by Tamie Dearen
“What?” Nicole sounded ready to explode. “What did he tell you?”
“He said he didn’t feel anything at all for me. Not love… not hate. Nothing.”
“But Katie—”
“We dated for five years, Nicole. Five years with me, and he was so bored he felt nothing.”
“That means there’s something wrong with Joseph, not you. He’s probably one of those guys who’s always going to want someone new.”
Katie wanted to believe her, but Gary’s reaction last night told another story. She’d practically thrown herself at him, and he’d responded with a peck on the top of her head.
“I thought maybe if I tried new things,” Katie said, in a small voice. “I wouldn’t be so boring.”
Nicole made a noise like she was screaming with her mouth closed. “You. Are. Not. Boring.” Her breath made a huffing sound. “But… I’m glad you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. As long as you have fun.”
“I’ve already swallowed an entire bottle of Tums to calm my stomach, so I’m not sure it qualifies as fun.”
Nicole laughed. “And I bet you researched how to paddle a kayak on the internet.”
Guilty.
“Only the basics, so I wouldn’t look stupid in front of the guys.”
Katie felt compelled to prove she wasn’t weak and timid, though she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like there was any chance a relationship with Gary could ever go anywhere. Even if his interest were revived, the two of them didn’t have anything in common.
Maybe it was a purely physical attraction. She’d never felt such a magnetic draw to anyone before. Even at his most attentive, Joseph’s kisses had never inspired her dreams. Yet last night, Gary had invaded her sleep, his lips consuming hers in a kiss so powerful she awoke in a cold sweat, hungry for the real thing.
A knock sounded at her front door.
“Gotta go! Talk to you later.”
“Call me tonight. I want to hear about Gary.”
She disconnected, thinking there wouldn’t be much to tell.
Katie was proud of herself. Or at least she would’ve been proud if she could think about it. But an hour into paddling, the all-consuming thought in her brain was pain. Deep pain that radiated from her shoulder blades down both arms, with an answering ache that covered her entire back. Even the muscles in her legs ached from bracing herself on the inside of the kayak.
When they arrived at the river, she’d surprised both men by stepping into the front of the kayak without a moment’s hesitation. She’d hidden her nerves with a mask of determination, her objective for them to keep pace with Steven in the solo kayak. Within minutes, her fear was forgotten as she concentrated on making equal strokes on each side, knowing Gary would have to compensate for any weakness on her part. Though the river was flanked by beautiful trees on both sides, brightly-colored birds occasionally catching her attention, Katie hadn’t let herself enjoy the scenery. Nothing could deter her from her goal.
As time passed, Gary had encouraged her to take a break from paddling on several occasions, but she’d stubbornly refused. Consequently, her face no longer displayed a smug smile in response to their surprise and open admiration, but a grimace of pain.
Her expression was bound to be grisly, but Gary, seated behind her in the tandem kayak, couldn’t see her face. And she wasn’t about to admit she was hurting. If one of their group was going to request a rest stop, it wasn’t going to be her. Too bad the stronger paddler needed to be in the back—from the rear she could’ve at least had a view of his muscles flexing to take her mind off the pain.
“Hold up, Steven!” Gary called. “We’re stopping at this clearing.”
He deftly maneuvered their kayak to the bank, and she let her paddle rest across her knees, muscles trembling with fatigue. Steven pulled in beside them and stepped out of his kayak into the water to pull the front of his boat ashore.
Gary did the same, then stepped back into the water to offer Katie a hand up. With her muscles screaming, she lifted her hand and he hefted her up. As she stood, using his hand for balance while she drummed up the strength to lift her leg over the side, she suddenly found herself in Gary’s arms, moving up the bank onto the shore. He didn’t stop until he deposited her under a tree where past boaters had obviously gathered logs and large rocks for seating.
Embarrassed that he’d observed her anemic state, she could only mumble, “Thank you.”
He disappeared and returned a few minutes later, thrusting her forgotten water bottle in her hand. “That’s what I thought,” he said. “You haven’t swallowed a single drop for the past hour.”
She gulped the water down her parched throat before making her excuse. “I didn’t have time. I was trying to pull my weight.”
Though her pride was wounded from being carried on shore like an invalid, a part of her appreciated that he was concerned enough to take care of her. Joseph had always expected her to be the nurturing one. Never once had he so much as brought her a box of tissues when she had a cold. It was a refreshing change of pace. Or it would’ve been, if she hadn’t been humiliated.
Gary sat down on the adjacent rock, upending a bottle of water and swallowing until it was empty. He crumpled the plastic in his hand. “Steven and I didn’t expect you to row like a Viking the first time you stepped foot in a kayak. We got a tandem on purpose, so you could relax and enjoy yourself.”
“But I swim three days a week. I wanted to show you how strong I am, and I didn’t want to slow Steven down.”
She heard Steven chuckle as he strolled into the shade, but for a sheen of sweat, looking fresh as a daisy. He sat on a log facing them and stretched his arms across his body, one at a time. “Katie, no doubt you’re more fit than 99% of the people on the river today. But if you and Gary could keep up with me at my top pace for sixty minutes when I’ve been training for an Iron Man, I might as well forget the competition.”
“So you were holding back that whole time?”
“A little,” he admitted. “Our plan was for me to cruise with you two for the first hour and go full out for the rest of the trip.”
“I killed myself for nothing,” she said, trying not to groan. “I didn’t want to be the weak link. I know you both think I’m helpless and afraid to do anything, but I’m not.”
Steven and Gary exchanged a look. “I told you,” said Steven.
“You told him what?”
Gary answered, “He said you would either put your foot down and refuse to do something, or you would agree and wear yourself out, trying to do it perfectly.”
“He doesn’t know you as well as I do.” Steven rifled through his shirt pocket and found two granola bars. He reached across to hand one to Katie, ripping his wrapper open to munch on the other one.
“Thanks,” said Katie, “I should’ve thought to bring something to eat.”
“I’ve got more in the kayak, if you need one,” Steven told Gary.
“No, I’ve got half a dozen in the backpack,” Gary said, his eyes on her fumbling fingers. He lifted the granola bar from her grasp and tore it open, before handing it back. Then he scolded her like a small child. “You pushed yourself so hard, you’re not going to be able to paddle at all, now. It’s a good thing we’re in a tandem.”
She might’ve been peeved at him if she hadn’t been so angry with herself.
“Gary, I have an idea,” Steven said. “Let’s switch kayaks. I’ll paddle the tandem with Katie in it and get a better workout. It’ll slow me down, and you could easily keep up in the solo kayak.”
According to Gary’s scowl, Steven’s suggestion wasn’t going to make up for her failure. She’d ended up looking wimpy, despite her best efforts to the contrary. No wonder he hadn’t kissed her—no doubt, he preferred women who could keep up with his active pursuits. She was kidding herself if she thought she and Gary would ever be a good match. That moment the night before, when she thought they’d connected on a deeper level, was probably just Gary f
eeling sorry for her, and nothing more.
Gary’s plans weren’t working out at all. He’d assumed his and Katie’s slower pace in the tandem would frustrate Steven to the point he would continue ahead without them, leaving the two of them with a few leisurely hours alone. Instead, thanks to her unrelenting efforts, they’d not only spent the first hour alongside Steven, with no conversation whatsoever, but now Katie would finish the morning in the tandem with him.
Maybe it was just as well. He could see the latent attraction between Steven and Katie. He knew Katie would be happier with Steven in the long run. Like most women, she probably didn’t want to date a man with leukemia, even if it was currently in remission. Why open himself up to that kind of rejection again?
With Katie, the circumstances were even worse, since his cancer reminded her of her sister’s death. He’s seen the pain on her face, as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. If he really cared about her, he ought to leave her alone and encourage Steven to pursue her.
But right now, I just want to bash Steven’s teeth in.
“I have an alternative,” Gary said. “You go on ahead in the solo kayak, and let me take Katie for a tour. We’re going so fast, she’s not getting to enjoy the scenery.”
Gary kept his eyes trained on Steven, avoiding Katie’s glare as it burned into the side of his face.
Steven stood, swinging his arms in circles to loosen the muscles. “I like that plan.”
“Excuse me.” Katie waved her hand in front of Gary’s face. “I’m sitting right here. Someone might want to ask my opinion.”
Steven’s eyebrows lifted. “Ms. Carson, we didn’t mean to ignore you. Both Gary and I are equally capable of paddling the tandem and giving you a break. What do you prefer?”
Who would she choose?
Gary stole a glance at Katie, glad to see she no longer looked as if she might pass out any second. But her face was still flushed, perhaps from anger, rather than heat. She obviously had a thing for her boss. He’d seen the way she looked at Steven when he gave her that granola bar. Gary knew what her answer would be, and he didn’t want to hear it.
Abruptly, he was on his feet, his head tucked down to hide his glower. “I’m fine paddling the solo kayak.”
He reached to take the empty water bottle from her hand, but she jerked it away. “I haven’t told you my preference.”
“Fine.” He ground his teeth. “What do you want to do?”
She rose to her feet, surprisingly stable. “I think I’d like to go on the slow tour with you. But only if you won’t bite my head off.”
He fought to keep the silly grin off his face, but lost the battle. “What if I only bite off the tip of your nose?”
She tapped a slender finger on her arm with a thoughtful expression. “I’ll give up a small piece of my nose, but only if you’ll let me try paddling again.”
“That’s not a good idea—”
“Only if I get my strength back,” she amended. “I really think, in twenty minutes or so, I’ll be ready to try again. And I promise not to overdo it this time.”
“Okay, then. I’ll meet you guys back at Indigo Bay.” Steven didn’t seem the least bit perturbed. Gary still had a tinge of guilt that his friend was unaware of Katie’s attraction. But for whatever reason, this morning, Katie had chosen Gary, and he intended to take full advantage of it.
Katie regained some of her dignity, walking back to the kayak on her own two feet. Having failed at her first attempt to impress Gary, she wasn’t ready to give up. Somehow, she would find a way, even though she was starting with a significant deficit.
With her paddle resting across her legs, Katie leaned back and tried to enjoy the scenery, while flexing her fingers in hopes of regaining the strength in her arms.
“I’ve been trying to figure something out,” Gary said, as he paddled at an easy, steady pace, Steven having long since left them in his wake. “I thought you said you’d never kayaked before, but you knew exactly what to do, from the moment you stepped into the boat.”
“YouTube,” she answered. “There are how-to videos for everything on there. There’s a how-to-step-into-a-kayak and how-to-paddle-a-kayak and how-to-steer-a-kayak. I even watched the how-to-roll-a-kayak, so I would know what not to do.”
“Ah. Makes sense.” His soft chuckle floated past her ears. “I have to say, I’ve never met anyone quite like you, Katie.”
She kept her face forward, so he wouldn’t see her burning cheeks. “You probably don’t hang out much with nerds.”
“You think I’m a dumb jock, don’t you?”
“I never said that.” This time she cranked her head around to frown at him, but he was laughing.
“I’ll have you know I have an engineering degree from MIT.”
“You do?” She couldn’t hide her shock.
He laughed so hard he quit paddling.
“Wait a minute… Is that the truth? Do you really have an engineering degree from MIT?”
Still laughing, he struggled to catch his breath. “No. It’s not true.”
Fuming, she lifted her paddle, considering whether she might give him a good splash.
“I’d think long and hard before you do that,” he said, with a mischievous grin. “Because I’d be perfectly happy to take a little swim right now, and take you with me.”
A giggle escaped before she could catch it. “I wasn’t really going to do it. I just wanted to scare you.”
“Hmmm… Is that the truth?” He started paddling again, gradually increasing their speed, and she turned forward to balance the kayak.
“I never agreed to answer that question.”
“It doesn’t matter. I can totally tell whether you’re lying.”
She ignored his taunt, more interested in the hint of his past. “Did you go to college?”
“Business degree from Stanford.”
This time, she could tell he was being truthful. Maybe she was getting better at reading him.
“How about you?” he asked.
“English degree. Villanova. But how did you end up being a personal trainer if you have a business degree?”
He hesitated. “You might not want me to tell you. It has to do with the cancer, and I don’t want to make you sad.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine. Really.” Something inside her wanted to know him better. Even if a dating relationship couldn’t work, they could be friends. “To be honest, I admire your attitude about life, even though you walk a little too close to the edge, in my opinion.”
She waited quietly until he started speaking again, his voice tight, like it had been the night before.
“When the cancer came—it’s been seven years, now—I lost everything. My job. My girlfriend. I even let the bank have my house back, and moved in with one of my brothers.”
“I have to say she wasn’t much of a girlfriend if she left because you had cancer.”
“She had a lot of issues. Me dying was too much for her.” His sigh was so heavy, she could hear it over the paddling. “I’m the one who cut off the relationship. I could see what it was doing to her.”
“If I were her, I would’ve slapped you up the side of your bald head for making that decision for me.”
“Ms. Carson!” he exclaimed, in mock outrage. “I do believe you are teasing again, something you swore you’ve never done.”
“I wasn’t teasing. I was serious.”
“Is that the truth? Would you have actually slapped a guy who’d lost his hair from chemo?”
“Okay, no. But I still wasn’t teasing. I was joking.”
“Same thing.”
“No. Teasing is provoking someone. Joking is saying something funny.”
“Guess I won’t argue semantics with an English major.”
As he fell silent, the only sounds were the birds and frogs, with the steady splash of his paddle. She wondered if she’d hurt his feelings with the girlfriend comment. “Gary, I didn’t mean to criticize your girlfriend—”
“Are you saying you’re glad you got cancer?” She twisted to see the expression on his face.
His brows bent downward, eyes focused on some place far ahead. “I’m happy to be who I am today. Facing death really changed how I view life. So did meeting Steven. I only wish that could’ve happened without the cancer.”
“Where were your parents when you got sick?” She turned forward again, scanning the banks for signs of wildlife.
“My parents?” He spat out the word like it tasted bad. “Hadn’t heard from Dad since he signed the last check for Stanford. And Mom… she was busy with her new family. I’ve got a couple of half-sisters who were teenagers back then.”
“What about older siblings?”
“My brothers tried to be supportive, but they live all over the country and have jobs and obligations of their own. My friends were busy, climbing the corporate ladder, like I was before the cancer. They felt sorry for me, but that’s about it. I made new friends, though—real friends, like Steven. I’ve learned that being a friend is to be unselfish and put someone else’s needs before your own. That’s what Steven did for me. Now, I’d do anything for him.”
She cleared her throat and tried to put a casual tone in her voice. “Now that you’ve changed so much, what’s your general approach to dating?”
“I don’t know how to answer that.”
His chuckle made her cringe. Why was she so awkward when she got nervous?
“I mean, you have a bucket list, and I’m sure getting married and having a family is on there, somewhere. I figured you had a plan for how and when that was going to happen.”
“Ha! First off, I don’t plan things like that. I just let life happen. But it wouldn’t matter, because getting married isn’t even on the list.”