sound of his voice; her breathing had quickened and he’d detected the slightest trembling of her hands when he’d accidentally touched her. He’d have to make an opportunity to speak to her alone, not only to reassure her that the last thing he wanted to do was to upset her but also to offer her an olive branch and let her know he wasn’t about to intrude on the life she now had…unless she wanted him to.
He leafed through the case notes while Lynne allocated patients and duties to her staff for the day.
‘Joanna will be coming with us, if that’s okay with you, Dr Howell?’ Lynne interrupted his train of thought. He didn’t look up, but gathered the files and put them on the trolley.
‘Fine by me.’
‘She’s the only nurse who gets to know all the kids on the ward and their families.’ She chuckled. ‘And a few of their secrets they won’t share with anyone else.’
Now, why didn’t that surprise him?
Joanna was again looking embarrassed, as if she wasn’t comfortable with compliments—an unusual personality trait in an experienced, capable and obviously respected nurse. Richard dismissed the thought that his presence was the reason and focused his attention on what the charge sister was saying.
‘We’ll see Cassie, our most recent admission, shall we?’ Lynne said as she guided them into the small room next to the two single rooms set aside for the special care of patients with severely compromised immune systems or serious infections that might be a threat to the fragile health of other sick patients on the ward. They all dutifully rubbed sanitising gel onto their hands.
‘Cassie’s been isolated as a precaution until we get confirmation of the nature of her infection. With your okay, Dr Howell, we’ll move her into the general ward as soon as we can.’
Joanna entered the room first and Richard noticed the girl’s face light up at the sight of her. Cassie’s mother, though she looked as if she’d had little sleep the previous night, also managed a smile.
Joanna held up her hand in a high-five gesture.
‘Love the new look, Jo,’ the twelve-year-old said with a cheeky grin as their hands touched. Both mother and child were behaving as if Richard and Lynne weren’t in the room. Their attention was entirely on Joanna…and they weren’t the only ones. She had transformed on entering Cassie’s room: she was now confident, charismatic even and seemed to have an aura of optimism hovering around her.
‘Can’t have you getting all the attention on the ward. I did it purely out of jealousy,’ Joanna said.
Cassie smiled and then finally acknowledged that Joanna wasn’t the only one w
ho had entered the room.
‘Who’s that?’ she said with the typical forthrightness of the young. ‘Is he the new doctor?’
‘Where are your manners, Cass?’ her mother said as she stood to introduce herself. ‘I’m Kerry.’ She extended her hand.
‘Dr Richard Howell. I’ve taken over from Dr Price and will be looking after Cassie for the rest of her treatment.’ He turned to the girl and smiled. ‘Hi, Cassie. I gather you’re doing well with the chemo but you’ve had a setback. What’s happened to bring you back to hospital?’
The girl looked at her mother then began to cough. It was a rasping, throaty cough and, combined with Cassie’s good spirits, he doubted she had a serious infection.
‘You tell him, Mum,’ she said, slightly breathless from the exertion of coughing.
‘Her brother had a cold last week. Cassie caught it, just a runny nose and a bit of a dry cough and I thought she was getting over it. She’s in the middle of the cycle so I thought her neutrophils would be coming up and she’d be okay. But then last night—’
Cassie interrupted. ‘I got a fever and started coughing some gunk.’
‘And you know the rules about coming in—’
‘If I feel sick and my temperature goes over 38 degrees. But it’s come down, hasn’t it, Jo? When can I go home?’
Richard looked at the chart. Her temperature had steadily and rapidly decreased since she’d commenced antibiotics and the last reading was just above normal.
Joanna looked at him for confirmation, with those huge brown eyes that he used to be able to read like a book. Not now, though. The window to her thoughts had the shutters jammed closed.
‘You’re right. It was close to normal when night staff checked an hour ago. It’s all good news but I need to examine you.’ He glanced at Kerry for approval and she nodded.
After checking Cassie’s pulse, throat, ears and chest, the only thing he could find was a slightly inflamed throat, consistent with a viral infection.
‘She’s had a sputum and urine sent off?’ he asked Lynne, but Joanna answered.
‘And blood cultures. We should get microscopy back today but culture probably won’t be until tomorrow.’
‘Okay. Things are looking good, young lady, but we have to be sure we’re giving you the right antibiotics. We’ll get some results back today, including your blood count, but I’d like you to stay in until tomorrow when we’ll have all the tests back and can be absolutely sure you’re on the mend.’
Cassie frowned and her mother had a look of resignation as if she was expecting it. Neither spoke.
‘I’ll come and tell you the results as soon as they come through,’ he added. ‘And you can be moved to the main ward.’
‘Thank you, Dr Howell.’ It was Cassie’s mother who spoke.
‘Okay. And if you have any problems, I’m happy to see you and talk, answer any questions you might have.’
Lynne headed towards the door, a not-so-subtle indication she thought they’d spent long enough with their first patient, but Cassie had hold of Joanna’s hand and was pulling her close. She made an attempt to whisper but it was obvious the girl wanted Richard to hear every word of what she was confiding to the nurse.
‘You’re right, Jo,’ she said in a loud whisper. ‘He is gorgeous, and much nicer than Dr Price.’
Richard couldn’t help the tiniest smile that twitched on his lips.
Joanna had described him as gorgeous!
Certainly not a word he would use but it was the first glimmer of hope that the rock-hard shell she’d built to shield her emotions from him before they’d finally split up might have weakened with the passage of time.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said, averting her eyes and seeming to lose all composure. He couldn’t work her out—confident and efficient one minute, quiet and uncertain the next. But he had little time to ponder her behaviour further.
‘Where to now?’ he asked, and dutifully followed Lynne as she introduced him to the rest of the patients and their relatives. Though it took nearly two hours to complete, he appreciated the sense of not being hurried, of being able to take the time needed to answer parents’ questions and get to know the children, their problems and fears as well as their interests and pleasures.
And Joanna always seemed to know the right thing to say, to break the ice with a taciturn parent, persuade a retiring child to open up or a frightened teenager to express what they really felt. Richard was impressed. It was definitely two hours well spent.
When they’d finished seeing the last patient, a baby with an adrenal neuroblastoma recovering from surgery, Lynne excused herself, saying she had some administrative work to do before a teaching commitment with the student nurses.
‘If you could take an early tea break, Joanna, can you take charge while I’m away?’
‘No problem.’ Joanna tidied the folders on the trolley. ‘Is there anything else I can do for you, Dr Howell?’ she said politely.
Yes, there was, and he decided to risk asking.
‘Can I join you for your break, Sister Raven?’
Her eyebrows shot up at his use of her maiden name and the tormented look in her eyes asked why. The truth was he wanted to spend more time with her, alone, away from the distractions of the ward. He wanted to find out how she felt about him, but he certainly wasn’t about to admit his motives.
‘All right. I’ll be ready in about five minutes.’ Then she quickly walked away.
He stood watching till she was out of sight.
CHAPTER TWO
THE ward round with Richard had been an ordeal and Joanna knew she should have had more control. But she’d felt self-conscious. For no logical reason, she’d thought she had to prove she was a capable nurse; to show the man she had once been so dependent on that she’d managed to do something worthwhile with her life, something that didn’t hinge on her being the perfect wife and mother.
On reflection she realised she’d been trying too hard. That realisation hadn’t stopped her going into panic mode when he’d asked to accompany her on her break.
After the ward round finished she headed to the ladies’ and glanced at the mirror. She looked no better or worse than usual but needed a moment to herself before going back. She took a couple of deep breaths.
A moment later, Tracey burst in and looked at her curiously.
‘Are you all right? You look a bit flushed.’
‘I’m fine. I worked a few extra hours yesterday and I feel tired, that’s all.’
Without expecting a reply, Joanna left the restroom and hurried back to the main part of the ward, not wanting to keep Richard waiting. As she rounded the corner she saw him leaning up against the counter, all long legs, broad shoulders and sandy-coloured hair that seemed to have a mission to create its own style. He was deep in conversation with the pharmacist and looked up when she arrived.
‘I won’t be a minute,’ he said with a friendly smile and then resumed his conversation.
How could he be so blasé when her emotions were in such turmoil?
She busied herself by checking through a bundle of test results that had recently arrived.
‘Are you ready?’ He stood looking over her shoulder and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. As she straightened up and turned he paused for a moment, dangerously close to her, eyes searching hers as if for the answer to an unspoken question, before he stepped back.
‘You can finish what you’re doing. I don’t mind.’
‘No, it can wait. I have to be back by ten because Lynne has—’
‘A teaching session,’ he interrupted with a smile. ‘Where were you planning to go on your break?’
‘To the canteen, if that’s okay with you?’
The expression on his face changed. The relaxed cheerfulness and downright charm he’d spread through the ward by the bucketload that morning vanished in the time it took Joanna to replace the pile of reports in the ‘in’ basket.
‘I was hoping for somewhe
re more private.’ Richard loosened his tie and then cleared his throat, the only indication he wasn’t as calm as he made out. ‘You must realise we need to talk, and the sooner the better. If we’re to work together…’
‘Yes, of course.’
The space between them hung heavy with apprehension and she knew they had to reaffirm that the remnants of their marriage were unsalvageable. The debris of their broken relationship had to be tidily packaged and disposed of before they could comfortably move on and work together as part of the smooth-running oncology machine.
‘The sooner the better,’ she said quietly, and was glad Richard appeared not to hear.
He began to stride towards the doorway leading out of the ward and Joanna found herself battling to keep up with his pace. When he reached the door, he waited for her to go through first. It was a gentlemanly gesture that reminded her again of the man she used to know.
‘Well? Have you any suggestions of where we could go without the company of half the hospital?’ He kept walking towards the lifts and stopped when he arrived, pressing the button to go down. ‘We could buy something to take away.’
Joanna suddenly had no appetite as thoughts scuttled through her mind.
Was it wise? To spend time alone with him?
She’d thought she’d never see him again. Her life had been uncomplicated, her future predictable. But now…
She didn’t have time to think of an excuse to back down, though.
‘What about the courtyard behind the clinics? It used to be so neglected…in fact, very few people knew it was there,’ Richard suggested, and smiled for the first time since they’d left the ward. ‘When I was an intern, about a hundred years ago, we used to call it lovers’ lair.’
‘Yes, it’s still there.’ Joanna looked away and somehow managed to suppress the bitterness that rose like burning acid in her throat. She’d been so young when she’d fallen in love with Richard. In her third and final year of nursing training, she’d naively thought she was a woman of the world.
How To Save a Marriage in a Million Page 2